Another day out as a MIAD
Hi All,
My mom went into the hospital, and I realized, here is a place like a college where people are generally good-natured, have a wide public to deal with, and.. I had to wait through the surgery, and went to a department store and browsed dresses. This was a high end place with concierge fitting rooms, and the sweet young woman SA just said 'Of course!" with a friendly smile when I said I wanted to try my selections on. I was in drab at the time. One of them was so nice I bought it, and said I wanted to wear it out of the store, so she opened up another fitting room for me, and was very friendly all along. Back I went to the hospital, and had a wonderful day. As is always reported, most people ignore, a few look with either positive or wary interest, and no one gives me any trouble. I on the other hand, am reveling in the truth of it al.
The liberating thing about being a MIAD is that it also means Me in a Dress. In my bad old childhood days I would seek out and put on anything that remotely looked like a dress, and it was so strained and symbolic, it was awful- looking back. At the time it was a relief. Today I am reveling in the fact that I can shop freely and find wonderful clothes matching my jealous visions of females, and I can dress like them and feel like them. More on that later.
I am reporting from the Other Side, from that place where we can put on the cute dress, the formal dress, the summer dress, etc. and wear it out in the world as a MIAD, a "man in a dress".
1. As is often noted in other threads, the more freedom I get, the more I want. The more I do it, the more normal I feel, the better I feel, and the fear and shame are gone. There is no denying feeling like yourself.
2. Yes, what I and many others may wish for is real. it is wonderful to be able to wear a lightweight dress in the breeze, swirling hem letting the wind dance with my thighs! It is such a nice feeling as I walk or stand, and I can't believe my good fortune to be able to enjoy it at last. I also even enjoy that it is in turns slightly annoying and yet titillating to have to find a subtle touch to keep my dress from blowing up too far in gusts. I don't want it looking like I didn't realize it was not the right dress for windy days! Yes, I do perspire in it, but less than in most other things I could be wearing. Yes, a slip adds a wonderful feeling of caressing my torso as I move, and hides my nipples, but can add to the sweating! In a dress underwear becomes more of the dominant below the waist sensation, so I really enjoy testing out a variety, and have realized that I have an advantage here over women in that the movement of underwear interacts with the exterior anatomy in nice ways, without it being visible to others, and it is lovely to be able to enjoy that too, just as I had imagined.
Yes, a dress attracts attention, and a hundred judgments on everything from its length to pattern to fit etc. It takes a lot of energy to wear a dress.
3. GGs observing me know all about all of this, and they know we are sisters in that knowledge. It is a little disconcerting to some, as in 'why would a man who has all the power want to harness himself in a dress?' Others probably find some poetic justice - "well, he's giving it a try, and now he knows what we go through! ". And as a corollary, they feel less imprisoned, or more free to expand.
4. Most people read me correctly as having my heart on my sleeve. I feel significantly more at ease with harmless, considerate, non-threatening and non-posing conversation pouring out of me. There is no doubt I know that I am presenting a mixed picture, but my confidence and choice of outfit says I am at peace with being a mirl, a mix. That lets others feel comfortable too. SAs both male and female just see another unique customer. I feel I am making the world safer for all crossdressers by being out and about.
5. No more wishful fantasizing, I have arrived to where I am free to dress. However, as GGs find, every outfit has its risks. On me, there is an extra risk they don't have- I also want people to make room for something new and a bit confusing at first. It is a fact that people are people, and change is hard, and people have to have a reason to agree with some new point you are making.
6. Success infused quickly over into the rest of my life. Going out and finding that people are ok when I am feeling natural, and no one dies, especially me, means I am actually living my normal way. I now find myself feeling very feminine more of the time, which is the lost part revived. I feel manly in many ways as well, and all my parts coexist perfectly- I am not in conflict with myself. My split is vanishing. I am discovering that what I thought was normal was a very restricted state, and all that is melting away.
