Taking silly risks

As I mentioned previously my son and gf have moved back into our house, this has scupperered my dressing routine completely, however I'm at the stage I need my fix so I've been getting up after my wife and son go to work and dressing, problem is that the gf is still in the house every day, she has college but it's stupid hours and she doesn't leave until 11am.
Fortunately she's a lazy bism and sleeps a lot, I'm currently sitting in my kitchen dressed and feeling nervous, I know she could stir at any time and come down, I'm prepared to duck out and strip a few items off and put my house coat on to cover up but it really is a pain having to tip toe around my own house.
Also my sons work is weather dependent and he could appear home at any time, the door is locked and I would hear him arrive.
I like to dress to relax but it's just not doing it for me just now, I get the dressing fix but that's all, is this too big a risk I'm taking? My wife knows and accepts my dressing so she's not the issue.
I fear it's just a matter of time before I'm rumbled, I've often thought what I'll say should she suddenly appear, something like "oh well, you've found my guilty secret, what do you think?" But it probably wouldn't go like that, what's your suggestions?

i know you have had this question before and I was in a situation where i got sick and had to move back in with my father. At the time we had a discussion that it was HIS house and not mine and as such I had to live by his rules (not many or difficult to live with) but we respected each others privacy and habits ( no he didnt dress and I was still in the very early stages) i stopped dressing all together while I lived with him. I have said before you need to pull the 2 of them together and tell them the same thing " this is your house and your rules they are the guests not you, and if they cant live with this side of you then they need to find a new place to go." if they cant live and accept it than they know what they have to do but if they want to continue living with you then this is what they need to expect

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Originally Posted by leannejacobs

I've often thought what I'll say should she suddenly appear, something like "oh well, you've found my guilty secret, what do you think?" But it probably wouldn't go like that, what's your suggestions?

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Honestly? Screw it, at this point. What you said above would be my suggestion. :D

Leanne, My step daughter was living with us for a little over a year. Suffered the same way.... I would not take the risk of her seeing me dressed, she has no sense of discretion. She is gone now, but I have been too busy getting ready to move.

I guess I'd have to know a bit more before I could make any suggestions...

How closeted are you - or - do you fear being 'outted'?

is your son and girlfriend's move-in permanent or long term (gotta have the talk) - or short term (could probably wait)?

I'm assuming that you're not retired yet - is that right?

How would your wife feel if they found out?

How do you think your son would handle it (the girlfriend too, I guess but that's less important)?

How strong is your need?

How much room do you have in the house? Can you designate a "me only" space that that's off limits to them (Hey, it's better than nothing)?

If they're going to be there a while, and your need is strong, then you'll have to find something that works for you - hopefully with a minimum of drama.

The path you're on right now is likely to resolve itself anyway - but not in the way you'd like.
I can only wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

The devil is in the details and I don't have any details other than what you have related. But, under this situation I think you have two choices. Grin and bear it or come out to your son and his gf. Of course, only you can judge the right path to fit those devilish details, but you might be surprised at how they do accept it. Maybe a shocker at first, but if they care about you they will adjust. Just do the big reveal gently. Getting caught dressed is probably a sure way of getting a bad reaction.

"Getting caught dressed is probably a sure way of getting a bad reaction."


Eh, possibly.

I mean, if one is fully dolled-up & dressed to the nines, then yeah, maybe.


But nothing too girly or over-the-top? Without wig & make-up & boobs, etc.? Just some leggings & a top in guy-mode, or something? :strugglin

Might not be such a bad way to intentionally "get caught"... :devil:

If they find out you are a crossdresser in your own home, what is the worst that can happen? They suddenly find their independence and move out? Sounds like a win - win!

Is it more likely they know they have it good right now and won't care what you wear?

Just my :2c:

I would have a sit down talk with the girlfriend and your son,
Tell them about your other side, They will either accept or not
If they accept then all will be fine.

If they don't, they will have more incentive to get their own place
and if they do happen to see you dressed, They will have had fair warning

Just my opinion, Of course I don't know your individual situation

If you are nice enough to let you son and his girlfriend to live in your house. Then
it would be my guess that they will accept this side of you, If they choose not to see it
then they will give you the space you need.

