Is CD even real (for me)

I mean no offence to anyone here, you're all wonderful.

I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. I'm now 56 so nothing like leaving important things until late! A key aspect of ADHD, for me, is obsessing about something for a period and then dropping it. In the last six months: exercise mayhem nearly every day, diet and nutrition (Zoe program), naturism and now crossdressing. This is the pattern of many years.

So, I'm probably wanting to deny crossdressing is real for me as continuing is going to be awkward with adjustments to marriage, friendships, etc. I have enjoyed what I've been doing of course and currently want to keep going. It feels real and right to me right now. I suppose I'm scared.

I mean no offence but I don't understand how a standard English guy like me can possibly be in an alternative lifestyle like crossdressing. Probably fear and denial but I have to ask.

Thoughts?

Thanks,
Samantha x

Seize the day...

It's kind of strange how it works, isn't it? For myself after I was married I realized how real my feelings were and it scared me. It scared me so much that I told her about it, my only justification was my wife telling me there's worse things in life and to enjoy it. And then there's the working on cars with my buddy's, drinking beers, smoking and all greasy hands and the thought of disbelief that I thinking about what pretty dress I'm going to wear when they leave.
I know sometimes it feels like a dream but I'm taking my wife's advice not to look into it to much or try to figure it out and just enjoy it when opportunity comes. But I do know where your coming from

Samantha, in line with another thread I'm leaning towards reincarnation, it's is probably the simplest answer, and Occam's razor didn't get to be a thing just because it sounded cool. I utterly despise smoking but sometimes it seems like a thing to do, way back when I started it would be associated with dressing though I never have and never will actually do it. Who knows, sometimes they universe is just entertaining itself.

Personally, I think you're overthinking/overanalyzing it, which I guess is part of obsessing over it. There's no rush to some destination. You only get to have the newness of it all and the excitement that goes along with it for a short time. Give yourself and your wife time to get used to (or react to, in her case) one thing before you move into the next. There doesn't even have to be a next. Don't compare yourself to others or try to follow anybody else's lead. Slow down, relax, enjoy, savor. You've just started painting your nails, for crying out loud! Just enjoy that for a while! Grow your nails long, go get a mani-pedi, experiment with color, and by all means wear it in public (with your wife's full knowledge and approval). It's not as big of a deal as you think it is, but it is something to be enjoyed for all it's worth. Don't categorize yourself. Keep your head on straight. Don't make a bigger deal out of this than it is. Communicate with your wife, but don't make this the primary thing you talk about or the primary thing in your live. It's an aside. For someone so inclined (like all of us here) it's the coolest thing ever and it's not easy to keep a lid on it, but keep a lid on it you must. There's someone else on this ride with you. Don't let being a crossdresser make you a self-absorbed ____ (insert derogatory term of choice).

If you enjoy wearing clothing that is normally assigned to the opposite sex or you are driven to do so, you are by definition a crossdresser. What you do with that long term is up to you. I have been doing this for over 6 decades so I know it will never go away, you have to figure that out for yourself.

I mean it doesn’t have to be a lifestyle, it could be a pass time. Or some people think of it as a hobby. I think it’s more like a sport. Something you have to train for and get proficient at. Or a combination. A Hort or a Spobby! What ever, you take it as far as you want or as far as your driven to. No mater why the underlying cause.

My obsessions are driven mostly by my medications for a couple of pesky brain tumors. We’ll know side effect is obsessing and abnormal behavior. It’s very strange.

Don't know what your nationality might have to do with this, but here's the thing. If you're a guy and you like to wear girly clothes then you're a crossdresser. Easy peasy. If you lose interest in 6 months then you won't be a crossdresser any more. No big deal. Don't stress over the label, just enjoy, or don't.

It'll be interesting to see what you're into next. Who knows, maybe you'll incorporate CDing into whatever's next? Learn to fly wearing a dress? Learn to scuba dive in a bikini? Life is short, make it fun!

What Rhonda Jean said!
Sam, fact is most of us r closet dressers. Many, even their SO's don't know!
As such, we can do it when the desire strikes us and completely forget about it the rest of the time!:battingeyelashes: |

It has pretty much taken over my life. But, I didn't begin dressing until my 50's. And, I didn't get serious about it until after I discovered CD.com 20+ years ago.
Now, I'm single with grown kids. So, what else can I do at 80 that I can both enjoy and feel passionate about?:devil:
It beats the heck out of model trains and golf!:thumbsup:

Samantha
I've been doing this as long as I can remember. 62 years possible at some level. There have been times I didn't have any clothes but I was always thinking about what I wanted and wanted to be wearing. There isn't a one size fits all. Each of us have our own path to where we end up. For many years I was never comfortable with this part of me and usually somewhat unhappy, Then I stopped denying what I felt and started accepting what completes me.
Why question it if it makes you happy? does it make your heart and soul happy? it doesn't have to happen every day. You set the limits of what you want to do. For me it is getting to be a daily need, it isn't who I was 10 years ago or even 30 years ago.
Enjoy it for now and see where it goes. In six months you might have decided that it was just a temporary interest Or you might decide you need a bigger closet.

Samantha,

I think Rhonda may be right that you're overthinking things.
I fought the dragon for fifty years(starting at about age 5 or 6) until a therapist asked me a few simple questions:
Is it illegal? NO
Does it hurt anyone? NO
Does it make you feel better about yourself? Resounding YES
Then why is it a problem? Of course there are lots of potential ones, but in the past ten years very few if any have ever manifested and I dress to some extent every day.

I should qualify I do not fit in the all or nothing camp. I'm never going to pass and I'm OK with that.
I just wear what's comfy and what catches my fancy on any given day.

