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It's been about three months since she found out. I have been following advice from some of you and not being too open about it. She hasn't said a thing about it since week one. Everything is going good with us. Do bring it up or should I just leave it be?
Flip a coin?!:straightface:
There's too many variables here in a subjective situation for us to give you any sort of accurate answer.
I think one thing that needs to be considered is; what does the future look like? What do you want it to look like? What does she want it to look like? Do you want to be able to openly dress around her, or will you be happy with DADT? Do you feel more comfortable not talking about it moving forward or do you want to be able to discuss all things crossdressing someday in the future?
Where do you want this to go? Once you've assessed that, then you can begin to discuss it with her and find out where she wants it to go. Then you figure out a happy medium.
After my wife caught me we sat and had the talk about it and I just revealed it all to her that I like to dress in beautiful dresses and thigh high stockings and high heels since then she has actually helped with my store buying me makeup high heels and skirts.
I believe you should talk with her and put all your cards on the table
You know her we do not . So bring it up or let her bring it up.
But the only thing I can tell you for certain.
TELL THE TRUTH FROM HERE ON OUT!
If there is something she asks of you like stop dressing-
That’s not going to happen ever. Be better to get her to understand. Do not agree to things just to get over this right now.
It is your one chance for you to get her trust back again.
Please no stupid games that will all bite you in the Bumm.
She ask you anything be truthful.
Although we GGs tell you this constantly….its the lies more than anything.
As others have queried, "What's your end game?" Without perusing any prior postings was there any discussion when the reveal happened? The always questions, "Are you gay?' "Do you want to become a woman?" If not, she may have some unanswered questions. Be truthful. Don't make any commitments that you cannot keep. Don't step over any boundaries you agree to. Also, be prepared, if you open the conversation, you may get more than you anticipated.
Well she caught you, you had a talk, she took it well, a week after you had a second talk, and then off to a dinner followed by great sex. Meaning your wife's not only winning the Olympics of acceptation, she also isn't affected sexually by your proclivity or the lying. Weeks after, this blossoms into a pink fog episode, and your female persona moving in and getting her own rack space in your home. I don't know if that can aptly be described as "not too open", nor can I imagine what your wife could have kept in the back of her mind after being intimate with you just a few days after discovering that Hubby lied to her.
Really, either you are making some of these things up, or your wife is giving you such leeway that we may wonder how much she is really involved in your relationship.
My sense is you want/ need to continue dressing, therefore, I believe things need to be resolved, compromised, understood, limits, if any. Theref, I suggest, when the time is right, have the talk. It?s not going away. Best.
Maybe there is a simple question you can ask her. Something she can help you with that would be easy to answer, not to much to feed her imagination. Something to open the conversation in a safe way. I feel like there's this bubble of water with all this surface tension, and you need to break the surface to see where the water flows.
I don't know what that question should be. Maybe something like what's the best way to deal with an ingrown hair or how does this work or how does that work. We need to come up with the right safe question.So that you are seeking her help, not to find the answer but hopefully to hear her thoughts on the whole issue.
My wife caught me over 15 years ago. She hated it then and she hates it now. We had the talk and I do get to go out as long as she doesn't see me dressed.
What I will always remember is her saying, "Why didn't you tell me before we got married. I'm not sure that I would have married you."
I didn't tell her because I thought it was an arousal thing. I though that once we were married I would be aroused as much as I wanted without dressing. Yeah, right.
We don't know your total situation. You do.
That's a choice only you can make.
When my wife first found out, she let me know in no uncertain terms that she does not approve of my dressing. I waited years for her to bring it up again, but that never happened.
Earlier this year, I had to bring it up. I bought some panties online. When the time came to checkout, I went on auto-pilot and used our joint account instead of my personal account. At that point, I told her that I had been underdressing for about 5 years.
She again wasn't happy about it, but just let me know that she doesn't want to see it.
I make sure that she doesn't.
Secrets in a marriage often don?t end well. What if you get caught again?
I?ve been married 30 years and told my wife before we married and were quite young. She was ok with the underdressing but not much more. It has only been recent months when we have been away from kids and in distant places while on holiday she has accepted I have worn thinks like skirts and swimmers in public.