'I-Don't-Believe-It' Disease
Do you have it?
I assume the majority of men posting here want to look, act and be mistaken for or, to pass as a woman. Those that don’t pass may have the ‘I-Don’t-Believe-It’ disease. Photos can be deceiving but so is your mind. How many times do you have to be told you are a pretty, sexy and attractive woman before you will believe it yourself?
Your problem is that you don’t believe anything. As soon as someone mentions a nice thing, doubt creeps in and you take the position of ‘I don’t believe it.’ You think, “My shoulders are too broad,” “my arms are too muscular,” “my waist is too thick,” “I’m too tall.” You see all your masculine features.
You don’t believe that when you are dressed as a woman everybody sees you differently than you see yourself. You look in the mirror and you see yourself as you always have, a man, a man wearing women’s clothing and make-up. You see an image of a woman looking back at you and you still think you see Jack, or Joe, or Ted, or Sammy looking back at you and you don’t believe you look like a real woman.
You get tons of compliments from other men on this site and it isn’t because they are gay. They are men just like you but they see you as a woman, not as a man dressed up. They are responding to you as the woman they see, as men have always done, as though you are nectar. Yet you are constantly yearning for confirmation, for feedback, for support, asking in a variety of ways for someone to tell you that you look sexy and attractive and feminine because you don’t believe it.
You find it weird and sometimes uncomfortable when you attract men, and that is because you have the ‘I-don’t-believe-it’ disease. It is a self directed disease that makes its home in the eyes. If your eyes are sick then how can you trust them? With sick eyes, how can you really trust that it is a woman in the mirror looking back at you? If what you see is a man with make-up wearing a dress then your eyes are the boss and that is sad because the eyes don’t have a brain and they don’t have a heart. Your eyes, ears, nose, and the mouth are all servants, but you have given them the job as boss. You have to control them with discipline and prevent them from convincing you that you are not a woman.
You will blend in and pass when you are no longer self conscious. When you know you look feminine, when you no longer think of yourself or see yourself as separate or different than any other woman. That is, when you are able to see yourself as others see you, with eyes that are not clouded with self doubt and fear.
You want so much to be perceived, accepted and respected as a woman. All this will be yours when you get rid of the ‘I-don’t-believe-it’ disease and begin to believe, to know.
Hi Paige, its been a while....
I'm not sure if the solution to the problem of how some of us view ourselves, is as simplistic as you have identified....
...yes there is an element of that self doubt in most of us, and yes there is that illusion of femininity which we create, and a photo can capture so perfectly some days!!, and of course there are people who perceive us from that photo as a woman, and yes some can walk like a woman and get away with it sometimes in public........but
...the flip side is simply, we aren't women.
I do agree with you, that with the right attitude, (and clothes) I've found it unusually easy to blend in....goodness not "that many" people notice I'm a guy when I am out dressed, even though I do see myself having many non femme attributes, my height being the most obvious!!!!......until I get close up, and hey, then anyone can work me out. I think that as I'm not on hormones and really working on total feminisation, then all the man things are so easily seen from close inspection!!! In saying that it doesn't overly worry me though, simply because thats who I am.
As for feeling uncomfortable with having the attention of men, I just feel thats because sexually I am not attracted to them?....The mere thought of it, to me, is just.....................skin crawling creepy!! I think gender issues and sexuality issues are not necessarily correlated, which possibly accounts for the high number of heterosexual CDs. Simply put, a lot of us are not dressing with an aim to attract guys, even if by chance we do. In fact I'm not really sure I could honestly put a reason to the "why I dress question", and thats an odd way to be.
I suppose my final thought on the subject is this obsession with "passing" thing?....the best I suppose to hope for is that I go out and not be some comedic parody of a woman....do I "pass"?....of course I do, but I pass as a CD.
Paige, u don't post enough!
We can all use your input , for too many reasons for me to list.
However, your argument is similar to believing in God. At an early age I decided it was better to believe than NOT believe. Because, even if there is no God, u will have a happier life if u believe! And never find out you're wrong!
So, I tried to make myself believe! But, Paige, that didn't work! I couldn't make myself believe, just because I wanted to!
And believing they can pass in public, may be EXACTLY the same problem for many CDs!
