Do you find yourself acting different while dressed?

Hi,
My partner told me quite early on in the beginning of our relationship about him dressing, but I haven’t actually seen him dressed all that much. I’ve bought him and given him a lot of stuff. He’s happy to dress up if I ask, as I’m quite into it myself, but he doesn’t dress up all that much on his own in front of me because we both still live with our parents.

Since a lot of crossdressers use a femme name and dress up quite differently from their male self, I’m really worried that I don’t actually know all that much about my partner at all. I know how hard it can be to be yourself with other people (I’ve struggled with people bullying me as a child for my own eccentricities), and sometimes I’m quite afraid that the person I fell in love with doesn’t actually exist. So far he acts the same, but just has a softer and sweeter temparament. I’m not really sure though because I’ve mostly only seen this side of him in the bedroom. Do you guys act differently dressed compared to when you’re not?

Thanks,
Bluebell

Encourage him to join this site and then simply watch what name he chooses for himself. IMO, it's "almost always" a dead givaway. This is easily verified by reading the "input" of members here. Members who go all out in their effort at presentation/passing will almost always select a female name.

Just realize that ALL CDers are Humans, so no 2 are going to be alike.

Welcome to the site btw!

As far as names? One important disclaimer. He may pick a female name if he joins, simply because most participants here have them.

And no, I do not act any diiferent, because they are just clothing items/attire to me and nothing more. Some items I like, cannot be found in the men's department so I purchase them from the women's side and wear them where/when ever I want to.

As far as I know, there are no laws to prevent it!

I might also add that I have vast actual experience out in the RW "dressed".Joe Doe public has no problem whatsoever with me for 18 years now so I encourage your fella to find his OWN way.

I act like me. Me doesn't change when I switch from men's t-shirt and Levi's to a woman's t-shirt and Gloria Vanderbilt's.

As I have said many times DRAB or DRAG I am the same person with the same thoughts, fears, and desires only the clothes have changed.

Completely disagree with Heels. Having a fem name doesn’t indicate squat.

Bluebell: the only person who can answer this is your SO. Most of us do not suffer from serious psychosis. We do not all have multiple personalities or dissociative identity disorder. But we are not a monolith either. So it’s possible your SO acts completely different dressed, but by and large that seems more the exception than the rule.

I am still the same dressed or not but then again I wear clothes from the womens dept all the time so maybe I'm different in that way from you partner.
A name is usually used here but you can choose what ever you want it doesn't have to be female.
If he is the same age as you he has to deal with his female side and male side so its quite a struggle to balance it all and not "out" himself and you need to remember that.
Guys do not like being thought of as gay,weak or a sissy so they hide this part of them.
He seems to trust you because he let you know that secret part of him most men will not ever tell their partner so you are lucky in a way.
Welcome to the forum and for being understanding about this side of him.

I don’t act any differnt in my opinion however my wife says differnt. I am more relaxed more caring as she says not that you are not caring it is just differnt “softer” she says. Lot of stress in my life lot of responsibility in my career. I don’t really have hobby’s per say. So I think when dressed I can totally relax turn off all the distractions and just enjoy the moment.

Just my take.

Of course ultimately we are the same person but when I am Becky that side of my personality is more prominent, when I am not her I guess I am suppressing some parts of me... we all have roles to play in life at times. So yes I am quite different, i am more relaxed, definitely softer, more fun and because I am loving how I am looking and feeling I am always extremely happy.

The only difference I notice is I'm a lot happier when dressed.

As far as the name, I picked one similar to my real name so if someone calls me by my femme name I might actually turn around.

I'm told by people that see me in both male and female mode, that I act different. I guess I'm more carefree and I dance in femme mode.

I don't think adopting a particular feminine name is any indication of anything. Stephanie is the female equivalent of my male name. Three guesses and the first two don't count. I suppose if you're male name is Terry, you're all set.

I am not any different when emulating a woman as far as my temperament goes. I do try to adopt mannerisms associated with a woman, especially when wearing a dress. Sitting with knees closed and not apart. That sort of thing which I do not associate with your question. I would conjecture if the normal behavior of a man en drab is to be obnoxious, etc, and, cordial and syrupy nice en femme, then it is possible he has some difficulty accepting his "feminine' side. Sort of over compensating in a negative way for not accepting himself.

In general terms I will say from life experiences living apart does not give you any insight as to who a person really is.

I will further state even living together does not bring out the true person. Sometimes saying the "I do" at the altar changes someone from their best behavior to their worst behavior. If you read old threads on this site or future threads you'll notice both the cross dressing man and his wife will change their stances.

Adding to the theme, I’m basically the same person whether I’m dressed or not, but am ‘softer’. That is, I’m generally calmer, and I move around more slowly, with more deliberate and gentler mannerisms.

I’m not as certain that choice of name is all that meaningful. I call myself Michelle when I’m dressed; which is a reasonably close version of my male name. The “BBL” that I use as my ID, came about before I started Crossdressing.

Michelle

Hi Bluebell,

Welcome to the site. You have valid concerns that can have many different responses from the members here. Still living with parents seems to indicate a younger age than most here. However, with all our accumulative years here and being alive, there is a lot to read and learn.There are not real direct answers as to what the future may hold for both of you.

