Questions from our GGs

Our GGs have some questions that we hope you might give some insight .
Thanks for any help.
Please put. N/A for anything that does not apply.



1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?

2) What regrets do you have if any?

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?

11) What is your definition of Femininity?

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.


.

I can’t really answer many of these. Here’s what I do have
1) N/A
2) N/A
3) This needs context. We are all dishonest with ourselves at some point. In reference to what?
4) it’s the way most men are raised. If nobody is stopping you, then take what you want. If you’re not supposed to, someone will stop you.
5) not sure what this is asking
6) That my wife wanted to do what I do? BRING IT ON!! Drag Kings and Bio Queens can be FIERCE.
7) I wouldn’t care if someone thought I was part of a male-male couple. I’m not trying to sleep with THEM so their perception of wether or not I’d be sexually attracted to their gender is meaningless.
8) The male ones. And not to be shady but you ladies k is some of y’all DO have facial hair
9) Why would you stereotype crossdressers in a question about stereotypes? Not all of us do like historical costumes. There’s also tons of women at renfair last time I checked. Also plenty of girls into the whole pinup retro look too.
10) why can’t femininity be elaborate makeup and costumes? I don’t remember the last time Cher did a concert in sweats.
11) Technically Femininity is the qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of women. Many of us are feminists, so we would be careful to point out that the definition should read “traditionally associated with”. For me the “Feminine” qualities that I most admire and look to emulate are strength, confidence, intelligence (both emotional and academic), poise, and glamor.
12) No, absolutely not. I’m attracted to a wide variety of people.
13) oh hell no! She better NOT upstage me! Lol
14) & 15) I don’t think these apply to a majority of us and I wouldn’t speculate on others motivations.
16) depends on the individual relationship
17) see 16
18) time actually spent dressed, just a few hours. 4-5 or so depending on what’s going on at the venue.
19) we tend to go out much more and have met a ton of awesome people.
20) I’m unclear as to what this question is asking... I get the “strategy for acceptance” but I’m not sure what “let your S.O. Struggle with it” is supposed to mean?
21) No

Wow, a Ask-the-CDers thread! With questions meticulously crafted in this mysterious FAB Lab that is the envy of the world... This is poised for success.
Let's roll.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
Yes (told after 36 years together)

2) What regrets do you have if any?
Not sharing this part of me for so long with my wife.
Taking away her choices.
Not trusting her with this secret.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
Not sure what is meant here? No, I always knew what I was doing and where it was headed. Or maybe I didn't get the question?

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
Not concerned, everything is negotiated between my wife and I. But it seems a common tendancy judging by the forums. Euphoria leading to reduced awareness of the surroundings? Maybe lack of empathy for the SO in some instances?

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
Not yet concerned (came out to my wife recently).

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
I seriously reflected on this and the most honest response I can give is that I wouldn't care much, being the opposite of a control freak (and being a CDer, admittedly more tolerant to this, an arrow a wife may not necessarily have in her quiver). I would even be okay with the fake package should anyone ask :) But I would refuse to take it to the bedroom.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
That is a very good question. It depends. I would probably be embarrassed going out together if the destination was a male gay club (but then again I don't go out and therefore don't impose this on my wife). I have been in gay districts before and don't feel at ease being hit on by males (fortunately when I did so it was with gay friends who sheltered me from it mostly). Also could be embarrassed if my wife presenting as a male was asking for demonstrations of affection during this time, let's say if she passes as a male I suspect I could feel uneasy being seen as a gay male. Or maybe not, I have once in the past deliberately refused to correct a lady wondering if was gay, because I considered that denying it would have been like thinking it was a problem.
As for straight ladies going out with your SO presenting as female and showing visible proofs of affection, you have my unconditional admiration for the love you demonstrate there.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
No. Then again, I don't fancy at all taking the CDing to the bedroom, hence my wife doesn't have to cope with this. I also know she would be completely turned off by it, so it would be very stupid of me should I turn around.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
Ideal of femininity? In my case I am influenced by women clothing that I find classy and attractive. I also like tight, or moderately tight clothes for the hugging feeling. That may evolve in the future as I started buying a few pullovers.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
I don't. But being males trying to look as women, these things may help distancing from the male self by exaggerating the female cues.

11) What is your definition of Femininity?
What distinguishes a female from a male, may it be physical, intellectual or behavioral. It can be different things for every woman, however some are constant, such as the capability of bearing a child.
And, because I may seem like I am missing the point here: no, it's not panties, nylons and girdles.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
No, I am attracted to all kinds of women. Also, I am not attracted to myself when presenting as a female. And I don't want to be attractive to anyone (not going out nor posting pictures). I just want to look like it and experience the trouble of blurring the lines, not be in love with it.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
In the manner other CDers dress, no. In the manner I dress, why not, but it's not my wife's style, so I won't impose it on her. She already dresses often with dresses and nylons so I am a happy hubby, thank you :)

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
In my case, and among other things, I want to blur the lines between me as a male and me as a female. Knowing what I could have looked like if I had been born a girl. It is a very visual thing. This is not an obsession of my image. But what I see in the mirror is the whole point of the exercise. I take pictures and keep the ones where there is some level of success in the endeavor. Pictures are less forgiving than the eye, they allow me to improve my trade and make good souvenirs that I like to watch once in a while to help me wait for the next session (I dress very infrequently).

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
Not concerned. You are speaking of photobombing. There is for some an obvious need for attention (love?), others do it as a playful thing, others for validation, some for sharing their joys and emotions of crossdressing, so many reasons...

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
I can. Some can, some can't, some can but won't. It's clear that some CDers are constantly pushing the boundaries as long as something doesn't break. I think this behavior is largely considered as a lack of respect for the SO and a call for trouble and backlash.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
See previous answer.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
In non-dressing periods, 0 hour.
If wifey is out for a week, most of the evenings.
If wifey is out for an evening, a few hours if I decide to crossdress (in agreement with her).

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
It doesn't, as I crossdress when my wife is out (with very rare exceptions), and in agreement with her.
However it puts some strain on my wife when she decides to go out with her friends as she knows I may ask to crossdress then, and this is still something hard on her.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
Yes. Strategy was to be as open and honest as possible, educate her with this forum and other sources, explain as much as I could by introspecting myself, and discuss her comfort levels to settle on boundaries.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
Certainly not, where is the love in this? But her being not accepting could be a problem. However I had only one GG in my life, and I am still with her (whether she'll stay with me after my coming out is another story).

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
Nothing, I don't feel "feminine". I guess for others it means connecting with feelings and sensations that they consider to be what females experience.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
I regret not telling her sooner

2) What regrets do you have if any?
That I did not come out when I was young

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
Yes, all those years I said I was "just a CD" I was lying to myself most of all.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
Because they didn't say "no" (see #16)

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but then things changed?
My wife's CD acceptance waxed and waned over the years but she is fully accepting of me now that I have come out as TG

6)How would you feel if the situation was reversed?
I think I wound still love my partner and accept them, but that is coming from someone who is TG

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
Again, I like to think I would

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
Probably not, but to be fair my wife never liked it when I had a beard and has asked me to shave before we had sex more than once.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
Depends on the person, but I am guessing that since many of us started wearing our mothers clothing. Just like the way the smell of a certain dish cooking can trigger an old memory. Styles from when we first started can trigger old memories of exploration and discovery.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
Trying too hard because they do not get to dress very often. So they go overboard every chance they get. I did the same thing but now that I am pretty much full time I "dress to blend" as we like to say.

11) What is your definition of Femininity?
When someone looks or acts like a woman

12) Are you only attracted to the kind of woman you portray?
No, an attractive woman is an attractive woman. I don't portray a women, as I have said before. I am the same person DRAG or DRAB.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress you lean towards?
My wife and I do share a sense of style. (and clothes) But we both have our own individual styles and clothes the other wont wear.

14) Why are so many CD's Obsessed with their image?
Everyone wants to be pretty. Also most CD's want to "totally pass", so they can become obsessed with having the "perfect" female body, hair, makeup and makeup.

15) Why do so many CD' post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
They are just attention seekers, and it's only a few that constantly do that.

16) Can the CD anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
SPELL IT OUT! Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Being CD or TG does not make us mind readers!

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
Probably?

