The final say on the "Gay" issue!

I keep seeing these posts on here regarding whether or not a CDer is gay, what to respond when someone asks, how to handle it, so on and so forth!

First, you are only gay if you are sexually, emotionally, etc, attracted to the same sex all the time. Not when they dress a certain way. All. The. Time!

Second, everyone likes to feel beautiful/handsome. Being flirted with by someone of the same sex while you are dressed makes you feel beautiful/handsome. This does not mean you are gay or bi! It means you enjoy looking good and receiving a compliment!

Thirdly, there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi. There is something wrong with being constantly paranoid about it!

Those of us who are gay or bisexual do not question if we are straight. We know we aren't. So please, relax. If you aren't as defined above, you aren't gay.

That said...

If you really want to keep people guessing or to actually have a bit of fun with the endless "are you gay?" question from people, here's an idea:

When asked if you are gay (and you aren't), simply look at them and say...

Yes, I'm a lesbian/gay man (for our handsome FTM).

That should shut them up long enough for you to have a chuckle at their expense.

And honestly... with all the things CDers have to worry about, do you really need to add this unnecessary question to the list? You know that despite your answer, most people have already made up their minds when they ask you this question.

I do find it funny that quite a few on here have no problem with anyone knowing they are a CDer, and being questioned by that is no problem. However, let someone think they are gay is almost like the end of the world?

My feeling on it is pretty much the same as DD's...if you know you aren't, then that is all that matters...if you are, then you know that, and it doesn't matter either. As long as you are comfortable with yourself, that is what is important.

Well I like it, hun...

But ya know it'll never be the "final word". This stalking horse comes up every couple of weeks and keeps getting inserted in to unrelated threads, as well.

Some of it's because many of the hyper-enthusiastic new members don''t have the patience to read back through the archives a bit.

But some of it still comes from folks who've been around a while and can't get over their own insecurities.

Me? I just don't care what any boor who asks the question thinks. They're not the boss of me!

deja

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Originally Posted by deja true

But ya know it'll never be the "final word".

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I know it won't be, but I'm always hopeful to bring a few people to terms possibly. Or I'll just keep reposting to it to keep it fresh. :D lol

I value people for who they are DD and their pursuasion makes little difference. This need for labels thing drives me nutty. Usually if anyone asks me if I'm straight, gay or bi, my answer is:"Yes" or I ask them:"What do you think?". That usually is the end of it and nothing more is said.:)

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

Thirdly, there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi. There is something wrong with being constantly paranoid about it!

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Yup..

But if I was one of the many people here who do so identify, I'd be getting pretty p...ed off? :sad:

The comment usually says most about the person who feels they need to say it?

How bout? "Reasonable people do not casually discuss personal sexuality, regardless of their preferences"

Well, from my point of view, I really couldn't care less whether anyone thinks I am gay or not. To be honest, it's none of their business really, and they can assume what they want.

I guessing this is all because of the thread I started last night. I suppose I should clarify that I only brought it up because I get hit on a lot here and at sites like myspace and I get tired of explaining to men that I'm not interested. I'm very polite about, but can't help but feel a little embarrassed about it because I have to explain it to them. In a perfect society where cross dressers were better understood, I wouldn't have to explain.

That's pretty much my last thought on the issue as well. I was just curious about how straight CD men dealt with men hitting on them.

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

When asked if you are gay (and you aren't), simply look at them and say...

Yes, I'm a lesbian/gay man (for our handsome FTM).

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So what do I say if I am? :raisedeyebrow:

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Originally Posted by SweetCaroline

I only brought it up because I get hit on a lot here and at sites like myspace and I get tired of explaining to men that I'm not interested. I'm very polite about, but can't help but feel a little embarrassed about it because I have to explain it to them.

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Well I can understand that, I get tired of explaining to women that I'm not interested, but it goes with the territory, I guess. :p

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Originally Posted by SweetCaroline

I guessing this is all because of the thread I started last night...

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Actually, no, I hadn't read your thread yet, sorry. :( I posted this because in numerous threads its a subject that seems to continuously come up. There's nothing the matter with being curious or even questioning it from time to time. But some people here seem to go on and on about it. They don't understand how insulting it can be to those who are gay/bi because its not as simple as just finding someone of the same sex attractive. We love people, we want to date them, we want to have all the things anyone wants in a relationship. But to have some people go on about how they question their sexuality because they found another CD attractive or because they were flirted with by someone of the same sex, makes it sound as if that's all it takes to being gay/bi. Its not and I get a bit tired of reading it.

I can understand wanting to know the best way to handle answering the question and can even understand a bit of the "am I?" from time to time. But when it seems as if they are insulted to be asked... I get upset.

