Seeking your advice, comments, and thoughts

Like many of you, I'm married and have hidden my crossdressing from my wife of 13 years. Only recently has she become aware of (but only A LITTLE) my crossdressing. One day she found my waist nipper corset lying on the bedroom floor next to our bed. At first, she thought it was hers but why was it out? When she determined that it was not hers, she confronted me--luckily our college-aged daughter was not at home. So, I quickly made a decision and told her “I am a transvestite. I like to wear women's underwear, lingerie, and clothes.” We talked a little about my crossdressing...when and for how long have I been doing this, etc. I told her I became aware and had been doing it since I was very young and, basically, throughout my adult life. I mentioned that one day I would like both of us to be dressed in matching lingerie and make love. Fortunately or unfortunately, we were interrupted by something so the subject was dropped and we have not discussed my crossdressing in depth again.

Let me say that throughout our marriage, I’ve regularly buy her lingerie. Of course, whenever I go shopping for these items, I yearn that the purchases were for me instead! And, sometimes, I do get something for myself

At this point, I am not certain whether she is totally turned off, indifferent, or minimally accepting of my transvestism. She thinks and probably does know that when alone in the home I crossdress or at least wear her panties. Since our talk about a year ago, she has twice purchased for me panties in my size..."so I don't stretch hers". Once, we went shopping at Victoria Secrets with me making the selections and she making the purchases. Lately, whenever I travel, she puts a pair of panties in my luggage; also, she allows me to wear a panty whenever we make love. She did mention once that she doesn’t know if she can deal with my wearing anything on top…meaning a bra. As a consequence, to date, she has not seen me dressed in my fem attire.

I am currently on a business trip and earlier this week went out and purchase new breastforms and 5” black pumps. I’ve been wearing them in my room and want badly to open this part of myself to my wife.

Any advice?

Well I am not like an expert or anything..However..she seems to be taken it pretty well..I know she really hasn't said anything to indicate this...though she is buying you stuff and sometimes actions speak louder then words...

My bf well actually girlfriend He's a cd and well I accept this of him..well actually I more then accept this..It is something that I love about him...I gave him a few of my clothes so that he would know in a sense that I am indeed more then ok with this..otherwise why would I give him stuff that he could wear...right?

At first he was a bit "shy" to completely dress infront of me...and when he did...he realized that I was more then accepting of his life style...my suggestion is to "just do it" that really is the only way you will ever find out how she feels..if you do not want to completely dress maybe just ease her into it...wear a little bit here and a little bit there til one day you are completely dressed...

I hope things work out for you!!

Fortunately being honest with your wife was a step in the right direction. Since she has bought you a few things she is not showing any serious objections to your crossdressing. If you plan to go a little further and dress fully and expect her acceptance, there are a few things you should keep in mind. How you dress is quite important. If you dress like a tart or in fetish wear she is almost certain to be turned off by it. She may get the idea that that is what you think a woman should be. You mentioned that you bought breast forms. This is another area where you could trip up. Don't go overboard with size, doing so can also been seen as a fetish. But most importantly, have a good heart to heart talk.Try not to push your ideas on her too quickly and listen to her concerns. It may take months or more for her to feel comfortable with this side of you. Don't expect too much so soon.
It is not impossible to build a really good relationship around your crossdressing. It all depends on how she sees it and what she is willing to accept. Good luck!!

Jenny B

Hi PaulaJeanette,

Sounds to me as though things are going well. The shock to your wife, after 13 years of marriage, would have been considerable. Having built a relationship with you, based on a redundant perception, it sounds to me as though her love may be strong enough to reconstruct this broader perception of you. This will take time, she has much to think about, as your wife and a mother. I can tell that you are keen to progress, now that it is out in the open. However, I’m sure it took you some time to accept this about yourself. Your wife has a lot of catching up to do.

Her loving gesture of buying you lingerie should not be underestimated. It is a gift to treasure. Sure, she is going to be pissed at you stretching her panties. Don’t take it personally. She might be just as pissed with her daughter for using her lingerie. Surely, in a woman’s world, things don’t get much more personal. In a woman’s world, there are many flexible boundaries. Borrowing each other’s lingerie is, perhaps, not one of them.

I might be projecting my own bias, but I sense she is trying to tell you that, if there is to be another woman in the house, she needs to know that she is in charge. The more secure she feels about that, perhaps, the more likely her readiness to accept where you want to go with this. I have always found, when pushing the envelope, a little understanding, lashings of affection, bound by love, goes a long way to opening new possibilities. More than a little of what she fancies, when she fancies it, is what I would suggest. What have you got to lose. Take care of her needs and desires and the rest may come.

Patience is the hunter’s first mood of stalking.

Mel and Jenny B:

Good advice! Here's what I'm thinking of doing when I go home. Yesterday, I bought my wife a new matching black pantie and bra set. I also bought myself a matching pantie but no bra. My wife's bra size is a 36B. Altho I can squeeze into a 36B--need to fully let out the shoulder straps, I usually wear a 38B or C bra. I'm hoping that when we are both wearing the panties, she'll offer (or I may ask her) to let me put on the bra. Before I left for this trip, I wore one of the bras (one I had previously bought her) and INTENTIONALLY did NOT readjust the shoulder straps back to fit her. Hopefully, she'll have noticed and "I'll be caught" for having worn her bra.

I've read on other discussion groups that one point that SO's really find hard to accept is our lying and being deceitful about our proclivities. Do you think my "getting caught" for wearing her bras will be viewed in this light? At an appropriate future time, should I just be straight with her and come out wearing a bra...hers or one of mine? I know I need to be very careful and sensitive about not overdoing the size of my breasts. I don't think I fall into the ****ty type transvestite. I just want to look presentable and in proportion. At 5'8" and weighing 184, I don't think having 38B breasts is being ****ty or outrageous.

As I've said, during this trip, I've slept in my lingerie...bra with breat forms, pantyhose, panties, and a full slip...every single night. I've gotten so used to how good it feels that I want to be able to do this at home.

Realistically, however, I guess I should be satisfied with her letting me just wear panties at home, while making love, and to sleep in.

Thanks again,

Paula J

Sissy:

What a simply terrific response! Thank you...Thank you! I will do exactly as you say in letting her be the senior women in the house. I'll also make every effort to meet her needs and make her happy!

Thank you...you're a dear!

Paula J