18) In a typical week how much time do you spend dressing?
I only wear men's clothes to work and that's just a men's shirt, shoes, and maybe socks, the rest is all women's clothing. As soon as I get home from work I change and put on makeup.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
My wife and adult son are fully accepting. Our social life has grown since coming out. (Pre-COVID) We go out dancing almost every weekend, we never did that before. Also we have made a lot of new friends in the local Queer community. We didn't really have much of a social life or a lot of friends before.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O. acceptance? In other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
I didn't have a strategy, it was not all rainbows and unicorns, there was give and take on both sides, she did not "struggle with it".

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
Maybe, but there would have to be more there for it to last.

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
Being a GM I probably don't know what that really means, but being TG I think I always "feel feminine" to some extent.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? N/A

2) What regrets do you have if any? I regret that my Ex couldn't accept me, and I also regret hiding myself for so long

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Yes, in a sense, because I tried to be something I wasn't, for so long

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Not myself personally, but in general, if no resistance is encountered, people tend to think that their behaviour is accepted

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? No, they were not accepted, and sadly, she decided she could no longer accept me as I am

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? I like to think that my feelings for her wouldn't have changed. In a non-CD or Trans situation, people change over time. Does that mean your love changes? In a way, we have become closer, and are really good friends

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? Why not? Labels belong on boxes, not people.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? LOL! I have, and it doesn't matter to me

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? N/A. My dressing is appropriate to my age, and the time period.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? IDFK. Maybe they are Drag Queens?

11) What is your definition of Femininity? Compassion, empathy, consideration of others, and the freedom to express their emotions without reproach

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) I don't understand the question. Do you mean 'as a man', or 'as a woman'?

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? N/A, my current partner is a man. And he has no desire to be female.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? UH, because they wish to appear as a woman? DUH!

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? IDFK, do you?

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? This is 'Relationship 101', partners should discuss boundaries, whether they are CD/man, CD/woman, CD/CD, Man/Woman, Man/Man, or Woman/Woman.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? If a CD is in a relationship, they should be aware of the limits and boundaries of their behaviour in the relationship.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? Well, since I identify as a woman ( or MtF transgender), I would say 100%

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Socially, I've increased the number of friends and acquaintances in my life. Because of who I am, I've had a divorce, lost contact with ALL of my In-laws, and had a few of my blood relations distance themselves from me. Oddly, ALL of my friends from my old life, have accepted me.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? In other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? My S.O. actually realized my transgender status before I did. It was actually ME that had to accept the reality of the situation.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? No, I realized, after my divorce, once I decided that I had to be true to myself, that I am not a lesbian, that I enjoy the company and intimacy of men.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
I do regret not telling my ex wife, it would have been a much shorter marriage.

2) What regrets do you have if any?
That I was not born in the current climate of more acceptance of LGBTQ acceptance.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
No, I was so deep in the closet and times were such that it was not something you talked about unless you wanted to end up in a mental institution.
Most GG's don't understand that not telling people becomes en grained in who you are as a person.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
I do not think that they do, I think that a lack of response from your spouse sets up the hope of acceptance then hope turns into belief that then turns into acceptance.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
No

6) How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
Knowing what I do now, it might be hard at first, but then again knowing myself as an empathetic person I would have an easier time of listening and accepting if he wanted to stay in a relationship.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
I would be OK with it.


8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
It would be different, but if you are going to accept someone, you get warts and in this case facial hair and all.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
I think it's because that's the time our hormones started kicking in and we have not had the years of time to experiment with style or fashion that most GG's do.


10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
Everyone wants to go to the Prom, be the Bride or just experience Glamour from time to time. We have such little time to Dress that we don't want to waste it on sweats and jeans.

11) What is your definition of Femininity?
being able to chat about anything other than work,sports,cigars and booze. To wear what I want without recrimination to wear a bit of makeup or a lot, get my nails done. OMG the list is huge.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
No

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
No, Although my wife raids my closet frequently.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
Because wanting to look ones best is a very feminine quality.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
Occasionally there is a post where we want to share our experience with other like minded people, Like the current French Maid's uniform post. It's fun and it's this type of interaction we don't get to participate in as men.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
Definitely spell them out as we can't read minds. The lack of communication is the root of most issues.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
I've never been the pushy type, but that is a whole other issue

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
2- 4 days.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
My friends tend to be people who are less conservative, My family are way to conservative.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
I never spoke to my ex about it. My wife Jeannie and I discussed things extensively prior to even meeting. It turned out to be the best thing.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
Not the sole reason, but defiantly the top. Having been in a relationship on both end's , I whole hardheartedly support disclosure.

After a long period of introspection. I have come to the conclusion and the understanding that I am not just a CD'er yet I am not completely transgender, in the classic definition. I am more Genderfluid.


1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? I told the current, first day we met in person. So no. Now the starter wife. I regret springing it on her and not Being able to explain myself. The desire to express yourself builds up and builds up. Finally it explodes out in ways that are detrimental to a relationship. Especially when you can't explain it. Would she have understood? Doubt it. But it was't fair to her or me the way's in which it came out..

2) What regrets do you have if any? That I wasn’t able to define who and or what I am at an earlier age. I fought it for so long and wasted so much time.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Not dishonest. Just not truthful. I didn't have the skill set to be truthful. To myself or anybody else. I couldn't be.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? I think it’s do to the belief that there will be a negative reaction. Or a reaction of some sort. So a nothing reaction or a very slight reaction is seen as acceptance because it’s not rejection.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? Same now as it was then. No change.

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? I would hope I would feel the and act the same as she has. Total acceptance. I pretty sure I would.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? Sure why not.Sounds like fun.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? Hm. I don’t like hair for the most part so I’m not sure how I would feel about facial hair. But let’s go with we would do it. I think with no kissing it would work ok. Not sure I would want to feel facial hair on my back though. Well. Maybe.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? No idea why they gravitate to one era and stay there. I myself flew through different styles to land where I am now. As a dress up once in awhile it’s fun. But I don’t think I could do, say the 40’s all the time. I think the need to dress in a certain time period for the most part is a non venturing out CD thing. Sure there are some that go out in period dress. But generally that dress is VERY time period. I believe this question is mostly aimed at the Lolita types.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? No idea

11) What is your definition of Femininity? This is a tough one. It’s like the definition of porn. I’ll know it when I see it. Femininity is different for every person. I honestly don’t think there is one definition that fits everybody. To say that it is one thing as opposed to another is to disregard the core of one person by saying there wrong. There is no wrong. There is just different.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray). No. Am I attracted to them? Yes. but only them? no.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? I suppose yes. But that said. I lean toward popular fashion. Things that are on trend. I am attracted to women that look like they care about how they look.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? As Andre Agassi said once “ image is everything “. I think most cd’ers are like tweens and teens. We are still trying to figure out who we are most of the time. And like a tween all we have to play with is our image. Having had the effects of testosterone hold court over us are whole life. We have " Manly " characteristics. Thin faces, facial hair, five O'clock shadows, big hands, big wrists. broad shoulder that are not synetrical with hips. Hips that are narrow, lack of butts, big feet. Trying to camouflage all of this is an obsession. We that go out just want to go out and be.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? I think some just like posting pictures of themselves. Others feel that they’re showing an example of what they’re trying to say. A picture is worth a thousand words sorta thing.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? If the partner knows what their boundaries are. Then spell it out. If you don’t know what your boundaries are, spell it out. Without spelling out your boundaries you need to be prepared for whatever comes down the stairs or what happens. Cd’ers have a real tendency to go overboard really quickly.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? Heck no. Every situation and every person is different. I believe that if you let them go do what they’re going to do. They will find a sweet spot and settle down into it. With open dialogue. Be prepared for them to go all over the place for awhile. But they’ll settle down. New freedom is intoxicating, for a time. Till the shine wears off.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? Hard to say.my boy clothes and girl clothes all all mixed up. So I would say everyday, but I could say almost never at the same time. Both would be right.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Family life, not at all. Social life, not at all. I’m free to do as I please with in the agreement that we have. That is this. Don’t do anything that would purposely effect the revenue stream to the household. That’s the same as it is everyday probably for everybody in all walks of life and every situation. Socially. I made the choice to come out to all my friends and most of my family years ago. I gave them the chance to accept or reject. If they rejected me I would have had no ill will. Nobody did.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? I owned it. I met her at the door with flowers. She invited me in. I was looking wrenched honestly from a hard night out the day before. Chipped nail polish and eyeliner I had not gotten all the way off. I told her in the first 20 minutes I was a cd’er. Let her ask questions and then we moved onto other topics.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? No

22) something about femininity: I think this is a loaded question born out of fear. I never feel feminine or not feminine. Femininity is state of being. There is no right or wrong. And that I think is the problem. Both sexes think there is a right and a wrong. Both feel that the other is challenging the others personal idea of their being. Fear that some how we believe that we are more fimminine then their wife/GF/SO are. You do you and I will celebrate you. As long as you don't wear PJ's out of the house. Thats just wrong.

