Problem.... What kind of damage control do I need??

All I need some advice. Here is the situation. My cousin (female, 21yrs old, pretty southern conservative) has been staying with us for about 7 weeks or so and she is supoose to be here till the end of May. She does not know about "Claudia" even through I'm not in the closet. I go out dressed often maybe not allways completly fem but at least a skirt and some make-up, but have not done that while she has been here. Anyways she met a guy about a week or so at school. They have been going out since. Thursday morning she tells me that they are going up to Maine for the weekend. So I thought great I will get the kids to stay at a friends house for the weekend and I going to let my hair down.

So Friday night I take a long bath, do some pampering, etc. I slip into a baby doll and the SO and I watch some movies with wine etc. Saturday morning we went shopping then we both hit the salon and went to a club for drinks and dancing. Had a great time. We headed home at about 10ish just due to her working early tomorrow. We walk in the door and I head upstairs from the basement to the first floor. Lo and behold their is my cousin and her boyfriend and another young couple (early 20's) in my kitchen. I here I am in a black and silver party dress with wig and makeup the whole works.

You could have heard a pin drop, I tried to play it off as a fetish/costume club night with me and my SO. But unfortunetly my SO was only wearing a regular skirt and blouse. Nothing fetishistic or costume-like there. They all filed out pretty quickly from the house and my Cousin awkwardly said that she was going to his dorm room to "hang out" a bit with him....

What can I say that won't get back to my family, My dad would have a MI if he found out. Not to mention that a better chuck of my brothers and sisters doors would be closed to my kids and I over something like this. Being a CD in Massachusetts is easy, no big deal up here. But in a small city in south Texas were my family is well known well needless to say that it would be very problematic. Any ideas???

It's you're house Hon! And anybody who wants to stay for more than three days has to get to know you and live with it!

Man, that's some thick stew you cooked up there.

I guess the truth won't do here? I don't really see any way to spin it.

Claudia, I guess this means your not in Kansas anymore.

No, really, I'm VERY sympathetic. U must be very worried about your old man finding out. Mine was probably rolling over is his grave, when I started CDing!
I hope u can prevail on your cousin to keep your secret!?

Well, good luck with damage control! It sounds like you just killed the chipmunk with a hand grenade!
On the bright side, you no longer have to worry about how to come out to your family, I think you just solved that problem!
One good thing, most young people are more understanding of this stuff then us old farts.

I think all you can do is wait for it to play out, and downplay it if it does. The thing you must not do is beat yourself up over this. It's your life! You can't let it get you down. It may suck, but tomorrow is another day. The good times always come back. Remember that.

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Originally Posted by marny

It's you're house Hon! And anybody who wants to stay for more than three days has to get to know you and live with it!

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thats how i feel about it also,,,its YOUR life,,its up to you how you want to live it..... :hugs:

and the fact that your SO enjoys your dressing makes it that more enjoyable... :D :love:

No one will believe it unless you tell it to them or they see photos. So deny it and just go with your original story. Talk to your cousin and tell her sorry about surprising her guests and feel her out as far as keeping it a secret goes. Good luck.

Happened to me a couple of times. I guess alot of family members kinda know but dont say anthing . What my wife says when i was catch by her parents :laughing::laughing: she said it was new pj's an acted really cool about it, which didnt arouse any suspicion. Act cool an give a simple reasonable excuse.

My brother walked in my house as I was napping on the couch, he freaked. He left as I was totally dresses to the nines!!!:doll:.
I later told him am mom ( I was 36 at that time ) that it was a sexual thing with my wife, like role playing . Just act cool , have ur SO also with you say it was on a bet of some thingand play along what you make up.

Use your amagination or just come out offthe closet an pay the piper.:beatup: Nobody asks me I dont tell ,just be calm if you stay in the closet. :love: jen ...... Let me know what you decide , maybe i can help more. good luck

[SIZE="3"]My advise for what it is worth would be to consult with your wife to see where she might want to go with this and see what her reaction to the situation is! then just say nothing untill the subject is brought up then be honest!
This may be your time to be out! Be confident and happy!:2c:

Kelsy:battingeyelashes:[/SIZE]

I would say that your life is yours and you should not have to worry about it to much, but then again you just never know how some people will react. Just be honest with all who ask about you.

