do you care if you pass....

so i feel a need to get as close as possible but covid made me lazy and i just dont care if i do....i use a mask where i volunteer....im 5ft 12" and if i hover around fixing up the shoe dept or a rounder folks feel my gravity pull....and i have wonderful interactions with our customers, especially the regulars....if i find a disapproving look i think i must have emotional eyes as when eye contact is made the connection is averted....being here has made it a second home and family....may have something to do with it but i take this attitude along with me wherever i go now....

now i share this with the hope that those on the fence can find inspiration to get over that procrastination and jump at the chance to take that next step.

now it can be a risk/reward case as ive come into some possible outing situations....but for me the risk is worth it....

Yes, I care if I "pass" when I go out. My actual ventures out of the house are very few. Mostly to group meetings in a secure environment. But one meeting was at a local restaurant that required walking across a parking lot and into a mall past many others. I think I looked good on that outing, but I'm sure I was still spotted.

I just want to be treated politely and if I get a ma'am it is gravy

Yes, I care if I pass. I know that I don't. I'm 6'2 and am somewhat chubby, so I don't pass, but I try.

Yes, I care if I pass. When I'm dressed in girl mode I want to be as passable as possible, and don't want to be seen as a guy in a dress. Not doing my best, I feel reflects badly on all the other cross dressers and Transgender girls out there, and in some small ways makes a mockery of being a woman. These are my feelings, so I hope I have not offended anyone. Hugs Rach

Yes, I care.
I've come to realize that I most likely don't in all cases, but that isn't a deal breaker for me. Mostly I just want to be accepted and treated decently by everyone.

I absolutely care to the point that I make every effort to be recognized as a woman (clothes, mannerisms, speech) - however it's not a blow to my ego or psyche if someone figures out that I'm trans. I know that I'm a woman, and that's all that really matters.

Sure, I would like to pass, and I make every effort to look attractive and womanly. But I realize that I don't pass anytime someone comes within 20 paces. I just hope that they go on with their day and don't harass me. Even better if they give me positive affirmation about my outfit or my presentation.

As I think about this topic more and more, I think I have come to the realization that my goal is to look feminine and pretty, not necessarily to pass. The thing is, I go bar hopping and clubbing. In a way, I would prefer to not be misgendered by the people I am interacting with.

I will say this. I absolutely do want to be treated like a lady , passing or not. And I do love complements. You do not need to pass to get them, but it helps to put in a little effort.

Sandi

I try very hard to be as presentable as I can because that's how my wife likes to see me, she wants me to make the effort as she says "how she made the effort " when I was the 'man' of the house. When she comes home she likes it if I'm pretty.

I think I'm my most judgemental critic!:straightface:

I could never pass in a million years.:sad:

But, Sherry has and does pass occasionally!:battingeyelashes:
Up until I have to speak, that is!:sad:

No ,I don?t think I can pass I?m a bit burley but I do the best I can and try my hardest to look ladylike ,I do get a lot of compliments and I have been asked on a couple of occasions if I?m a man or woman
But lately I?ve tried to answer that what makes me feel comfortable and not try to conform to what others should think

Yes, I care. I have realistic expectations, but try my best to look my best. I wanted to be treated respectfully, so I try to present myself respectfully. Like others, I am a bit taller than the average woman, but I have nieces who can look me directly in the eye. Beyond that, there are any number of tells that I just have to live with.

Yes I do care. I like to look nice and act feminine and do pass in a good number of instances. But I have also had many, many interactions with people who knew I was a CD and have not had a bad experience so far. It does not bother me when I am clocked, it's just part of living life as a woman.

I most certainly do care. That is why I only dress fully or not at all.

I love it when I look in the mirror and I see a woman looking back at me.

I feel I could pass at 30 ft. any closer definitely no!
When I was in my 20s, two men in cars tried to pick me up. It was at night so it was hard to see me that well.

Years ago, when my then-gf-and-later-wife used to help me dress and do my make up as part of a 'girls night out' for our bedroom games, I didn't care if I passed or not. She was my wing girl and I didn't have to worry about getting confronted by jerks or getting outed in public.

Last fall, with my ex now long gone, I finally decided to give it a shot solo. I'm not tall, big or very muscular, but my face has aged and sagged a little in the last 20 years. So, I bought a bunch of new stuff like clothes, make up, and hair (lots of hair!), observed what women in my town usually wore and how they behaved when out and about, and I practiced, practiced, and practiced!