There is more to every answer, but I’m not typing it all out. To long. These are the highlights. If anybody wants a more in depth answer to a certain question. DM me. Happy to help.

Cheers!

1) No, my early teenage years were so far in the past that I thought it was a youthful adventure I had gotten over.

2) When the issue finally did arise in our marriage I regretted trying to tell her something akin to "connecting with my feminine side." She shot that down real fast. "Tell me about your feminine side when you can have a baby!!" Brutally honest.

3) Hard to say because I did not understand why I was doing what I was doing. I felt shame. I had self loathing. All negative feelings.

4) Because they want to justify their actions.

5) Early in our marriage we incorporated negligees and hosiery into sex play with benefits for both of us. This was before my wife and I realized there was more to this than just bedroom play.

6) If you mean strapping down her breast, false beard and getting a buzz cut I'd say she is messed up.

7) No

8) No

9) Not me. I dress tastefully as any modern middle age woman would. Although I am a child of the 1950's and 1960's I do not wear poodle skirts and bullet bras.

10) Maybe that's what they are looking for in GG's in their life.

11) Self assured woman. A woman who knows what she wants and really has no need for a man other than on her terms.

12) As I am now, yes. A middle age woman who is confident.

13) When she wears a dress she does. By sheer coincidence she wears some of the same labels I wear.

14) Good question. Probably looking for something they have fantasies about.

15) Don't know. I don't post pictures

16) My wife and I have been married almost fifty years. I think we know each other fairly well. She wants no part of my CDing so I do not do anything to modify my body.

17) I don't push at all. I see many CD-ers on this site interjecting a lot of creeping under the belief their wives will not notice until it is too late. Then it blows up in their face.
18) Right now zero except for wearing a nylon gown and panty to sleep as my wife and I sleep apart for medical reasons. She has had one operation one after another these past four years. Sad

19) Not at all as I have not brought it out of the closet. Sometimes it is so far hidden in our daily lives I think my wife has forgotten about my cross dressing.

20) My wife was terrified of this unknown. She wanted nothing more than the guy she fell in love with in the army. She was a victim of female sexual assault in the army. Enough said.

21) If I were single again I would not get involved with anyone else. Nobody is ever going to hold a candle to my wife. It's not that some women have not tried. One soul mate per earthly stay.

1) Well, she's blaming me on a regular basis that I didn't tell her right after me came together. At that time, I believed my dressing would stop because of her. I told her after 6 years, prior to our marriage.

2) Not telling her earlier is my greatest regret

3) no

4) I think we carry a lot of shame, which of today is a mistake

5) yes, in the beginning she accepted my once a week dressing at home and when we got intimate, that changed with the kids. She didn't want to see me anymore dressed after they turned 3-4 years of age

6) rejected and beeing some kind of weird guy because of my dressing, she wanted to make me feel like I was sick

7) she won't ever go out with me. When I go out, I don't care how people perceive me, it's all about myself when out dressed. I just want to feel accepted and beautiful.

8) No

9) I don't

10) I don't think that way

11) too much to write

12) No

13) Yes that would be nice, but I need to accept any other style of dressing of my wife

14) we like what we see in the mirror, perhaps it is some kind of ideal that we try tp portray

15) They want to be recognized and look for some attention that they can't receive in the real world when dressing up

16) Bounderies have to be discussed as a couple

17) yes

18) a few hours at home, every 4 -6 weeks dressing in public, depending on the possibilities when getting away from home for business

19) not really, no one knows, except my wife and my sond

20) No strategy

21) not for any sexual or intimate reason, but yes I would make friendship if they are accepting. I found that quite a number of women I met while beeing dressed have some kind of personality problem. Those who are nice and seem to be accepting for the one occasion after having met and started a conversation usually don't want to make friendship.

We are loving all the answers and we thank you.

We have a late question What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
If you feel like editing your post to include the answer ...do so.

We are having a discussion what feeling feminine means to us and thought we would ask you all as well.
Thanks again for everyones time and effort.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? If I had known myself, yes. But I had buried it so deep and repressed that it ?didn?t exist? when we met dated and married. Repressed for 20 years by that point. If I had been aware and active then I would say I would have regrets.

2) What regrets do you have if any? That I was born when I was and as I was. I would be so much more free today.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Completely and totally. Even when repressed or in denial there were little signs that would pop-up that we?re telling but I was never free to explore fully.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Unaware or insensitive to the spouses feelings

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? No never accepted

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? I would hope I would be loving and accepting. I truly believe I would. In many ways for the past 100 years women have been able to dress and act more free and masculine if they choose

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? It wouldn?t matter to me as long as the person I love was happy and comfortable.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? Uncertain. Although fake beards do have a comedic air about them that I would be difficult overlook. Just as having sex wearing a wig would be silly or awkward.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? Not this CD?r. It seems offensive to me.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? Don?t know. Subtlety in dress and make-up to me is classy and graceful, not comedic. Possibly they may have watch too much Ru Paul?

11) What is your definition of Femininity? Grace, sensitivity, caring, and nurturance.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray). I don?t believe so.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? It would be nice, she used to before it became jeans. But not my place to say what she should wear or what she feels comfortable in.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? It gives me a chance to see what I feel like. A reflection of the internal me

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? I don?t know, since I too paranoid to do that. Possibly they are looking for validation.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? I know the boundaries - DON?T

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? I wish we could at least talk about it. But feel I am giving harm if I do try to talk about it. She didn?t sign on for this change in me

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? Before this event about twice a week for a couple hours each time. Since then none. But referring back to question 14 having those images allows me to refresh my image of myself in my mind during these constrained times.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? I don?t believe it does because of being so far in the closet. But my whole life, not just my relationship is built around another me.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? I believe I have tried but it is a taboo subject. Denial if you would, don?t talk about it and it will go away.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? If I had it to do over again and I was aware and accepting of my own nature yes that would be a key driver in our relationship

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
Natural, comfortable, and at ease with myself within the constraints of my current life. Free to be al those things in question 11 above.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?

N/A.

When I resigned myself to my incapability of defeating my dressing, I knew my family-life prospects were finished. It was around age 16. If I were going to try, though, it would have to be done early before getting "serious".


2) What regrets do you have if any?

The day of my birth? Pursuit of progression without being ready for the emotion that I was unaware it would set off. When I first saw the "her", it planted the seeds for a darker side that came with it. I had blissful ignorance,.. and now I'm too aware.


3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?

Dishonest, no.

I have fought hard against it and lost, but I always knew I was dealing with something decisive. There are some Pandora's boxes of self exploration I do not want to open because I'm not equipped do deal with all potential outcomes, and it could leave me in a void. I have opened such boxes in the past, and in the long run, it hasn't made me happier.


4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?

I can't answer that for everyone. Perception differs by each individual. For me personally, the decisions I made that I described in #1 demonstrate that I wouldn't.


5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?

N/A.

Biggest fear of commencing an accepting relationship.


6)How would you feel if the situation was reversed ?

Legit question! With the mind of a CDer and the decisions I have made,.. if I were cis, I would hope to be informed beforehand. I could imagine a cis guy being uncomfortable with a dressed spouse wanting to assume the male role in intimacy.


7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?

I'd be OK with this. I deal with a lot of perceptions.


8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?

Again, I have to consider it from the PoV of a cis-guy because with the mind of a CDer and the relationships that I would be OK with making an attempt at, I'd be OK with it. From the unfortunate way I've heard lots of cis guys talk, I can imagine objections.


