10 Years ...

After reading another thread about someone's first HRT appointment, I looked in my calendar and found that I reached 10 years on HRT on Aug 2. I'm still the same old me, of course, but with shifts, some subtle, some not, in personality, emotional profile, and the psychological fallout of growing up trans. Depression is under control between hormones and anti-depressants. Physical changes for the most part simply make me feel normal and for the most part I don't really notice them any longer. Facial and body hair was a huge trigger. Electrolysis was a relief and hormones mostly took care of the rest of that. Anti-androgens removed the volatility and I attribute the integration of my emotions to E. Far less dissociation, which was profound. Most of all, the longer I continue on HRT, the more I apprehend the long-term nature of the changeover, of being E dominant rather than T dominant, seeing effects in terms of evolution, maturation, and interplay over years. Most of the emotional drama of the early stages, positive and negative, was just that and frankly more due to taking down T levels than the changes that E brings over time.

Every once in a while I remember a question my doctor at that time said she asked herself (she's TS) ... "Did I really have to do this?" I wonder the same thing. But that's normalcy for you. As the memories how I was recede, especially the deep, creeping darkness and being constantly at the brink of suicidality, the greater the wonder. The few times I've questioned whether I still need the meds, someone usually has counseled that physical need is just that. I.e., take the meds ... and so I continue.

For those seriously considering HRT and patient enough to read this far, I hope this encourages you to take the long view. Outside of the medical considerations, which you should treat as unique to you and which are fodder for your (hopefully competent) physician, there is really little to fear, despite the apparent magnitude of the decision. (I do remember THAT.)

Thank GOD for modern medicine and HRT, for saving what is left of life.

See you in 2032!

Lea, thanks for this brief story about you HRT experience.

I'm near the half of your journey.

Can I ask, how old are you?

I’ve only been on hormone therapy for a couple of years but there have been at least few times where I’ve seriously thought, “what am I doing? Did I really need to do this? Should I continue doing this?”

There is a guy I used to work with whose wife is schizophrenic and took medicine to keep it under control. There were times when she asked herself similar questions and went off her meds. The result was, as you might imagine, disastrous.

MY wife’s answer to those questions is an emphatic, “YES!… you need to keep taking that little pill.” Tamping down the T has made me much more pleasant to be around. And being powered by estrogen and it’s resulting physical effects has been a very positive experience for my mental and emotional well being.

Lea, thanks for sharing!
I am now on two patches of E, 1/2 original dose of spiro, and on Progesterone! With the addition of the Progesterone, I calmed right down and am the woman I was meant to be!
Hugs Lana Mae

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Originally Posted by IamWren

MY wife’s answer to those questions is an emphatic, “YES!… you need to keep taking that little pill.” Tamping down the T has made me much more pleasant to be around. And being powered by estrogen and it’s resulting physical effects has been a very positive experience for my mental and emotional well being.

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Better living through modern chemistry... :)

Kelly - one of my fav. lines!

Devi - My age? I'm a relic of the dark ages. Walked to school, rain, shine, cold, hot, or snow. Played outside all day in the woods and fields without parental supervision. One phone in the house ... it had a cord and a dial. 3 channels on the B&W TV and they went off the air in the afternoon until the news came on. I watched the Lone Ranger and Howdy Doody. They weren't reruns. Cable was a knit pattern for sweaters and internet was a fisherman's problem. The child seat in the car was grandpa's lap ... while he was driving. Cameras had film on rolls. We had t-shirts. They were underwear. Nothing was open on Sunday except church and the doughnut shop. Oh, and psychiatrists handled the odd trans person, institutionalized and lobotomized some of them, too. That should give you a pretty good idea.

Oh my, the life that I have lived...:straightface:

Lea, Thank you for sharing.

I too was a child of the 50's. Didn't understand the depression I was experiencing for over 35 years until I slapped the first E patch on at age 65. A few days later I realized the depression was gone. I've thought about stopping HRT several times as I'm fast approaching the point of no return. I may not be the prettiest or most feminine woman but when I look into the mirror and see that smiling face, I know there's no turning back. I've been coming out to more people as Traci Melissa and so far nothing but acceptance. Now planning how to go fill time and quit leading a double life.

50's? Did I say anything about the 50's? Good God, I can't be THAT old ... Can I?

I'll tell you what - I'll commit to saying my advent was in the 20th century. Sheesh, it's getting to where even the youngest of those still leaves you too old for some ...

Lea,
I have been on M2F HRT for over 11 years and you describe the experience I went through. Before I was suicidal, depressed, and drank to much alcohol. Now I feel much calmer and feel more contentment. I take my estradiol (estrogen) by injection.

I would love to get on HRT. The earth would probably burn up if I did. At least my life would.

I am so very happy for you ladies finding your way.

Natalie,
My primary doctor referred me to an endocrinologist. So I suggest you talk to your primary care physician.
If M2F HRT is not right for you, you will know it right away before any permanent changes take place. For me it is a God send.

John

What an amazing thread. I dream of being able to start one like this in ten years time.

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Originally Posted by DaniellaUK

What an amazing thread. I dream of being able to start one like this in ten years time.

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You just may!

I AM under the care of an endocrinologist and I did have blood analysis performed before going on HRT.
John

Ahh, I had to look to see when I started HRT; I'm 9 months away from 10 years. I felt many of the same things, asked myself if what I was doing was the right thing to do and the answer was always the same---yes.
Now it's getting harder and harder to remember the feelings of what was before, but I know I don't want to go back.

Congratulations on 10 years.

Thanks, Rachel. I can't evoke the way I used to feel and react anymore (not that I'd want to), but I sure remember the insanity of it all.