First time I got up the courage to go out, I was nervous and anxious as hell. As I stood in line at the post office to pick up a package and a few other things, my biggest fear was someone yelling "Hey, everybody! That's really a dude!" But it never happened. Most people, including the postal clerk, barely looked up at me or gave me a second glance. I got such a boost of confidence and feeling of exhilaration that I kept doing it again and again and again.. at the mall, running errands, grocery shopping at all the local stories, movie theater, even going into a local bar (They were actually hosting a drag show so it was a safe space. But I'll count it as a win). I was doing it so often that I wondered if I was getting addicted to the rush that I was feeling. I have yet to go out in a skirt or dress, even though I have a few favorites in my closet. I have yet to see any woman wear something like that during this time of year. Though, admittedly, I did border on a little shameless exhibitionism once by wearing a full women's workout ensemble, including short gym shorts and tights, as if I was running errands before heading off to the gym.

So, do I pass? Probably, at least in some instances. Do I care? Both no and yes. I live in a pretty accepting and tolerant liberal community, and most people here won't be so rude to question my gender in public. On the hand, I have had so many more interactions (the nice and pleasant kind) with other people than even when I'm dressed in drab, believe it or not. I'm actually a middle-aged, white introvert/curmudgeon who has always had this impenetrable shield around me. But I've had to really think on my feet and respond very quickly (nicely and in a more femme voice) to someone starting a conversation with me. It happens all the time and it's challenging, but it's super fun and adds to the exhilaration of being possibly passable.

And since I'm on the subject of social interactions, could some please explain something to this socially inept doofus? Three times already, I experienced cis women locking eyes with me. Not just 'Oh, that's cute top' glance. But the unblinking-stare-into-my-soul-and-what-I-had-for-breakfast-last-Tuesday locking eyes for at least 15-20 seconds. Am I being silently judged for my make up skills or is there something else going on here? If I wasn't in a different line than them or heading off in a different direction, I probably would've approached them and struck up a conversation with them.

Sara you have more courage than I do. I've only been dressing since last Sep and my first time out as Diane was a week ago yesterday. That was to a Girls Night Out in OKC, I got makeup done and had a really good time. I'm going again next month and to a three day event in May but I don't think I could go out in public on my own. Even with the wonderful makeup job that was done for me I don't think I could easily pass, maybe at a distance but not up close. Where in Alaska do you live? In 92 I spent a year at King Salmon, courtesy of the Air Force.

We were very much into Gap and The Limited, we dressed androgynously, shorts and shirts of course panties. I like dressing androgynously.
Now that we're older is is different


I haven't cut my hair since pre covid.. I'm 74, wife channels Nora Charles and says I look like a retired P.E. teacher, what with my track suits and androgynous dress.

I do care if I pass, so I try to look as feminine as possible. Dressing is all or nothing for me, so I always like to be fully dressed with makeup and tasteful jewelry. I know I get clocked on occasion, but it doesn't stop me from being as feminine in looks and mannerisms as possible.

I'll say it again, for the vast majority of us who went through male puberty, passing is a myth. That process creates physical changes that humans, if given the slightest cue, are hard wired to assess. Oh, lots of us can blend quite well. Especially if we've had the benefit of HRT, facial surgery, etc. That is, we escape notice unless until we speak. Very, very few of us have a feminine sounding voice and it is at that point that the hard wired gender assessment causes the observer to notice everything.

And you are absolutely right, Mykell. If we are acting like any other female of similar age and in similar circumstances, most people will treat us with the respect and courtesy that social decorum dictates. It's rather amazing, actually. Right after the gape-mouthed, wide-eyed expression of shock, they regain their composure, smile and carry on. Yes, even in a BBQ joint in deepest redneck Texas, on a Sunday morning, with a clientele made up of hunters and the after-church crowd (true story). :)

Alot of feeling passable depends on the individual not so much what someone else considers passable, passable is in the eyes of the person, not what one may think is passable. Just my two cents.

Yes, I try to pass every time I go out, if I am staying home and not taking pictures not so much.

I am with Sandi, my goal is to have fun in a feminine and pretty state with no care of passing. Matter of fact I prefer to be taken as a crossdresser enjoying their day.

Amen to Aunt Kelly. She nailed it.

You might delude yourself that you do but you will never know, because you will never know what the people seeing you are thinking.

I've been out the last three nights, the two nights before to a casino (to watch the NCAA basketball games) and tonight with my GG friend Michelle to Hooters. People can take one look at Michelle and one at me and know which one is a GG and which one is a CD. The important thing is the servers who I met all three nights KNEW I wasn't a GG, and it didn't make one ounce of difference, because I was treated respectfully.

If you wait to "pass" before you go out you will be waiting your entire lifetime.

In answer to the question, no I don't care, because I can't "pass" and never will. But because I don't care I'm out having fun and many of those reading this are still afraid of their shadows.