So just stop. And then you will be a wholesome standard English guy. I like the way you use the word 'standard' instead of 'normal'.
Yeah, my wife was diagnosed with ADHD. Doesn't everyone have a touch of ADHD?
If you feel like CD is just excess baggage, then let it run its course and then stop.
Then you can tell all the other standard folks in your life that you are above all that non-standard crossdressing stuff.

Until the pink fog rolls in, as it always does, regardless of your ADHD excuse for everything.

NjJamie; "I'm leaning towards reincarnation." #3

I've mentioned over the years of a childhood experience I had as a really young child. For some unknown reason I started having a vision at night that I had been a young woman who had been murdered in a unpaved parking lot. I saw myself laying dead in the dirt attired in a white full slip. I was maybe four or so. When I was 3+ my family moved from a large bedroom to a new apartment after WW2. We did not a television. I could never understand why I had those visions until the idea arose from watching a television show and then reading about "past lives" influences. My wife is on board with that concept although I have not shared this experience with her. When our family moved to the apartment my mother used the community washer and dryer facility until my parents bought a washing machine for our apartment which was against the rules, but, hey! Rules are to be broken. My mother would hang the laundry to dry on a wash line in the hallway or from a drying rack over the bathtub. I was drawn to her white slips. If there is something to be called a "gateway" to cross dressing, it was my mother's white slips. So, was it the influence of that "deceased" young woman who imprinted herself onto my soul? Maybe I'll meet her someday.

I can relate to Samantha. I really do appreciate what everyone has said. Very helpful and encouraging to me.

Ohhh, Samantha I don't know that you are the "standard" English guy. I am certainly not the "standard" Kiwi guy although for years I tried to pretend I was. Took me a long time to realize "I am just another bozo on the bus" muddling to get by. Welcome aboard girlfriend!:hugs:

Samantha, I was diagnosed with ADD at age 59. One of the things that is quite common among those with ADD/ADHD is the ability to hyperfocus. That includes long term hyper focusing as well as short term. I've often wondered if my rather fast journey into CDing is a case of hyper focusing. I don't really know. And, quite honestly, I don't really care. I cross dress as often and as much as I can. I love it and that is where I stop being concerned about why I do this.

So, as someone who is both autistic and probably suffering from ADHD as well, I'll say this, It COULD be a thing that only lasts for a little bit, or it could be a full time thing. Recently I too have been completely obsessed with crossdressing ATM but I've been crossdressing for over 20 years but this is really the first time its been where I stripped as soon as I got home and got dressed in more feminine attire.

I've had complete obsessions that lasted weeks, months or even a couple of years but some things? They've been with me since I was a child, CD and desire to be a girl being one of them. For you it could lasts weeks, months, years or the rest of your life. If you're not sure and dont want to waste alot of money, just get a few things and dress up here and there and do what do, dream of the outfits you could wear :daydreaming:

Hope this site will help you through some of your issues. It is a great site.

Samantha,
Since you are new to cd.com I went back and reviewed all your posts.
1st comments:
Sex
Gender
Are totally different, most crossdressers are heterosexual.

Yes you are a crossdresser based on your posts in my opinion. (That not a bad thing) CD is anyone male or female that wears cloths design for the opposite gender.

Looks likes you are also having what some call “Pink Fog” at times which is your brain is telling you need a fix (ie put on something female clothing) that does not say you have to go full board dressed/makeup, etc.) panties alone or panties and a bra under your male cloths can possibly satisfy you if done regularly. Bad pink fog would require additional items of clothing, toes/finger nails, and/or jewelry. It is like medicine you do what you need to manage the pink fog. My 2 cents Bras can be a no for some wife’s and if bras is not an issue, breasts size can still be an issue. (Stay smaller than you wife cup size.) Then based upon your body size, bra cup size / clothing looking good can be another hurdle to get over for a wife.

Pink fog can come and go for a long time or can be every few days. Ultimately acceptance and managing your thoughts very likey will be wearing something daily. It is like taking blood pressure medicine, which is typically a life long medication for most people.

Acceptance can be hard all the way to semi-easy each person is different. ( if hard find a good counselor that knows something about transgender. And hopefully has client history with transgender issues.

I mentioned transgender, so in simple terms:
Simple CD’s (from wearing panties only) to all the CD variants say dressing at home, limited going outside, to going out to meet friends or with wife) the other side of the spectrum is transsexuals (no surgeries, to breasts surgery, etc, to a full blown all surgeries).
Their are only a small percentage that go through all surgeries or any surgical procedures.

I’m 68 years old and you are in your 50’s. So those were hard times when we were young. No one to talk too / no internet, etc. Basically an outcast / considered mental illness back then.

I tried on my 1st panties around 5 years old, a friend (girl) and I switched underwear and panties in her bedroom one day while playing. But the thoughts were way before that day. Puberty was very hard for me, inside my brain it was telling me girl, but outside was a boy.

Yes, I accepted myself as is. I’ am heterosexual married 43 years, 2 kids, grandkids. (Wife’s knows, oldest daughter knows)
Wear panties 24/7, bras when the fog appears. Yes, I wear cloths as well at times. Wife main issues is no lace, limited colors.
I get cold so, wearing leggings and shorts and camisole is common.

Yes, I still would prefer a female body. BUT not at the expense of my family. I learned to manage my pink fog.
But would likely be a lesbian, most guys are trying to be too mucho.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CarlaWestin

Doesn't everyone have a touch of ADHD?

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Uh, no. BUT... lots of people feel the need to believe that all other people are in some way just like themselves, in order to feel that they, too, are 'normal'.
I believe the psychological term for it is called 'projection', we project the trait, or feeling that we have, onto others.

Very good explanation about pink fog...