Uugh, does this ever get easier?

I went shopping the other day for only the third time, by myself. I didn't just want to get clothes for myself, I wanted to also buy some things that I could sell online and turn a little profit on some things since I had a little success with that in the past.

I went to a Ross in a town that I don't live in, kind of far away and ended up filling my shopping cart with about 80 bucks worth of clothes, none of which was over ten bucks. This included some camisoles and a couple of body shapers, most of which I have intended to sell on ebay.

Anyway, I was talking on the phone while checking out and I looked up to see a woman giving me this look like..."pervert." I mean, I bought over 80 dollars worth of stuff, most of which was lingerie. The whole time I was an absolute nervous wreck, practically falling apart. I mean it was a rush in a way but totally nerve racking in another. I want to go again to another Ross since I've been doing so well with the ebay thing but I can barely face the idea of going in and facing a similar situation again.

Does this ever get any easier?!?!

I suppose a bad or uncomfortable buying experience could do that, so try and turn the situation around. I have had one SA experience where I could tell she was not approving, so I tried to be amazingly postive.

I complimented her on something she was wearing, told her how nice the SA's I met on the floor were, and what great sales I found in her store. She was charming at the end.

Many, many girls have told us of successful shopping trips and very helpful SAs in other stores. It looks like you've just picked the wrong store, with a small minded and ignorant sales person.

If the treatment seemed to border on harrassment, you might want to report her to her manager. But I'd probably just let it go and find a new source...

Keep trying, hun! You've got two good reasons to shop... for yourself and for a profit.

Wish I could profit somehow from all the money I've spent on wardrobe!

You'll be fine, Jill! Just find classier people to deal with.

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Originally Posted by deja true

Many, many girls have told us of successful shopping trips and very helpful SAs in other stores. It looks like you've just picked the wrong store, with a small minded and ignorant sales person.

If the treatment seemed to border on harrassment, you might want to report her to her manager. But I'd probably just let it go and find a new source...

Keep trying, hun! You've got two good reasons to shop... for yourself and for a profit.

Wish I could profit somehow from all the money I've spent on wardrobe!

You'll be fine, Jill! Just find classier people to deal with.

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The lady that gave me a bad look was not an employee. The sales associate at the register was actually very nice but I was on the phone during this time so I didn't really interact with her. The lady that gave me a dirty look was actually another customer.

You were ahead of her in line and talking on your cellphone. I'm glad you weren't ahead of me in line. I've never received a dirty look from another customer and have most always been treated very well by sales associates.
I love shopping it is almost as much fun as wearing the clothes. The first time I bought anything I was terrified, as I was the second, third, fourth and many more times. Just relax and smile.

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Originally Posted by Jill

The lady that gave me a dirty look was actually another customer.

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I think what you have to do is understand that this woman means nothing to your life, you are unlikely to ever see this woman again and that ultimately, besides that woman herself, who gives a flying f*&% what she thinks anyway.

This sort of situation used to freak me out totally, but in the end it comes down to your own attitude. I have found that a sweet smile toward anyone with disapproving looks works wonders. When you smile at the it says to them that you just don't care for their opinion and it makes them feel uncomfortable instead of you.

One question, were you in boy mode or girl mode? In boy mode the attitude of 'I don't care what you think' works the best. In girl mode the attitude of overwhelming confidence works best. At least they did for me.

I love smiling at people, it can be friendly and welcoming, it can be endearing and open but best of all a sweet smile can also say in no uncertain terms, "F&^* off"..... Try it and you will see what I mean :D

Cathii

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Originally Posted by trannie T

It takes a real man to wear a dress.

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I love your sig... :) :) The best sig I ever saw though was:

It takes balls to be a trannie!!!

:D

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Originally Posted by Cathii

I think what you have to do is understand that this woman means nothing to your life, you are unlikely to ever see this woman again and that ultimately, besides that woman herself, who gives a flying f*&% what she thinks anyway.