Being a senior in more ways than one, participate here, ask questions, don't take all the answers as being directly applying to you two. The biggest recommendation I can give you is that two way, open and honest communication about small things and this "thing", which is not so small, is your best long term tool to help both of you to grow, adapt and understand, That type of communication should not just apply to his desire or need to dress, but also about every other joint decision, issues, minor and not so minor, that you encounter everyday. Good communication is not easy and takes a lot of work. So, think about reading books about how to communicate better, when to walk away for a calmer moment and when to stand firm and discuss back. I am still learning, especially the part on how to listen clearly, which is so hard for me sometimes. Good luck and enjoy your stay.

Main thing to remember is you have a lot of time to learn what works best for the both of you.
Rushing into things and having to have concrete answers is not the way to go because there are no firm answers to all of this.
Also I know at your age the man you fall in love with may not be the man you stay with long term.Keep that in mind.
I know that you may not agree with me on that and your love may last a lifetime no one knows.
What I do know is people change and relationships change over time so what you like now may not be what you like in the future. Same goes for him too he may continue dressing and he may stop.
Its how you two navigate thru all the changes in life so it takes two in a relationship to make it work.
Don't try to manipulate him or think you can change him in some way because that never works and its unfair to him.

Hi Bluebell!

Welcome to the forum.

First of all, kudos to your SO for informing you about his fem side early in the relationship. In my mind, that tells a lot about his personality, in that he is not trying to hide or manipulate you into thinking he is one thing and springing his CDing on you after you are in committed a relationship. Honesty is a wonderful trait.

As some others have mentioned, only your SO can really answer your question. If you have only seen him dressed in the bedroom, then you don't really have the entire picture. Does he dress when he's not in the bedroom? Or is it just a bedroom kink for him?

As far as my SO is concerned, when he is in male mode, he can be more confrontational than when in female mode. Other than that, he acts like the same person.

You didn't say how long that you have known him. Maybe time will answer more of your questions.

Again, thanks for joining the forum.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bluebell

Hi,
My partner told me quite early on in the beginning of our relationship about him dressing, but I haven’t actually seen him dressed all that much. I’ve bought him and given him a lot of stuff. He’s happy to dress up if I ask, as I’m quite into it myself, but he doesn’t dress up all that much on his own in front of me because we both still live with our parents.

Thanks,
Bluebell

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Find yourself a decent hotel and book a room. Whether dressed or not, as a couple you need time to be alone with each other.

As far as dressing up when you ask vs not being asked. It may be as simple as he isn't sure if you are ok with him dressing without notice.

Bluebell, it has little or nothing to do with his dressing. It takes years of daily contact to find out who someone really is.
Let me ask u? R u 100% u when u r around him? Would u act the same if u lived together? I'm guessing your answer is "No".
Not because you're intentionally hiding things, it's just human nature! Give him the space and time he needs. The longer u date, the more each of u will reveal yourselves!:daydreaming:

Then, u can decide if u wish to stay together or not!:hugs:

Bluebell,
Welcome to the forum, I do not act differently dressed or otherwise, I have been doing this for a long time and I have grown used to my situation.

Others have good suggestions for you so read them closely and maybe you will find something that is right for you both.

My wife thinks I'm much calmer when dressed,I dont think I act that much different in attitude,but can see what she means,I do have more feminine mannerisms though.She calls me by my femme name,my stepsons dont bother but are still cool with it all

Sophie

I guess the main difference is that Steffi is an extrovert; boy me is an introvert.

I don't like labels, but if I was forced to pick one, I'd probably say that I'm bi-gender or gender fluid. That manifests itself by sometimes flipping into girl mode even when I'm presenting boy mode. That's when I may approach a GG and complement her on her clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc.

Also, Steffi likes to dance and will even dance alone if no one else is interested in dancing. Boy me requires two or three beers to be brave (or unconcerned) enough to take to the dance floor.

My wife said that because of my dressing, I was more attentive to women.
I feel the same, dressed or not, but I am a lot happier dressed.
Just go slowly, I am sure it will all work out, and you will find yourself being
a very happy person.
Rader

I was just thinking about this the other day.

I believe that I am the same person, and that I don't have different fundamental thoughts or a different personality when I dress. I'm the same human being with the same thoughts, the same strengths and the same flaws. That being said I've noticed that some stuff happens when I'm Emma, stuff that usually doesn't. For starters I enjoy my free time a lot more, for some reason, even if I'm just sitting around doing nothing, I feel calm and not rushing through the day like I normally do. I also enjoy myself way more, I take my time in the shower, when I do my hair, when I shop online, I take some breaks of what I'm doing to do a selfie session because I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror or something and I liked what I saw. The other day I was watching a movie, then I got up to the kitchen to get a drink, after a few steps I noticed a sway in my walk that didn't happen before, at least not without intentionally trying. It just happened and because it felt natural, I let it happen.

But even while experiencing all of these things and after they are over, the core of who I am never changes. Emma is not some extravagant character I use to escape myself. Emma is a part of me that I'm still learning to understand and embrace just as any other within my personality. I hope I answered your question, I feel like I just ranted for a while there lol

Good luck to you and your partner, I hope you guys get the chance to explore more this side of him together, it sounds like nothing but good things can come out of that :)

No.

I find myself acting different while undressed.

What does IMO stand for?

No, I'm just the same old me however I'm dressed

(Davina, it means 'in my opinion')