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So, I'm looking for roommates for the 1st time in a year. I don't want to go back to the closet. Should I mention I crossdress when I message people? I'm not out to the bulk of my friends (New Year's resolution), so it'd feel weird coming out to strangers first, but I like being Anna and would rather know if someone will have a problem with it.
Thank you!
I think it is okay to come out to the strangers if you are prepared to become out to your friends. Information like this can spread in unintended ways.
Once the genie is out of the bottle, it is hard, if not impossible, to get back in.
Sami
If you want to be out around your roommates you need to tell them before they sign up. Two ways to handle it. You can do it in a message or you can meet them as Sami. I might opt for Sami. That way they know exactly who you will be presenting as.
I definitely think you should make potential roommates aware right from the get go- you will regret it otherwise, and what better way to practice coming out? Yes it means word will get out, but you strike me as being firm in your self and your crossdressing and I think you should move towards further acceptance rather than away from it.
Be careful my sis took in roommates and was eventually robbed and lost some family heirlooms.
Potential roommates need to know beforehand, I think. But if that's the way you decide to go, know that your friends may found out sooner rather than later....
It has to be easier to tell a stranger than friends or family. Not much downside if they choose to walk away. It's not like they are going to waste time trying to figure out who your friends are so they can out you. You're going to tell your friends anyway. Most likely you're never going to see them again.
Not sure of your social experience,but I suggest you interview them in "girl mode". If they are bothered by it at all,then you don't need them. Not sure what you are offering in the way of accommodations,but don't rule out a female or two.
Of course. And I agree with Regina. Meet them, male or female, as Ann
After all, why become "trapped" in your existence? It may only lead to resentment that you lost your freedom to be yourself at home. I would look toward the "alphabet world" as there are lots of great humans that get marginalized and can't find great housing.
Yes and no. You should tell them before you seal the deal. This is your place, right? You want to be able to be yourself at home. If you're trying to keep a low profile, I wouldn't mention it until I've at least met them in person so I could get a feel for them and for their reaction.Quote:
Originally Posted by msannacd
This is an awesome suggestion if you feel you can do it. Showing is always better than telling. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Rogina B
IMHO you need to fully explain the relationship you intend to have with a roommate. I would think many men would feel uncomfortable living with a cross dressing man, and, would really be irate if they signed on to a lease, vacated other apartments, etc to find out their masculine mind cannot handle your cross dressing. Do you really want to find your feminine side is confined to a bedroom? Or do you want to freely dress around your roommate? With full disclosure you may even be able to find a woman who would be willing to sign on.
Frankly, I'd make the financial adjustments to live alone and fully enjoy my privacy.
I don’t think you need to tell Every Joe Schmo that comes knocking, but if you find a candidate you like, then I would have that discussion when the offer is made.
I was accidentally discovered by my roommate a few months ago. I was just walking through the house en femme and he caught me. Prior to this he had no idea, needless to say that it was a very awkward moment. I was lucky because he is fine with it and he is keeping it a secret. He is a long time friend and I would have hated to lose him as a friend and as a room mate. Not to mention, he could have publicly outed me to fam and friends. I would highly recommend disclosing you’re cross dressing to a potential room mate. Use pictures or just interview them while fully dressed, as Rogina suggested (just make sure they know first lol). Not everyone is understanding and unfortunately it brings out maliciousness in some people.
~Good luck
Absolutely yes.
You don't what to have to hide who you are in your own home.
You could start by saying you are open-minded and that your home is LGBT friendly , or something like that to start.
If after being told that and meeting with the person you feel that they are a match then tell them.
I am and have lived in roommate situations. It is better to be up front.
I think you should but can understand your apprehension. How about telling them you have CD or TG friends who will be visiting dressed in drag and see how they feel about it.
I would question them if they're open minded to gender variant individuals. To put it in a mild way
Being in the closet is one thing, but having to leave your own home to dress is a major pain and very limiting, so I vote for being up front about it. That said, I agree with Micki, I would reserve full disclosure for candidates who've made the short list. I don't agree that dressing as Anna for interviews is necessary or even advisable, but I think you should be prepared to at least show a photo of Anna at some point. Just be prepared for the fact that some people might not be comfy with the scenario, and don't take it personally. Also take it for granted that your roomie will no doubt tell someone he lives with a tranny, not to mention his friends coming around etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by Micki_Finn
My vote is to message them and not mention specifics, but that you mention things like wanting open minded people, that everyone has their quirks, or some hint. Then for those who want to move forward, interview them as you wish to be seen.
Hope all goes well,
Hugs, Ellen
Having grown up in a home where it turned out my family members would have been mortified to find out I was crossdressing, I simply reserved my crossdressing to times when no one else was home, or I would lock my bedroom door. There sometimes isn't much of an option.Quote:
Originally Posted by sherri
Telling prospective roommates that you're a crossdresser will severely limit your housing options. Eventually you might have to bite the bullet and stay closeted; but by then, the cat might be out of the bag as for example, if your new roommates come across your prospective ones who didn't accept crossdressing, and the new ones found out later that you're a crossdresser. This could be a problem down the road.
Still, we all have to make our own decisions. Just remember: Consider all the potential outcomes of being 'out'. If you can accept the worst possible scenarios, then proceed. If not, you might want to think again.
Interview in person as male to see how open they are to non traditional. If they appear to be open minded then maybe an interview with the other person (en fem you) in the house is in order.
Anna, it very much depends on what you want after havng moved in. If you want toexpress youtr femme side by dressing, you probably should tell them. Anyhow, I would not tell them before they've made a decision. If they ask you to move in, you might ask for another talk and carefully explain your situation, afterthey've met you a first time, it might make it easier. If you start the issue in the very beginning, the CDissue might be in the way. Good luck and keep us updated.
Well you could at the initial phonecall, or in the add you use to find them, mention that your home is Alternative Lifestyle friendly. Then when they ask what that means, explain that all are welcome, LGBT, Crossdresser, whatever. Then if they are ok with that meet them the subject will come up and you can explain in more detail.
By saying your Alternative Friendly, your not saying flat out I crossdress, but your telling people your openminded about different lifestyles. Plus if your family and friends see the add or whatever, they will simply know that your open to other peoples life styles, not what yours is.
Fish in the right pond and you may catch what you are after. Best to look toward the "alphabet world" to a person that can respect your rights to be yourself in the same way they seek. Don't beat around the bush..Interview any real potentials in "girl mode" to eliminate those that have a problem with it. This is a perfect example of a situation that you have to stand up for your freedom of expression. It is your place now that you wish to share. Choose wisely !
I think if you like being Anna and you're trying to come out more in the upcoming year then this is a great opportunity to practice. You don't have to tell every single person that responds to your ad. Maybe leave if for the ones that make it past the initial cut. That'll weed out the ones you don't want. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a roommate who has been a closeted CDer as well and you might just make a huge impact on him! There's more of us out there then we think.