I won't be going back to the bar in Tupelo, here's why.....

Hey y'all! :)

Well, it seems that more people than just Karen at the bar that I was frequenting in Tupelo had a problem with me using the ladies' room. I had made a post on Facebook a while back, (notice I'm NOT posting a link to Facebook), explaining that I'm thinking of quitting CD'ing, (I'm not now) and why. This was one of the replies that I got on that post. I'm posting this verbatim, but omitting some of what this person said, (she's a GG), because she mentions religion.....

"Sorry to say but she is not the only one there that has a problem with it. Many many patrons there have gone to the owner. I was in the restroom one night while you were in the stall next to me. I respect your choice of wanting to be a woman. Although I do not respect a male in the women?s room or a female in the male?s room. I have heard many of the men there say if it happens again with their wives/ girlfriends in there they would take care of it. Please be careful. I am so sorry for what you have been through in life that makes you hurt. Do what you feel you need to in life none of my business. I enjoyed talking with you and you seem like such a sweet gentle person. My boyfriend even bought you a drink with us. It?s really simple?if you have a penis you belong in a men?s restroom?if you have a vagina you should use the ladies room. Just because we choose to dress differently / think differently doesn?t change that no matter how our society tries to twist it. Just please be careful. I have no malice in my heart." - Author will remain nameless here.

This was my reply to her.....

Thank you for that. Honestly, I had no idea that anyone else had a problem with it, no one except for the woman that I mentioned in my OP has said anything to me. Also, I had no idea that anyone had gone to the owner, cause neither he nor any of the other staff have said anything to me about it. Even some of the female bartenders were in the ladies' room while I was in there and they didn't say anything, which is why I figured no one else had problem with it. Also, I had no idea that you were in the stall next to me one time, I don't know who is, I don't really pay attention to that. You're right, I am a sweet and gentle person, one of the nicest people that you will ever meet and I don't intend harm on anyone for any reason. I do wanna say that I'm not gay, I don't identify as being part of the LGBTQ+ community and I don't wanna be a woman full-time. Right now, I'm relaxing in my truck, (I'm a truck driver) on a long break and I'm not cross-dressed. I don't do that while I'm on the road anyway. LOL However, I am not an unreasonable person and I completely understand where you, plus where everyone else is coming from. I was home from being on the road from Monday until Thursday morning and I went to Holland's, as myself, (as in not cross-dressed), because I knew people had an issue with me going to the ladies' room. I went there Tuesday night for karaoke and while I had a good time, it sucked that I wasn't CD'd, but I just don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable and I sure don't wanna end up in the hospital. So of course while I was there Tuesday night, I utilized the men's room when I needed to do my business, cause I SURE won't go into the men's room while CD'd! LOL Of course, the karaoke DJs as well as the bartenders recognized me, so I had to explain to them why I wasn't CD'd. They did say, and I quote: "Forget them and what they think! You do you". And I was just like, "Ok, cool". However, since of course when you sit at a bar and have several drinks, you're gonna need to use the restroom! LOL Even though there is NO law in MS prohibiting men identifying as women from using the ladies' room, I could still get my butt beat for it, if so, it would be assault against me and the ones who would assault me would be the ones going to jail, NOT me..... HOWEVER, with all of this said, y'all will NEVER see Kimberly at that bar ever again. For those who wanted her gone, well, they succeeded and you can tell them that next time you go there and I just might not go there again at all, whether I'm CD'd or not because I wanna find a place where I can hang out at as Kimberly and no one would have a problem with it. I'm glad that you have no malice in your heart, I don't either but obviously, some do. I take it some of the guys there wanted to beat me up either just for being there CD'd because they're haters, or because I was in the women's room with their women, or both. But anyway, I probably won't be going to Holland's again.

So yeah, I'm gonna have to look for a new place to hang out, someplace where I'll be accepted as Kimberly and not have to worry about getting beat up and where I can use the women's facilities without fear of that either.

That's a shame; but, I do believe you are being prudent with your choice not to return as Kimberly. I hope you find that place that is accepting.

I hope that you find a place that you liked as well as the karaoke bar in Tupelo.

I truly feel sorry for you, because you don't deserve to be treated so unkindly by these haters.
However, if you genuinely feel that you could be in danger, then safety is always priority.
I hope that in the future you can find a new, alternative venue somewhere further afield that you are happy with. Take care!

Bars are really not a great place to find a lot of acceptance. They can be scary especially when liquor is involved. She is right about being careful. I don?t agree that a presenting female should be forced to use the men?s room because that?s asking for major problems.

Fear and ignorance suck. So do businesses who won't stand up for their customers and tell the snowflakes that they're being assholes.
Find someplace that deserves your business.

Hi Kimberly, Sorry about your bad experience. Hope you find a more accepting place to have a few drinks.

" Many many patrons there have gone to the owner."

