Being upfront with my AirBNB host

I stayed in an AirBNB in Manchester UK recently and decided to be completely upfront with the host about my plan to arrive in drab, get dressed and go out for the night. I mentioned this in another thread recently and a few people asked me to post about that experience separately, so here it is :) It was actually really good.

I'm an AirBNB host myself so I knew if I just turned up he would have no choice but to let me stay. But I wasn't going to stay somewhere that didn't want me, so I decided to take the bull by the horns and sent a booking request with a fairly direct note like: "Hi I'm TG and I'm meeting some friends in Canal Street on <date>. I'll be arriving looking like my passport because it makes travel easier and am planning to change, put my makeup on etc at your place and then head out for the night. If that's not OK with you please just let me know - I think it's better if we both know exactly what we're getting into. Hope to see you soon. E"

Well. I need not have worried. I got the nicest reply "That's no problem at all, sounds like fun. It's nice to have something a bit different to look forward to" and then a bunch of directions about trains from the airport, what time will I arrive etc. So I was delighted.

But then, about 10 minutes later, I got another message: "I've been thinking, the light in that room is not great so if you want to use the main bathroom to get ready then that's fine too; there's better light and more space in there." Now that's another level again.

(if you're going to Manchester then PM me and I'll sent you the link to his place)

Looking back, I think that my being so upfront and matter of fact really helped things to go smoothly. Sometimes we create problems and stress around us that doesn't need to exist. In my limited experience so far I have found that a lot of the time people will follow the lead that you set, good or bad. That's "Eemz's thought of the day" anyway :) LOL. I'm also very lucky :) ymmv, don't try this at home, I'm not a doctor, etc etc.

That's cool E. Thanks for sharing.

And it was a guy, right? How thoughtful of him to think of the lighting!

These are the experiences I love to hear about! Eemz, you own it, sister!

Eeemz, in the States most AirBnb's r apartments or houses.
May I assume u were renting a room in someones house?

Otherwise, who would know or care how u dressed?:straightface:

Sounds pretty awesome to me.

I have come across some hosts that are already dressed when I arrive.

I usually ask them the obvious questions and if I get the right answers it has been party time for all.

One time I was offered three days free.

Love Scotland. :-)

I also had cool hosts.
One evening relaxing in pick top, bra and leggings I was chatting to the elderly couple, talking about home renovations.
Next evening, dressed pretty I was helping them uncouple their shade cloth from the roof, after my day out in the town
Day after I went shopping with the wife for home décor and had a lovely few hours.
Day after they took me out for lunch.

Eemz, the second reply is better than the first. Way to go to both you and the host.

Wonderful story.........

I am not sure I would bother. Frankly it's none of their business how I am going to be dressed while I am there.

Very nice story. Thanks for sharing.

Honesty, and or plain old acceptability works here!
YET?

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Eeemz, in the States most AirBnb's r apartments or houses.
May I assume u were renting a room in someones house?
Otherwise, who would know or care how u dressed?:straightface:

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Yes the guy has a two-bed apartment, he lives there himself and AirBNB's the 2nd bedroom to help with the mortgage. I do the same here.

Roberta - "I am not sure I would bother" ya I probably wouldn't bother either, in a different mood. It is indeed none of his business in the end of the day. It was partly a social experiment, to see what the response would be. If I got any resistance I probably would have got bored fairly quickly and just booked somewhere saying nothing.

Point of information. Where Eemz stayed, Manchester, is known as being a fairly inclusive city. I was not surprised that the owner of the AirBnB was welcoming, but at the same time pleased that Eemz encountered no issues.

Having had one guest on the Trans spectrum and been cool with in It's possible the owner will alter their advertisement to say something to attract more like minded guests. Good business sense may prevail. This and the other things Eemz did during her stay showed her to be a wonderful ambassador for our community and we should all applaud her for it. I for one admire her fortitude and determination.

Have stayed with multiple hosts in Phil and Washington DC. In each case, communicate about me before making reservation and there has never been a response other than you are welcome to stay here. Had same experience in London

I think it’s great that you were upfront with the AirBnB host.