9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?

Some CDers do this as an art form, in which case, we know the answer. I think in some cases, there could be progression starting from what has been seen in childhood. I think it could be similar to how some young women evolve their presentations over time. Some try and look older when they are in school, then to when they are of going-out age, then when they become family women. Many CDers' presentations will evolve from what it starts as.



10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?

Maybe some of it goes back to childhood. Male/female presentation differences are easily seen, but the upbringing differences and societal treatment from others are less seen. So the appreciation of the internal could trail behind a bit.


Then you add puberty, and one might try to erroneous extremities to accentuate what one knows one isn't, and suppress what one knows one is.. using physical attraction as the initial template and then putting it into overdrive hoping to get more effective results. Physical attraction and external differences are probably the only gauges most would have at this point of development of their dressing.


Then later on when one starts getting treated by others in-line with the presentation they give, then a more refined understanding develops because the dressing then becomes a two-way thing, which was lacking before.


For example, female tennis players are strong and muscular. They are still unmistakably feminine, and I'd easily trade places with them ( riches aside, just the person ). However, in the gallery here, you'd get told to cover that up and smile all the time. You attempt compliance to fit in. Then you go out, and nobody raises those as issues. So that's some revised knowledge about presentation there.

..Or a beginner body-builder might be tempted to take double the supplements to get the mass up quicker to the image they saw first to spark their interest,.. and then they gain more knowledge from the body-building world around them and realise that's not the way to get real results.

That's my guess, but seriously, I don't know :idontknow:.


11) What is your definition of Femininity?

An inclination to have: depth, sensitivity, emotional enlightenment, strength, to be nurturing, to be measured, .. ( in my opinion.. or delusion :strugglin ).

Some males possess those virtues too, but it's difficult to tell in modern masculinity because other stuff gets in the way.. like, for example, other males. But with most guys, if you get them alone, it will come out eventually. Some females can be missing some too. I'm not suggesting I have them either, but it has always been a more attractive aspiration for me than the expectations of males by other males.


12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)

Attraction is N/A, but trading of place isn't. As my situation has increased its grip on me, I've found myself wishing I could trade with any female I see on a typical day.

The only effective dissuasion is the knowledge of the person to have a character I distance myself from. Strangely, that makes me hesitate whether I would trade for just the external in isolation of the character . . of a genetic female, no less!!!! 😲.



13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?

N/A.


14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?

In my case, it's because I feel uncomfortable as male. Internally, I aspire to what I wrote in #11. Externally, I'm highly invested in the attempt to escape looking male, hopefully not to the point of error as described in #10. I know from past experiences that the consequences of failure are extreme unhappiness. I don't want to be unhappy. Got a blue pill? 😐.


15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others' posts?

I don't know that I do that personally. To the best of my knowledge, I only post in my own threads and sharing threads. I think there's an etiquette issue regarding putting a picture of oneself in somebody else's thread if they haven't asked for it. Nevertheless, the "why" is probably either to seek validation of one's presentation or to show off pride therein.


16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?

Progression can happen to the CDer, and regression can happen to the comfort boundaries of the partner. Therefore extents and boundaries on either side need to be communicated to the other and updated over time. Not anticipated. So yes, spelled out.. in my humble and unmarried opinion :whistling:.


17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?

What has been requested and agreed upon should not be exceeded without further discussions.. in my humble and unmarried opinion.


18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?

Uff! To my preferred presentation, typically once. The rest of the time is consumed thinking about it. Never during the working week. I need to get rid of the male, otherwise there is little placation. Doing that takes a lot of time.

However, I use some female items as male: Leggings, for example, or a sweater dress. That mostly flies under the radar. I'm considering switching to female underwear and underdressing as well - just plain black, solid edge briefs. Again, to look at them, they look like regular male briefs. This doesn't pacify me. So why do I do it?.. I don't know 😐. It sounds good.. The knowledge of it takes an edge off.. :strugglin.



19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?

My mother is the most religious person I know and the most anti-gay person I know. I haven't heard her state her position on trans, but I can take a pretty good guess. I love her, and it would destroy me if anything were to happen to her, but I find it difficult to talk to her about anything,.. even the weather. I have avoided family gatherings because of this.

I find it difficult to integrate myself into groups of guys' guys. It's as though there's a barrier there, and the interaction always stutters. It's difficult to explain. I can integrate myself into a group of moderate guys though.. eventually.

I do not attempt to integrate myself into groups of women, but sometimes it happens organically over time when it's realised that I lack bravado and so forth... but it's often mistaken for me being a gentleman regardless of how much I protest it. Usually with women around my age (42) and older.



20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?

N/A.


21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?

With a GG, no.

Acceptance can change.. and they have every right to change.



Let me just add real quick. For any crossdresser, if you consider what is risked to go out wearing womenswear: community respectability, job, family, marriage, verbal abuse, physical attack, etc,.. if you were to ask any other person what they would be willing to risk those kinds of repercussions for, they would most likely say their kids and not much else 😐.

So this isn't an idea conceived that morning in the shower. By the time some get to the point of going out, they are mentally exhausted from years of suppression. But on the other hand, some do consider it a blessing :strugglin.



WOO! :w00t:. Marathon! :whew!:. I hope this helps. Probably unlikely from a relationships standpoint though 😐.



Addendum:

Oh, what are you doing to me?!?? :cry:. OK, one more. I can do this,.. finish strong!!! ✊.


22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.

I can't say that I do "feel" feminine, although I probably have been loose with this term if I have ever used it. Probably just usage by elimination because I know I am male, and I'm not feeling what most around me feel. In addition to what I aspire to as described in what I think femininity is, what I do feel when I'm dressed is I feel as myself.

When I feel like myself, I feel unburdened, correct, normal... It feels as though a 30 year struggle is on timeout, and I can exhale. But I also wish I could crawl out of bed with this feeling instead of going through a 2 hour makeover process to get it. That's an uninteresting answer for you though, but it's all I've got 😐.


Regards & stay healthy,

- L.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? No. She is very accepting. Glad I didn't tell my ex-wide, she would have weaponized the information.

2) What regrets do you have if any? Not fully dressing earlier in my life.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Yes. Thought my need to dress would go away.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Don't know.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? Still the same as when I first told her.

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? I'd be OK with it.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? Would not bother me.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? No.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? More a picture of femininity imprinted when I was a child.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? See above.

11) What is your definition of Femininity? Dresses, foundation garments and stockings.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) Yes.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? No. I accept my wife just as she is.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? Because I want to look as feminine as possible.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? Couldn't say why other do this.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? The partner should spell them out.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? Yes.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? Underdress every day. Can't fully dress at home right now because of step children in my home.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Not at all.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? I told her knowing if she went negative, I'd end the relationship.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? No.

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. Can't define it, but know it when I feel it.

Wow! Thanks for there opportunity to open up here a bit:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FAB Forum Mods

Our GGs have some questions that we hope you might give some insight .
Thanks for any help.
Please put. N/A for anything that does not apply.



1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?

Without getting into too much detail I was agonizing daily over when and how to tell her when I was caught several years ago. As a result every single aspect of my dressing has been much more difficult for me than it might have been otherwise so yes, I 100% regret not telling her. It cost me her trust and I'm so sorry that I hurt her. I also took the decision process away from her by not telling.

2) What regrets do you have if any?

Aside from not telling my wife I regret that I didn't better understand and accept this part of myself much sooner in life.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?

I feel I was as honest with myself as I could have been given my lack of understanding of the nature of crossdressing. Crossdressing would go dormant for me for sometimes years at a time so I never really realized until about 5 years ago that this thing never really goes away.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
N/A!!

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?

Quite the opposite really. In the years since my wife found out I have slowly expanded my presentation around her within boundaries. She still doesn't want to see me fully dressed (no wigs makeup or forms) but everything else is ok (within reason). This was not the case in the beginning. There are things I wear now that she's ok with that a couple of years ago were not acceptable.

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?

I would like to think I would be ok with it and not be a hypocrite but I can't say for sure.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?

I don't think I would have a problem with it but it's all hypothetical so I'm not sure.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?

No. There's no sexual aspect to my crossdressing so I don't bring it into the bedroom (we agree on this point) so I would not want her to do so either.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?

