Came out to another friend today

So far most of my admissions to people that I'm a crossdresser have come about because of the conflict in my relationship.

I came out to my mother when discussing the several topics of conflict with my girlfriend. I had wanted to for so long and it just blurted out half-unconciously. She was a little awkward about it but quite caring and supportive.

A gay friend of the family who I've known for more than 18 years was next. He had a lot of insight and has been very good to talk to.

Then during arguments my girfriend developed a new dirty tactic, sending sms's to my closest friend of 15 years (who unfortunatly now lives on the other side of the continent) that were hinting in a nasty and dubious manner about the issues and claiming I was being all sorts of expletives and asking him to 'talk sense into' me. So when he asked what it was about I told him all the issues. He was not phased in the slightest.

Now she's done it again with another friend who I've known for 13 or 14 years. She has known him from before she and I met but she's only known him 6 or 7 years. Now while I wouldn't come out to her own friends and family as I wouldn't want to affect her friendships etc (and respect that it should be her decision who of her family/friends she tells) I've known this guy and most of his family well for a long long time and I'm sure he won't spread the news or affect his friendship with her. So I tell him all the issues the fights have been over including that I crossdress.

He knows me well enough to say 'well it's not like you'd be parading around town in a prom dress with her as she might be embarassed'. Another supportive and considerate reaction. None turning hostile or thinking poorly of my girlfriend just being compassionate for the dilemma. None of the hostile reaction she may have expected from them and none of the awkward distancing I had feared might occur.

Alas I'm not to sure about my other close male friend as he can be a bit judgemental so I'm not sure what his reaction might be though she won't use the tactic with him as he doesn't use a mobile. I'm also unsure with my father who, while being generally an accepting freethinker has a squeemish reaction to homosexuality and I don't know how he is about transgender.

What a painful and forced way to "come out" to friends about your private life. I'm so sorry. The good part is that so many of your friends were positive about the news/situation. Which is such a relief.

If my girlfriend took to outing me, the relationship would be over.

Being married, I've told my wife she can tell whom ever she wants, since I'm not ashamed of who I am.

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell every one of my friends before she did. That way I wouldn't have to worry about who she told.

How painful....glad things went ok.....it is NEVER ok for someone to out another person EVER.......if in a relationship I feel it has to be up to both to decide who and when and if someone gets told.Very sorry but glad things went well.

If she did that outing stuff to me it would be over. That really sucks she did that.

Well I'm glad it worked out OK for you :hugs:
Angie

So far her plans have back-fired, Batty, which is good for you and a tribute to your friends. In the meantime, if I was you I'd dump her and NEVER look back!!! She obviously has no problem trying to trump you in a highly personal way, and that is cruel -- and it is the product of unhealthy thinking from an unhealthy mind!!! You deserve better!!!

You're doing good, girl! She has tried to hurt you but she failed. Your have good friends, this is not the way any of us would choose to come out.

Even if it all works out for the best, I can't imagine you could ever trust her again with any private information. Trust is a minimun requirement for a lasting healthy relationship.

To be honest I think her negative attacks are helping your friends in their support of you. I was once on the receiving end of an 'emotional blackmailer' and my opinion of them is well below low. You must love her very much to accept such treatment.

Good luck for the future.

Your friends and the girls here are giving you a message, "this woman is bad news. she is not for you!!!"
Danger, DAnger, abort mission.

Thank Goodness you have cultivated such mature and sensible friends !

:rose: Roberta :rose:

Batty, the truth shall set you free. It is sad that she is doing this. It is emotional blackmail. I'm glad you are not giving her any leverage by being scared of the out come. Very brave of you to just face it and control the way it comes out. Be ready for even more desparate attempts to control because I fear she is a very hurting person who feels so out of control that she stoops to this level. I guess that the saying is true. Hurt people hurt people.

The reactions you got are a testiment to the freindship that you give. Real friends would not abandon you over something like this. The fact that your girlfriend is trying to destroy your relationships makes me think that she has very few freinds? She may be jealous or overly posessive. If you are all she has then that just isn't very healthy especially if she is trying to destroy them.

You are a very brave person for sticking things out in the name of love. No one would say you didn't do all you could to make this realationship work.
Here are some :hugs::hugs::hugs: for later. Kitty

Your friends are true blue Batty, their reactions are testaments to that. As far as your GF, she seems very manipulative and I see red flags. If she is doing this now, what will happen down the road? You know her better than anyone however and that is best left in your capable hands. Just be careful my friend.

sorry to hear about the rubbish you went through before u have friends here x

batty, you and I have bashed heads on several threads, this time I am here to give you my support and hand of friendship. I hope that you continue to get positive reactions from whoever you partner decides to inform next .......... I would rather she stopped outing you but if that is not possible then hold your head high :hugs:

:hugs:Jess

Wish you the best Batty and hope it all turns out for the better. Not easy that is for sure.

Thanks everyone!
I should clarify that she is not actually outing me exactly, but is hinting at it. Saying I'm being selfish, cruel, perverted, wrong, need to 'be a man' or be 'told how to be' one and a variety of things but not saying exactly what it is about. Rather than trying to damage my friendships she's been trying to get them to apply pressure on me, to take her side and 'talk sense into' me. Unfortunately for her despite how 'normal' or 'ordinary' my friends tend to seem they are almost all free-thinking, non judgmental and non-conformist.

It's been my choice to tell them what the issues at the heart of it are. I take my honesty to the point of beiing a fault sometimes but I'd rather be direct. To their credit my friends are all compassionate towards her as well and understanding, not talking badly of her while being totally unwilling to do what she is asking of them.

To quote one sms I got from one friend: "The following is what I sent to --- after she accused all your friends of refusing to help! He is who he is! He told you that, and if you expect me to tell him to be something he is not then you have come to the wrong person."