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I have been crossdressing for many years and have urges to be with a man and experience the female side of sex but have suppressed ituntil now. The urges are getting greater but I don't know how or where to go to experince the affair I am looking for. Any help out there? Jennifer
You don't know how or where?
How did you go about having sex with women? Where did you go to find a sex partner previously? I think those would be the place to start.
Hi Jennifer! I have read and realize that for many, it is a fantasy that some do choose to live out. Only thing that i can say is that be careful, use protection, and it may not be what the fantasy actually is, and sometimes, the fantasy should remain just that...a fantasy. I did notice that you put in a previous post years ago that you are "bi" so i am kind of confused here...
Jennifer all kind of sites out there. Google crossdressers admirers or alterative lifestyles. You should find something.
Jenn, most of us have had fantasies of being a woman with a man. Mine confused me for years. I thot I had suddenly turned gay!:eek:
But, parts is parts. That's how I worked it out. I was attracted to the idea of being a woman at the mercy of a man. But, NOT attracted to male parts! I was simply a straight crossdresser off fantasizing!:o
Oh, Lord! I too have those fantasies at times! Sometimes I feel I want to belong to a sweet man and make him so happy, maybe as my husband! Oh, what do I do?
Roxanne
I too have thought of this fantasy but quickly realize I can never feel all the feelings of a woman because I an neither physically or mentally totally wired as a woman. With out that, then I can NEVER totally feel all a woman feels. So the fantasy stays a fantasy.
As others have said, many have these fantasies. Does looking at a man's body get you sexually excited so it could be seen? If not, then it probably is just a fantasy that you want a man to treat you like a woman, but not to have sex with them.
Hugs, Ellen
Hmmmm.
What are you doing Friday night, Jen?
..... just kidding.
Hey, I completely understand. These feelings are common. I have them. Don't act on it....especially if you're in a marriage or relationship.
If you are looking for a first time experience or to hook up, please be careful out there. I have a few gay bars (mostly a lesbian bar) I frequent from time to time, and it's a fine safe place. But bars, IMO, are horrible places to develop a relationship or find someone suitable to fairly & decently entertain your experiment.
Good luck.
I followed up all those urges in my 20s, and am glad I did. Mostly my partners were just nice sweet guys and I am super happy to draw on those experiences- as the memories are enough so i know what it is like and can more easily forgo it now and relive the moments in my fantasies.
Years later I realized how incredibly fortunate I was to have unknowingly played Russian roulette with AIDs so many times and won. There are lots more STDs now and I wouldn't take that chance again. So protection is super important, even with highbrow partners. You really have to get to know someone before you have a clear idea about STD potential. This is a drag, since it unprotected sex is really what delivers the intimate fleshly pleasures and lets us feel what we are seeking.
The bad part is that the sexual satisfaction we want so badly doesn't last- we want to do it again, to repeat, or to change this or that. But in one night stands we are betting against some serious odds. After the STD risks became known, I made a promise to myself not to expose myself again, but placing myself in temptation, my promise vanished. Afterwards, I lived in serious dread for months, having risked trading off my health and ability to partner with a future wife and have a family, for what was less than a minute of fantasy fulfillment. That cured me of thinking with my arousal hormones.
The other big thing is that real human being men have feelings, and objectifying people as sex objects really isn't satisfying. If you have had sex with women, think of the complications. Much of the experience with men will be the same- the dance of communicating intent beforehand, the misunderstandings, the awkward parts, the pain, the confusion of sensations, the newness, the messiness, the after its over awkward parts, and more importantly, the shall we see each other again, and the fact that it usually isn't a relationship that is going anywhere.
Yes, I got to be the woman, and it was a deep and impactful experience. But it isn't fun to have a bunch of people in my life that I didn't really know, and where we [even though it was friendly and uncomplicated at the time] used each other, and now I have to forever depend on them not surfacing again.
I have discovered to my relief that sex play with toys is more reliably better paced, less complicated, more to the point, and much safer than with real people- if I am looking for emotional role play and sexual satisfaction. It removes the need to use others as sex objects, or be used. And it works well as a sex fantasy practice that is not competing with my real spouse.
If I were seeking an LTR to hopefully experience what ellbee did, I'd go to gay meetups and outdoor activities and get to know the variety of men. I would take time to develop my awareness of my feelings, enjoy friendships first and let the sexual part develop in an atmosphere of trust and positive intimacy. That way I could actually have more and better sex, and not succumb to the Russian roulette danger of changing partners all the time.
