Meeting Others Before The Computer Age

For those of us who were crossdressing before we had a computer, meeting others was a bit more difficult. To those that this applies to, how did you go about meeting others?

At one point I had heard of a group called the Stonewall Union when I lived in Columbus Ohio. I actually looked them up in them up in the phone book and found that they were listed. I called them and was given the phone number of the local CD group. That was when I wasn't out to my wife so this was quite a doing while she wasn't around and during business hours. Not oo mention cell phones hadn't been invented yet either! lol

I never did meet others.

I was welcoming a new girl to the forum last week. In her own intro she made a remark I found interesting, disturbing, even enlightening. It may bear upon this discussion.
I won't disclose her name for the sake of her privacy, but she was commenting on how early on she came to crossdressing, and said "... and the first inclination that I wasn't alone in my interests was when I saw a small advertisement in the back of a dirty magazine. "
I had to stop and think about that for a moment. A DIRTY MAGAZINE. [yuk]
I couldn't think of anything more insulting or inappropriate, but that is where SOCIETY relegated the cross dresser. It wasn't a place we put ourselves. Yet the rest of society categorized our habit as something "dirty", that belonged among "perverts" or social deviates; like it was a sexual disorder or mental illness.
I'm in my 60s so I know how "our CD world" lived in fear and shame.
Thank God for information highways like the internet.

I remember calling a "premium rate" chat line (they seemed to be all the rage) back in the (mid) 80s (ish) - there was one for "TV chat", which was a group/party line where everybody use to chat.

Ilene I remember them well ,and it was illegal to be seen out in public and you would be arrested and dragged before the courts if caught , i joined the Beaumont society and you got a card which i was told to show any police man if caught ,i don't know which was more dangerous the police or if someone found the card,
and if the locals found out about you you would be hounded out of the area and classed as a perv

Excellent point, Ilene about the so-called "DIRTY" magazines

Back in the '70's and 80's there were many bars and restaurants that catered to crossdressers in NYC. I went there often and met many girls there and started some lifeling friendships. There is the Connecticut Outreach Society based in Hartford but I have not been active with them since 2000. Once I felt very comfortable mixing with the general public I did not need them as an outlet as much. That being said, I have noticed that many of the girls here from CT are not there yet and some of us have started talking about starting another support group in the state to meet regularly somewhere and help each other. This group would be more tailored to the crossdressing aspect of our society verus the TS/TG community. But it would be open to Straight, bi and gay. Any thoughts or comments on this proposal would be appreciated and you can PM me and I'll at least complie a list of those interested to see if this is a viable idea.

My wife found a letter to Dear Abbie written by a crossdresser looking to meet others and not knowing how. Abbie listed the contact information to a group in Iowa. I wrote them and joined as an out of state member.

That lead me to meeting a sister who helped me in the beginning. We even visited each other and at SCC my first year. Alas, the IOWA group is no more and my sister passed away from prostate cancer.

I never did ...until AOL started beeping and squealing at me...

If I can remember that far back I went into the want adds and found group meetings. Connie

I used to go to a chat room where I would spend hours upon hours chatting with other ladies. Someone mentioned the magazine 'Tapestry' and that I could probably pick up a copy or so at the closest gay bookstore. I hopped into my car and drove over an hour to the only bookstore I could find listed anywhere. It was the mid 1980s. I picked up a copy and at home I saw a place in the mag where there were other ladies desiring to meet with other people with similar interests in my state! I sent my reference data in to 'Tapestry' and they arranged a few meetings with for me with other women of similar interests. I met with one a few times but she refused to discuss anything to do with transvestism/transsexualism. After a year or so we dropped contact with each other. I met with a few other ladies but it was hard to maintain contact because we all lived so far apart. I hope to eventually meet with others through this site.

We shouldn't harp about the new member's use of dirty to describe the magazine until/unless we know the actual name of the magazine. Is (or was at the time) Playboy considered dirty? Penthouse? Some say yes, some say no. Point of view.
Attitudes were different back then. I bought a transformation magazine long before the internet, from an adult bookstore (dirty magazine shop - ha - because that's where those magazines were sold). No nudity, no private parts shown, and the content was mostly stories and illustrations. It's funny and strange that I found those illustrations incredibly arousing, even though they looked like beautiful, sexy, and sexually dressed women. It was just the idea that they were crossdressers that made it so exciting to me. Nothing in that magazine could be considered "dirty" by today's standards. Even back then, it was 'dirty" only if corsets, garters, stockings, and high heels were considered dirty, which many people did.
As for that ad, probably rejected or would have been rejected by Ladies Home Journal and Popular Mechanics. So it found a place.
Yes, crossdressing was considered dirty by some, even without knowing whether or not there was a sexual aspect to it. Even now, there are among us many who crossdress to conform to their feminine identity, but still think it's dirty to crossdress for sexual thrills.
I don't think crossdressing is dirty, but neither is sex. It's OK for guys to get aroused by, say, big boobs on a woman but not by wearing high heels? For many of us, crossdressing is sexually exciting but not dirty.
To the OP topic, no meetings with other crossdressers. I was so scared of getting caught. Before digital cameras and inkjet printers, I sent film away for processing under a fake name, and afraid I would be nabbed by the law when I picked up the photos. My theme song: "Some Day My Prints Will Come". haha
I wonder sometimes if I missed an opportunity to have a crossdressing buddy. Three of us boys (about age 11-12) decided to do clown faces. One of us got his mom's red lipstick, and we went to the privacy of the basement. One boy applied red circles to his cheeks and a red nose while the other boy and I applied the red lipstick to our lips as a woman would. Nothing was said, but I wonder if our thoughts were the same. I'll never know - too afraid to crack an opening of revelation.

