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I'm wondering if people have had a lot of trouble in making connections/friendships with other CDs.
I'd like to hear other's experiences - how much of your real "self" do you show - how close do you get, what are your boundries?
Do you find the relationships you've formed satisfying? Disappointing?
I'm finding that this community can be even more difficult than the "real world" to make friendships in. I thought it would be the opposite.
Anyway - what do you kind folks have to say?
I totally agree. I don't know anybody else who shares my desires and feelings. Here I can hide behind my "name" (which is really a name I was once called, believe it or not) and an avatar, which expresses how i would look and what I would be if had a perfectly free choice in that regard, but in the real world I am alone in a crowd. And yet there must be others, perhaps some I see every day, who share my secret desires. But, how to make contact?
Well, Jenna, I've met people from the east coast to the west coast of the US and even a girl or two from other nations. Here's what I have found works for me...
Most of all, be patient. Happy hunting.
- Invest some time in getting to know someone before you make arrangements to meet them face-to-face. This forum is a great place for doing that kind of activity. Read threads and look at responses that resonate with the way you think. PM the member. Make arrangements to chat with them on line via IM,, Yahoo, etc.
- Find out what they are willing to share with you. Do the two of you have similar backgrounds, desires. dreams, and so on?
- If things click, see if it is practical to arrange a meeting. Time and location may be a problem is geography is an issue.
- As an alternative to the above, make arrangements to attend a TG function such as Southern Comfort, Be All, Diva Las Vegas... there's lots to choose from.
Since getting out and meeting other members of the T community face to face, I've made wonderful friends and maintained sustaining relationships with the other girls I've met. We email, call each other and meet up for lunches or dinner and shopping, etc. I live in one of the more rural parts of the country, and have not had any difficulty making new friends and keep in touch with them. It has been some of the best experiences of my life.
We are all very open and honest with each other. It has been great to get to know others who've had the same struggles and obstacles to overcome to finally be ourselves. The common bond we share has become the cement in our friendships.
Even online, I have girlfriends around the globe with whom I stay in touch. Even though we'll probably never meet F2F, we chat about the same things we probably would if we were in the same room together.
As Holly said, look for TG functions, social groups or support groups in your region. Those may be much better places to locate kindred spirits and true friends than the bar/club scene.
Boundaries: several of our local club members have given me rides home, with a couple of them knowing how to find my place. I haven't invited any of them in, but then my wife and I don't have much of a history of inviting visitors, just seldom getting around to it. I'd like to be in a position to hold a BBQ or something similar, but I need to rebuild the fence around my backyard -- one of my direct neighbours knows about Tess but the one on the other side doesn't (though they might well have seen me take a taxi as Tess.)Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaKnots
The member who has given me ride the most often: I did recently point out in passing where it is that I work. No-one else in the club knows (though I've given enough information about the general kind of work that I do that if someone were to bother putting it together they could very likely figure it out, or narrow it down to two places.)
My wife has gone with me to a club Event, a club meeting, and a non-club Event where several members attended; her name is rare so people listening could have tracked us down. But I don't imagine that any of our members would bother to do so unless there was a pressing need.
One of the club members, the registrar, knows my male name (and has seen it in full). Earlier on, before I was as established as "Tess", I did hear her use my male name in talking to some of the club executive. I think she likely still remembers it, but possibly the others have forgotten by now.
Friendships: for me it comes down to personality more so than common interests. There are several club members who do work sort of similar to the work I do, but I tend to "leave my work at the door", and find that I really don't have much to talk to them about with regards to that shared variety of work. I work in relatively specialized niches; there just isn't a lot of "shared experience" in the city for the kind of work I do. Anyhow, for whatever reason, the club members whom I have felt the most connection with are a couple of people who do work that is quite different than mine.
Other than on here I have no contact with other CD's.
I guess I am looking in all the wrong places. As I have tried posting on local forums like Craig List, you are not alone, and Yahoo groups for my area but never got any response.
I understand there is a rather active CD community locally but I guess it's some kind of cult that you have to be sponsored or already know someone in the group to get in the group.:confused:
I have a good friend who is living fulltime, when we get together on weekends its as girls..she has seen me as a boy a few times and thats fine but i want to be a girl also , so I tend to be in girl mode...We were part of Cd club in the early 90's and met a group of folks who we would hang out with on weekends..about 10 of us decided to do a take off of Saturday Nigh live for the Texas Tea party and we would spend a lot of time rehearse in our boy modes, so it can happen to have a friend in both modes, though now that I am older and want to be a girl more i prefer to see other Cd's in girl mode....hope that helps:drink:
I joined Tri-Ess and have been very happy and pleased with this group. They have helped me in many ways understand whom I am and where I am going in my TG life.