I found that generally gay men were not attracted or turned on by my feminine clothes, but gently understood them as symbolic of my wanting to be the feminine partner. That said, i didn't get much time dressed up. I get far more satisfaction in that area just from wearing my dresses out and about and enjoying my flirtatious walk. In my experience the "straight" men looking for sex were conflicted and wanted fast secret sex- I'd choose a gay man who is out and comfortable with himself any day over that option for a relationship.
Its a fantasy because you are a male and don't have the right parts to feel it as a woman would.
If you wish to live out your fantasy just be very careful and wear/have him wear protection.
Sometimes you need to hear its a fantasy and leave it as such.
If you are gay thats one thing but if you aren't gay why then why?
If you are thinking you might be gay then you aren't because if you are gay you would know it already.
i would imagine you would have to go to a bar, its hard to trust something like this on-line, in my area they have a meet-up where they let "admirers" attend the functions, some keep the activities private
Others talk of these urges and when push came to shove it was an unfullfilled fantasy....good luck....
Tracii,
As far whether one knows whether or not they're gay, not picking on you, but weren't you married a couple of times to women?
In a word "Don't", Most spouses will not appreciate having an affair. It's a great way to turn a happy marriage into an expensive divorce.
I don't mean to offend anybody, but no friggin' way! ;) . But as there are several different "drives" for CDing, Certain types of CDs would be more prone to entertaining such fantasies (or acts) than others. Those that identify as women to a degree, while not actually TS or gay, could, conceivably, consider such things. Those of us who are "escapists" and heterosexuals who are very attracted to the female form might not identify with women and likely would not be attracted to men. So I think a CDer being attracted to men or not is dependent upon what kind of CDer one is.
Yes Rhonda Jean I was and it was a mistake both times.
I always knew deep down it was not "who" I was but we do things to try and live life to societies standards.
There are plenty of gay men married to women and I'm sure you know that.
When I "came out" it was the most affirming day of my life because I was finally honest with myself.
Hi Jennifer,
I don't know if you're still married or how accepting your wife/partner is...or if u have any kids or anything... but I would advise against trying to build a sexual relationship with another partner outside of your spouse. My cd husband did so before we got married and it nearly ruined both of our lives (i am not exaggerating).... if you do go down that route... please be very careful and get tested before and after for any STIs .... ive heard people that go to certain fetish events or on fetlife to meet people with similar sexual fantasies...
Another idea... would your spouse be interested in doing some reverse role playing with you? other than actually finding a man to fulfill your desires?
NO! there is no help here in helping you find another mate, I will advise you to work it out with your partner and maybe she is willing to do role reversal with you.
Hopefully you will find some answer for your fantasy without endangering your health or present relationship.
If it is only a fantasy it can be a tragic one.
In New Zealand, we have some nice gay clubs, spa, sauna, gym, pool, "swings", private rooms, gay cinema.
While nice, and safety is important while at the premises, you're still running a risk
a) viruses
b) if your in a relationship, you'll end up carrying a secrete all the time
c) you might enjoy it so much, it becomes additive.
They are "wham bang thank you very much mam" shops
Gay bars, at least you have a chance of a longer term relationship, dinners, movie nights etc.
My friend has been in a 20 year relationship from such a meet up, he's a "Top" and loves girls like us.
I also had this fantasy of being with a man and after i had acted on it i wish it had stayed a fantasy did not enjoy it at all
There are some adult book store type places where there is very casual sex with men and CDs. That's not for me, but I've met men on porn/dating websites. Post pics or videos of yourself as a horny little tramp and you'll get some attention. Most of the men that you attract will be married though. They're looking for sex outside of their marriage but actually getting together with them is hit or miss, mostly miss.
[QUOTE=Tracii G;4285192]There are plenty of gay men married to women and I'm sure you know that./QUOTE]
Yep. A good friend of mine was married for nearly 30 years t a woman, now married to a man. His wife knew, too. His story of dealing with being gay and married to a woman, having a family, a close, religious, publicly visible extended family is much like very much like many of our stories of living similar lives as transgender.
I have had these urges as well, many times. They seem to come and go like the pink fog. Sometimes the two match up, sometimes not. Last January it was so strong I could barely take it. Eventually for me it went away but in the past I've had a friend who is gay and I've messed around with, mostly just oral sex. It seemed to be exactly what I would need to get it out of my system for awhile and then I wouldn't be thinking about it again and I'd go back to a more heterosexual lifestyle. Weird how that works. Unfortunately he has since moved away so I'm out of that friend with benefits. Oh well.
I've had the urges and have acted on them. I like to be with men when I am dressed. I like being the pretty one!
90% of the time, the fantasy will be far more enjoyable than reality. Definitely not something to engage in on a whim. Do you even have any experience with the “mechanics”? Proceed with extreme caution.