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So here I am sat on the train, just had a chat with the ticket collecter, while on the platform talked to a Dutch couple about their holiday and what they thought of Brexit.
On the way to the station I stopped for fuel. The attendent engaged me in conversation.
So as someone who doesn't psss close inspection doesn't this show that 1, most folks are nice and 2, it's good to talk.
1 Yes they are
2 Always
Inspiring stuff Helen. My experiences here in the UK very similar to yours. People find it hard to be anything but friendly to someone who was friendly to them first. I think of it as 'first strike friendliness' or a 'pre-emptive happiness attack'.
Daisy.
Yes it does. Though I might extend it a bit to say most people are nice if they are approached in a nice way. And I think it's valuable that as you pass through life you leave a wake of folks who now have the experience of having met a trans person and who will be basing their perceptions on the memory of that rather than on (potentially hateful) internet articles. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater
Pat,
I hope very much that is how it will continue for me , so far its' worked out OK . OK not everyone will be happy with coming into contact with a trans person . I still find men don't look you in the eye but most women will give you a smile . Many have never seen a trans /CDer before so we can always expect the odd reaction at times, it's only human nature .
With each encounter, you’re displacing stereotypes with a real, friendly person. That’s how the world changes.
Most people simply like to avoid conflict, and, generally, smile and engage us in polite conversation. The problem becomes if you try to establish a relationship with them. That's when you'll find out just how accepting, or tolerating, they really are. Talking to a nice couple? Terrific! Then try to invite the husband alone down to the local sports bar for a few drinks while you're 'en femme'. See how well that goes over. Things can change very quickly once it becomes very real, and 'in their backyard'.
As a crossdresser who has never gone out in public, this question intrigues me. Id like to go out and show the world who I am but it feels like a death sentence. While I'm sure that there are nice people out there that would love to talk to me, there can also be some very mean people out there that don't understand. Maybe one day I will go out but for now I'll stick to the safety of my house!
I agree, a good attitude begets similar reactions. I've been out and if you're friendly you usually get the same back.
Kelly,
Give it time and never say never ! I didn't believe it could happen but it has and there's no going back , once out of the closet .
Lexi, I think you're taking it a step past what was under discussion. When I'm out and about all I'm looking for is polite conversation/behavior. Establishing a relationship beyond that is a whole 'nuther situation. I admit I'm introvert but I have to know someone pretty well before I pull out the "let's go down to the local sports bar" card. I'd be suspicious and stand-offish to anyone who seemed to want to pull me into their lives based on a two-minute conversation and I'd expect them to feel the same way.Quote:
Originally Posted by sometimes_miss
Helen, Yes to both statements. I understand the fear in some of encountering someone who will be totally, obviously and loud about their feelings toward who they see in front of them. But from my time out in the real world that is extremely rare and improving, quickly in some areas and at a snails pace in others. We always read about people with strong opinions, but out there in the real world, most keep their opinions to themselves and are really nice people, even if they would rather not see us, they are still decent enough to keep their feelings to themselves.
As for talking, it many times depends on the moment you catch them, but short and quick conversations are always possible, especially when talking about something in the current news, or the weather, sports results, common topics. However, when given enough time some very interesting and deep conversation can develop that can make both parties' day.
Thanks for all the positive comments.
Let me fill in the rest of my day. Got off the train to catch a bus. While standing at the stop a GG joins me and asks if this is the right place for the city shuttle. Could of asked someone else but choose to speak to me.
In Boots the chemist buying what else but makeup, the check out GG initiates a conversation.
Stopped off for a drink and a pastry in a dept store cafe. The GG clearing table again initiates a conversation. Several more such mini chats with other SA's took place. All very pleasant.
Cut to this evening. I decided to eat in a local pizzaria. Not that busy I get seated on a long bench table. Minutes later a mixed group of 40 -50 year olds turns up, the only place they can sit is on my table next to me. It should come as absolutely no surprise that within no time at all I was in conversation with 4 of them. A conversation that lasted over an hour.
So for those who doubt that folks are decent 99 percent of the time I say think again. Yes there are unpleasant people out there but 99 percent of the time they're easy to spot.
So do you live your life based on a tiny chance of someone bring rude to you or embrace all the good stuff. I'll take the latter.
Awesome day Helen!!! Yes talking to people is what it’s all about. No point in trying to be invisible, especially if you’re alone. Chat it up!!!! It’s more fun. It will likely keep the haters away (they know that the person you’re talking to is unlikely going to stand for rudenes). And, great outreach for the tg community, as it is very possible that this is the first conversation they have had with a presenting crossdresser. When they come away from that conversation thinking, ‘hey that person wasn’t a crazy person, they were actually quite pleasant’ it really helps everyone in the community.