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Originally Posted by CaptLex

So what do I say if I am? :raisedeyebrow:

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Then say the same thing as above only mean it or tell them its none of their business. :)

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

I can understand wanting to know the best way to handle answering the question and can even understand a bit of the "am I?" from time to time. But when it seems as if they are insulted to be asked... I get upset.

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Ditto . . . :thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

Then say the same thing as above only mean it or tell them its none of their business. :)

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I was just messin' with you, DD. :koc:

Actually, most people are surprised (and sometimes unconvinced) when I tell them I'm into guys. There are a lot of us who are attracted to men, but it seems they all believe the myth that transmen were all previously lesbians . . . not that there's anything wrong with that. ;)

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Originally Posted by CaptLex

I was just messin' with you, DD. :koc:

Actually, most people are surprised (and sometimes unconvinced) when I tell them I'm into guys. There are a lot of us who are attracted to men, but it seems they all believe the myth that transmen were all previously lesbians . . . not that there's anything wrong with that. ;)

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I know. Its so sad that people HAVE to put labels on everything and HAVE to act like they know the truth and you (collectively speaking) are in denial.

I just find it amazing that society demands these "gender roles" on everyone and if you don't adhere to them then you must be gay/bi. Its ridiculous and all it does is make things more confusing for those who do experience non-mainstream urges. :(

god if i got worried everytime a gay man hit on me, i'd have no one hitting on me lol....(well almost lol)

I mean what era do we live in that people STILL think its wrong to have same sex relationships, dont get it! never will

and the ones that bash those for doing so, im sorry they need to seriously take a look at themselves and get a life, my motto is 'try it you might like it', if you dont,so be it, but dont expect everyone else to be the sames you, and dont look down on people just because they choose to identify as gay, there was nothing wrong with being gay 50 years ago )even though people thought there was) and there is nothing wrong with it now!

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Originally Posted by Kieron Andrew

god if i got worried everytime a gay man hit on me, i'd have no one hitting on me lol....

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Plus you would have slapped me by now. :heehee: :koc:

Oh wait . . . you do slap me! :tongue:

Yep.You either are or you arent..and either way it shouldnt be anything to stress over.Just be who you are.Have fun with the life you have been given and leave the worrying for the major issues.

I tried to follow this thread .... i really did , but i am really confused now .. LOL aren't we having fun?

I have gay friends who have seen Jill and know she's straight. If I am asked by someone who has met Jill for the first time, I simply tell them that if Jill was a GG she would be a lesbian. I don't know if that's an adequate answer to your question of gay but it's my:2c: Luv and :hugs: Jill

we are not lables,,,WE are human beings.... :D

Thanks for the initial post when you started this thread. It is the most adequate I've read so far on this subject.

You said it much better that I tried to say it several times. :thumbsup:

:hugs:
Eugenie

Yes! You can call me Gay, but when I started Crossdressing and Men were having sex with me. I was known as an Entertainer. I was told at a young age. That I would never name the Persons. That I had been or going to be with. I was never to perform as a Male and have sex with any other Males or Females. In which only Adult Males and Females. Would be Allowed to have sex with me.

So I an happy to say. In the 40s,50s,60, and part of the 70s. Many Males and Females have had sex with me. I have been filmed. By Adult Film Makers. While being the main Subject and my body used as a Sex Toy.

Then from the Mid 70s. Men still had sex with me and still have been Filmed.
[For thier own uses.] At all Male, all Female and mixed Sex parties and Bondage parties. In which I had a all of wonderful thing done to my Body.
I still enjoy going the Sex parties. Wheneven I am asked. As there is nothing wrong in being Gay and Having other Males and Females. Using Ones Body as thier Sex Toy.

Gay? Yes at the moment I'm a happy person :heehee:

Being gay and a crossdresser is one problem.

Being straight (me) and crossdresser is another.

Oh for a quite simple life :daydreaming:

[SIZE="4"]It's kind of amazing that with all the junk we go through from straight society that they are so interested in our gender/sexuality.

Gennee[/SIZE]


:straightface:

You know, that was so well said that all I can add is my support for the comment. Live is too short to sweat the insignificant stuff.

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

And honestly... with all the things CDers have to worry about, do you really need to add this unnecessary question to the list? You know that despite your answer, most people have already made up their minds when they ask you this question.

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Unfortunately until there is some good re-education of the general public this question will always come up. In their eyes CD = GAY. And even those with no attraction to men buy into this crap. We are already dealing with the stigma of being CD and the thought we might also be gay, becomes a bit much.

Yes the last was a bit broad, and doesnt reflect everyones experience, but it was to make a point. And its all a bunch of crap anyhow. What does it matter that we are gay or CD. It is who we are. The problem is closed minded hypocites who will wave the flag for freedom, but not hesitate to make those who are different from them into second class citizens. Until that changes, the question will still be asked.