I don't think she got it

I have read serveral of peoples post about how tell the SO in their life and finally decided to tell mine (she already knew that I "used to" wear womens clothes and make cause she would help). Anyways we were in bed and I wore my maroon nighty from a few years ago and she was like,"Oh I didn't know you still liked wearing those type of things." So I told her that I always have enjoyed it and liked it when you helped with my makeup She said she didn't mind the nighties but didn't really want me wearing dresses and things, then kinda just dropped it. Kinda confused here Any input would be wonderful GG's and CD's replies welcome Well thanks for reading Love to you all

I guess in my future post I will try to be more clear as to whats going on Thanks anyways

Maybe she felt like it was going too far hun. I hope if and when mine sees the light that she doesn't change her acceptance.

:hugs: Joy

Well I see i'm the first to post, don't fear it's just a slow monday, but hey you got one thing going the nighties, it's a start, let her get used to it then you can add panties and work your way up, it's a lot more then a lot of people have going.

Miranda,
I spent maybe 10 years, just wearing nighties, and playing with hairstyles and makeup, but the last 10 years has been Cindy's choice basicly.
I dont let it controll my day to day life, but have the freedom to dress as I like when the mood strikes me :)

Cindy

Well, I kinda can relate to you.
My ex supported me in the beginning (I thought so, as she bought me things once in a while, and we had some fun). We spoke about it, but because I didn't understand me those days (dunno if today) it hasn't been very fruitful and I took her "Yes you are allowed to ... " as accaptence for a long time. Later it turned out to be tolerance only and she was happy for every minute I didn't dress. So I sneeked back into the closet not to bother her. I avoided to wear female clothes in her presence. (She knew that I hadn't stoped, cause she saw the clothes laying around and washed them sometimes). I didn't avoid it completaly though, cause I wanted to respect myself a little bit too. What she got to see in "fem mode" was that I wore tights or hose and gym shoes (actually unisex gym shoes) as slippers.

She was afraid of being caught if the door bell would ring (I had to change my slippers and to pull on socks, or to lock the door of my room ... degrading). She felt hemmed in, and was afraid of inviting friends without announcement because of me wearing thights and gym shoes. All in all she didn't find it attractive and was afraid of being caught. She was not only afraid, she felt embarassed as she said in the end (If you would be seen wearing hose, that would be as embarassing for me like you would s**t on the street :eek: )

So, I think her support in the beginng was only because she loved me and maybe thought she could learn to deal with it, it was something for the nighttime and would "grow out", but not because she understood it or liked it. As she realized that she stopped supporting me and we stopped talking about it. I just did and she knew. I think she didn't want to hurt me and avoided to talk about it, and I didn't want to be rejected ---> silence.
I am quite sure she thought it was only a period and I could stop it, if I want to, and maybe felt ignored because I didn't stop. Other than that, her clear reaction in the end showed that she was trapped in all of the biases we have to face, but as she is usually a very progressive lady there seemed to be no need to discuss this for the both of us. As love diminished biases succeeded.

I believe she really tried to understand it, but she failed as I failed to explain it to her. Finally the biases won, because a clamp of both of us liking it was never there.*

So, your SO's support might "only" be love (sounds stupid, I know, and I don't want to hurt anyone). Take that into account.

EDIT: *Ironically we fell in love in a time when I tried to by-pass my "weird" feelings trying to modify male fashion to a more feminine look (sewed lioncloth on trousers, tried to design man's skirts and bulls**t like this, eyeliner etc.).

Well, sometimes things are just not what they seem to be.

That's a great account, Marla. My experience is different, but not so much different as you might think. I love seeing posts like yours, truthful, condensing a great deal of experience.

Doug

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Originally Posted by Miranda33

I She said she didn't mind the nighties but didn't really want me wearing dresses and things, then kinda just dropped it.

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Golly, what's not to "Get?" Granted, I'm hundreds of mile away and you were right next to her in bed, but I hear what she is saying. Who knows, maybe she will be more accepting in the future. I waited a lifetime for my wife's acceptance and it never came. Good luck.
Rebecca

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Julie Avery

That's a great account, Marla.

