what should I do? (anybody?)
There's this girl that I love who used to love me(and may still do). She's okay with my sexuality and is willing to accomodate with my CDing. However, it seems all good things come with a catch. There's someone that she's seeing. I'v etold her I'm happy for her and that I will always be here as a friend, but i've come to realize that i feel too strongly for that. Should I approach her with this, or just back away from the situation. I don't want to seem like I'm taking her from her current man, who's a great guy by the way, but i don't want to keep playing like I just care for her as a friend. I know what I would want, but I doubt she'd want me to just grab her the next time I see her and kiss her. Anybody got any advice?
This is going to sound blunt, but...
if you don't go for it, you're a fool.
I've spent my whole life accomodating others and being the nice "girl". Guess where it's gotten me...
divorced, dateless, and lonely without any prospects. I've finally realized my naivete, but it's a bit late now. I say throw the nice guy crap out the window. Nobody else plays nice anymore. Why should you?
now, where'd I put my brain?
Okay, now that I've decided(with you girls' help of course! :D ) to go into this full steam and tell her how I feel, now I'v ejust got to figure out how I am going to do it. Thanks for all the advice, you've been wonderful.
I hope this of some help.
Hi Gina.
When you find yourself in this position you feel torn between what you want and what you think is right. Resulting in dithering rather than getting down to making a decision. Please don’t take this as any form of criticism it happens to us all if we are lucky.
As I see things is as follows. You say that the girl is a very good friend of yours, so much a friend that you have felt comfortable to tell her of your cross dressing and she such a good friend to stick by you rather than fleeing. So you should be able to have a chat with her on friendly bases. You at the moment in time feel there is only two possible solutions either allow her to continue her new relationship with this other man, or go in so heavy handed that you end up with the worst of all situations, losing her a girlfriend and as a friend.
How about something like this? Inviter her somewhere for a hart to hart chat, don’t tell her what the chat is about before you start. You know her far better that I so where the chat should take place I will leave to you. But lunch would be a good idea as it is less formal than dinner and if things go well you have all afternoon to tell her your true feelings.
So assuming you ask her for lunch chose somewhere quite where you could linger over your meal without being rushed. Most places like this are romantic anyway so should set a good ambiance. During the meal start by saying how you have noticed her relationship she has build-up with the new man, remind her how close you both have been, so much so that you trusted her with telling her about your love of cross dressing. Tell her your feelings for here has moved onto love for her and you feel sad to think you have left it too late. During the conversation judge her reactions to judge how quickly or slowly you need to get to the main point.
The main point of this meeting is to try and win her back from the other man in a civilised way, or at least not to loss her totally and to have her as a friend. If you are lucky, it could be that she is going with this other man to get you to say just such things. Women love the word love, so tell her you love her and hope with all your hart that it is not too late to become more than good friends. Here again you will get a visual reaction long before a verbal one, so look at her reactions of her face.
This way she will not want to hurt you and if it is too late she will want to let you down gently. Tell her you love for her is such that even if it is too late, you would still want her to be a friend and wish her every happens. Before the meeting think what you are going to say, plan it out don’t waffle and be prepared to accept either answer. If you win her over she will finish with the other man and you will be very happy. If not? Well you are almost at the point of thinking you have already lost her to him. Either way it will clear the air. I am sorry for such a long answer, but something as important as a person’s life, hopes and wishes need careful appraisal.
I wish you the very best of luck and sincerely hope it goes the right way for you. Please keep us all informed, as you know we are a family here and I am sure there will be more than me worrying and thinking about you.