My friend is an AirBnB host and had a rather unsettling experience with who she eventually thought was a cross dresser (this was her very first customer). He arrived for a 4 day conference with a huge amount of luggage. The first couple days, he would leave early and return very late. At one point, after I had visited my friend’s home, she emailed a picture of an earring asking if it belonged to me - it was not mine. Thinking maybe he invited a friend for the night, she left the earring on the counter with a nice note indicating she found the item, did it belong to someone he knew? If it wasn’t a familiar item, all he needed to do was say he had never seen it before and leave it at that.

However, apparently he freaked out! Packed his car and split during the day when she was not home on what would have been “day 3” of his 4 night stay. The weirdest thing was that he took the bed apart and leaned it up against the wall. He also left a bad review on her AirBnB site.

In reality, IF he was a cross dresser, as she suspected, she would have been the most accepting and welcoming host he could have found! She is extremely open minded and he would probably have made a friend for life.

Now, since she is familiar with cross dressers, she may projecting her take on the situation. It just sounded to her like he panicked at the thought of being outed somehow and acted irrationally.

Char, the bed thing is really really weird, would love to know what that was about. As her first customer, I'm surprised she didn't give it up after that. I use to rent holiday cottages and I can tell you there are some very odd people in the world, not many but some for sure.

Eemz,
I've heard both sides of this debate . Personally I would have done as you did out of courtsey to the apartment owner .
A small group of us meet up for a coffee and late night shopping , we were thinking of a change of venue so I popped into my local pub as Teresa and asked if they had any objections to us meeting up , to me it was just being courteous .They didn't have a problem but did suggest if it was a group of twelve or more could I give then prior warning . Later that evening we met up and told them about the pub , one member was furious with me for letting them down by asking permission , she insisted we had the right without having to ask . I appreciate the pub couldn't legally refuse to serve us but they might have made it difficult for us which isn't so good if you have a large group .
Courtesy costs nothing , people respect you for it , Eemz you did the right thing , I'm glad you had a good time .

Char,
I'm sure that incident left everyone scratching their heads ! Far better if the guest had done what Eemz did and contacted the owner first , problem solved , come and go as you please over the full four days .

Daisy ,
I second that comment , I had a holiday cottage in Norfolk , I often thought if people treated their own home the same way sometimes , it was unbelievable what they broke . Sometimes I'd visualise " Any which way " and wonder if they swung from the light fittings like the orang- utan did in the film !

Yes that's pretty much it Teresa. I just wanted to be able to relax and be myself and let the host do the same. I hoped there would be no need to introduce stress into the situation by springing something out of the ordinary on the host when I arrived. I'm a host myself and I hate when people just turn up with unusual circumstances and effectively impose their will on me whether I like it or not. This is true even if I have absolutely no problem with the thing itself. I would certainly have done that if it became necessary & I can do confrontation with the best of them when needs be :)

Char - yes that guy was definitely feeling outed for something LOL. I haven't had many weird guests here, but I learned very fast not to think too much about what they may have been doing in there to leave the room in whatever state it's in. It's one of those situations where you think you want to know, but you really really don't :)

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Originally Posted by char GG

The weirdest thing was that he took the bed apart and leaned it up against the wall. He also left a bad review on her AirBnB site.

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I have a lot of questions.

This guy didn't have time to just write a note that says he has no idea about it but he had the time to carefully dismantle the bed?

Did he take the earring when he split? What did the bad review even say? "The host asked me if an earring belonged to me. I Is there a way to review him as a guest like you can with Uber passengers? Does he have other reviews up? Maybe this is like his fetish or something. You know freaking out and leaving bad reviews.

I think I've figured out the bed thing though...he was making sure he didn't leave behind any "evidence" under the bed.

Hi Emily,
I just want to clarify that my friend's note did not ask if it was HIS earring. Just if it belonged to someone he knew (she thought maybe he had a date over to the house). The guy did not leave a note but left a nasty text that he did not appreciate her asking the question. No he did not take the earring with him. I’m not exactly sure what just complaint to AirBNB said. She, however, did responded to his complaint by sending AirBNB a picture of the dismanteled bed up against the wall, a note about the incident, and an unfavorable review of HIM.

She and I think your assessment is correct, that he may have been searching for something in the room (maybe the other earring, lol). My friend assumed that he may have been a cross dresser due to the large amount of luggage that he brought for a four day conference, and his very unusual response to her note about the earring that she found.

Manchester has a very large LGBTQ community and a great place to go and be yourself