I would first check that statement out with the owner and see what their reply is. You're taking this as being the truth, the whole truth... but sadly people lie about these things to suit their own narrative. Add to this that you've never felt that anyone was giving you daggers or has actually made a comment then I would say a pinch of salt is what's needed here until you know for definite that the persons comment hold water.

I'll add to this that should the own say that people had commented then ask if they're willing (the owner) to tell you how they responded. Those complaining may have been given short shrift and told to put up with it or find somewhere else.

Finally if push comes to shove and it seems leaving is the most suitable outcome, thank the owner and their staff for obvious support over the past few years.

Kimberly, I am sorry for what happened to you. I totally understand why you would never want to go to the men's restrooms while dressed, and I totally understand why women, or some of them, don't feel at ease with a man, dressed or not, in their restrooms. Life is complicated.

On the one hand I think this is complete BS, Kim! That any trans should have to give in to the knuckle dragging haters grinds my gears!:gg:

On the other hand I agree u definitely should NOT go back there if u r worried. It sounds like u were the only T there? That can make any dresser uncomfortable!:thumbsdn:

Google LGBT bars and clubs and you're bound to find one where Kim is welcomed and appreciated! Best wishes!:hugs:

I totally relate to the post by DianeT.

I have followed your posts about the confrontation. I just have not had much time to reply. It is always about risk versus reward at the end of the day, and I just do not get enough reward out of using the ladies room to take the risk. That said, LBGT clubs and bars are different, but I have never had a guy complain at me when I used the men?s room anywhere.

I still kind of crack up over two places I have been to. Trax club in Denver has a large bathroom with a bunch of stalls, men and women all welcome. Missy Bs in Kansas City, which is a really nice place, has a shared men and women?s restroom on the second floor but has urinals in there as well. I was joking with GGs about it when we were in there. We had a good laugh.

It seems like that club is not the best place to go anyhow. It is unfortunate that you do not have a good place to hang out as that can make all the difference.

Good luck to ya whatever you do.

Sandi

You could ask her - if you were to use the men’s washroom and some sort of violence or sexual abuse happens to you while doing so how would she feel? I bet it would weigh heavy on any descent person’s mind!

Kimberly, as others have said sorry to hear that you have lost bar but to err on the side of safety is always prudent. Hopefully you will find another and more accepying place to go as Kimberly. This might also alleviate the possibility of running into your family when dressed as Kimberly.

I hope you find a place where you can dress any way that makes you happy

Thankful to live so close to a place like New York City sometimes when you've got a good. You don't realize how good you got it. Thank you for enlightening me.
I'm sorry you had to go through all this.

The polls that I have seen indicates there is wide support for transgender men and women however there is less support for trans women using the ladies room or changing facilities. I don't think an establishment serving alcohol is the best place to test the boundaries of acceptance. I know my wife is supportive of the trans community and is of that opinion. I think the best solution is to find a venue that caters to trans women or one that has single occupancy restrooms. As a side note I have been at large capacity venues/arenas where women have barged into the men's room to use a stall because the line for the ladies' room was extremely long. They just yell "lady on board" or something like that.

Polls not withstanding, I think its unlikely that any group of 100 people, or 10 will be unanimously supportive of a CD person, whether or not they are in the bathroom. Most of us would prefer to avoid confrontations, of course, but I suspect most of us would also use an alternate bathroom if we felt there was a chance that our presence in a ladies room was going to bother someone, whether or not that person openly objected.

I don't know what to say, maybe I shouldn't say anything. What I can say about myself and this venue is. You are special, we all are! Don't let them get you down. Yes, sad at times we need to be a little under the radar. But come to me, or us, and we will always be here for you. ALWAYS! Brenda

Kimberly, again, I'm sorry this is occurring to you. I agree with DianeT, I would never go in a men's room dressed. The truth is CDers are not a threat to women in the ladies room, but men are a threat to CDers.

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So yeah, I'm gonna have to look for a new place to hang out, someplace where I'll be accepted as Kimberly and not have to worry about getting beat up and where I can use the women's facilities without fear of that either.

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If you really think you are going to find another place, in Tupelo, MS, where all of the women are going to be accepting, you are delusional.

Are you saying Holland's is the only place that attracts rednecks and their girlfriends? You can't really believe that. You are 99.99% unlikely to find an alternative place where all of the patrons are accepting.

The owners have said you are welcome. Take yes for an answer.

Your only other choice is not to go to a bar dressed, because you are not going to find the place you are seeking in Tupelo or its surrounds, because if you did, you would already be going there.

I have friends ranging from Greenpeaceletsgetinthewayofawhalingshipanddie to Poorpeoplearefineifyouuseenoughbbqsauce. And yet I don't know a single person who would say anything, much less get violent, over a man in a dress in the women's room. Some might roll their eyes or make a quite comment to a friend, but that would be it. You found the 1 in a million retard, you should go buy a lottery ticket.