Honestly, I'm so tired of keeping this a secret it's not funny. And I don't want to put it in their face like sending out a postcard to everyone like:

You may me wondering why I'm sending you a picture of a girl on a postcard...

So, like my mom says, maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Don't push it and see where it goes. Sometimes if you make more of it it gets worse.

But then again, I'm probably full of do-do.

Love, Tracy

I would also say, have a chat with your wife and see what she thinks you should do about it. It sounds like it could be a pretty sticky situation. Hopefully it will just blow over with no further consequences. But you should have a plan when you do get that phone call, or the subject does come up.

Good Luck.

I think you need to discuss with your wife

You have a few options

1 Say nothing
2 Say it was the trial for fetish party
3 Say it was a bet
4 Tell the truth but ask them not to shout about it as it would not be fair on family members that dont know yet

good luck :hugs:

I like some of the responses so far.......
for:2c:, I'd go the cool route.

Act like its no big deal.....and it'll probably be no big deal.
Act like its a big deal....who knows how big it would get in some peoples minds.
Its your life...your house....your style. = their problem NOT yours.

ps I wish it was me getting caught like that.....I'd play it down, I know I would!

:hugs:
Suzie P

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Originally Posted by Shelly_P

I think you need to discuss with your wife

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Originally Posted by Shelly_P

4 Tell the truth but ask them not to shout about it as it would not be fair on family members that dont know yet

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I like these two pieces of advice best. People see through fabricated stories pretty quickly, especially when they are made up on the spot like that, and that just adds distance between you and them. For option 4 to work, you need to make it clear that you value family and closeness.

No matter what, you are certainly a little more out than you were before this incident. Best of luck to you that the fallout is not as bad as you fear. Take hope from the fact that it usually isn't so bad as people fear. There are countless stories here in these forums of people being pleasantly surprised at the acceptance they find.

Sonia

I agree with marny and sonia kiss, and really I think you took a giant risk going out the way you did and coming home that way.. if your wife went in the house to check to see if the coast was clear.. other wise you should maybe have changed somewhere along the way home.. but since you didn't and got "caught" then you are really just more than likely screwed as far as keeping this secret.. that if there is a cover up or cover story that you should say that you were trying to look more fem than your wife at a party... only thing I can think of..

In the end....


So i let about two weeks go by. My SO and I discussed it to a great length and I went with my gut instinct. Being in the Miltary for so many years gave me a great prespective once I thought about it. So this past saturday my cousin (becca) was just lounging around and I asked if we could talk. She had that deer caught in the headlights look. Right off I asked her if she had told any family of what she saw two friday nights ago. She said no but that her boyfriend had told about the fetish clubs in the greater boston area. It seems they had talk about it to some detail. I asked for if she had any questions, she had some like what fetishes. Luckly I have several PVC, leather, rubber and other BDSM outfits that I should her. Some mine some my SO's. She looked a bit bothered, and simply I told her that it was consentual fetishes and whatnot. I let her talk for a bit. She basically said that she did not "get it" and why some people just have to rock the boat.

Which is where I knew she would go. (enter in USN tactops). I told her its like having multiple partners sexually at the same time. Its just all in good fun, and I placed the photo's of her and her boyfriend and another couple sexually engauged. (She had them on her MYSpace page under private but the silly girl never logs off and leaves her laptop all around the house.) She freaked!! I then stated it that should our personal lives ever be the subject of sucutiny from others that we not personally involved with? She said "no of course not" Bingo We did not want to know what our family members did behind closed doors. I don't want my business published, I will tell who I want to.

She calmed down some and we talk about it for a good hour and a half. She seemed allot less judgemental after I pulled her secret out of the closet. She asked how I found them. I told her, "Becca its the internet and i'm a electronic's engineer. Nothing is really personal on-line. You just have to want to find it."

Well alls well that ends well, she will keep the secret, if I keep hers. I can now kinda dress around her if I choose too.

Thank you all for your advise. I took the "be honest and its your house" advice and added some leverage. Thanks gurls for the help and support.

it's your house it's your life . your not hurting anybody .
the number one thing you must do is talk with your wife . she is number one in your life therefore i would do what she says .. if she is comfortable with being truthful then do so ..
apart from that say nothing until someone asks questions ..

Well, I am not a great fan of blackmail, but it appears it is working so congratulations on a successful covert operation.


Emily Ann