This sort of situation used to freak me out totally, but in the end it comes down to your own attitude. I have found that a sweet smile toward anyone with disapproving looks works wonders. When you smile at the it says to them that you just don't care for their opinion and it makes them feel uncomfortable instead of you.

One question, were you in boy mode or girl mode? In boy mode the attitude of 'I don't care what you think' works the best. In girl mode the attitude of overwhelming confidence works best. At least they did for me.

I love smiling at people, it can be friendly and welcoming, it can be endearing and open but best of all a sweet smile can also say in no uncertain terms, "F&^* off"..... Try it and you will see what I mean :D

Cathii

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Boy mode.

Just smile, giggle, and walk away. It will make people wonder what you know that they dont...

Clothes are clothes. That woman has probably bought stuff for men, I wonder if she got a look?? :2c:

Sure it gets easier....if you let it get easier. You were shopping at good old "Ross-Crossdress for less." I can't imagine you got a "dirty look" from the gal running the Register. The folks at Ross like our money just a whole lot!

It doesn't matter if people in line look and gawk, you will never see them again. Trust me, they don't know for whom your buying, (might be a birthday?) Unless you skulk around and act like your doing something wrong, nobody pays attention. And surprise, if you can learn to stop all of the pointless guilt, suddenly people aren't paying attention anymore.

You are probably internalizing your fears.....won't get ya' nothing! Remember, if your having a hard time now, it will be twice as difficult when you start shopping as your femme self. That's the greatest fun thing, you will eventually long for it, and you had better start getting ready for that outcome!

OK, Coach is done. You got your pep-talk. Toughen up and get ready for the next encounter. Oh gosh, there's a blue-light special at K-mart.....get going!

Peace and Love, Joanie

Jill,

I think you met a woman who got off the wrong side of the bed. I have shopped dozens of times in boy mode for all kinds of femme stuff and the response I got from others including several female fellow shoppers have almost always been positive and helpful. Many times other female shoppers have offered unsolicited help in choosing a dress or a cosmetic item. In their mind, I was just a clueless bf/husband picking up stuff for my SO (and daughter) and they were helping me make the right choice.

So just go ahead, I am sure your next experience will be better than this one.

Shalini

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Originally Posted by guardian832

Clothes are clothes. That woman has probably bought stuff for men, I wonder if she got a look?? :2c:

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yes, but the volume i'm sure got the reaction!
however, this is free enterprise. she just doesn't know the whole story. imagine a gg in line with all that underwear would seem almost as much a suspicious character! agree with what you're been advised; she knew nothing, and, what does it matter? the truth of the situation is remarkably innocent, even by her presumed standards. you just keep on going girl! i have purchased articles from someone just like you on eBay, since we don't have many stores like that out in the boonies!
gratefully,
jessie

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Originally Posted by Jill
Anyway, I was talking on the phone while checking out and I looked up to see a woman giving me this look like..."pervert."

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People can be so rude and mean! In my view, there is a lot of trans-prejudice out there and, despite the fact that people should not act this way, it still sucks when stuff like this happens to you. I'm sure I would have been flustered too.

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Originally Posted by Jill

The lady that gave me a bad look was not an employee. The sales associate at the register was actually very nice but I was on the phone during this time so I didn't really interact with her. The lady that gave me a dirty look was actually another customer.

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Maybe she gave you a dirty look because you were talking on the phone while you were dealing with the sale associate, its not very polite.


Going out does get easier.
The third time out the door really isn't that much different from the 1st time.
Give it time, after a while you don't even think about it.

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Originally Posted by trannie T

You were ahead of her in line and talking on your cellphone. I'm glad you weren't ahead of me in line. Just relax and smile.

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It very easily could have been your cell phone that irritated the woman. But u assumed it was what u were buying.

Cell phones should be renamed, " Rude and obnoxious", phones! Judging by how people use them these days!

Sorry to hear about your infortunate situation, but don't let it get to you.
How cares what that other customer thinks because she's just a customer.
You'll probably never see her again anyway.
As long as the cashier treated you nicely, that's all that matters.

