Hello there, it has been a long long time
I am sure that no one remembers me as I have been gone from the site for quite a while. The last few months have been a roller coaster for say the least. I am Jenna2716's wife, at least I think that is her name on here. We have changed her name, finally settling on Jenna. We used Jenni for years but never felt it was right. I will be asking to have my name updated as well.
Last winter was the most horrible time of my life and I suspect Jenna's too. We came very close to ending our marriage but made the decision that we are in this for the long haul and we can and will conquer whatever life throws at us, together.
I was not sure that I could deal with having a cross dresser as a husband any longer. He was not sure if he wanted to start spending more and more time en femme (like going to work, etc.) and words like hormones began to be brought up regularly. I came to the realization that I could not be a part of that and it was not what I wanted for my life. Unfortunatly this caused me to regress to the point that I wanted no cross dressing in my life and here inlaid the issue. I understand fully that once a dresser always a dresser, I truly believe this is who someone is and not a choice. I guess I just wanted my husband to be happy with the status quo and he was not sure he could be. It was a cross roads for us. We talked and cried and argued and threw the D word around for weeks but neither of us was willing or able to make that first step and move out. We found a fantastic marriage counsellor and began to see her separately and together. She was able to show us how good we are together and that we needed to work on finding a happy medium. We worked on this and I am thrilled to say that we have found that balance once again in our relationship. It was an awful few months and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
During that time, both sets of our parents came to know about Jenna. That was quite the conversations for sure. We have gotten a lot of questions but the 4 of them have been amazing. Everyone was just concerned about us and that we were alright. They don't understand why but I just said no one does but if you figure it out please share! My Mom still checks in with me to make sure we are ok and you know after it being a secret for 13 years, it feels good that she knows. I like having her to talk to about it. It is not a daily thing but just knowing that I can makes a world of difference. She is evening tormenting Jenna about it which makes us all laugh so that too is a good thing. No need of it being a taboo any longer.
I would be lying to not to say that life would be easier without crossdressing but it is part of my life that is here to stay and I love my husband dearly, so I am working on loving all of him. I know that no matter what the outfit is he is still the same wonderful, kind, caring, loving person. It is easier said then done but I am getting there. I think the hardest part for me is how cyclical it is. There might be a few days, weeks where I hardly see Jenna at all then she is here every day. I don't know why this is hard but it is. And when she comes back she usually is back with a vengence. Pushing to wear more femme clothes out, wearing make up, hoping I won't notice. She figures that if she doesn't push then I will never accept more. I guess I understand that but to me, sometimes, it seems like the happy meduim we were at is not enough and the pressure to do more is back. So this tends to rock the boat and often an arguement occurs. We are getting better at dealing with the issue and moving on then before so that is progress as well.
I have know about the dressing since we were dating and have been what I would call a very supportive wife (buying, seeing, interacting with Jenna physically and sexually, etc) but I am finally trying to just see Jenna as part of my life, a good, fun part. I know I am holding her back from going outside the house and experiencing life but I am not ready for people to know. We live in a small city and I am just not ready for Jenna to be out and about. I wish that I was, I wish I did not care what people thought about us both but I do. I can not imagine the frustration that Jenna feels about not being able to run to the store for eggs, or go to a movie or out for a bite to eat. There is no real reason why she and I can not do these things but I can not do it. I hate putting limitaions on Jenna and I know that some days she must feel so confined and bitter towards me. Maybe some day I will, I don't know. I just am not saying I will never be able to. Times change and so do people. I am sure it will be a wonderous day for Jenna if I were to say "Let's go to a movie". Some day.
On a good note, we travelled to Philadelphia and were lucky enough to have gone to a T-Girl party. What a blast we had. Met some wonderful people and I saw that we are pretty lucky to be together and happy. A lot of the girls there were divorced or getting divorced and that was sad to me. The whole night I kept hearing two things: "Wow, Jenna, you look so good, so passable. What pretty top you have and love your hair" and "How lucky is Jenna to have a wife like you, so supportive. You are one in a million. We are all so jealous." I wish everyone could be where we are and I certainly was not there looking for praise but I have to say that it felt pretty good. It was awesome to see Jenna flitting around, dancing, talking, smiling so much. I was just happy to be a part of it. It was a great evening.
Thank you for reading. I have wanted to return to the board and have been reading posts now and then for the last couple of weeks. I was just not sure what to post so I just sat here and wrote. Anyways, it does feel better to have it off my chest as they say. Hope you all have a great day.