BUT I respect your decision to avoid the place. I question how many other patrons really complained, since the owner and staff didn't seem to see it as an issue, but at the end of the day it's your decision, which you've obviously thought out quite thoroughly. More than anything I hate that a bully wins. I hope you find another place to go sing in cute clothes that you love even more than you did this place. Requesting Freebird. Or Melancholy Baby.

I'm sorry that you were forced into that decision. If you find yourself near DC, come to Freddie's Beach Bar in Arlington, Va. They have karaoke, and it's a straight-friendly gay bar. Everyone is welcome.

Kimberley,
I just have to ask this - but are you sure that the FB poster isn't the Karen herself, or maybe one of her cronies?

If you don't make any effort to confirm what you've been told, how do you know it's not just a scare tactic to chase you away (which it has)?

And unsurprisingly, I don't automatically subscribe to the "penis = men's room" theory. It's a lot more complicated than that.

(FWIW - I probably wouldn't go back either.)

The power of the purse works well....Be safe....

True Heather, it is a shame cause I loved that bar in Tupelo and I love singing karaoke! LOL But thank you, I hope I do as well. :)

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Thank you Char, I do as well. :)

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Thank you, Krea. :) Well, there is an LGBYQ+ bar in Memphis, TN that I'm thinking of going to on Saturday..... They don't do karaoke on Saturdays though, just drag shows. LOL But you're absolutely right, safety IS priority. I'm NOT gonna put myself in danger just because I'm a man dressed like a woman.

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You're right about that, Kimmy. Imho, LGBTQ+ bars, (if you're into the bar scene) are the best places for CD'ers to hang out at, cause you don't really get any judgement from people..... Occasionally you might, cause I did that one time at the LGBTQ+ bar in Jackson, MS. Some lesbian girl there found out I was a CD and made this like, gagging gesture towards me..... *Eyeroll*

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I could not agree more, Aunt Kelly! :)

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Thank you Brenda, I do too. :)

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I completely agree, Jamie and thank you. :)

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Actually, TheHiddenMe, there aren't really any accepting bars in Tupelo, MS or the surrounding areas, unless it's Memphis, TN..... I've already looked. No, I'm not saying that Holland's is the only place that attracts rednecks and their women, just every bar in the southern US does.

But I don't care if the owner allows me to be there as Kimberly or not, FOR MY OWN SAFETY, I am NOT going back there!

And I'm GONNA go to a bar dressed, I just have to find an accepting one like the one I've found in Memphis. :bs:

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Originally Posted by OrdinaryAverageGuy

I have friends ranging from Greenpeaceletsgetinthewayofawhalingshipanddie to Poorpeoplearefineifyouuseenoughbbqsauce. And yet I don't know a single person who would say anything, much less get violent, over a man in a dress in the women's room. Some might roll their eyes or make a quite comment to a friend, but that would be it. You found the 1 in a million retard, you should go buy a lottery ticket.

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Well OrdinaryAverageGuy, I don't know where you're from, or even if you're from the US..... I have gathered here, however that a lot of people on this forum have no idea what it's like living in the southern US, where judgmental, bigoted rednecks are EVERYWHERE. (If y'all can say "redneck" here without repercussions, then I can say this)..... The yankees in the northern states are way more accepting, it seems, of LGBTQ+, or CD'ers than rednecks are in the south. (There are rednecks in the northern states too, just sayin. :bs:) I mean sure, there ARE gay people in the south, some of them are out, some aren't and yes, just like in any other state if a crime is committed against a person of LGBTQ+ in the south, that crime is, of course punishable by law.

But my point is, a lot of you northern folks or folks from different countries do NOT know what it's like down in the southern US to have to deal with this and have to make hard decisions, like choosing to stay away from a place that I like because of bigots, haters and people who wanna kick my ass!

And I do, am afraid know people who would get violent over a man in a dress, utilizing the ladies' room.

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Cool Nancy, thank you! :) However, I'll probably never be able to go that bar, but it sounds fun! LOL

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SaraLin,
I am a 100% sure that the FB poster wasn't Karen. The woman who posted that, I met her and her boyfriend at the bar and they bought me a shot of tequila. :bs: She's and her bf are both very nice.
Honestly, I don't give a hoot if it WAS just a scare tactic, I'm NOT going back to that bar, PERIOD! If it wasn't a scare tactic, I'm still not gonna chance it. I hate it, but it is what it is and my decision on that is final.

I agree with your restroom theory, though. I mean, I met an F to M trans at the bar in Jackson, MS that I used to go to, he was a very nice guy and his wife was very nice too..... You wouldn't know he was trans and I'm 100% certain that he utilized men's rooms without fear of any kind of repercussions.

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LOL True, mbmmen12! :bs: But still, I ain't going back to that bar.