Have you told your children? How did it go?

Many years ago when we first had kids, my wife and I decided that we shouldn't tell our children about my crossdressing. They are grown now (ages 30, 28 and 24) and have moved away, except for the middle son, who has recently moved back home.

Keeping this a secret is limiting my time to be fem. I do spend a couple days a week out, during day hours when he's at work. And luckily his job requires him to travel out of the area a bit, so I've been able to arrange some of "my time" when he's gone.

But this Friday I have some friends that I want to go see, but my son is home this week, and I think its time to tell him.

Have you told your children? How did you tell them? How did it go? Thank you for any advice or help. Steph.

Definitely going to follow this thread, as I have a 15 year old son. My wife and I have decided not to tell him at this time. And my current plan has me on a path to do some solo travel nursing. So opportunities to dress and be my fem self in the near future are plentiful. But I lean more towards just telling my son. So we’ll see!

I have posted in an earlier thread that my kids do not know and my concern is that they will not except I too will be watching this thread to see where it goes. One of my concerns are that my youngest 26 sees me as a strong man ( I wish I could show him the whole me) that is what makes me who I am the girl in me makes a much better person.

My sons have now left home but before that my youngest walked in on me one day while I was fully dressed. He was totally cool about it, said what I do is my business and even said I looked 'pretty' and at first thought I was someone else. My eldest son doesn't know but I'm 100% sure his attitude would be the same.

My daughter found out by accident. She was home when my first pair of black patent leather pumps arrived by courier, and she had to sign for them. She knew they were women's shoes, since it was itemized on the receipt. I was very stressed and nervous about it, because I had kept it hidden for so many years. We had a long talk when I got home from work, and she was very supportive. She would have been about 23 or 24 at the time. She obviously doesn't mind discussing it, but doesn't want to see me dressed (and I don't want her to either) or see any photos.

My wife and I decided to tell our grown son. Biologically, he is her son, but spiritually mine! So much like me in some ways we joke about the genetics. We decided to tell him early on so that when he comes over, I can still be dressed as I please in our own house and nothing is a surprise or shock.

He is sensitive, emotional, and has grown up with CLOSE FRIENDS who are gender fluid. Homosexual members of the family, the whole nine. My wife told him while I was at work, and when I came home, he gave me a big hug and told me I was ridiculous for worrying about it.

But you know what? Over the following few weeks I noticed he has a hard time relating to me lime he used to. One day, he had stopped by, I had just gotten home from workand was still in my man costume, and he said "Hey, I've missed you." I'm still the same me! Guess it must be harder than we thought.

Well, I toned it down a bit when he was coming over because I didn't want a wedge in our relationship, nor for him to feel uncomfortable. He would never say so, but I could feel that undercurrent.

Well, the three of us were driving somewhere, and in the course of our usual sarcastic conversations (all three of us back and forth), he made a sarcastic comment about my crossdressing. NOT with malice, but with love. The kind of loving sarcasm that makes up the pattern of conversation between close friends and family in my region of the country.

After that, I decided "aw heck, I'm gonna dress as I please and he'll have to get over any lingering trepidations, even the subconscious ones."

So far so good, but it is an adjustment, and this is under GOOD circumstances!

It’s a different situation, but I have a young daughter who’s 2 and a half, and I am just hoping that if she gets used to it at a young age I will never have the need to “tell” her.

I tole my 4 when they were all in their 30's. I didn't start dressing until they were all older, I think the youngest might have still been in high school. But I hid if from everyone, including my wife for several years. All my kids were cool with it, and I'm assuming so were their spouses. I told them that I wouldn't push it on them, I wouldn't show up at their houses, and I expected them to call before they would come over, or they'd get what they got. The youngest daughter told me she already knew, I never asked her how. Only our middle daughter showed any real interest. She wanted to see me dressed, bought me some panties for Christmas that year. She lives several hours away and I have driven to her house dressed. Her children have seen me, although not in the last couple years, and they are now 5, 10, & 11. Not of the other kids have shown that much interest, have never seen even a picture of me. It isn't talked about at all the any of them.
I have hugged them with bra and forms in, nothing was even hinted, or commentated. At this point I don't care what they think. My wife is very supportive, and that's all that matters. I'd dress even if she wasn't. I do it for me and my mental state.
Huggs
Elsid

Hey Macey. What's happening with your son sounds similar to me & my sister after I came out to her. She's a bit older and probably more self-aware and was able to tell me that she's happy for me but afraid this means she is losing her brother <male name> in some sense, and she loves <male name>. I know that's not what's happening but she doesn't and it will just take her a little while to get there. I don't have kids so I can't contribute directly to this thread, but I thought I'd share that if it helped.