N/A

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?

N/A

11) What is your definition of Femininity?

A potential minefield here lol! I'm trying to differentiate in my head what I consider feminine as opposed to what I consider sexy. For instance I consider poise, grace, expressiveness and a lack of hard edges feminine. I consider confidence sexy.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)

I'm attracted to many different kinds of women. I see guys I know who aren't exactly prizes themselves nitpick a womans appearance for the tiniest thing and I wonder if we're even looking at the same woman.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?

My wife dresses up for work and more casually at home so I see her presenting in a multitude of ways and I like all of them. In the end my wife's choices are up to her.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?

Human nature and societal pressures? Crossdressing for me is more than just the clothes. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see to the extent possible a woman looking back.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?

A very good question - I have no idea!

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?

I have done a reasonable job of learning and respecting my wife's boundaries but the process in an ongoing evolution and I have had instances where I have had to have things spelled out for me.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?

I try to be careful and mindful of my wife's needs. I'm grateful that she didn't just leave me when she found out. I have learned over the last few years that being careful not to overreach is better in the long run.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?

I usually spend a few hours twice a week "casually dressing" (clothes, accessories, no wig, makeup or forms) around the house and about a half day once a month fully dressed but out of sight of my wife (with her knowledge and cooperation).

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?

It has almost no impact on my social life except for if my wife goes out by herself for the purpose of giving me dressing time. As for family time we are empty nesters (the kids know) so it has little impact on that either. On my casual dressing nights we do the same thing we would otherwise be doing.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?

Without getting into the whole story of it I didn't come out (which I deeply regret) but when she found out I tried to make sure I gave her the support she needed. After all, I had just thrown open the closet door just enough to pull her in and slam it shut behind her. I felt I owed her as much support as I could give. We have been seeing a counselor ever since which had been very good for both of us.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?

Date, maybe but that would not be the basis of any long term relationship for me. There has to be more.

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.

It means so much more but if I had to put it in one sentence for me it means casting off all of those things I consider to be boorish or brutish behaviors and getting rid of those hard edges and not be thought of as a wimp in the process.

.

---

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? Yes (told her in the first year:( after married. (That was 41 years ago)

2) What regrets do you have if any? Yes however everyone has regrets in life why would i be any different.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Short answer yes I'm 64 years old back then you didn't have the same information.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Can't speak to that that is bad communication on both sides.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? My wife and I seam to go on a roller-coaster on the topic.

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? Very hard to say I would be a hypocrite if I didn't say no problem.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? Again so hard to say with my mind no problem.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? yes

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? It's the fantasy every era has it most feminist look.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? I don't want I can only assume (should never do) that they feel better that way.

11) What is your definition of Femininity? Women in general the way they move talk to each other and dress, It can be so subtle a lace trim on her blouse, the way they walk in heels.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) No but I'm sure I look for those traits.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? No I want to dress in the manner my wife does. :)

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? The fantasy the desire to pass and be accepted as a women.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? I like to take pictures when you feel good about you self, I wish the picture would look as good as I feel.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? Communicate we try not to take more and more when you give. But I think it always happens.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? I think we all try but in my case, more times then not take it to far and we have the talk lol.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? once a week (however I dress for bed every night and wear panties 24/7)

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Of course it affects it I have to find time where it doesn't get in the way. Sometimes I have a planed outing and a family or friend thing comes up I 7 out of 10 times chance my plans. She is a little more afraid of people stopping by.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? I owned it 100% and still do. I did not have a strategy (I didn't understand it 100% my self).

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? If I was ever looking again for her sake and Mine yes I would. I would date women however If i was taking it to a new level I would look for that.

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. Of course I would love to look the part in a great outfit for the event I'm attending. Sit down and carry on conversations with people in attendance, move with the grace and style that I adore in women.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? n/a

2) What regrets do you have if any? When I have been kept awake at night it has been from remembering times when I was selfish or cruel. a few pink fog moments maybe, but I have few regrets about dealing with a socialization that I did not ask for.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? In the main, No.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Beats me. I hate it when my wife goes silent.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? Things with us can change in both directions.

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? My wife was never a girly girl. I love the person she is. I believe I could cope.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? see 6.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? probably not. I never pushed her to have sex with me dressed.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? It's their image of the feminine from childhood. I have to work to overcome it.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? If I don't work very hard at it I don't look feminine. I'm ok without a wig and makeup, but I have to avoid mirrors. As much as I acknowledge that I am not a woman, there is the almost physical longing to feel like a lady.

11) What is your definition of Femininity? See my signature line. I have done it up as a cross-stitch.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) My wife is an independent minded, outspoken, very non-stereotypical woman.
If anyone is the fashion minded conformist its me. I love her independence and I believe it's why she can tolerate the way I am.


13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? No.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? The image is all we have. Take it away and all we have is the dreary narrow colorless shell of modern maleness.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? I don't know.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? I'm very careful about boundaries.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? I am.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? 35-40

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Over time has made me a more reserved individual. My wife has been very helpful in getting me to deal with that. Everyone who is important to me knows about my gender issues. My son who is camping with us in the Covid crisis, recently told me he was glad I had found this way to express myself.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
Long before we were married, when I knew she was the one, I gathered my courage and told her. I knew I couldn't live a whole life hiding my true self.


21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? How would that even work? Who lays all their cards on the table on the first date?

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? N/A I told her while we were still dating and we agreed on boundaries.

2) What regrets do you have if any? Not negotiating for more?

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? Absolutely. I've tried so hard to be "normal" that I've believed a lot of my own nonsense.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Because we want so desperately to be accepted that any not-negative response is taken as a positive?

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? "the rules" haven't changed over the years - but she's more relaxed within these boundaries.

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? Not sure. I think I'd say "OK, you be the husband, I'll be the wife"

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? Perceived as? Whatever. I'd know the truth, and that's what would count. If we went out as two guys, I think it would be just a couple friends hanging out. I'm not much of a PDA sort anyways.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? with me in my frilly things? sure. Ok, To be serious here. I think I know what you're asking here, and the answer would probably be "um - no thanks." As a male, I'd have no interest in being with another male (real or pretend), but I can imagine her in male mode loving me in female mode.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? Maybe we're trying for our image of the "ideal" girl - an image we usually formed in our earlier days.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? Can't say. Not my thing.

11) What is your definition of Femininity? That's kind of like defining art. For me, it's a kinder, gentler, more compassionate and loving way of being. Oh - and beauty is part of your life, not just something to be owned.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) Pretty much N/A. My presentation is limited. I've also been in relationships with all types of ladies throughout the years. I'm attracted to the PERSON inside. The outer packaging never meant that much.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?It's really diffudlut to answer this one. CD'ers dress in all kinds of ways. I just want my partner to look/feel good in their own eyes. If she's happy, I'm happy.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? and GG's aren't? Everyone wants to look good. CD'ers just have to work harder at it.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? I don't, so I can't answer this one.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? Spell it out, please! Mind reading doesn't exist in the real world, and if we try to guess what's going on in your minds, were' almost sure to get it wrong.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? I don't push. Maybe I could have gained a little ground over the years, but I haven't tried. My wife is too important to me to risk losing.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? That depends on how you look at it. Panties? 24/7. Nighties? Daily. Anything more than that? Rarely, bordering on almost-never. The rules still rule. (nothing more around her - and we're always together, since we're both retired)

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Not much really. Her health issues are more of a limiting factor than my wardrobe.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? I informed her when we were still dating, and I let her decide if she wanted to move forward. We set up ground rules, and 20 years later, we're still going...

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? Um, no. There has to be more than JUST that. In fact, I broke up with the girl who was very accepting but wasn't OK in other ways.

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. I'm not sure I have the words for that. For me, its just that a "feeling." I feel -um- softer? I don't have to act like I'm strong, unfeeling, or competitive. I can enjoy life as it comes. I can chat about things besides cars, guns, or the "hot chick" at the corner store. I can watch the sand cranes and their babies in the back yard. Etc. Etc. Etc.

OH - and I sometimes get to wear something pretty.