I close to forty years of dressing I have only told a few people and got negative responses from them. I came out about a year ago and since then I have made some cd'ing friends. The experience has been all positive, I have been to entertainment, shopping, and out to eat, while enfemme, with my new friends, and it couldn't be more enjoyable. I have also told my SO and she is supportive. I also placed a personal ad for a genetic girlfriend and have gotten a reply. I am waiting now to set up a meeting so we can do some shopping. She also has agreed to give me some help with makeup. There are plenty of people who are willing to be friends with a CD'er, it's just a matter of finding them. Luv and :hugs: Jill
I haven't been on the site that long, but it seems to me that everyone treats me as a friend. And that is so good to someone who hasn't really come out and never was able to talk about a big part of him(her)self for most of their life.
Thanks so much girls,
kimberly
One of the reasons of this forum is to meet other CDer's and hopefully find new friends that are close by.
A little over two months ago I decided to come out after a life time of being alone. The first thing I did was to join this site and several others that are similar. I have made many online friends, some of them from places on the other side of the world. I have joined a Tri-Ess group as well but have not attended a meeting yet due to the long distance involved. I am still looking for a cd friend that lives close to me and think if I don't give up looking I will find what I am looking for. We really are everywhere and there is someone out there for every one of us.
Ok, here's my $ .02:
I know generalizing is dangerous, but I do believe that most of us on the tg spectrum have an above-average amount of baggage that we tote around with us. I also believe we are, to some degree, inherently self-centered. (I include myself in both generalizations :D)
Given that, it's something of an upset when we DO make connections *lol* I've been fortunate enough to make several friends (none of the BFF variety though, at least not yet). We've generally shared a GNO or two at a local tg-friendly venue on special nights.
One good thing....we don't usually have to try too hard to find an ice-breaker *lol* Clothes, makeup....no problem.
I hope you are well, gf.
xxx
Traci
I guess I've got stuff to work out in both worlds.
Is there anyone out there who has joined other groups, has had extensive contact with some members and still struggles connecting?
I'm glad to hear that others have had positive experiences because it provides hope. I guess I need to hear that some people struggled before reaching CD blissfulness. Anyone in that boat, or has everyone taken some minor steps and solved all their gender excersion issues?
Jenna, doll....unless one of these other girls lives in Antarctica, there is not a person here who is more isolated from meeting others of our kind than me. No another one around for 600 miles that Iknow of or wanto to know of...that's a deeeep closet!
But, taking the bull by the horns, I made the effort to go to Chicago's Be-All. In 4 days, I met enough girls who've become both friends and acquaintances that I spend more time e-mailing and IMing than I do here anymore. Meetings planned for the future, conversations like I've never had in my life, and a personal outlook that has gone from permanent mild depression to an outrageous joy at getting out of bed every morning to see what's come in the e-mails...
Face to face, in a non-threatening, non-drunken club atmosphere brought me into the world of real people and the welcome world of my self-accepting self.
I find it impossible, and when i take into account my age and location and that i am quite a shy person i have come to the conclusion that it will never happen .
Also i do not go out dressed and i think that this is a big condition most cders put on the possibility of friendship .
joanne
The question is a good one. Most of my dressing time consists of going to gay bars for acceptance. The nightlife and shows are fun too! I have found that most CD's in these places are very accepting, but want to have a sexual experience with you after meeting. The oddest thing to me is the number of older gay guys that are accepting and younger girls! The gay men take up at "face value" and remember when they had a hard time in society. For some reason I have become a mentor to several younger girls that treat me as one of their own??? Why are we so facinating to young women; both straight and lesbien?
Quite the opposite to some of you, I have met members of this group and they have been wonderful people. It all depends what you are looking for. There are some who I have spoken to who may be too engrossed with themselves or looking to "play".
In that it is only recently that I have allowed myself to be open about my CDing to even non CDers, I have been surprised on how accepting people can be as long as you are yourself and be honest about it.
Never did I ever expect that I would dress for a wedding (okay lesbian) and be accepted not just by the girls there but also the straight family members. I was apprehensive at first, but when an old Aunt said that I was attracting the bugs because they smelled my perfume and by the way that is a lovely dress LOL I felt like this is going to be fine. I ended having a wonderful time.
I have a friend who has decided to find a CD friend for me because I have had no luck doing it myself. So, I smile and say great. So, the first candidate is into drugs and sex with anyone. That one I refuse to even meet or IM. Just not my taste.
I am looking, but trust my own judgement better than my friend's. I have met a couple in the past but they were so much younger than me they couldn't relate to me -- too much I didn't understand?
I have gone to a couple of Pride parades and know that I might fit in someplace, and certainly this forum is a great place to know of some really nice girls that I am sure I could relate to, but haven't connected yet.
I've met a few local crossdressers.... to dress... one has the sweetest wedding dress... :) and have mad some good friends.. I even have lunch with them, in male mode, every so often just to chat... Never had a bad experience but then again I choose my friend carefully after a lot of talking and checking things out.... and I have plans to meet others in the future if and when I can get into their areas's...
I can relate I have never been out of the closet before. I am going to meet another CD'er Monday but I'll be in Drab, because of personal business.
It is scary in a way because I will be meeting someone and they will know that I am a crossdresser. I have never told anyone before so this will be a totally new experience for me.
I'm not passable and only underdress in public. I haven't felt the need to meet other girls face to face. I enjoy the forum here.
Patti