I have a question....
For those of you who have children...what would you do if they came to you one day and told you they wore woman's clothing under their clothes?
Would you want your kids to follow in your foot steps?
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I have a question....
For those of you who have children...what would you do if they came to you one day and told you they wore woman's clothing under their clothes?
Would you want your kids to follow in your foot steps?
What age are the kids and how much do they understand about the subject ? I personally would have no problem with this and would support them in anyway that I can. This is easier for me to say, because I am more open minded than most (most of us crossdressers probably would be). Same as if they came and told us that they were attracted to the same sex. I would have to give them my support as a parent. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if my mother new about me.... I think that she would be very suppotive and understanding, but I prefer that this is kept between myself and my wife.
Robyn... :p
Well firstly I think that would be perfectly acceptable... but than again they are girls :)
No, but seriously. If they were boys, I suppose it really depends on how old they are. I mean if they were like preteen, we would have to say it wasn't a proper thing to do. We would have to think about what they may say to their friends at school. As we know, children of that age can be very nasty towards other children, especially if they think they are different. Allowing them to put themselves in that kind of situation could be quite damaging to their childhood and this affect would be detrimental to their upbringing.
However, as I would be in a position to understand exactly what they are going though, probably more than they actually are, I would be able to provide support for them which we never had.
Generally, if children are told not to do something, they will most likely want to do it even more. So to ban them from doing something will just lead them to carry on in private and so not get any support at all.
I think I would have to sit down and ask him why he wanted to wear girls clothes? What other people might think if they knew? Would they still be his friends? etc. To have him understand other peoples point of view.
Part of being a parent is to guide them through childhood teaching them right and wrong. Now, while most of us here do not view cross-dressing as wrong, others, at school for example, would.
The age would be 15...
He knows of what his father does and has grown up with it since his dad has been doing this.....I would assume his friends know as I have seen him go pick his son up from some where and has gone out dressed and has had his sons friends in the car....Don't you think thay would have noticed?
While it is good to know why they are doing it or want to do it...alot of cders I know do it because they like the feel of the womans clothes against them...they like how it makes them feel..etc...now what if your kid explained to you how it feels as if he had taken the words right out of your mouth?????
I know alot of parents tell their children stories of what they did when they were younger and alot of times when the kids are cought doing something their parents did the first thing that pops out of their mouths is...you did it why can't I....though that is not a good explaination as why our children might feel the need to cd..however...if they were to say this...you really can not tell them just because I do it doesn't mean you should do it because then really what are we teaching them....
I feel if it was my kid..and he gave me this excuse..there are other emotions hiding deep within...and I might try to figure out what those are..I feel cding is not a "just because thing" to do...It is much more deeper then that...
A true expressing of feelings.....and so on
At age 15, you can be supportive in his desires, but I'm not sure that encouraging him to crossdress would be right. Being 15 is tough enough as it is and this must make things even more difficult. Is he open and honest about his desires to crossdress with you or are you just asking this in general ? Does he feel that he needs to crossdress to get your acceptance or your attention ? Is this his desire or yours ? Maybe some therapy would be a good idea as he may think that what you do is something that he has to do! You would need to know where to draw the line on this one and support outside of the home would probably be a good idea. Good Luck and keep us posted....
Robyn..
Hi JustmeBear, I'm no parent, so anything I am saying, is not with the experience of parenting. However, I do actually like children and feel I have a responsible outlook on their wellbeing. Anyway, as we are talking of this child in the third person, here I go with my imaginary father son cd situation...
If my son knows I crossdress, I am at least able to speak to him about it freely. Warning him away from this path could make him feel worse about himself. By all means, I would point out the downsides that I can pass on from experience. These might be practical hints of difficulties like, the stress of living a double life, the time and energy it can consume, the sheer financial demand. Have you seen the price af quality lingerie?
I would suggest to him that if he feels able to cope with such pressures in future life, he should do what he feels comfortable with. He is at a tender age, this whole business may be distressing him as much as it thrills him. Go gently, 15 year old boys are just beginning to find there feet, in a journey of their sexuality, that will take many twists and turns in the years ahead. If he is made to feel foolish for the tentative footsteps he takes, he could get lost.
He should be fine though, because he has a father he could easily speak to. Did his father ever have such a good start at 15?
Love Sissy x
I have thought about this before, what I would do if I were to say come home and catch my son in the clothes of his mother or sister? He would no doubt be terribly embarrassed, as I would be if my father had caught me. I would start by telling my son that I would love him no matter what. But because of the difficulty and stress that I have had over the years as a result of CDing, I would discourage him and discourage doing it. I wouldn't want him to have to go through some of the same things that I have and probably will go through.
