Who has changed more, you or your SO?

Last May my wife and I were up in the Olympic National Rain Forest in Washington state right around our 36th anniversay. One evening my wife asked me who has changed more?
Initially I said she had. I get this surprised look. Then I thought about Sophie making her appearance, then I said maybe it was me. Then I thought about it some more and
said it was definitely her. She brought it up again recently, so I told her I would ask the group.

Here are just a few of the reasons I think she has changed the most.

1. As a wedding gift, she quit smoking cold turkey.
2. She could not see herself having children and we have two grown boys
3. She/we have hosted many many foreign exchange students. She taught English classes to Japenese students visiting for the summer. We had two full year studentn live with
us, one from Tajikistan and one from Maldova.
4. She home schooled both our boys, pre-school through high school.
5. She has developed an eccentric group of friends.
6. She has completed two geneology books. One was a small book for a friend who wanted to get it into her 93 year mother's hands before she passed. The other is a 450 page
book that took 9 years to complete.
7. She has become very knowledgable about health and nutrition. She has lost 80-90 pounds without a lot of exercise. She strives for 8 hours of sleep/night.
8. Her empathy has grown. One day we were riding a bus heading down town with one of our foreign exchange students. A CD and her wife got on. Our foreign exchange student
was taken aback on seeing her. My wife knew the couple and got up hugged them and chit chatted.
9. Our niece, the daughter of her sister, was a flower girl at our wedding. She developed ALS and lived near us in a three story apartment. We had her and her son move in with us.
It has been at least three years now and her son just started high school. We will be care giving/hospice care for the next couple of years.
10. We just want each other to be happy. She is fully supportive of Sophie. She enjoys going to some of the local t-girl events. I remember reading something like
"when she comes out of the closet, the wife goes in.' I think that this initially happened, she wasn't quite sure who to talk with. She told her best friend, and
got a rather cool responce. Her girl friend was ok, but no way her husband would be. I think this is the main reason I think she has changed the most. I cannot phantom all the changes she had to juggle, but she just takes in stride now. She still worries about my safety and today's political climate.

Love to hear if changed the most or your SO?

It's hard to make an opinion without her giving her assessment of how you have changed?

For my wife and I, we have grown or changed together through this adventurous journey. From the start of wearing one of her swimsuits she claimed was so tight on her to the so called Whole Nine Yards of dressing. I do say her changing and accepting has led to my diving further into dressing. Step by step, together.

As far as gender, or dressing issues go - I guess I'd have to say "neither." She hasn't gotten more accepting. I haven't lost the need.

In other things, I'd be tempted to say that she has changed more.
Of course that's probably because I don't notice my changes as much.

We both have changed. Her in her acceptance of me wearing panties, bras, and night gowns, and me in my lessening desire to dress more fully in stockings, dresses and wigs. I’d say we have reached a happy equilibrium where we’re both content.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by char GG

It's hard to make an opinion without her giving her assessment of how you have changed?

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I asked my wife last night why she thought I had changed more. Her response, of course, was with the appearance of Sophie. She said that Sophie is so much more talkative and out going. In the past she has said that Sophie is fearless. When she initially asked me, I wasn't even thinking about Sophie, and said it was her. Then I thought about Sophie and changed my mind. Then after thinking about it some more, I concluded it is still her.

Hi Sophie

I would definitely have to say me, have you seen me lately!! haha

Amy x

Amy, I was thinking the same thing.

I have definitely been the one to evolve more since we married 50 years ago. I was never particularly masculine in the way that masculinity is typically defined. Totally straight, but psychologically androgynous leaning slightly to the feminine. That hasn't changed. What has changed is that I've come to claim more of that part rather than hiding it. Claiming it hasn't been without its cost but I'm finding it to seems to be worth it. I won't really know until the bill is totaled.

She has not veered to far from what her original idea of what a man should be. In many ways I believe we've both become a more complete version of the persons we started as. It's definitely a point of tension.

This is such beautiful story!

Sophie you and your wife sound like quite the couple.

To answer the OP question I can honestly say that neither of us have changed.

Amy - Very Nice

Based on the limited responces, it looks like those who have an accepting SO, have changed together to make the relationship work.

An update: My wife went to our doctor for her annual physical. The doctor told her, it must have been near the end of the exam, "she thought your husband was interesting, but I think you are more interesting." I see our doctor every three months and will see her at the end of October. I'll ask the doctor why she thinks my wife is more interesting then me or who has changed more.

Sophie, I do not think it is a limited response. I think most are still pondering the question. Not an easy one to answer. I nearly did not respond. My wife passed away in May, but I can say that I changed the most while in our relationship. My dressing, increased, though there were some boundaries agreed to. And with it, I became more attentive to her needs and calmer as an overall person. Hugs, Meg

I would say I have changed more.
I’ve become much more comfortable with myself in every way, thanks to her help, love and acceptance.