1. I told my future bride before we got married! I asked her if I could wear woman's clothes. She said there will be only one woman in this marriage! I repressed for 34 years and 5 months!
2. Concerning #1, none as we had two wonderful children and I loved her very much!
3. No but I was naive through most of this! I was positive after I found this site!
4. I can not speak for others so N/A!
5. N/A
6. I think if I truly loved the person it would not matter!
7. OK, corny but love conquers all!
8. I do not think it would matter but I do not know for sure!
9. You speak of others and not me!
10. I do not, so I do not know!
11. I think it is more a feeling! I have felt it throwing trash in the trash can! Sometimes a certain movement! I can not pin it down or actually describe it but I know it is there!
12. No, actually there is no dating/sexual attraction to Lana Mae as it is who I am!
13. I wear what I see FAB women wear! Mostly jeans and a top, but I also have skirts and dresses that they would wear as well! I am in flats most of the time!
14. I am not sure about others! I want to blend in for the most part!
15. Opinion only, they are looking for acceptance!
16. I would spell it out! Good communication helps any relationship!
17. As I said, communication is key!
18. I am a pre-op transwoman and wear woman's clothes 24/7!
19. Everyone I have encountered except 2 or 3, have been nothing but accepting! They have said that you have to be you!
20. I just asked one question and let it go!
21. No!
22. See #11
Even though I am not a CD, I hope my answers are a help to someone!
Hugs Lana Mae

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? No

2) What regrets do you have if any? being scared to tell my wife

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? I was confused (and still am a bit)

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? because it is a BIG THING for us

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? n/a

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? I would try to be accepting and encouraging

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? - there is nothing wrong with being gay

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? no problem

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? - someone explained that our dressing is often immature because we did not grow to be female until later in life
10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? because it is new to us (see above answer)

11) What is your definition of Femininity? not masculine

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) no

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? I want my wife to dress how she prefers

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? because it is new to us

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? don't understand

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? I know the boundaries without discussing them

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? - every night in bed, one or two days under-dressed, two or three evenings dressed

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? I am not out for friends and family (but I am sure that some know). My dressing is private (just me and wife) but not a secret

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? - no strategy; I just had to be honest

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? n/a

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. - I feel whole

Yay! Another one of these!! :yippee:


Plenty of questions that are either N/A for me... And/or, I just don't have the energy to answer. So, I'll be skipping those.

But, I'll try to do what I can! :battingeyelashes:



6) How were you feel if the situation was reversed?

For the record, I'm single & unattached. But to answer the question: To some degree? I would welcome it! For one, it would show that she's not afraid or feels bound to certain closed-mindedness/conformity/group-think which can be so pervasive throughout our society. That she's an independent, free-spirited woman who marches to the beat of her own drum -- which can be sexy as all heck, mind you. However, I feel the duration/frequency/intensity of hers would have to roughly match my own... For example, if she wanted/needed to transition? Well, I don't. And for that reason, I'm out! Of course, if you're asking if she crossdressed (more than the average GG, that is), but *I* didn't? Can't help you there, sorry. :p


7) Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?

Around Halloween or some other kind of event where it would be viewed as "normal" or even just acceptable? What would I care, LOL. But again, it comes down to degree. If she wanted to seriously attempt to "pass" as a dude *all* the time to *everyone*, with a men's haircut, binding her boobs, trying to act like a guy, deep gruff voice, etc.? Well, ya gotta draw the line somewhere, obviously. While I am attracted to "femmy tomboys," I am not particularly attracted to F2M TS's, so...


8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?

Facial hair -- on *anyone* -- turns me off. Long ago I had my one-&-only (former) male lover with stubble nuzzling me... TBH, it was scratchy & kinda gross, LOL. However, if a GG wore make-up to imitate realistic facial hair? Hey, why not! As long as she didn't do it all day, every day, everywhere... That it was simply "playing dress-up" for whatever reason(s) -- even just for the heck of it!


9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?

Everyone reading this, CD'ers & GG's, alike, should watch this. It's an excellent video on this -- which also could be applied to CD'ing, as well. And there's plenty more out there than just these three, who, being GG's, could perhaps help be a bit more relatable in the way they discuss why they do what they do. Give it a watch...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BdnsB4RTcU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BdnsB4RTcU


10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?

I don't.


11) What is your definition of Femininity?

I refer you to Wikipedia, LOL...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femininity

And here's the thing: If the "experts" can't even agree on what it is, according to the link, then how are we supposed to?? :strugglin Because however we may answer on a personal level, there's bound to be some who don't agree -- and subsequently think we're "wrong" & simply "full of it."


12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
No. It would be like dating my (non-existent) sister! :confused2:

(BTW, it may have been innocent-enough, I don't necessarily appreciate the word "portray" in there.)


14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?

We are all, in part, visual creatures. We see with our eyes... Which are connected to our brain.
(Again, this time the word "obsessed"... :brolleyes: )


15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
I've posted very few pics of myself, thanks! :wave2:


18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?

What is typical, LOL? The more I work, the less often I wear stuff from the women's side of the aisle... And I've been working a *lot* lately, with no let-up in sight. However, I was once self-employed -- non-customer-facing, at that. And I *lived* in women's stuff. It really depends on what's going on in my life at the time. Wearing at least something pretty much every day, usually in guy-mode, for at least part of the day, is typical, I suppose. If not a full outfit, I mix-&-match men's & women's clothing often enough, which I enjoy, too. :)


19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?

I'm an introvert. I'm also a workaholic. Enough said. :roflmao:

That being said, all this does hold me back a bit. Better yet? It's more like I use it as a crutch, and *I* hold myself back.

A counterpoint? During one era of my life, dressing actually opened up a whole world out there for me, socially speaking. In fact, this mixed & varied social circle actually *preferred* that I presented en-femme when with them! :thumbsup:


21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?

Hardly. Though it's probably at least one (of many!) "requirements." :heehee:

Otherwise, it just ain't gonna work. If I can't be myself, then fluff it.


22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.

Simply put? Not masculine. A cop-out, I know. :D

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
N/A

2) What regrets do you have if any?
Only that I didn't accept this part of me, or take it more seriously, sooner.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
I think so, yes

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
Not sure. Wishful thinking, perhaps.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
N/A

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
This is an interesting and fair question. But difficult to answer. I'd like to think I would at least be understanding.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
Probably not, but my wife isn't required to be my "wing girl" in order for me to go out.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
I highly doubt it. But in my defense, I don't force anything girly on my part, in the bedroom. But often get requests
On wearing something "fun" to add to the experience. Sometimes I surprise her too. I don't think of our relationship as unique, though.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
Isn't that a stereotypical question? It's really simple. Example... I recently posted a pic of me wearing a little plaid school girl skirt. Do I dress like that all the time? No, hardly ever. So why did I? Because it's fun sometimes. Plain and simple.
Kind of like when gg's wear something fun, or playful on Halloween.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
I can't answer for anyone else. To each their own. But there are probably many reasons. I prefer "less is more", or blendy. But maybe stand out just a little bit. Just not over the top.

11) What is your definition of Femininity?
This one is really hard lol. But you're asking How Each of us perceive femininity.... it's definitely not the clothes. It's not something tangible. Ether you are, or you aren't. It's inside. I don't need a dress, or forms to make me feel feminine. Do you?

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
For the most part, I don't consider myself "portraying" anything. Yes, I do like fun outfits and costumes every so often. But I'm still me. I'm attracted to my different types of women... then again, so is my wife lol.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
What manner of dress is that? Again, kind of stereotypical. She has her style, I have mine.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
So many who? Cd'rs? I think we all just want to do our best in whatever look we're trying to accomplish. I've seen way more gg's obsessed with their image, than cd/tg IRL

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
Don't know. If I want to post a pic, I start my own thread. Unless asked, like the "red thread" a while back.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
We are not mind readers. But I'm sure we've all pushed a little to see where those boundaries are.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
I try to by mindful of the boundaries she has. But she has been very open and honest with me. And has also has let me explore and experiment. We're on this ride together.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
Pre-Covid.... maybe a couple hours on a Sunday night. Now... three or four hours, a few times per week. When the lockdowns are over, it'll go back to what ever our schedules will allow.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
I'm not out to family/friends. Not counting the circle of friends I've made in the cd/tg/ts world.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
As much as she didn't understand it, she accepted it, and me, for who I was. And I, her. Like I said, we're on this ride together. We have both learned a lot in the past few years.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
At first, well yeah. But I'm not saying forever. I knew my wife had an open mind, and was very accepting to pretty much anyone/anything. She just had that vibe. It turned out, she identified as bi.

