Revelation or realization?????

Had some alone time today. So of course I went to get ?dressed? and most of the time is been a fetish kind of feeling where it?s over quickly. Today I found myself living as Olivia. I was playing games, and looking at sms and didn?t want it to end. Made me feel like when I was transformed I was finally feeling like myself. I was calm and was happy looking in the mirror, although makeup is a dream to conquer, today was fun in a new way and I felt like sharing! I don?t have anyone to talk to as Olivia so it?s nice to come here and hear all y?all?s stories

Olivia,

You're not alone in reaching this point. Many of us have travelled the same path and found that place where we recognise that dressing is part of who we are, part of our identity.

Those, and I count myself amongst them, who would seek "relief" at the end of their dressing have done so as much out of frustration that their time dressed had come to a forced premature end than an part of an act of fetishism.

I'd call it evolution, the emergence of Olivia as a persona.

Olivia ... YES, YES and YES ... when dressed "the woman in me" ... (yes, I stole that from Shania Twain) is "liberated" to be who she is mentally. To have a whole day to enjoy that brings peace and calmness to my life. Enjoy the ride.

Joanna

I found in time it becomes more and more about just relaxing and just feeling piece. When my children were home it felt like the way you described, little time finish fast. Now I can't wait to get dressed and all I do is relax or read on the couch and now almost never end with a finish. I believe your slowly going to feel more comfortable with Olivia and you will just feel peace. And go ahead a feel free to talk here whenever you feel, after all that's what is all about. Cheers

A fetish can evolve into a lifestyle and then that lifestyle can acquire other fetishes, etc. It is like a black hole! No pun intended.

Olivia, it has been a long time since it felt fetish like for me. Congratulations.

This seems to be a common trajectory. I'm underdressed everyday (I have no outfits to do more) unless I've decided, like today, to be "normal" for my wife. I just have plain white knickers on today.

Like you found, I feel calm and I like how I look. I don't understand why. As I'm on antidepressants I cannot find "relief", so I don't do it for that reason.

It's a journey. I don't know where it will end.

It would seem to me you're letting out the female within you.

There are vague thresholds in this behavior that are common among many of us. Not true of everyone and not well defined. But you probably reached one of those that is characterized by a comfort with yourself in your total identity. To some it can be worrying as it is missing some of the type of excitement experienced in the past. Kind of a maturing. Your brain has adapted to the configuration that earlier is affected by feelings that there is something amiss about you. The, "I am doing something I shouldn't be doing but I can't help it" type of worry. This new pattern is a normalization of the sense of self. No worries. Stability is what your brain is after and your sensation is probably related to achieving some degree of that stability. However it is a tenuous stability for awhile and there may be times when it will shift backward a bit. It is like an "evolution" as Kris said. A jumpy line for awhile. Congratulations are in order.

Agree that for many, including myself, this is an evolution. I have progressed over a number of years step by step to fully embrace my feminine side. Backsliding? Definitely. But the overall trajectory has been a movement toward my female side.

Congratulations! I havr only been dressing since Sep of last year, but about 6 months ago had a realiztion that I am Diane and Diane is me. I have felt so much better and loved myself so much more since that point. It's not a fetish for me, never really was. It's a lifestyle that I love and fully embrace.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Karren H

... It is like a black hole! ...

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More like a rabbit hole.

Pun intended, Alice... :)

It's like fung shui. the difference is not always obvious but you feel it. Maybe boy doesn't feel wrong but girl feels that much more right? Like when I did the leaves outside I also cleaned the gutter. of course it all looked nice but I felt something when I saw how clean my roof was. Instead of all those leaves piled in the gutter. it's not that I focused on them but some part of me knew it wasn't right to leave Them there.
And now that they are gone that part of me is at peace.
It's not obvious but we can subconsciously notice things.

Olivia, I think you're experiencing life's journey. I don't know exactly what you mean by "fetish" but that term usually has some sort of kinky sexual meaning. My journey, as well as from the posting on this site, usually entailed some self hatred, self loathing for not fitting into the societal role expected of men. Hence, all the lying by omission, overt lying, concealing, and purging. If one is fortunate, he gain self acceptance and has only to deal with other people's problems of acceptance. When I have the time and opportunity to express myself for an entire day or a week it is a rather boring life; attired in a dress and heels/hosiery. What's the day like? It's baking, meal preparation, laundry & ironing, vacuuming, taking my breakfast and lunch in the backyard (weather permitting). There is no prancing in front of the mirror or trying on numerous outfits. It is a rather boring day. That's fine with me.

Of course, when I began dressing privately in my 50's it was a turn on!:o

Now, 25+ years later I only dress to go out or for a photoshoot. The act of dressing is NOT relaxing since I want everything to look perfect every time!:straightface:

In all my years while getting dressing up and during countless outings, I've never once thot of sex!:eek:

However, after my stressful shoots r over? I sometimes have enuff energy left to enjoy Sherry in my bedroom mirror!:devil:

I don?t get the fetish part of it either. Nor the kinky part as well. I always heard kinky was with a feather and perverted was when you used the whole chicken 🐓

It?s amazing how we travel down the road without even realizing it. I used to be like most of the gurls here and finish quickly. Now I cant even remember the last time I did that. Nowadays when I dress I relax and watch TV or like today I did housework. I enjoy dressing this way much better than I used to when I had to finish. This seems more natural.

How about liberation from the sexual side of dressing, to a simple enjoyment of wearing what you like. Lingerie is my underwear of choice, hosiery are my socks, skirts are my outward expression of wearing what I want which is comfortable to me. It is a part of me, but doesn't define me either. The realization is removing any guilt, shame, and conflicts about what others think.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kris Burton

I'd call it evolution, the emergence of Olivia as a persona.

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I feel like you hit my heart. I see myself as two people now.

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Thanks to all for your sweet thoughts, it really feels like an acceptance and knowing myself as Olivia more and more. I looked in the mirror and saw Olivia, not a wig, just Olivia. And to feel the love from all you girls is beyond!

It definitely felt like crossing a threshold, or evolving, when I actually took time to accept the part of me that has always been there, just hidden from view (mostly). When I dress generally I only have a few hours once or twice a week to do so, but I try to maximize that experience. It tends to calm my always-on brain down a bit, lessens overall stress.

Since I started CDing 3 1/2 years ago, I've never thought of it as a fetish. However, the few times I tried on my mother's lingerie and my first wife's pantyhose, it was definitely a sexual turn on for me. But, those things took place over 50 years ago. Cross dressing for me has been nothing more than a journey of discovery. What I've been discovering is I truly enjoy dressing as a woman. I find it comfortable and soothing to be dressed in feminine attire. I just wish society was 100% accepting so my wife wouldn't care one bit if I went outside the house for a walk in the neighborhood. I'd love to share Heather with friends and neighbors...but, that is unrealistic so I know that (most likely) can never happen.

I had dabbled with CD at earlier phases of my life, primarily as an adolescent. It was a realization ten years ago that it was something that was part of my identity. I came into CD from my drag friends and a strong drag community in my city. My wife was completely accepting and my wider circle of friends were largely approving. I suppose I am blessed in that regard, although I know the larger world is not so accepting and the culture has increasingly embraced hyper-masculinity as a response to (if you will) outlaw gender expression. I wouldn't describe my impulse as a kink or fetish, simply a part of an ongoing experiment in identity.

I feel the same girl! It times like now when I can be Olivia and talk to you girls about how it feels to just be this half of me! I appreciate all the love and support here from all of you. I am taking in all your words and enjoying just being this side of me when I can.

XoXOlivia