Yes indeed those so-called "Dirty magazines" were often the only way in which we could connect with the wider community and they often carried personal ads.

My first contact was via a free street newspaper called the Berkeley Barb which in the early 1970's, used to accept explicit sexual personals that conventional newspapers refused to carry. There were ads from folks in all walks of life. I know, I met several of them.

The local magazine "The Washingtonian" usually had advertisements in the back for transformation services and occasionally an ad for the local support group (TGEA).
I contacted TGEA but had to go through an interview before being told of the meeting location.

Oh heavens, I never saw another crossdresser for half of my life. In Houston, they had a pride day and I saw the first one. A beautiful blonde girl surrounded by men asking her questions. Then saw plenty more on that day. It was like the flood gates opening. Oh my I was not alone. That was back in the early seventies.

For me it was the old "post office box" and the ads in the back of the Transvestite magazines.

I always read the so called dirty magazines looking for stories about cding .The only cder i have met was Roxy from the wildside in toronto canada about 15 years ago

Oh gosh! This is back when the world was still Black and White!
Before computers, I saw a newspaper article about a person who said "I lived the first half of my life as a man, I am going to live the second half as a woman". She talked about a support group for people like her and there was a phone number. Looking back, I dont know how I mustered the courage to call the number, but I did, and it turned out to be her personal landline home phone.
I do remember the concerns I had about even making the call. No cell phones yet, so it had to be a landline. Could not call from home, so had to find a payphone. In case someone was listening in on the call, I made sure to not park close to it and not walk directly back to my car after the call. I doubled back a couple times to make sure I was not followed. I even timed the call to limit the risk of tracing! Talk about being paranoid!

She was super nice on the phone and invited me to meet with her at her apartment. It would be a screening meeting before I would be able to join the group and meet others. She also encouraged me to either arrive dressed, or bring some clothes and change there. It occurred to me that this was a bit of a test as well.

We did meet and had a nice chat and a cup of coffee. Again, I dont know today how I actually found the courage to go, but it was important enough to me at the time.
I did change there to let her see my girl side, and I remember her only comment about that was that my "transformation" was surprisingly fast and that I looked "convincing".

At the time, I did not yet understand the difference between TS and CD, but I realized during the meeting that while we shared the desire to look female, there were much deeper and much different reasons driving us. She was TS, I was not.

I passed "the test" and was invited to visit with the group. But, I never did. The face to face meeting with this TS woman scared me because I didnt see that as my path, and I didnt understand the difference in the motivation behind each our paths. I think I at the time thought that what she had gone through was how it would automatically be for me too, and I did not see that as what I wanted to happen.

One thing I will always remember from this meeting, which happened more than 25 years ago, is when I changed clothes again and re-appeared in boy mode to say goodbye. I said "Back to Reality" with the intention of a slightly fun comment. She looked at me quite seriously and said, "Dont say that! This is my reality!".

Since then computers have been invented and things have changed a lot. My next meeting with another T* person was through CompuServe and it was a really good experience. Several of us, all living in different countries in Europe, met for a weekend in England. The purpose was for our wife's to get the chance to talk to other wife's in a similar situation. It was a good weekend, with some very interesting conversations. Maybe that is a topic for another post.

- Suzie

The only time I met anyone before the computer age was sometime after I turned 18. Not sure exactly. I don't remember if I placed an ad in the paper or if I answered an ad.
But I had questions about why I was the way I am. I had already read everything I could find in the library, and read the letters in Dear Abby etc. But I wanted a real person's perspective on it. I've never been concerned about why I dressed, or felt guilty or wrong or anything negative. I always figured this is me. I just wanted to know more.
So anyway. I met this much older person, I guess she was in her 40's, at her house, and we had a long talk and I asked questions and she answered the best she could. I still have some pictures she gave me all dressed up. I did go to her house dressed, I now know going to her house could have been bad.
At the time I never even gave it such a thought. I don't meet anyone in private now days.

I guess when most talk of before computers, they mean things like the Internet and such.
I have worked on computers since 1969, and learned about them in the 60s at school.

Yes things were hard to find back then. I remember finding some adult magazines and such in my teens. In the early 70s would visit NYC and check out the adult book stores. Always embarrassed to get ones about CDs and such. Try and find out about TS was very hard. Sometimes could find medical stuff in libraries.

