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Is it complete selfishness and inflexibility when a gg will not allow her SO to wear any article of feminine attire in public even if it is just one thing?
For example,
It has come to my attention that some GGs will leave their SOs is they want to wear shaved legs or earrings in public. They insist on a complete and 100 percent masculine appearance. I find this very interesting and would like to hear thoughts on this subject.
:2c: Jamie
Hi Jamie,
Although I understand what you are saying, and I think it should be no big deal for anyone to wear almost anything they want as long as it is not overtly offensive to others, I do understand the GG stance somewhat. If you wear earrings, or other female wear, it can be very embarrassing to her, especially in regards to friends and people she may work with. How you look is to some extent a reflection on her. As for at home, I can also understand how she may lose a lot of her sexual interest in a guy who dresses like a girl, though how sad that is. I don't like that, but I do have to try to see it through their perspective.
If I was in this situation and required to be ultra-masculine, then I would require the gg to be ultra feminine and only wear skirts and fem hairstyles, no baseball caps, blue jeans, etc. What's fair is fair for all. I find it hard to believe that some ggs even object to their sos wearing earrings because earrings are so predominant on males in today's society. Maybe it's the "it's ok on Howie Mandel, but no on my guy".
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Originally Posted by raleighbelle
:2c:I also think that whats good for the goose is good for the gander. If I have to be a sterotype guy for my SO then she should be a stereotype GG., no jeans, no boxer shorts or mens high power suits, no ball caps, no dress shirt to bed, and another zillion things they can wear with no one batting a eye. I got the old "I married a man" routine before getting the boot LOL.:thumbsdn: Upside is now I'll wear whatever I want,:thumbsup: downside...hummmmm....is there a downside at this point ??? If I figure some out I'll let you know LOL.:D
I'd be saying the same thing. Good thing my wife is mostly accepting. My wife practices what she preaches. Never worn pants in her life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamie001
I think if you would start out the relationship being 100 percent truthful.....then you would not end up with a partner that would want you to be 100 percent masculine ......:Angry3:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamie001
read my answer above....AND YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME.......this coming from someone who wants to wear whatever they want....and you would put restrictions on your partner:rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by My Lady Marsea
I really don't belive this thread :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:
Oh my god I actually have to walk away from this thread before I'm able to make a constructive comment on this. :Angry3: :Angry3: :Angry3:
EDIT
Ok here goes.
Ok, well how about I think it can be complete inflexibility and selfishness when a CD insists on wearing femm items and does not consider the needs of their partner as well? Surely a relationship is about give and take, and that means compromise on both sides.
I don't know where you've got the impression that we insist on 100% masculinity all the time, I've certainly never seen a post that alludes to that on this board. Yes it's rare (and extremely lucky for the CD involved) to find a SO who is completely accepting of everything but perhaps there is a very good reason for that.
How many of the SO's on here knew about CDing from the outset? I'm hazard a guess that it's relatively few of them. For the rest of us, the person we entered into a relationship with, fell in love with, married was "all man". But then you spring this huge secret on us that you've been harbouring and expect us to be automatically ok with it and allow you you're every whim regardless of our own feelings.
For those whose partners knew from the start, well that's a different situation all together and from the posts on this forum those in that position do tend to be the most accepting. That's not saying that those who found out whilst in the relationship can't also come to that level of acceptance.
But to say those of us who place restrictions on our partners CDing are completey inflexible and selfish is unbelievable. What about our feelings and thoughts on the matter? Or do we not count? So long as your CDing as satisified to hell with your SO's feelings.
No matter which "side of the fence" you're on, the "my way or the high way" state of mind is selfish and narrow minded.
I went all summer with my legs shaved wearing shorts and I wear posts some balls the U.S. flags and Skull and cross bones and my wife if OK with it :hugs:
Angie
I'm preparing to be flamed for this but am going to say it anyway.
I do insist on masculinity at all times - why wouldnt I? I didn't know until way into the marriage that my hubby CDs.
I married a man and that's what I want to see at all times - I have no desire to see him dressed like a woman, I don't need a new sister or a new friend - I need my husband and my husband is a man - he might have a more feminine side - but I don't need him to be dressed to see that side.
He married a woman and accepts that this woman may sometimes wear jeans etc but he knew that before we got married - he chose to marry that woman. I chose to marry a man - a man who conveniently didnt tell me about CDing.
We both have choices and we have boundaries to try and keep the marriage together.......he dresses when I'm not about to see it. So I don't stop him dressing but it has to be out of my sight.
maybe, maybe not, but many times we only hear from the complainant on the subject, very rarely from both parties .............. maybe a skewered view ......... just my:2c:
And you know some GG's never had the option or not to Marry a crossdresser in the first place ............... so if we want to talk about choices surely they should have been given that option .......... I mean we don't go out and pick up a new partner as easily or as oft as a new pair of panties or a set of earring .......... again just my :2c:
In my opinion it is about what is "appropriate". I know that I would not want an SO to wear something to an event that would embarrass me, so why should I expect her to "accept" that kind of behavior from me. This has very little, if anything, to do with feminine/masculine. When spending time in public with your SO you should have respect, and so should they. In our society, most public events do not require a woman to wear dresses, so jeans or pants do not draw stares and comments, thus no reason for the man to be embarrassed by his SO. Unfortunately we have not gotten that far on the other end of the spectrum, so until we do YOU MUST CONSIDER YOUR SO's FEELINGS.