Geez, Tracy. You just said what I was thinking. So I'll resort to my backup suggestion.

It would be interesting if your son and his sig other could drop the future comment while socializing in their own home. "Ever since Dad dressed as a woman for Halloween, he's been doing it all the time! We really had to move out. I don't know if he really likes that stuff or he just wanted us to move out. Go figure!"

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Originally Posted by Tracy Irving

If they find out you are a crossdresser in your own home, what is the worst that can happen?

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Blackmail. The son might be OK but the girl friend could take it a long way. I would not take any chance of the girl friend finding out. Nothing good can come of that.

I'm assuming it is your house as in you own it. You don't have to let your son and GF live there. Set a time for them to be gone and stick to it. You raised him, it's time for him to go out on his own.

I told my 2 daughters when they reached 18 they had to have their own car and their own place to live.
I raised them on my own after their Mom pretty much walked out on them.
They both have told me years later that was the best thing I could have done for them because it made them grow up.

Are you ready to be "outed"? If you keep it it up, it will happen. Either let them know, or restrict your dressing to your bedroom and lock the door, or tell them to move out. Pretty much covers it IMO.

Forget the crossdressing angle. Your son and his girlfriend need an exit strategy. There must be an exit date. The girlfriend is lazy and sleeps a lot???? If she is not going to school, she needs to get a job. If you do not set a time table, you're going to have them slumming with you forever. If she will not get a job that should be your son's problem and not your problem. Frankly, if she is lazy and sleeps all day, she is lousy wife material. And, that is your son's problem. It should not be yours.

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Originally Posted by laurababe

"[I]


But nothing too girly or over-the-top? Without wig & make-up & boobs, etc.? Just some leggings & a top in guy-mode, or something?... :devil:

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Leggings is actually what I wear about the house as my leisure wear along with a t-shirt and slippers which my son calls UGGs, they're not but similar in style, just not sure how far I could push it.
Ironically my wife and I know he's dabbled in a bit of dressing himself, we found female panties in his room quite a few years ago, before he was dating.

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Originally Posted by leannejacobs

...I'm currently sitting in my kitchen dressed and feeling nervous, I know she could stir at any time and come down, I'm prepared to duck out and strip a few items off and put my house coat on to cover up but it really is a pain having to tip toe around my own house.

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Is that working well for you? Only you can decide. You already know pretty much everything that's been said here. The only thing I think I'd add is that you may well be selling your son and his gf short. Maybe he'd like his Dad to be happy and doesn't really care what you wear. But you probably know that too. So really the only question is are you willing to live that way?

I am out to both of my kids! They are both grown and my son is married and lives an hour or so away! My daughter lives with me! She pays me money to stay and the arrangement has been OK! As has been said, it is your house your rules! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

The freudian slip is an inadvertent mistake in speech or writing that is thought to reveal a person's unconscious motives, wishes, or attitudes. What you are doing is rather blatant. I think many of us that take unnecessary risks are really wanting to get caught, so we can move beyond the hiding, fear, shame and all of the related things that come with hiding while CD'ing. Fear of the unknown drives us in many directions, for some it is deeper into the closet and others into taking risks. It is better to come out on your own terms and timing than dealing with accidents.

You deserve to put yourself a little higher on the priority list, you've earned the respect.

I have a similar situation in my house and I can't wait much longer for it to be resolved. While my son knows about my gender identity struggle, his teenage daughters are living with us now as well and he isn't ready to let them know about my other side. I told him I'd respect that and I'll not go back on my word. I tend to stay in my rooms a lot but really miss being free to dress and just go about life in my own house presenting as I choose.

There is a change in the works, with an infusion of money that will allow him to get his own place. Even if that doesn't get him out of the house soon, I plan to sell in the spring anyway, the place is too big for me to maintain on my own and I don't get the help I need.

So based on my situation I'd suggest you look to see if there is a resolution in the near future. If not, you need to let them know the pleasure and satisfaction of helping them get on their feet is not being offset by the anxiety it is causing you. You can tell them the reason for the anxiety or keep it to yourself, but they will need to know you need to have more privacy in your whole house and confidence that it will be manageable.

I'd recommend you rely on the accidental discovery to share your story. It's been discussed more than once that the results are better if you manage the disclosure on your terms. While that is much more difficult and a personal challenge (I can vouch for that), you are more likely to put it in the context you want with the information needed for them to better understand and ask questions. That helps avoid the kind of misunderstandings that we try to avoid as people discover they actually know a Trans person, but have never been able to parse out the various components of gender identity and sexual attraction.

Don't tell them, and quit taking such risks. A girl friend is NOT a wife and is not obligated to keep quite regarding family matters. They could nastily split up at any time, and if she knows of your CDing, she could easily spread the word around. They should be out of your home. They will become better for it. Set a date. 'Suggest' she get a job in those hours she sleeps in.

One common theme amongst us cross dressers is the fear of discovery. Perhaps that is what is holding our community back and preventing acceptance. After all most gays are happy to come out of the closet and society has broadly accepted homosexuality.

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Originally Posted by Pumped

Are you ready to be "outed"? If you keep it it up, it will happen. Either let them know, or restrict your dressing to your bedroom and lock the door, or tell them to move out. Pretty much covers it IMO.

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^this. Taking chances is your subconscious trying to get a positive result out of this, even though the odds are tremendously against it. Say that one of them finds out. They will tell the other. Who will tell a friend, and they'll tell two friends, etc.. All of us want to be loved for who we are, and that's what drives the desire to out ourselves. But the reality, is that few people are just fine with one of their family being a crossdresser. Here on this forum, we occasionally get to hear the wonderful successes. And it sounds nice, so nice that we get caught up in the pink fog. We forget what the rest of the world thinks of us. The wonderful happy ending is not reality for the vast majority of us. Before doing something rash, perhaps watch some crossdressing or transgender movies, and see how they respond. If you have amazon prime, watch transparent when they're sitting around. See how they respond.

In short, don't just let yourself be caught before careful reconnaissance. Don't do stupid things, when you know better.

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Originally Posted by CONSUELO

One common theme amongst us cross dressers is the fear of discovery. Perhaps that is what is holding our community back and preventing acceptance. After all most gays are happy to come out of the closet and society has broadly accepted homosexuality.

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This isn't an equal situation. Gays have a support system built in, and once out, they have a ready social network of potential mates. WE don't.
There is no place out there for us to find a suitable mate if we are heterosexual. No crossdresser straight girl bars, clubs, websites, nothing. Once out, we're essentially alone for life. Few women will even consider dating a crossdresser, so being out pretty much eliminates the chance of meeting someone and easing it into the relationship.

Sure, outing everyone will make us more commonly seen, and become less of pariahs to the straight world. But it won't make us more attractive to straight women. Being feminine is the exact opposite of what they're attracted to, and opposite of what they are looking for. So the automatic result, will be the same as it is for gays. We become just another person in the crowd. But that doesn't solve the problem of winding up alone, and that's the big risk for anyone who decides to be out.
To anyone who does not believe that this is a huge problem for us, again I suggest you start a straight girl/crossdresser dating service. If indeed there is such a large number of women who are interested in crossdressers, you'll be rich in a very short time. There are millions of crossdressers just waiting to find straight women to date. We'll pay you handsomely.

But I don't see that happening.

Be careful when outing yourself. It's a one way street, with no u turns.

I'd be way more worried about having the gf in the house, especially if she is lazy like you said. You may end up supporting her and one or more "accidents" they have. If you don't want her there, you can evict her. Your child is one thing, you owe her nothing.

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

This isn't an equal situation. Gays have a support system built in, and once out, they have a ready social network of potential mates. WE don't.
There is no place out there for us to find a suitable mate if we are heterosexual. No crossdresser straight girl bars, clubs, websites, nothing. Once out, we're essentially alone for life. Few women will even consider dating a crossdresser, so being out pretty much eliminates the chance of meeting someone and easing it into the relationship.

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That is an excellent point, and can't be stressed enough. How many GGs want to date a crossdresser, much less one that is out to the whole world?