A sudden change of Heart ?

As you know from my past posts its DADT, but I have my beautiful caravan on the sea front in Lancaster. My wife has been ok with me going for a few days a week on my own (sometimes more), knowing i dress. She has now told me when she comes up to the van I can dress ?. Full Makeup etc. My head is spinning , Whats the catch ?, PS if you havent seen my previous post we haven't and dont have a sexual relationship (at her request) and haven't for many years. Why the sudden change of heart ?, many questions going through my head.

Debs,

For whatever reason these changes of heart seem to occur as we get older.

Maybe she has become resigned to it or has had a discussion with someone who has helped change her mind.

Still go slowly though and do not smother the new relationship.

So many ways to go with this. She could be genuine and want to see or she could be seeking leverage in the form of pictures. You could turn the tables and tell her you would feel uncomfortable showing this side to her or accept her offer for what it is. And that is just a start...

Hopefully, when the time comes, you will know what to do. Good luck.

Is the sexual relationship thing at her request, because of age or because of your dressing? I think y'all need to talk about the intimate part. There may be under lying problems that need resolving.

Hi Debs :hugs:, Yes the ball is in her court now, Just don't overwhelm her now with (Debs)

Please keep us advised. >>>>>>>Orchid ..O:daydreaming:O..

Debs,
That is the problem you can't help thinking this great offer comes at a price , so what is it ?

I understand the sexual relationship problem , I accepted lack of intamacy over ten years ago .

To be free to spend some days away and dress as you choose is lovely but it nearly always revolves around what the wife thinks or agrees to . We are adults and as such do have rights , we may be married but we're not possessions , I do hope she isn't going to take this pleasure away from you .

Is it OK if I say "Caution"?

It just seems a little odd in the context of things!

Stacy!

Be careful women don't change usually.
Is she baiting you or giving in to your CD side who knows?
The statement about she is OK with you going out makes me wonder what is she doing when you do go out enfemme?
Just because you two aren't having sex doesn't mean she isn't with someone else.

Tracii,
I would doubt that but who knows !

I must admit when I recently had to visit my wife's home to attend a family gathering there was a car I didn't recognise in her drive , I said to my mother , " I wonder if she has a new man ? That would solve all my problems ! " I could pass all the long term medals I'd earned onto him !

Debs, I'd accept the offer with open arms, but also be watchful. When the time comes, you will know what to do for the best, as you're the one in the best position. I wish you both all the best.

Tracii, have you ever considered that sewing seeds of doubt in what may be a troubled relationship, is both not really any of our business and also a potentially dangerous thing to do? Yes, people ask us for advice, help and to call on our collective experience, but sometimes, falling into the realms of unsubstantiated fantasy is not the wisest step to take.

I’m not sure why you jumped to the sexual status of your relationship, I wouldn’t think her comments had anything to do with that. Maybe she’s just trying to be tolerant. You say you spend “a few days a week” there, sometimes more? So what are we talking 2-3 days? Out of 7 that’s a significant percentage. Maybe she just feels like this is what she needs to do to spend more time with you.
This is really something you should be discussing with her.

Debs,

As she knows you go away to dress perhaps she's finding it lonely left back at home alone as Micki says. So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. She to can now spend time at the holiday home. She's realised that your dressing is here to stay so she may as well make the best of it. That's certainly one possible take on the matter.

Perhaps the way to go is on her next visit sit down and ask the question. What's brought about the change of heart? The answers make help you decide which is the best way to introduce the femme side of you.

Showing just how much it means to you, a bunch of flowers, a quiet meal out, wouldn't go amiss either.

In a posting in June you indicated you and your wife had gone out with you en femme. You also reflected back that perhaps you made these outings all about you. A mistake you said. Perhaps, when you go off by yourself and she knows you're en femme it is leaving a void at home. You're one place and she another. Perhaps, she has reflected upon your marriage, and, weighed the pluses and minuses and decided your little quirk is just that; a little quirk. May I suggest when she does come to your hideaway you do not make it exclusively a femme visit. Maybe balancing femme time with guy time will soften her position, and, be able to hang out with your at home en femme. Think about whether there is adequate balance in your life and her life too.

I would caution you that nobody on the Internet knows your wife or your relationship with her and vice versa. We can guess of course but that's all we can do. She may have given up on stopping you from dressing or she may not care because she is in a secret relationship with another man (or woman). Or, there may be any one of dozens of additional reasons. If you want to know why, you're going to have to find out for yourself.

Debs,

First of all let me make this clear this is just my opinion and is free, so take it for what you paid for it. :)

1. Be in male mode when she arrives.

2. Sit down with her and ask why all of a sudden she is OK with your dressing.

3. Find out why she does not want sex with you. Be careful here word it nicely.

4. Be calm and civil at all times with her.

5. Do not make accusations or throw dispersions her way.

6. Take her out to dinner and show her a good time.

If after all of this she does not give you all of the answers beware of Trogens bearing gifts.

Best of luck,
Fran

Debs
From what I recall from your previous posts, I would imagine this is genuine and I would go with it accordingly. Making it a positive experience for her would be my priority. Helen's suggestion of flowers, or something else you know whe likes, is a good one. And if she's said she's happy to see you dressed then that's what you should do.
Hope it goes well
Rachel

Since she brought this up, let her take the lead. Don’t do anything unless she invites it at that moment. And don’t worry about why or why now. Everyone is entitled to change their mind.

For some SOs, including mine, a lot of the concern is around "What will others think?". If by Others we mean friends and family, that's quite different from strangers we'll never see again. So maybe your wife is starting to relax about random strangers seeing you. That's a good start, but probably a long way from her being comfortable with your being seen closer to home.

If you look for the negative your going to find it, but just maybe she sees a chance to except you as you are so you will spend time at home, I know if I spent that much time a way from home my wife would go to great lengths to make me want to stay home more. an empty home can be a lonely place. Just maybe she has decided you in a dress is better than being home alone.
Even if sexual relations are over for what ever reason, your dressing, health, or age, everyone still wants companionship. But the only way to know why she has a change of heart is a heart to heart talk with her, believe me if she is like most women it won't take much to get her to show you where she is coming from.

Thank you all for your advise, but I have never lied to her, told her from day 1 , she married me knowing what I am, then it turned ugly, ive never changed , am confused, does she now accept what I am after all these years, do i embrace this or be careful, truthfully Im old enough to deal with being brought out into the open and talk , but its a big step

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wish one of you girls would take me out for lunch and talk me through it

Well If you lived here on the Lost coast of N. Cali, I know a couple of nice places we could have a great lunch and a private conversation. But I doubt that works for you. But a least there is a lot of support here.
But of course the only way to get through this and know where you stand for sure your going to have to have a conversation with someone, and your married to her. there is no other way. When it happens some of us come out lucky, but sorry to say that is not the case for all. But living with doubt has got to just eat at you, I prefer to know where I stand, so I can plan the rest of my life. For how can one live if not as one self, what ever that may be.

Don't overthink the suggestion. I suggest that maybe don't go the full dress-up the first visit and you will find out whether you can go further.