The other option is to remain single and be happy about it.
Well if you are talking about a total prohibition of any feminine article whatsoever then yes in this scenario it is only the SOs feelings that are being taken into account and not the CDs. Not really a definition of compromise in my book.
It is a subjective issue. As you pointed out men wearing earings or having shaved body hair is not an indicator of anything in particular. The public is not going to point at a man with earings and say "He is a CD, it is so obvious". In these cases we are essentially dealing with paranoia on the part of the SO (and often the CDs themselves). But if he is wearing 4 inch stilettos then that would be seen as a clear sign. But if the attire in question is not overtly feminine then the question is raised how is this different from women wearing male attire in public?
For me, so long as the attire does not automatically identify you as a crossdresser, then the CD should have the freedom to wear it in the same manner as women have a right to wear what they wish until the point is reached when their gender would be questioned.
CDs expect GGs to be automatically against crossdressing and also expect to have to live within strict rules if they do emerge from the closet. But there has to be some give and take and a sensible appreciation that CDs need the same level of self expression as GGs themselves have.
[SIZE=2]There are some topics that really get my goat and this is one of them.:Angry3:
Well here goes I know that I am old fashion and there are some areas of a relationship where one might have to compromise,but where in the marriage vows does it say that either partner gets to tell the other what to do. When I got married I married a help mate not an owner. NO one has the right to tell the other one what they can do ,say, what type of clothing to ware or not ware. One might not like what the other is waring but that does not give them the right to tell them they can't ware it.One could ask me not to do something and most cases I will comply but don't tell me to do anything. Ok I got that off my chest. Marriage is give and take mutual trust and respect out of respect I will not intentionally wear something that would embarrass my wife.
[/SIZE]
In my opinion, this issue is something each couple has to work out for themselves in regard to consideration of feelings and showing mutual respect. Ball park observations and knee jerk reactions are totally useless because the situation of each couple is different and unique. We are the experts when it comes to knowing our SO's and are the best ones to make the call. If it is an issue, discussing things rationally and intelligently is the best way to go. This is true teamwork in action.
Past disappointments (on both sides) are just that--in the past and we should consider them as a learning experience and move in a positive direction. If we truely want the relationship to be successful, we will have consideration for one another's feelings to the extent possible.
At any rate, it takes two to tango,,,,,,
Sandra, I have to agree with you 100% ....I will just say that and walk away.
Ema,
I believe that you may have missed the original point of my post, or possibly my original post was ambiguous and didn't state the issue properly. My original post was regarding wearing one fem item in male mode. A good example of this is earrings. A post that I saw on this forum last night caused me to ask this question. The post was discussing "Double Standards" and we were discussing pushing the envelope by wearing fem items in male mode. The person that responded said that if he were to wear earrings in male mode or shaved legs in male mode, his wife would leave. Don't you think this is a little to inflexable?
Does this mean that if he wanted to wear earrings in male mode you would not allow it? Don't you think that your attitude is "my way or the highway" and therefore is unflexible? After all, wearing a fem item does not equate to being dressed as a woman. For eample, Howie Mandel on Deal or no Deal wears earrings and so do many other TV personalities. In my opinion, you are inflexible. :2c:
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Originally Posted by JudeGG
Walk away Tamara.... just walk away.... I really believe once again that the word 'CLUELESS' comes to mind... selfish? wow... the only selfish person is the one who doesn't tell their partner UP FRONT.. that they are a CD.. then expect them to be 100% accepting, run around in circles after them, throw down rose petals and worship the ground they walk on... oh give me a flaming break... this thread is worse than the double standards one....
101 - how to piss of the GG members.... post clueless threads :rolleyes:
Yes , It does seem to be complete inflexibility.
It should never be OK to to control or deny ones self expression.
They don't expect them to be 100 percent accepting, however, being 100 percent non-accepting is selfish. Compromise is what is needed. If wish that there was someway that I could clarify the original post to make it clear, unfortunately I don't know how to do it because a lot of folks are reading something into the original post that just isn't there. I am trying to discuss full 100 percent rejection of wearing any fem item (even earrings) as being unfair. Nowhere in the post am I saying that the gg should be 100 percent accepting.
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Originally Posted by Tamara Croft
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Originally Posted by Salandra
Salandra has really said it all! It doesn't matter what anyone says on this subject, only what your SO and u say. U both must constantly compromise and consider both persons feelings. If your arrangement doesn't work, change it. If you can't make it work, u go your separate ways. That's NOT such a big deal these days. It HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE ELSE, JUST THE TWO OF U!
Well, of course I'm divorced. Why do u ask? Ha ha ha
It is? are you kidding me? Pray tell me, just why should anyone be accepting? who said? with an attitude like that, it's no wonder whoever you're talking about, or whatever, isn't accepting at all, you really have no clue about the real world do you... selfish my ass... fgs get a clue :rolleyes: that has got to be the most insulting thing I've ever heard. Just because you're a CD, does not mean ANYONE has to accept it, it's your issue, no one elses and to call someone selfish for disliking it is beyond :lame:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamie001
There do seem to be some very Contradictory stances.
There are no clothing double standards, wear what you want, no one can stop you, just don't do it around me, because I have the right to tell you what to wear.:rolleyes: