Wife awakening

We were sitting on a bench in the mall and I heard the tapping of heels, my wife budged my shoulder and told me that one of my friends are coming. I looked over and seen a sister, I didn't want to stare and make her uncomfortable but I did want to see how she put herself together. I couldn't help notice how my wife had this lock down look and just no movement dead staring at her. I believe in the passed my wife seen a crossdresser more passable but this person didn't try to look or walk or act like a women, more less a man wearing a dress. We then went to a coffee shop in the mall and I couldn't help seeing my wife a little discrumpeled. She told me after thirty plus years watching in the wings and watching and pertisapating with that side of my dressing but she just can't figure out what makes that guy dress in the mall like that and if I would have the courage and confidence to do what that person did.
She went on about my day at work that I run a twenty man crew and then I get home and my buddies were waiting for me to work on there car and that my friends don't make a move without me like I'm the ring leader. Then I walk in the house took a shower and put what she believes the pink panties with roses and a pink bow on them and black control top pantyhose which are on display if someone looks down at my feet. Her question comes out, "what went through your head to put those items on"? How could I go from that Alfa male to wanting to put on pink panties. From her watching in the wings she tells me that I may dress everyday and then I don't dress for weeks and it seems like I have a light switch that turns on and off. She doesn't understand what triggers that light switch, she asks me is it something I see during the day that I may want to duplicate. What does my mind tell myself that I want to put on pink panties, or that I want to fully dress, what is the driving force. Well pretty much I told her if I figured out all those questions I would definitely turn my light switch off and live a simpler life. I reminded her about a year after I told her that I was always apologizing to her and feeling guilty and she was the one who told me stop beating myself up trying to figure it out and just enjoy this gift and that's what I did. I stopped trying to figure it out and I really don't know what goes through my head that makes me want to wear women's clothing. All I know is it gives me a great feeling sitting here with her wearing pink panties and pantyhose and I love and just feel so relaxed being dressed.
She asked me if I really had the opportunity would I walk in public? because I don't pass very well and I would probably look like that person we seen, and would look like a man wearing a dress. Again the same way I couldn't answer any other question I couldn't answer that one and we finished our coffee and she said WHATEVER! let's go buy ourselves some pretty dresses. We laughed but tonight my wife seen something and I don't think it was about that sister I believe it was her inner reality or fear of what she seen could be her husband one day. We do have a open relationship and we do talk about my dressing, but tonight she asked me questions that I don't believe anyone here or any doctor can answer.

"We do have a open relationship and we do talk about my dressing, but tonight she asked me questions that I don't believe anyone here or any doctor can answer."

Hi, Maria, the important thing is that perhaps you and your wife are reaching the point where you will find the answers together.

hi maria,

back when we would often go at each other about who is what and what is who i tried to describe how it could be compaired.

i offered this, when i enter my house i check the mailbox....i will check most any time i enter, i could have just brought in the mail that day but for some reason i still will lift the lid and check it again and again....cant answer why but it happens.

so i still like to wear my clothes and dont second guess why....they are just my clothes....

Some questions do not have answers (yet). Its until then, its better to accept and live with uncertainty.

Interesting how your wife reacted to the person that was not presenting very well. Maybe she is more comfortable with cross dressers that come closer to passing.

Interesting. It is known than men in jobs considered very "manly" have a surprisingly high percentage of cross-dressers. This is especially true in jobs where they wear a distinctive "uniform" of some sort, such as a Policeman or fireman, etc. Cros-dressing in these cases appears to address a need to divest oneself of the "excess" "macho-stress" of the day, just as one often takes off one's uniform. They feel an "extra burden" to appear "Manly and in charge" at work and cross-dressing seems to be the unconscious drive to "balance out" and "relax" and "let go" when the obligation is over with. Even your wife may see this and it is the reason she is "cool" with it. It is not that you feel yourself somehow "un-manly" but your job forces you to often put up a "front", which be stressful. CDing does wonders to release that stress. I personally have discovered that MY CDing releases ME from my own worries and stresses of being ME--so I become someone else (Marina) "a completely different person"---I also noticed that it released the worries, pressures and "obligations" of my own "manhood" too, so I can clearly see how the above can be true, if my "manhood" pressures exceeded my "personal concerns" pressures. -- Cross-dressing allows me to completely de-stress and unwind. I think it is a healthy habit for complete stress relief. IMHO, straight guys cross-dress for various reasons, from stress relief, to fetishism, to "taboo breaking", SM humiliation to the "high" from getting away with it in public, etc. Your wife does not have to worry about YOU going out in public in the mall, Us Stress relievers usually don't do that. the CDer you saw has his(/her) own reasons that differ from yours..

Maria, it's good that she's expressing her concerns as curiosity rather than accusations. I can't tell you how many times my wife has asked questions like "Why would you ever want to wear a bra?" but it was definitely asked in a way that showed that I could have no answer she'd accept.

Stress relief and fantasy were my initial reasons for dressing (a bit of curiosity too) - now it just seems to me that dresses are more comfortable than pants

The thing is, as a community, we try to be non-judgmental. I'm sure that everyone that goes out feels comfortable with the way that they present themselves and we should respect them. It takes guts to go out in public.

So, maybe your wife wasn't that impressed with the presentation of the CDer but hopefully, she respected the effort.

Please remember this rule when responding to this thread:

This is not allowed:

Quote:

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Ridiculing members/non-members, or the manner in which they express themselves. This includes any complaint about the way females, males, transgendered, or any other cross-section of the membership dress, the way they express themselves .........

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I agree with Bridget. I hate how pants feel, even women's. If I could, I would only wear dresses. I will never pass, so I would be that man in a dress, but at least I'd be comfortable.

Hi Maria :hugs:, For me, I am a Crossdresser,

It's just who Iam, And it's Just what I do,

>>>>>>>>Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

Yes your right Char but in my wife's diffence she did ask me if I had the confidence and courage to do what that sister did. I believe she is totally respecting that it does take a lot to do that. Maybe she just had another aspect of thinking all crossdressers dress and act totally like women and has seen and learned another view point of it. But thanks for reminding us of our behaviour here.

Maria, it sounds like your wife has the questions. But, u have no answers!:heehee:

Your posts remind me how much easier it is to live as a CD or trans with no SO around!:battingeyelashes:

Still no picnic for many of us!:sad:

Like Marina, I instantly thought of the many macho men who crossdress to destress. Her post coveres that aspect very well.

I will add something - crossdressing to destress is a lot cheaper than seeing a therapist! Even for those of us who buy a lot of clothes.
:)

I'm relatively new to CDing (started 33 months ago). I could not tell anyone specifically why I enjoy doing this. All I can offer is I find it actually feels natural and comfortable. I'd much rather be sitting around the house in a dress, stockings, jewelry, bra, and forms than in my drab slacks and golf shirt. I like how everything hugs me and how soft it all feels. I know I don't pass if anyone actually looks at me. But, I may have a chance of blending to the untrained eye of someone not scrutinizing me. I have been out a few times. Nobody has made any derogatory comments that I could hear. Nobody has made nasty faces that I could see. I'm fairly certain most people simply don't care as they don't know me. If I showed up at the golf course en femme to play golf with my regular group, then I'd expect a lot of questions, ribbing, and probably downright bad comments. I doubt they are ready to meet Heather.

My wife is somewhat tolerant of my crossdressing. I only wish my wife
and I could sit down and be perfectly honest with each other on how
we feel and what the future holds?
Anytime I broach the subject the subject ends in a dead end.
i came out to my wife 12 years ago and we almost divorced
in hindsight i think we would both be better off if we had split.

Thanks Char for the reminder.

You are correct Maria that nobody can answer some of the questions with certainty. But there are no lack of theories as Marina has laid out. Stress and stress relief is an important element in adopting a gender expression reversal, but it is not the whole answer. The big question is why that is such a need for some?

It may just be that we find different methods to relieve the stress. And for some it has nothing to do with stress or its relief. The method each uses undoubtedly goes back to some experience where we needed to experiment with a "wild idea" and we found it to be very effective and it all evolved from there. But potentially it goes much, much deeper and into a unique and fundamental, genetically based image of ourselves that is then modified by experience - a blueprint, so to speak. We adapt to that which we experience.

I believe the answer will not be found in crossdressers like us but in some common element that everyone has but is used in different ways to keep our life courses on track. All humans are unique and most everybody does some things that seem a bit odd, but they do not understand why. It is important to seek the answers even if the answers are not found, then in the process we discover a great deal along the way. The journey is sometimes far more important than the destination.

Accepting that there is no answer as to why why we crossdress is a huge accomplishment. Better to just acknowledge we like to do it at harm to no one, and enjoy life while it lasts.

@mermaiden has basically said it all above.

It took me many years to finally arrive at that conclusion. With it, a lot of guilt was lifted from my shoulders.

I sure don't have any answers, but I wanted to just say that the conversation you had with your wife was beautiful. To be able to have discussions like that with our wives is something many of us ( me included) wish for.

For me, I dress fully today because it's comfortable and looks so pretty. I like my image dressed better than boy mode. Wonderful fabrics on my skin. In kindergarten I loved the look of Mrs. Simenon's nylons. Mom wore them for work and church. Sister to ballet. So I wanted to wear them too. Grandma let me wear her knee highs. Then during the 80's I fell for the workout video looks. Pretty much everything 80's. So sexy and classy. I wanted to wear what they were. Always have had that spark to put something fenmen on. After marriage it became play to dress up with my wife and be naughty together. We still do that today but dressing for me over the years has evolved from sometimes sexual to more of a way of life. Started in knee highs and now I find myself about to strut thru the mall. I have walked outside the mall. Many have stated that dressing is a progression and I can so see that in my past. I am on the hunt for men's clothing that is the same material and comfort as women's for those time I have to boy mode it. I am unable to go full time out and about. No, family and friends don't know about me dressing. Just my favorite friends know. My wonderful wife is so so supportive and active with me. We are very open to each other and our individual needs. It's wonderful you and your wife are chatting about all this together. I too can't explain what or why I have these desires other than to say I like steak. I don't like sea food. I like dresses. I don't like pants. That's just me. Good luck in everything.