My children may know, nothing has ever been said though.

You are a beautiful woman, and should be allowed to dress the way you want.

I've 4 intelligent daughters, they understand that while they had a manly "dad", that I also have a softer side.
Some "found" my stash, some I just had to tell them before the stories got out.
Their main concern, "was I gay", "were me and mum going to break up" - They were happy with NO and NO and left it at that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stephNE

Have you told your children?

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Not yet and don't foresee a need to.

It’s funny but I’ve been through every stage of this question. At first, I when the kids were very young and was recently divorced, I wanted to tell them because I wasn’t ashamed of who I was. I ended going to a SCC conference back when it was in Atlanta with my now wife. At the conference I was in a group of 4-5 people sharing stories, when the topic came up. Somebody asked if I was going to tell my kids and I said yes (for the above reason). Well, a person in the group asked if I had the desire or need to dress at home most of the time. I answered no, just a couple times a month. She said to me; “being a kid, and especially a teenager is hard enough, why put this pressure on them if you don’t really have to and maybe wait until they are adults.” Took me months to a year to agree with her.

Fast forward to 3 months ago when my ex wife started to insist I tell them because “the children’s therapist (rough divorce) says I should be truthful with my kids, etc”. I reluctantly agreed after confirming this with the kid’s therapist. I am 100% sure my ex (who was present with the therapist when I told them) was absolutely sure that this disclosure would turn the kids away from me back to her since she is so insecure as a mother. I take pride in being a great father and it paid off BIG time that day. Especially the moment ..after it took me 10 minutes to get the words out of my mouth, when my ex asked how the kids felt about it and taking a minute to pause, my son said;” I think it’s kinda cool that dad can be both a guy and girl” and shot me a huge smile. My heart filled as the color of my ex wife left her face.

Best day ever.

Hi Steph.

Can't tell you what to do, only you know your son, but deep down I think you will know pretty well how he would take the news. I suspect he will be fine if any of your parenting has rubbed off on him when he was growing up.

I find that my own sons current generation (he is 17) here in the UK is VERY open minded, tolerant, and liberal in their thinking on gender issues. There are always some stick in the mud haters as always in life (the dim ones that come from equally stupid and intolerant parents) but there is no way that is going to apply to one of your kids. My son only socialises with the brightest and friendliest kids and they would all have no problem with a revelation of this kind, or so he says. In fact I have never had 'the talk' with my son about me, I just do my thing and he thinks nothing of it. I've had general discussions on this trans issue as you do in all things in life to help them understand and prepare them for the future. At different ages, as he showed interest in such things, I would give him the 'education' that the school system doesn't. I've helped him understand that there is no connection between sexuality and gender, that gender binary is a myth and that all human beings are unique in all ways and should be judged individually on their deeds and not any other arbitary association with any group or classification. As children they trust and believe their parents so it is what we do to teach them when they are growing up that can make or break them. It has worked in our family and this is why I've never had the talk you refer to. There is no need for me to explain why I have a dress or skirt one, I simply do. He knows that I make that choice as a free individual without the burden of a perceived need to comply with pointless and imaginary 'rules' created by society. By and large this upbringing has worked because he sees ALL variance from 'normal' as at least potentially interesting if nothing else. This applies across the board to anything from Goths to openly gay people as much as it does to men in skirts. He is straight himself but last week he told me one of his close friends at college had come out as Bi. I asked him how had he responded and he replied that he had just said "Cool, just think, twice the choice and twice the opportunity" and then he gave him a hug and said how happy he was that his friend could confidently come out without fear of negative consequence. He looked at me with a look that seemed to be asking for confirmation that he had done the right thing and that his friend would appreciate, I smiled and said "proud of you son" and we left it at that.