I shop in femme all the time, but since my femme voice is not perfect (A work in progress), I try not to talk on the cell phone when I'm around other people, especially when I'm in the ladies dressing room. If someone does call me, I put the ringer on mute and call them back when I'm somewhere where there's hardly body around.
This is so that I avoid a situation where my voice could out me.

Hugs!

Yeah it gets easier!!
If it happens again just smile, hold something up and say something like "Do you think this go,s with my eye,s?".
I did that once and the woman just looked away, probably feeling more embarressed than i was!!

It definitely gets easier. The surprise for me was that it had nothing to do with getting a thicker skin, if anything it had more to do with feeling comfortable, being polite, and exhibiting a pleasant, relaxed demeanor.

There's nothing that invites suspicion like someone who acts is if they're doing something they shouldn't be doing. Mothers learn early on that they can read their kids easily - it's obvious when they think they've done something wrong, and we as adults often aren't any better at hiding it. She may not know what you're doing. Maybe you switched the tags and are underpaying for the garments, perhaps you're buying one item for each of your mistresses, who knows? All she knows is you don't feel comfortable so there's probably something afoot she shouldn't approve of.

... and as others have pointed out it may have nothing to do with the clothes at all. Back to my original statement. Be the nicest, most relaxed person she's met all day and she can't help but feel good about whatever you're doing. It takes time to learn the feeling that you belong and don't have anything to hide but it's definitely worth it.

Hello Jill,

Yes, it gets easier and easier until it's totally fun. Let me comment on two things:

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Originally Posted by Jill

... I looked up to see a woman giving me this look like..."pervert."

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Originally Posted by Jill

... The whole time I was an absolute nervous wreck, practically falling apart....totally nerve racking in another....

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This was the order you related these experiences, but I'm guessing you were feeling this nervousness the whole time you were shopping, before the incident in the checkout line. That nervousness absolutely goes away. It goes away with experience and nothing else, but it goes away much faster and easier with tips and encouragement like you get here in this forum.

Nervousness shows. It's quite possible that the customer in line picked up on your nervousness, read it as a sign that you considered yourself as doing something less than respectable, maybe even--perverted. Learn how to replace that nervousness with confidence and you won't believe how much less frequently you run into incidents like this.

Happy shopping!
Sonia

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

It very easily could have been your cell phone that irritated the woman. But u assumed it was what u were buying.

Cell phones should be renamed, " Rude and obnoxious", phones! Judging by how people use them these days!

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I know that talking on the phone while checking out is kind of rude but I only do it in order to avoid the awkward interactions with people.

It wasn't really the lady that gave me the look that was so uncomfortable, I think it was the content and quantity of clothes that I was buying. I bought two full body shapers, two sexy white camisoles with built in bras, a sexy leopard print camisole with a matching G-string, two dresses and two tops. Not bad for 80 bucks right?

But yeah, it definitely made me nervous to buy that stuff. I'm thinking of just being upfront with the ladies at the registers and tell them that even though it may look bad with me buying all that stuff, I'm running an ebay business, I think that is totally legit.

Dropped my SO off yesterday to get her hair done and continued to Wal-Mart to exchange a waist cincher I bought that was too large. Lo and behold a clearance cart with packages of thigh-hi nylons for $.50 a pop. Needless to say the sales associate looked twice when I came up with an armload. Just paid $4.56 for 1 pair last week. As I was leaving I remembered my SO and had the girl at the door hold my purchase while I went back inside and brought another armload to check-out. I was wearing a black leather jacket and chaps at the time and I can imagine what the girls thought. All were very nice and courteous. Stopped to pick-up my SO and found she had about 30 minutes to go so I stopped at Payless shoes which were right next door and spent an astonishing $12.50 for 2 pair of 4" heels, 1 white and 1 black. It was a wonderful day with no hassles what-so-ever. My SO came out and as she was putting her helmet on and said "I see Amber has been shopping again" with a wide smile on her face. GOD, I love that woman as much as she loves both of us. Just don't let any bad looks or comments to get to you and it will soon be easy for you. Enjoy yourself!!! Hugs, Amber