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Thanks a lot Julie.:happy:

I needed that.

:love:

Miranda..let's back up the bus hon just for a moment.

Let's start with you. What would you like to be able to do? Really, let us all know. Do you want to dress in just more than nighties? Are we talking just a few odd peices or the whole nine yards {wig/make up} ect? We can't know if she is being vague or not when you also are being vague. And I dont' mean that in a mean way...but I am sure it would be easier to assess things if we knew what exactly you have in mind.

Next....what do you see her role in your dressing? Sexual? particapatory? Best friend?

I think alot of times women are confused or send mixed signals because they get mixed signals. I had one girl tell me her guy explained that he liked "pretending like an actor"....eventually he told her that was not true and that he really wished he was a female. So that is a huge world of difference...at least in explanation.

I mean if one dismisses how 'important' it is,well then she will too...does that make sense?

I think when you figure out what you need and become clear then she also will have a chance to define what she is willing to do.

I mean ultimatly you could agree to do this in your own time. But I don't think that is what you have in mind. Right? Just a guess...

anyway....let us know more and I am sure you will get more feedback.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Miranda33

I have read serveral of peoples post about how tell the SO in their life and finally decided to tell mine (she already knew that I "used to" wear womens clothes and make cause she would help). Anyways we were in bed and I wore my maroon nighty from a few years ago and she was like,"Oh I didn't know you still liked wearing those type of things." So I told her that I always have enjoyed it and liked it when you helped with my makeup She said she didn't mind the nighties but didn't really want me wearing dresses and things, then kinda just dropped it. Kinda confused here Any input would be wonderful GG's and CD's replies welcome Well thanks for reading Love to you all

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In mnay ways I can relate to Miranda33. I came out to my then girlfriend (now wife) nearly 30 years ago. Initially she was interested, but really ultimately discouraged it, and I dropped it. She wanted to be the one who is girly (go figure!!!) Little did either of us know, the desire to dress for some of us never goes away.

I've been struggling to come back out in an honest and open way... (I've done some stupid stuff to come out in a side door way, like purposely leaving clues that I was interested in her clothes - things I've read about here - and all that does is widen the divide...)... for reasons that I've been able to understand by reading lots of posts here...

I don't necessarily want her to participate - although I love to shop with her, watch movies with lovely women and their wardrobes, watch "What not to wear" together, admire vintage fashion, - I mean, she's got to know something,... I'm not "Mr. Home Improvement". I'd be interested in some mutual erotic exploration, be she is not (or was not), and hence, what fun would that be. And I am her best friend, not her girlfriend, neither of us would want that - although, like I said, it is very fun to shop together - so maybe, part time girlfriend.

Your response resonated with me because you so correctly are asking "What do you want?" How can anyone ask for something they don't know what it is?
BTW - I'm not implying that Miranda33 does or doesn't know - and I hope I'm not being rude - but your question goes straight to the heart of my inner conflict. And you've helped me.

What I want is to not feel decietful, dishonest and isolated. I don't need approval, just tolerance and her continued love and commitment. And that is the parodox - the fear of losing that love creates the hiding and occasional deciet which then theatens that very love.

So thanx for your clarity in your response - and thanx Miranda33 for your question... Hope you don't mind my sticking my nose in!!

Well What a difference a couple of days can make. Thanks to everyone your posts were very informative, and taken to heart. I finally came right to the point to my SO and told her what my intentions were... First of all I told her I really enjoy wearing womens clothing, wigs, makeup ect. (this coming after my failed attempt the other day). She told that was ok with her as long as I kept it at home, and our son didn't have see me. I agreed to this for now. I also let her know that I wore my clothes usually when she was not at home and can respect her wishes about not coming totally out. What a relief that was knowing that I didn't have hide everything from her any more (I will keep my fingers crossed,and legs too) I am also coming to my own acceptance of who me and Miranda are and it feels good to know that my SO didn't just blow me off the other night. Well thank you everyone for your support youu all aree great. Now I am gonna go shave my legs!!! Oh our discussion took place during that movie on lifetime The Gwen Arajo story A girl like me Figure that