After the military in 1974 found a group that would meet once a month or so, mostly CDs. Occasionally would find others that wanted more. We quickly started to go to Lesbian clubs. The Gay clubs weren't big on CDs or TS. Found a group of around 12 and had our own little support group.

And as they say that was the beginning for me.

Like LisaLove, I too live close to SPG MO. In the mid 80s my wife and I would go to one of the few gay bars in town --we liked to dance and the atmosphere there in that Commercial Street club was super charged.

I am sure there were some CDs there but I never really noticed them. I was skinny then and wore a lot of clothes from "The Limited" ---

Once, coming out of the DAV thrift store on North Glenstone, I saw a dresser and his woman companion--they were coming out and I was going in... I held the door for them. The dresser was dressed androgynously he had longer hair and it was thinning. I remember thinking "You need to do something with your hair" It looked horrible.

Fast forward several years... there was a national ATHS truck show at the fairgrounds several years ago. It was huge. I like old trucks so I went to the show. Cost $10 to get it, but I figured I would never see that many restored old trucks in my town again so I went. As I was looking at an old bus and car hauler, I saw that person again. Dressed in jeans and a woman's shirt, her hair looked so much better. As often happens at events like these, we were going to the same aisle together. I took her picture standing next to a truck and posted it here, complimenting her on her whole presence. I posted it here but it was removed because I didn't have her permission to post. Lesson learned.

I don't dress to pass, I dress to be comfortable. I started wearing elastic waist Chic jeans after I fell and broke my wrist.. The last four years my wife and I have travelled in our RV... I didn't pack too many drab clothes.

But to get back to the original thread here,,,, for me, in the 1970s, it was Penthouse variations and letters. I too remember Michael Salem's Boutique and the catch phrase--- "Let your dreams become reality".

Now that I am pushing 68, I dress as I pretty much want. I respect my wife's boundaries and I follow her 'rule' of threes.... at least one item of my clothing has to be drab. It is usually a shirt.

I like an understated dresser. Jeans, sneakers, underdressed and sometimes an oversized sweat shirt.

I do enjoy reading these posts... It's been a stressful month.... you know what I mean. I'm glad we got a hot tub, it is so nice to sit in there and try to forget about what's going on ....

Back in the early 1970's there were references to Virginia Prince's Phi Pi Epsilon (or full personality expression - FPE) organization in the letters section of Playboy and Penthouse magazines and in the Dear Abby and Dear Ann newspaper columns. To be honest, I don't remember exactly which one it was that I used to get the address to contact FPE. But, I did become a member and began contacting other members that were scattered around the country. Virginia Prince encouraged members to create file cards with the heading "Transvestite" that would have contact info for FPE. You were supposed to take that file card to your local library and slip it into the card catalog index at your local library. Although I never did that, I heard of other members having found FPE by that method.

Members of FPE were sent a printed membership listing that contained some information about each member - but no names, addresses, or phone numbers. To make initial contact with another member you would write a letter and put it in a stamped envelope with the membership number of the other member you were trying to contact penciled on the front. You would then put that inside another envelope and mail it to the FPE address. Someone there would then put the real address of who you were writing to on your enclosed envelope and send it on. It often took a couple of weeks to get that initial letter to someone you wanted to contact. It did work and I made many friends that way over the years.

In the late 1970's Virginia Prince's FPE merged with Carol Beecroft's Ma'amselle organization to create Tri-Ess. Tri-Ess continued the FPE methods of contact until the internet came into common use.

Reading this thread makes me wonder how much the Internet contributes to the pink fog. It may not be forecasted for any given day but with a couple of clicks of a mouse, London and San Fransisco couldn't rival the thick atmosphere.

Seek and you will find how true concerning me going out. I had been dressing all my life but not in public. I was so bored with dressing completely up and just sitting in the house or on the deck at night. I wanted to go out but didn't have the nerve or knew I wouldn't be excepted.

I stopped in a adult bookstore to buy a cd magazine and noticed a copy of City Paper and got one. When I picked the City Paper up I didn't know it at the time but it had all the places to go to in the city near were I lived.
Yes there was several ads for gay bars with picks of TV's at the time. The reason I use Kristytv for my email is at the time that was the common name used transvestite which some today find the name offensive. I would change it but don't want to go to all the trouble to change all the different accounts I have set up.

I then went to several local gay bars and checked them out before I went as Kristy. I found one that was very nice not a dive bar. Friday night I got all dressed up and went. I sat in my vehicle for a 1/2 hr getting the nerve to walk in. I walked in and went to the bar and ordered a drink. The place was crowded with a mixed crowd, no one paid any attention.

No sooner than I got my drink another cd/tg came over and invited me to sit with her and two other girls. We talked for hours it was so exciting. Like already mentioned no one had cell phones at the time so you had to give your home phone number if you wanted to stay in contact. I didn't give anyone my phone number because I didn't want a stranger at the time to have my phone number.

I started going to that bar weekly then several others. There was maybe 2-3 like myself I would see out at the time. This was 1990. I never got a computer until 1995 when I found Yahoo mail and groups.
It is sooo much easier today and far mote excepted to be tg/cd.