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
I just feel like me. Pretty simple.
I've never been the masculine-burly-man-dude-hold my beer-type lol.

So, this was way more difficult than the "20 questions" thread. But for me, all of this feels like it's not really that complicated. I am who I am.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
not really. she kind of helped me along by buying me panties and yoga pants and giving me pantyhose nd jeans to wear and little stuff before she found my stash of more advanced stuff. i have been cding for over 40 years, 15 years longer than we dated. she was kind of shocked to the extent of the stuff i had. she didn't understand the heels. lol. either do i but i like to wear them. we did have some discussions at that point and her big question was "you aren't going bruce jenner on me, are you?" for people like me (miad), bruce/kaitlyn made things a lot harder. bruce/kaitlyn transition was probably the most famous transition and it went farther then most of us would go. but she realized i was not interested in that and things have been ok.

2) What regrets do you have if any?
with as much fun as we (or at least me and she doesn't mind??) have been having the last several years with some clothing, i guess it would have been nice to do this our whole relationship

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
no

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
i watch a lot of reality tv. its amazing what some people are able to convince themselves of whether its cding, eating, drinking, hoarding, exercising, hobbying, etc. and some people are selfish and just get caught up in their own world. and some people just don't care. i know i have done that with some hobbies - spending more time, money, effort and getting carried away. my wife didn't complain but she didn't necessarily accept either. she didn't like how much time and resources it took away from other things and let me continue until she reached a point and said its too much. she was right.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
no

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
i am just a miad who doesn't usually wear dresses. it is just clothes and fetish for me. my wife already wears "men's" clothes as have most women for years. i don't want to be a woman and don't think i am a women. so the situation being reversed doesn't really mean anything. however, if a started wearing a wig and breast plate, she would not be happy with that. and if she started growing/wearing facial hair and packing a rubber dong i would definitely not go along with that. i like women, however, an occasional strap is ok.


7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
no

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
absolutely not

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
in the 50s/60s, there was more distinction between the sexes. easier to separate the sexes by their appearance. a dress/skirt was feminine and pants were not. maybe its just to remind them of that time when women were more feminine.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
its not just a cd problem. maybe bad style sense. maybe delusional. there are women out there who wear too heavy makeup and think they look good. or extrapolating that if a little is good, a lot must be better; more makeup equals more femininity in their mind. more is better is a common thought pattern and works in some things, but not in others - including makeup.

11) What is your definition of Femininity? the opposite of me. lol pretty, soft, petite, gentleness, empathy, humility, and sensitivity .

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
i am not attracted to the kind of "woman i portray". i am a miad. 250 lbs with facial hair and lots of muscle and some belly. i am attracted to feminine women who can also express masculine qualities when the time calls for it. but then return to their femininity. i think too many women are too masculine too much of the time. they don't know how to turn it off.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
yes. but i am more a fetish/sexual dresser who likes dressing sexy. i wish my wife would wear sexier clothes like i wear. we have laughed about how i wear sexier clothes to bed than she does. some of my clothes i wear were gifts to her she didn't like or want and i kept them rather than return them.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
i could write a paper on this and this answer may relate to more than just cders. because people (not just cd's) can't or don't want to change the inside. covey had a great explanation on this as it relates to the business world in his 7 habits books.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
didn't know people did that.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
i can anticipate if i started wearing a wig, makeup and breasts my wife would not be happy. but i have no desire so not an issue. even as limited as i am, i go slow. but generally, you can't anticipate their acceptance.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?
definitely go slow. i wouldnt wear yoga pants, pantyhose, jeans, camis every day. my wife still likes and wants the masculine me. and if i did it all the time, maybe it wouldn't be fun anymore.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
i underdress all the time and wear yoga pants, womens jeans and t shirts and little things so i don't count that. pre covid lockdown when i would get the house to myself, maybe i would wear more and that was only for about an hour a week. i rarely wear a dress or skirt. i would walk around in heels.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
doesnt effect social life as only wife and some gf's know. we have teenage boys so i can no longer walk around in my underwear (boxer briefs) like i used to . i do have to be careful which underwear pants and shirt i wear so i dont expose myself. we usually lock the bedroom door when we are playing or sleeping.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
she knew i was a mild cd as she bought or gave me panties, pantyhose, yoga pants etc. but she did find my stash of more advanced things and was very shocked. she eventually told me she found my stash and we had a couple of talks and hot playtime. in her words, "you are not going bruce jenner on me, are you?" once she was convinced i am not and do not want to go that way, it was good. though she doesn't understand the bra and heels. lol. either do i.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
no

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
i am on test replacement therapy. balancing estrogen and test is a fine art and many internal and external factors can upset that balance. when my estrogen is higher, i feel moody, emotional, less logical, more sensitive, etc. I don't like that feeling of being estrogen dominant. i don't like feeling feminine. i can be sensitive but when i am sensitive, i am a masculine sensitive and i approach things differently than my wife, sisters, sisters in law, etc.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? N/A

2) What regrets do you have if any? That I didn't tell her sooner

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? No, I was being dishonest with her

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Don't know

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? No

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ? Fine, I'm very open to others and it would be hypocritical to deny her when I desire her acceptance

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? We don't go out as a lesbian couple, we go out as girl friends

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? No, we don't have sex as lesbians now so nothing would change

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? It depends on your image of femininity. Some see certain styles of attire as more feminine than others

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? Again it depends on your perception of what is feminine. When I began with makeup many decades ago I too thought that over done makeup and also revealing or very sexy attire was the epitome of femininity. Those images came from magazine and movies and it took some time to understand that is not the case.

11) What is your definition of Femininity? I don't know that I can define it. It's not appearance in my eyes it's emotional and mental. A female body builder to some is masculine but she can still be very feminine and not because of her attire but her personality and her carriage. Conversely a woman can be delicate, dress in very feminine attire and makeup and yet not present herself in a feminine manner.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray) I'm attracted to the person, not the presentation. Also I don't "portray" a particular woman or "type" of woman. I am myself. I wear the styles of clothes that I find make me feel good about myself and present me in the best light. My desire is to be accepted as A woman, not one particular woman.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards? No, she is her own person. She wears what she enjoys and feels comfortable in. I don't "lean" towards any particular style of dress other than perhaps what would be called casual. Today I may be in a skirt and blouse while yesterday I was in jeans and a t-shirt. Ultimately I dress for myself and so does she. We critique each other and discuss how our clothes or outfits look on each other but we are always doing so in a way that will aid and not discourage.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image? Many have limited opportunity to dress and therefore go "over board" when they do. I did that before I came out to my wife. I had only one or two outfits so they were decidedly ultra feminine. We all wish to look our best.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? My wife asked about all the pictures I took. My answer was that it was for critique. I can dress and look in the mirror and go "honey, you look fabulous" or "you look so good in that dress" or whatever. But when you take a picture and look at it you can see it as others do. You can more honestly critique your image and say, "you look fat in that dress" or "what were you thinking with all that eye makeup". Also when someone posts say a new dress or outfit and asks for opinions we all sort of want to be part of that and have others tell us what they see. Unfortunately, we tend to be all too generous and far to honest when we do and that's not really helpful.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? That is a topic for discussion, not speculation.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much? Some most definitely are cautious. Remember that for many of us this has been a lifelong taboo. Society does not accept us even today. Drag Queens, gays, lesbians are far more widely accepted than CD's. Also we crave the acceptance of the ones we love and we fear rejection. I know first hand as I was rejected for this long ago by someone I loved deeply as was about to marry. We want to express ourselves as much as we can and it's thin ice trying to do that and still have the ones you love the most at our side.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? When I was still working it was about 50/50. I would dress after dinner and wear my nightgowns to bed. Now that we are retired it's about 70/30 up until this virus hit and at this time it's been full time for about 3 weeks and will continue that way until this is over and then we will see what happens.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? Close friends and family are still unaware. Just as I was reluctant to open up to my wife for fear of losing her and her love we are reluctant to tell the relatives and close friends. Things may change in the future but that remains to be seen.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? She first discovered me 35 years ago. We talked and cried and eventually gave it a trial run but I saw it wasn't working and I returned to that dark closet. She thought it was over, but of course it wasn't. 20 years ago I couldn't take the hiding and sneaking and lying and just told her "WE have a problem". Again we cried and talked and cried and talked. I showed her all the pictures, all the clothes, all the websites and I brought her here. She became a member of the GG section and we read all the posts in the CD areas together and she read the GG sections by herself. Eventually I dressed fully for her. Then we talked and I suggested a support group and we joined Tri-Ess. The CD's and the wives that were there helped her to understand that we are not freaks, perverts and weirdos. She became more accepting and comfortable with my dressing and we have even gone on a "girls only" vacation together. Now I dress whenever I desire and she knows that it's not a limitation. The home never suffers, she always has my full attention and she knows that should I be dressed and she wishes to go somewhere or do something I will just change without question, hesitation or regret as I can dress at any time.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? Never. I would only be attracted to someone for who they are.

