Went out yesterday

Hello everyone...

I haven't been out much since the virus hit. Had only been out a handful of time before. I have this week off from work, unfortunately my wife was not able to get the time off which is a real bummer. She supports me in everything I do including dressing around her and going out on my own dressed. I am out as a crossdresser to a lot of people but not all. As probably most of you ladies know, your wife or SO aren't fully sure what to expect, whether that be with you dressed out and about or not. My wife is one that just isn't sure how she feels with being with me out dressed. We continue to talk about it and one day it will happen.

So a little over a month ago, I came to the realization that I was born in male form but have female attributes, styles and emotions. I have been dressing for many years so the dressing didn't make me think that. I have struggled to exist in male form since I was a little kid. Obviously I was born with male things so I thought I had to be male, plus society pressure made it harder. One day about a month ago, my wife and I were having a discussion about my dressing that was serious, all good though. A simple question is all it took to make me seriously question my gender..."what if you really are Nicole?". SHe had said it before and I laughed it off. This time it hit me like a huge wave.

So get on with going out yesterday Nicole!! I will....Through more discussions with my wife, help with therapy...After the first of the year I am Nicole full time which I am sure will lead into full surgeries. It has hit us both hard but my wife much harder. Go back to where I said that she fully supports me. The amazing wife that she is...is in full support of me and who I want to be. No matter what it might do to us and the marriage, she wants me to be me and happy. We will work on this.

So...because of that, I took yesterday to dress fully and spend the day out and about shopping, eating and looking. When I have gone out it has been for an hour or 2, maybe one place and back home. I wanted to see what I might run into on a full time basis. The looks and comments. How people reacted, what might happen. Yes it is only one day and yes there is a virus that is making us wear masks. Overall, a lot of looking up and down, some kind looks and even a compliment. It felt amazing to be out dressed and the feeling inside that I am starting to live that way I have wanted to for so long. I felt relaxed. Got home and my wife was home from work. I got an amazing welcome home from her. It felt so right.

Nicole, you really have to reexamine your thinking. You've been out fully enfemme ONE time. You've had some counseling but by a fully informed gender therapist? This isn't something just to do after the first of the year.

Jenny...I have been out many times, first since March. First time out extended time. I've got support from 2 different therapists. This is a lifetime of thinking about.

I have out shopping a couple times dressed now as well, the very first time I wasn't all that good and drew some stares, but each time I went I got better and better to where the last time I really don't think anyone noticed or cares (granted I was wearing the mask so that might have helped a bit).

You kind of have to know where you are comfort level wise with being out in public. For me, I always have a little of anxiety when I first step out the front door, but by the time I get to where I am going, it's like I am just going through my day to day as usual.

Just make sure your comfortable and go at your own pace.

Best wishes!
I also discovered I am essentially a male girl- meaning in practice that I am male physically and like active and forceful physical and analytical work which is for me essentially masculine, but when that need is not present, my psychological makeup is such that I identify with women. I have some kind of persistent feminine sexuality. It is as you say an important realization and peaceful when it actually answers our questions. I'm happy to keep my body, as it doesn't interfere for me though it can be an issue for others.

Did you know there are big sections elsewhere in this forum for those who find themselves transsexual and needing HRT and surgery? Lots of advice from the future!