One month later

Dear Friends;

A full month has passed since the missus came home early and saw my make up, old wig and shoes, camera set up, and almost me all dressed up. (Details in my thread 'Curiosity and Fear' from Dec 8) I survived the day and have been prepared for what may come. I know she is no fool, but the subject has not been alluded to since. I have regarded it as a DADT setting, and have enjoyed being Geena when the opportunity allows. For that matter, I have added two pair of fashion tights, two dresses, hip/butt pads, and a waist cincher since then -- a huge and rapid wardrobe development. My intent is to continue as I have, being ready for a talk if / when she is ready, and go from there.

It may be a bit of a moot point, though, due to a change in circumstances. My youngest daughter, the last one at home and likewise very dear to me, will no longer be the week day child care for another of my children, thus being at home most week days and my private home time will be much more limited than before. In effect, Geena will be on at least a two week quarantine as it were, and likely on hiatus after that. My daughter is more inquisitive than the missus, so I have to be alert with her. A year ago I had a close call when I had her read a story from my computer that I wrote. The screen had blanked, and when she went to reopen it she stumbled on a menu screen which included some photo shopped pics of Geena. I deflected it, saying I was trying some stuff on the photo app (true enough) and she dropped the matter. She is more open minded than her mother, but comments she has made about the trans gender issues out there doesn't lead me to believe she would approve of Geena, nor keep the matter secret.

Thought I would give my friends here an update. I appreciate your advice and am touched by your concern. I will let the matter rest unless there are any developments.

Thanks for Listening;
Geena

Geena make sure you have a password set on your user account, then make sure the Lock Screen is password protected. This way, no way can your session's apps pop when someone wakes the machine up. If you want indications how to do this please let us know. If your daughter needs to use the computer (bad idea really as some data may become shared unwillingly), then at the very least you should create her her own account.

It sounds as if you're just waiting for a bomb to detonate in your face. There are three choices; you say nothing, she says nothing and everything explodes. It's like kicking the can down the road. My wife and I had "The Talk" which at least cleared the air as to what the heck I was doing and why. Questions were asked and answered. No advise from me other than to say "prepared" with a back up plan.

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Originally Posted by DianeT

Geena make sure you have a password set on your user account, then make sure the Lock Screen is password protected. This way, no way can your session's apps pop when someone wakes the machine up. If you want indications how to do this please let us know. If your daughter needs to use the computer (bad idea really as some data may become shared unwillingly), then at the very least you should create her her own account.

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She has her own laptop, and it was spur of the moment she used mine. That is almost the only time anyone except me has used my laptop. Normally I store photos on a flash drive, password protected. I hadn't been used to some of the menus on the newer systems, and hadn't realized the images were so available -- know better now.

You had the perfect opening to really have "a talk". She may be waiting for you to bring up the subject. The longer that you wait, there are more chances for your wife to do her own research and make her own conclusions, many of which may or may not be true about you.

Obviously you know best, but I would be willing to bet that she hasn't "forgotten".

Communication is the KEY to a successful marriage. I've been married and divorce. When we stopped our honest, intimate discussions it was the beginning of the end!:sad:

Don't say u haven't been warned, Geena!:straightface:

I sure agree with the virtues of communicating between spouses, but if I understand well Geena was speaking of her daughter not wife.

Get Veracrypt, a free open source encryption program that allows you to create a virtual drive or container as it?s referred to in the program. You can make the drive any size you want and it resides as a discrete file on your system that can only be opened through the program using the password that you assign can memorize. When you get up and leave your computer you close the container and any photos you have open and nobody can access them. I am using a twelve digit password and named the container something nobody will recognize and hid it deep down in a sub directory. The encryption is said to be military level so nobody is ever going to see the photos.

Us DADT gals might not get out much but we are masters at hiding things. We learned that out of necessity.

Geena, I read your posts and from what i can take from it, your desperate to be caught and get it all out in the open, there is a much better approach by actually talking to your wife first, get that out in the open, I think she will be ok with you from what i can read from your posts. Cant actually work out why you wont tell your wife ???, your 90% from there from what you post. you will get caught if you continue with the way your going about it, but maybe thats how you want to deal with it.

Friends, again, luv you for your advice and concern.

Debs
You have a point, there, in that I seem to have been wanting to get caught. I plan and am discreet, but there is always the unexpected. I have tossed things out there that could trigger her wanting 'the talk,' but no reaction. Like, recently she got herself a new dress and I quickly suggested patterned tights to go with it, or suggesting eye make up colors, or the topic of my shaving. I'm seeing her lack of response as being either denial, or willful memory loss.

Char & Stephanie
I once said I look at having 'the talk' with both dread and relief. It would be a relief to me to get it out and over with, but I don't see her being relieved at all, but more anxious than ever regardless of how I handle it. I know it sounds like pure self-justification, but I've watched her react to things for a long time. Likewise, I dread it because, although I'm sure she would forgive me for the hiding, she would also require a cease to it all. I'm really not at a point where I'm ready to give it up (much the opposite), so I would struggle and likely fail in the attempt. Maybe I'm not addressing it until I'm prepared to deal with the consequences -- honestly, that's where I should be directing my thoughts.

Thanks, again;
Geena

Have the talk, and if necessary, also get into marriage counseling with a licensed clinical therapist. You at least are in a better state than I was when I came out to my wife, because I was deeply ashamed of myself -- so much so that I could barely tell the therapist I visited earlier in the day. I am ordinarily not good at starting hard conversations, but I think I got it right. I took my wife up to the bedroom and gave her a full massage. After I finished, I told her that I needed to tell her something and that I didn't want to answer any questions until I had finished, after which I would answer any questions she had. I told her what was going on with me, how I felt shame for wanting to dress up and even more shame for not having told her about it before. I explained that it had nothing to do with her, etc. I don't remember how long I talked, but she did not interrupt me. Then I told her I was ready for questions. I don't remember what she asked, but it's been fifteen years. We are still married and still working on getting along, both in everyday life and with this part of me. She doesn't want to see me dressed up or made up, and except for my dalliances with androgynous clothing during the pandemic, about all she sees is occasional women's garments in the laundry. (I generally do most of the laundry, though.)

As others have said, the worst thing to do is to sweep it under the rug and have your wife worry about things like whether you're going to leave her, do you sleep with men, or the myriad other things that destroy relationships. An unpleasant known is less fearsome than the unknown.

Good luck!