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. I don't know that I can describe it. I've always felt "different" and never felt I was "one of the boys". I think it was summed up by a woman I dated in college when she said that I was "the most gentle, understanding, considerate and loving person" she had ever met. To me that sums up how I feel feminine. It's just my nature not something I try to do. As for how I feel when I feel feminine, I feel relaxed and I feel like me.


.[/QUOTE]

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse?
I told my spouse as soon as I understood the nature of what I was doing. I hadn't dressed for close to twenty years when our marriage started to go bad. She caught me and confronted me, I admitted it openly and told her I couldn't explain something I didn't understand myself. From that point, we both handled it very badly and it was not the main factor, but was a factor in our divorce.

2) What regrets do you have if any?
Honestly, I regret not exploring this part of myself, not coming to terms with it much sooner than I did.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself?
For a very long time, yes. I was in denial, letting shame and fear rule the day, it took several years of counseling before I cams to grips with the fact that this is OK, just a part of who I am.

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance?
I joke sometimes that a man will do anything to keep the woman in their life from complaining... to him. I think there is some truth in that, we tend to think lack of conflict is acceptance not realizing that maybe our partners just don't want to fight about it and would rather just live with it than create another issue.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change?
When my ex found out, it was just panties and she accepted that, as we talked about it and I told her that it was much more, things changes in a big way, so yes.

6)How were you feel if the situation was reversed ?
The situation is reversed, in our society, women are allowed to dress in as much traditionally masculine clothing as they want. There are no boundaries on that end and rightfully so.

7)Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple?
I wouldn't have a problem with that, in fact, it would be kind of fun.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair?
OK, two answers here:
1.) with my ex, when things were good, I wouldn't have cared how she looked, I wanted to be with her all the time.
2.) in exploring this part of myself, I have also discovered a slight Bisexual tendency, so been there done that.

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time?
Some do and some don't, I tend to dress for comfort, others are trying to recreate a certain style or a certain fantasy, perhaps they want to be Donna Reed, a housewife in a simpler time.

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing?
I don't understand that one either, but to each his/her own.

11) What is your definition of Femininity?
Wow, what a great question...
I had to stop and think about this for a few minutes and for the sake of this discussion, I think femininity embodies all the physical traits our society attributes to women, breasts, hips , small waist, soft features, makeup, frilly dresses, etc.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? ( like you portray)
Nope, Women are amazing in their diversity, God's best work in my opinion and I admire them all, tall, short, thin, and robust.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the cder leans towards?
I want my partner to dress in a way that makes her comfortable and lets her express who she wants to be in the moment.

14) Why are so many Obsessed with their image?
I can't answer that one, for me dressing is not visual it is tactile, I love the way I feel when I am dressed, The flow of a dress around my legs, the tight fit across my bodice, the weight of my breast forms, and to touch of my wig around my neck and shoulders.

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts?
Again, I don;t do this, so I can't answer.

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out?
Communication is so important, I think the more clearly it is spelled out, the better.

17) In other words are they careful not to push too much?

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing?
For me, now, 100% in some form, I have found women's clothes that will pass in any situation and I wear them almost exclusively, of course with the shelter at home thing, my choices have widened considerably.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life?
It doesn't, just like anything else, I just choose and outfit appropriate for the occasion and go with it, of course, since I am not trying to pass, there are a lot of things that fall off the table, like makeup.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it?
Nope, maybe I should have, I just told her htat her suspicions were true and hoped for the best.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting?
I never really thought about it, I date a lot of different types of women for a lot of different reasons, finding one that would accept this part of my would be huge but other things like a sense of humor, intelligence, and liking Willie Nelson are so much more important.

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine.
Feeling feminine means feeling like a woman, i guess, and for me, it means feeling warm and comfortable, perhaps a little soft and maybe tender. Mostly it just feel right.

1) Do you regret not telling your spouse? It's hard to have regret about not disclosing something about yourself you don't understand. (Non-Binary member) That being said, I do regret at least not offering any type of explanation about it sooner than I did.

2) What regrets do you have if any? Not accepting and loving myself for who I am sooner... I spent too much time with guilt and shame over something I can't control.

3) Do you think you were dishonest with yourself? No. I always knew and admitted to myself I wasn't "normal"

4) Why do some CDs think lack of response from their partners mean acceptance? Selfishness? Possibly because the partner has changed their mind and hasn't communicated that to the CD? People change over time. Conversations need to take place... hopefully before the partner blows up at the CD, like mine did.

5) Were things mutually acceptable in the past but things change? Yes.

6) How were you feel if the situation was reversed? Honestly... I don't know. Being NB, I honestly wouldn't care. If I were "normal"... then yes, I would likely be of the same mindset as many of the FAB members here. (I'm assuming that maybe 80-90% of y'all always struggle with it???)

7) Would you want to go out and be perceived as a male gay couple? Jesus, it's 2020... nobody cares if people are gay.

8) Would you want to have sex if your partner were wearing facial hair? Since I love my spouse... I'd try anything once

9) Why do CDs tend to want to dress in stereo typical outfits from another time? My best guess is because we didn't get to experience playing dress up; and were't able to dress the fashions of the time, when we were that age. But yeah agree, there is definitely some age inappropriate dressing to be found here. BUT... to each their own and to each their own happiness. Also... same reason as women decide on their outfits. They wear what they want, which is going to make them feel good... whether its feeling good for comfort, to feel cute, feel sexy, or just well put together and smart looking...

10) Why do some think Femininity is over done make up or over the top dressing? I don't get it.

11) What is your definition of Femininity? Although appearance does play a role... I think femininity is better represented by characteristics such as empathy, sensitivity, and being a good listener.

12) Are you only attracted to this kind of woman? (like you portray)? I'm attracted to women based on their intelligence, self confidence, sense of humor and how they treat others... (especially other women) not how they dress.

13)Do you want your partner to dress in the manner of dress the CDrs leans towards? That's a big generalization, and a bit unfair, of all CDrs... to answer the question, maybe sometimes... not always or even often.. but it could be fun date night role play.

14) Why are so many obsessed with their image? Validation of self

15) Why do so many post their pictures in the m2f section injecting more pictures of themselves in others posts? idk... arguing over who's prettier?

16) Can the cd anticipate the partners boundaries or does the partner have to spell it out? You serious? We can't figure out where to go out to eat, when you tell us "I don't care, anywhere is fine"... but we're gonna mind read this one? :D

17) In other words, are they careful not to push too much? hmmm.... if they're smart, they don't push. I think unless it's a Pink Fog situation... most CDs have a pretty firm grasp of respecting boundaries.

18) In a typical week how much time is spent dressing? Me? I average 2-3 times a year if I'm lucky.

19) In what way does it affect your social and family life? I interact differently with the friends & family who are in the know about Danielle. I don't hide any of my feminine characteristics or interests from them if they come up.

20) When you came out to your S.O. did you have a strategy to gain your S.O acceptance? I other words did you own the process or let your S.O. struggle with it? I did not. I honestly didn't know what to do; and this was way before this site was around with the support/advise it has.

21) Would you date a GG for the sole reason they are accepting? N/A. If I were single again, possibly

22) What does "feeling feminine" mean to you? Describe how you feel when you feel feminine. Stronger, more content, at peace, better...