Anyway, I'm waffling. The point is I've read losts of the stuff you've written on this site Steph and I am sure you've helped your kids to become tolerant liberal minded individuals and if I am correct I can see no problems going forward.

Daisy

Stephanie,
my wife didn't want to see me dressed at home short after we had out first son, she wanted to protect our children.
The second son arrived three years later.
However, both my sons caught me once dressed at home (one was 17/18 the younger one was 14 then), the younger son sometimes found a piece of my wardrobe which I left somewhere.
About 8 weeks ago, I received a package by mail (a dress), went up to our house and opened it in my office and looked at it (not dressed up).
At this point he entered the house and saw me look at the new dress. He also saw me from distance getting the package my the mail guy.

After he talked to my wife about it, he said he wanted to talk about it with me.
So I had a good 45 min talk with hi about six weeks ago and it went very good.
I still need to talk to our older son who moved out alomst two years ago. Unfortunately he has some personality problems and I think it wouldn't be a good time to talk to him now.

I worried about telling my daughter (29) and finally had a couple hours with her in the car. After I told her, she was so excited and accepting. Turns out that she was worrying about telling me she was Bi.

My wife is a therapist and is fond of a couple Mark Twain quotes:

"Don't wait. The time will never be right."

"I've had a lot of worries in my Life, most of which never happened"

When y'all told your family did anyone find out that they also are crossdressing?

I told my kids when they were in college and they were ok with it - have not told my very young granddaughters and will leave that up to their parents for now

My wife knew but after she passed away several years ago I was basically alone and back in the closet. I had a letter posted in there in the event that anything would happen to me or they would come to the house snooping around while I was away. But eventually I decided it was time to share this part of my life with them. We had adopted a sibling group of 4 children who we raised the best we could, addressing love and the importance of diversity. The oldest was estranged from the rest of the family off and on from the time he was a teen, but the others bonded with us and saw us as their parents. Now they are adults with their own families and I felt it was as good a time as any. I sat down across from my daughter and told her. She smiled and said, "We wondered when you would tell us."

My middle son had found the evidence on the home computer when they were teens and shared it with the others. They knew before my wife. Then knew when we were at odds about nearly everything they and we were doing. They knew when we had our biggest arguments and best moments. We must have done something right because they accept me for who I am and never considered using it as a way to gain advantage in our relationship.

Look back at how you raised them and how they practice the values you attempted to instill in their lives. If they pass that test, trust them to continue to love you.

Your children are about the same age as mine.

I wasn't planing to tell my children but I had to!

My wife was on my case for about two years after I told her I was a CDer, we argued quite often.
She was very angry and said she would have never married me!

About two months ago she was in one of her angry moods and I couldn't take her anger and I went down cellar.
My 24 year old daughter came down crying.
She asked why is mama always so mad at you?

I said "You know I dressed as a woman a bunch of times over the years on Halloween, well I dressed allot over the years when it wasn't Halloween!"
She said "So what's the big deal" then she went up stars and said to my wife "dad's dressing isn't a big deal" then my daughter went over to my sons house and told him about my dressing. He said "So, everybody has they're own kinks and I have mine"

My wife's been allot nicer lately, I hope she's not faking it!
I'm still sneaking my dressing, for some reason I can't seem to stop!

At 41, 38 and 37 years of age, calling them my children seems a bit strange. But all three know of my dressing. None of them has ever seen me dressed, and only the youngest, my step daughter has seen any photos. If the subject ever crops up in conversation, my son, the oldest, just gives a knowing enigmatic smile, whilst my daughter looks embarrassed and rapidly tries to change the subject. My step daughter is perhaps the most embracing and will advise if she sees any shoes in my size that she thinks I might like.
I do not believe that any of our grandchildren know.

I have two sons. Grown & Gone, I do not plan on telling them.
I am their Dad, an Alpha at that (to the outside world). Why put stress on them?

I told my 30 yr old daughter, and she was unfazed, going on to relate to her friends the surprising news. As time has gone on she has a kind of steely POV that she as a woman can wear whatever she wants, and men can too, but there is a social price to pay. She has been off and on in terms of warmth, but she is also pretty occupied with her own life and parental quirks are of limited interest- except when we want to send money!

I wrote off my parents when I was 30, and so it is not surprising. I have to find my own peer support group.