But the things is, I know better than that. And I know that it is almost impossible to resist the urge to get dressed. If he liked doing it at a young age, then he will most definitely do it when he gets older. With that in mind, I would discourage it, but at the same time know better and that he was going to probably be living a similar lifestyle as mine. I mean really, what can you do? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. :o
It is just a general question...a question that leads to another subject....
Say you didn't want your son to cd...there really is no way of stopping him correct? Unless you were to keep a CLOSE eye on him and never let him out of your sight.....Let him go to school....It might be difficult to dress after he got there..and would also be difficult to dress back when he was picked up after school...So you might be safe there.... If you are always home with him...it would be difficult for him to do this as you could walk in his room at any time.....If you had to run to the store real fast say 20 minute max...this would also be hard right? Even if you dropped him off with some friends for a few hours...that to would be difficult for him to go out "normal" dress when you drop him off and then change back by the time you pick him up again....there wouldn't be enough time....
This is the other question....my "girlfriend" wont leave his 15 year old son at home alone....Any suggestions on why...or maybe I already know why?
Only if and when the boys did decide that this is whay the really wanted to be and do be crossdressers. With girls is does not seem to matter very much as girls can dress as they do pleas for the most part. That is where the injustice lies you see!.
Sounds like your "girlfriend" knows more than is being said or is just afraid that "her" son will be tempted to try crossdressing because he thinks that it is "normal" as he see's this behavior regularly. Is "she" afraid of her son becoming a crossdresser knowing how hard it can be on someone ? or Is she simply trying to discourage it ? I'm not quite sure as we don't have the full story....
You mentioned earlier that "she" picked her son and friends up dressed as female correct ? What did the other kids think of the boys father being dressed as a female ? I would think that the kids would have freaked out and make some negative comments about his father being dressed. Not to mention the kids taking this information back to their parents! Who would put there 15 year old son through this kind of humiliation ? If I were 15 and interested in crossdressing knowing that my father did it wouldn't make it any easier to deal with the real world. Kids these days are so fragile and most aren't able to handle this type of pressure.
I have two boys and would not share with them that I crossdress. I am not open and out of the closet other than my wife knowing and accepting. I wouldn't encourage them to dress, but somehow would feel the need to support them in some way if this is truly what they wanted knowing all the cons to the subject (most pros are mainly self gratification). This isn't something that should be forced on anyone (unless two consenting adults)and should be a genuine desire of the individual. Acceptance is key as we all know, and it's not the easiest thing to find. (accept on this forum....)This is only one "girls" opinion... Hope this is helpful...
Robyn....
At fifteen, I'd have appreciated some of the guidance I've seen on this site - just to help me understand myself a little - I've learned so much about myself only in the last 12-18 months, from browsing, and conversing with others on the web, and only now really accept this part of me - and I'm 29 now - I suspect some of you might have taken even longer to reach this point.
A bit of advice and information earlier on in my life could have saved me at least a decade of guilt and confusion (am I gay?/am I trans-sexual? etc).
When is the right age to do this is very tricky - I'd have said sixteen upwards would be a good time to get a better understanding, but who's to say - maybe I'm too puritan, maybe I'm too liberal?
Also, not sure whether I'd like my parents to be the person's doing the guiding, although if I knew that my father was a crossdresser, that might help - to my knowledge, he doesn't - on a change of subject, my mother told me once that my paternal grandmother had caught my uncle in a dress once.
Both my kids are girls, and the thought of them ever finding out about Lara, is one of my worst nightmares.
One of the reasons I didn't tell my wife for years is that I thought it would compromise my role as husband. As I stated earlier, I wouldn't like my parents involved, as it would damage my role as son, and perhaps more worryingly for me, damage my parents own roles a parents.
Of all my various roles (husband/parent/son/employee/Lara), being a father is the one that gives me the most pride, the one I think I do best, and I wouldn't want to threaten that in any way,
I think that to daughters, a crossdressing parent could be more damaging than to a son (certainly whilst they are growing up). Growing up is hard enough without your parents adding their own issues and complicating things even more.
I don't think that knowing about Lara would benefit them in any way. If in the future, there ever was an instance where I thought it might be int their best interests (such as they have issues up with their own crossdressing partner), I might consider telling them, but would like to avoid it.
On the plus side, I think that some skills and experiences I've learnt from Lara - sensitivity, creativity, and a small degree of empathy, have and will make me a better dad.
Lara,
Excellent response.....
I agree with you that being a parent comes first and that us telling are kids wouldn't benefit them in any way. If "Robyn" was found out by my 8 and 10 year old boys, I think I would be devistated and wouldn't know where to begin in telling them. My wife and I would probably come up with some silly story and try to make light of it. It's so hard to tell how kids are affected by things like this. I just hope that it never comes down to me having to explain it to them. I have no problem with crossdressing or crossdressers (like me), but things do need to be kept into perspective.
