Today's therapy session

I've been in therapy for the last four plus years and I'm with my second therapist because the first one went to online only. Therapy started for non-dressing related issues but crossdressing has been a regular topic in sessions. With the first therapist, I started out going in drab and changing in her office while she waited in the lobby. Later I began just owning my look.

Today's session was looking to be a bit more bold in that I wore a nice rib knit dress, below the knee with pantihose and a shaper slip over by bra and panties. I don't have any heels so I just went with white Keds. I was totally happy with the look. I'd also point out that I generally get to sessions pretty early and wait in the lobby.

Well, this morning I was blowing time in the lobby and my Apple watch gave me a heartrate alarm. I didn't feel nervous but maybe there was some excessive adrenaline. My shaper slip was very tight and I became very aware of just how snug it was. I thought maybe that was the cause for high heartrate. I stepped into the restroom and took off the slip and stored it and sat back down in the lobby. I was still feeling just how tight the pantihose was and my heartrate didn't really come down so I ended up going back and removing it and my bra. and finally felt comfortable enough to relax a bit. My heartrate was still elevated but not alarming.

I say all this because in many sessions, the client is asked to say where in their body they're feeling discomfort and all the constriction was getting all my attention. I don't think the therapist would have known about the shapeware and pantihose if I hadn't mentioned it. I liked the look of my legs in nude pantihose, but they were too distracting. It felt pertinent to the conversation to express that because it helps to define boundaries about my motivations.

My hair is white and several inches below my shoulders. I wore it down instead of in the usual ponytail. It was a good hair day. I added mild eyeshadow and mascara that wasn't all that noticeable. My beard is my defining physical feature in all this and was as important as the dress was/is for me.

I was totally comfortable during the session and my therapist is always supportive and complimentary. My crossdressing is not the major topic of the sessions but it is very well represented as an issue. Old trauma is probably a factor in my dressing but not really the cause.

I got kinda long winded here but others have asked about counseling/therapy and I thought I'd give an example for the uninitiated. One note is that therapist is not a gender issue specialist but has experience working with these gender issues.

I slipped on jeans over the bottom of the dress and stopped by the grocery store on the way home. Sure enough, I ran into a woman from my high school graduating class who is friends with my wife. We carried on a conversation about health and the weather and it was totally comfortable. The dress wore like a mock turtleneck with the jeans and I think I nailed the makeup so that it was not particularly noticeable.

Bea I really respect and applaud your courage and confidence, I wish I had half of it. I believe for myself my heart rate would probably be high just being in a room with others dressed as you described you were. As much as I say I'm not a stereotype person the more I believe I am. Again you are really one of a kind in my book and again I congratulate your confidence and courage. You are a great inspiration to all of us here. Cheers.

As a former psych major and a person who has consulted a number of experienced therapists for help I think I need to speak up here, Bea.

A good therapist will help u identify your problems and help u find possible solutions. They r not there to judge u no matter how u r dressed!

They mostly just listen to u. In the hope that they'll help u understand and identify your life's issues and options. They leave it up to make ALL decisions!

When I discussed my dressing with a counselor she qasked me what kind of problems it was causing in my life? When I said, "None yet", she said, "Then, let's move on!":devil:

Maybe u wouldn't mind listing what dressing issues you're hoping to find help for, Bea?

Doc
There is some recently revealed but ancient trauma that knocked my on my backside before I started therapy. There's also some major neurodivergence on my part. My personal taste is a player, but not the major player in my seeking therapy. It seems to be intertwined into the whole of the issues.

My first therapist was caring but specifically withheld any direct encouragement of my crossdressing while seeing me dressed regularly. She was a good counselor but stopped seeing patients in the office. My current therapist is more cordial and has been openly complimentary and supportive of working towards a workable end state. Certain life situations will likely have to be addressed before there'll be any meaningful positive outcome. But, I need to clarify my own status before addressing them.

Thank you for sharing this Bea.

As one of those uninitiated from the other thread, I'm not sure what to expect tomorrow with my 1st therapy session at all. I still plan to present dressed up on the conference call but your insight is so helpful in that it's okay to get nervous or triggered and it's not a "fail" to to temper back plans if needed. I think it will be a while before I can dress for in-person sessions but that is a goal.

Oh, but now I'm definitely going to wear my watch to see where the :<3: rate spikes!

Bea. Thanks for the open comments.
I always went to my therapy sessions dressed as I knew I was on my way to transition. I just did not know then how far that would actually go.
It took me many months to come to the realisation that she was not there to tell me how to run my life she was there to show me options on how to process my emotions.
I am still working on that.
She was there for me to be able to talk about my feelings and know that I could say anything to her about my desires and dreams.
There are many things that can trigger the heart rate to rise significantly but one would assume that tight clothing which you have worn before should not have been the cause. Much more likely is what was going on in your head. Were you really as comfortable in those clothes as you thought you were?
Not the fact that they were tight but more that you were wearing them.
I do applaud you for going out dressed as YOU as that does take some confidence. I wish you well.

Philippa Jane, I take into consideration that it might have been the situation rather than the restrictive clothing but I've been in the situation many times without that particular alarm going off. I've never monitored my heartrate so it may just be a new feature from the phone. Who knows.

A few factors...
- I just turned 70 and am definitely not in the best shape of my life.
- The dress itself was waiting for cooler weather to wear and the morning was marginal. It actually was both constrictive and held a lot of body heat. Instead of giving making me more relaxed about having a bit smoother profile, the shaper slip just took extra attention.
- The pantihose were tight at the waist and the line they displayed under the fitted dress ended up being less flattering to the dress. The dress was the highlight and the muffin top from the pantihose was a visual distraction as well as a physical distraction. My legs were smooth and I don't look bad without pantihose. I wear them at home occasionally but they've never been a major inspiration for me.
- I love the feel of a bra and I've worn to most sessions. Once the whole heartrate episode started, it became another distraction rather than a asset.
- So I ended up with nothing but panties under the fitted dress and it ended up being a pleasant session as far as how i was dressed.
- I am more embarrassed by my older-male physique than I am about wearing the dress. I'd loved to have had my mid-thirties physique in the dress.

My heartrate may be elevated more regularly than i realize. I'm fairly sensitive to adrenaline and I didn't feel it other than the heartrate. Even when I removed the extra layers, neither my mood nor confidence really shifted but my heartrate did come down a bit.

For me, therapy has helped me build and rebuild my identity after some trauma. The dressing started after the initial trauma about 15-20 years ago. I think the trauma just made trying to fit the traditional male mode less important. I don't feel like a woman and have no envy other than the aesthetics of the clothes, makeup, accessories. I've always had a creative/artistic bent and I'm guessing that part is expressed in my preferred presentation.