Thanks Teresa! Slowly but surely I will go out en femme. I just have to work up the courage to do so.
Helen,
I would watch it, engaging with any one traveling on Blitish? Rail is really dodgy.
For this episode I was not dressed but if I had I think the crowd would still have been polite.
I boarded a train at Sheffield once, very crowded and no way of getting through.
I loudly announced could you please let a couple of foreigners through and the sea parted and the two foreigners were able to pass unencumbered along the crowded corridor.
The train had an engine fault and left a half hour later.... It was 17:00 just to let you know the time. :-)
Helen,
Thanks for sharing your 'naturally you' travels and dining. Your experience is very helpful.
Teresa,
I can relate to your observation as I have experienced the a eye contact thing while picking up a takeout order at a local restaurant.
It leaves to wonder, if UK's general population is generally more accepting than the US.Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa
DMichele,
From many threads and comments it has been a surprise to me but I do now think the UK is more accepting. Maybe Helen would agree , she is discovering most of the fears are in our heads . I'm quite envious of her little trip but I'm about to find the rest of this out for myself, going out socially is great, mixing with the public in a hotel has been an eye opener but I still haven't done everyday activities and dressed accordingly . Apart from a day out dressed to attend a pride week at Boston (UK) College , I have to say I really enjoyed that .
As I've said before doing everyday is proving harder than going out dressed up socially , finding the right wig , how little makeup to wear .
About half the time, I'm terrified of interacting with the world in drab, much less in femme.
I say it often here.."It is only a big deal [gender expression] if you make it one"..Meaning,in this case..If you act like a scared rabbit,then they will treat you as one. Comfortably engage people in pertinent conversation and you will blend right in. I don't believe the UK,Canada,or the US holds a lead on acceptance..It is what you make it.
Good for you Helen
I'm not surprised in the least. This is what I've come to expect.
You don't have to pass, or dress in some particular way.
I just try to look my best and am pleasant. I talk to people all the time. I have made real friends in the real world.
No everyone doesn't like me, but most do.
Most people are good people. I'm sure that the more you are out, the more experiences like this you will have.
Update No2.
Yin and Yan. Great day yesterday until I lost sn earing and woke up this morning minus a false nail.
Anyway , now typing this sat in a dept store cafe having a drink and a cake. Stood in the queue I noticed an old chap who'd fallen asleep on one of the display sofa's. The guy who joined the queue behind me has noticed him to. We chatted that we could both see he was breathing and at that point he woke up. It does show however it's just not GG's that will talk to us.
I like your terms, and your philosophy.Quote:
Originally Posted by DaisyLawrence
If you give people the chance to be kind, most people will be kind.
Sometimes,Quote:
Originally Posted by sometimes_miss
I don't think it's possible to take what are casual encounters and extrapolate those into inviting someone's partner out for drinks. If in drab I had such a brief conversation with someone the last thing I'd do is start inviting them out for drinks. That would just seem way to weird even creepy. In my update see #12, I describe meeting and talking with a group of people in a restaurant while sharing a table. I do believe that if out paths crossed again and we all ended up in the same restaurant at the same time, they would engage with me again. Repeat and a albeit casual friendship would ensue. Much as in the same way it might if I weren't enfemme when we met. However the big difference is, had I been in drab, I don't think the conversation would have got started in the first place.
Teresa,Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa
All that's different between social gatherings and going out in muggle land is the doing. Makeup? slightly lighter eye shadow and lippy (avoid the red gash). Lower heels or flats as they're more suited for walking the mall. Skirt and blouse will do fine. From what I've seen from your pics your wig suits you so no problem there.
Anything else is in the mind. Even despite my time spent out if I hear someone laughing while I walk though a store I still think is it at my expense. If I look to see it never is. It's just folks going about their daily lives. So here's my plan for you. Pick a dept store where you can park outside, say Debenhams or M&S. Deep breath, pull up yer knickers and head for the front door. Know that you will get read at some point but just own your space, be British, stay calm and carry on. Browse the racks for a while then head for the cafe. Have a drink and a lite bite while just sitting like everyone else does. Once done, if your confidence is high enough go grab something you like the look of from the racks and go try it on. That is way easier than in seems. After all, you're in a little room full of mirrors by yourself. And if what you've chosen you really like. Treat yourself and buy it. That would be your reward other than knowing you'd taken that first step to a wider future.
If I can take my 5'10" 14 stone frame out there I'm dam sure you can do the same.