This may be a bit strong for some, but anyone that would expose their kids to this on a regular basis should seek professional help for both the kids and themselves.
Robyn...
I would never consider that following in my footsteps. This is not a learned expression of onesself. It comes from deep inside us just as so many other traits we are born with. How many times do you see twins that have distinctly different personalities? Those traits become part of us long before we interact with others. Same with crossdressing. The crossdressing stigma is far too negative for any boy to 'decide' he wants to be one. That's like saying someone 'decides' to be gay. It's not a choice.Quote:
Originally Posted by JustmeBear
If that ever did happen I'd say he's one of the luckiest crossdressers in the world. He gets immediate acceptance from his father and will receive a lifetime of support and help from me. I'd be there for him every step of the way.
Julie
I have a 9y/o son and if told me he was CD I would hurt for him because I would know the pain and confusion he will experience thoughout life. That being said I would support him fully and let him know that there is nothing wrong with him and l would also tell him that it does not change anything about how much I love him. I would offer him support and have his back if anyone tried to give him a hard time over it.
Hugs,
Stef
I was using follow in your footsteps as a medifor or however you spell it.....Quote:
Originally Posted by Julie M.
I am really not sure if that is what "she" is afraid of......Well while she was wearing womans clothes she was not wearing her wig..I don't know if any of her son friends notice..However I would gather that they did and are accepting or it just doesn't bother them....Also I was thinking before her son does things with his friends...he might explain that his father lives his life as a woman....From what I gather..her son is quiet popular.....Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn_P
One of my questions I really wanted to figure out was why she wont indeed leave her son at home alone being that he is 15 years old.....I have asked and she really hasn't given me a "straight" answer.....I haven't yet asked her what if her son wanted to cd....I wanted to see what everyone else's opinion on that was so I could go in asking with a full head on my shoulders....
It is important to me to learn as much as I can about her....I love her and I want to support her in everything.....
My teenage daughter discoverd my things close to nine years ago. For seven years things were not very good between us to say the least. But time heals all wounds (or so they say) and today she is very supportive of my fem side. Does that mean I should have told her when she was ten? Who knows but at a young age I think kids have more to deal with than trying to understand gender issues.
Jenny Beth
Well girls this is something we've probably all had to deal with one way or another. For myself I'm in the closet and except for my past wife who new and might I say disapproved I've had to deal with these feels all my life. I wish my children would never have to deal with this battle, but I would support them for I know my own struggle. I have three children and none know of my CD'ing. I wish the world was a more accept place and as we see by all the posts a more honet place about their inner feelings.........Luv.....Fanny....... :p
Well I don't think my boys will dress, they are too much into other stuff BUT for those who have kids that do I have to say this - If the kid wants to dress he will!!! Just like we all did! I myself would stay clear and tell them to be cautious, but be supportive. I don't like to reveal any more than I have to.....
Cindy
My folks were quite liberal in letting me make up my own mind about things. I learned to be very levelheaded and base my decisions on logic. Being born female, this is a bit easier for me to get away with. However, it is much the same thing. I pack my Jockeys but do not try to pass as male, because as much as I want to be one, I could never get away with it. As a child I could, and quite easily.
When I have children I won't change the way I dress. They'll grow up knowing. And if I were to marry another transvestite, I would like for him to be open about it if not in general, then at least for the kids. Kids can understand at a very young age what is appropriate and what is not. I would start at the very beginning teaching them that while this is an unorthodox behaviour, it is perfectly normal. Also I would advise them not to go around announcing it, as people aren't as accepting as we'd like. If my kids end up being TV (and they would be likely to, if I married one, since I do believe it is genetic), I would allow them to dress up around the house if they wanted. But really, very young children don't know exactly what they want. It's a tough decision but no matter what my kids would have my support, 100 %.
Plus, I think kids kind of vibe out that if they dress in public they might get killed with sticks.
Mel:
This situation certainly qualifies as the proverbial conundrum...one of those circular dilemmas that goes nowhere very fast (you can't fight or fix transvestism or crossdressing), runs dead center up against your genuine maternal instincts (protect your children so they don't hurt), and requires deep love, support and understanding (only a crossdresser truly knows what it means to be one and how our crossdressing yearnings have impacted our lives).
Each one of the ladies in their responses above have offered excellent advice which warrants consideration. As for an answer, I don't think crossdressing is a one size fits all kind of thing. One thought that does apply here is...plan for the worst but hope for the best.
Good luck to all of us who are or will become parents!
Paula J