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how does everyone here come up with the courage to go out dressed as a girl. I am 21 and i really want to go out dressed in casually dressed clothes (skirts, jeans, baby doll tops...etc) or even in cute dresses. I just dont have the courage to yet. What is everyone's story? how did you start going out? also, how can i buy feminine clothing (skirts, dresses, flats, high heels) in boy mode without getting weird looks or should i just not care what others think. thanks <3.
Well as for as going out dressed, I can't tell you. However, buying clothes, in drab, is easy. Just go in the store and shop as you normally would. You may get some looks, but who cares, especially if you're somewhere no one knows you. The S.A. will not say a word. More than likely they will assume you're buying it for someone else. However it feels good to tell them its for you. Most sales associates will do what they can to help. Just go for it girl!!!
To build your confidence you have to work in baby steps to become comfortable within the clothes as well as your mindset. Here is a trick I would to shop. Start off simple like walmart or Target. Grab some gift wrap and a card first then head over to the Ladies dept an shop freely. Most will see the the wrap and card and will assume you are looking for a gift. Others just wont care. Then you can always go to another city where you have less of a chance of running into anyone you might know or could careless who see you.
Hi Katie,Quote:
Originally Posted by <3Katie<3
Welcome to the site.
It's all about taking baby steps, practice times, having confidence, and knowing how to conduct and present yourself appropriately.
It helps if you know someone who can give you advice or to kind of mentor so that you can learn from their experiences.
When you think you're ready to go out, you know and go out and do it.
It is nerve wracking, but if you stay calm and treat things as if it was no big deal then you'll be fine.
Me, I started fully dressing about a year and a half ago when I attended my first Tri-Ess meeting. I had been going for a few months and then I met a well experienced dresser. When she told me about her experiences, I was inspired by them and so I continued to practice putting on my make up and finding the right clothes to wear until finally I was ready to go out in the real world for the first time.
She took me to the mall and to eat at a chain restaurant (Applebees) and after a while I wasn't as nervous or conscious of the people around me.
After that, I was hooked and went out more and more. As I gained more experience, my confidence level kept getting higher and higher to the point where I got the courage to fly in femme last October.
After I did it, my confidence level was so high. I thought to myself that if I can do that, I can pretty much do anything.
Now, I can go anywhere to anyplace because I blend in very well and I know that I present myself appropriately as a woman.
As for buying clothes.
There is no law that says you can't buy women's clothes in guy mode.
Again, if you don't treat it like its no big deal then you shouldn't have a problem. My favorite place is Victoria's Secret and I used to shop there in guy mode, but now I always shop there and everywhere else in femme. When I did shop in guy mode, I just acted like I owned the place or been there 1000s of times.
I was always courteous and friendly with the SAs and they treated me the same. Also, I would wear something nice or business casual and never wear shorts or anything that would make me come across as a pervert or a threat.
When I'd go to pay, I never had any thoughts of explaining myself.
I would just smile, pay, and be on my way.
Everywhere I shop, whether its in guy or girl mode, I smile and say hello.
If an SA asks if I need help, I am courteous, friendly and I ask a lot of questions. I don't ever recall having a bad experience while out shopping.
Hope this helps.
Hugs!
Katie, start in a safe place where you can play at it. Look on the internet for gay/tv friendly places close to you. Check out the hotels near there - talk to other t-girls and you can do it. It is not as hard as you think, promise :) And good luck
Katie,
I think the advice given so far is pretty much how most of us have done it.
I have the added advantage of a loving spouse that was with me my first time out. (She kept the large mob of people carrying long sharp farm implements away!!) Actually, nothing bad happened!! We went out for lunch, were treated as a couple ladies, had a wonderful time, and THAT makes you want to do it more often!!! (Kind of like sex. Once you have it, you just want it more often!!)
Since then, I still get a few butterflies if I haven't been out in 6-7 months or so, mostly wondering if my makeup skills have abandonded me.... But once out the door, a few smiles and hellos and I am on my way.
Normally if I am going out alone, it is to a support group meeting, otherwise I try to arrange a night out with another girl or 3 or 4. (Safety in numbers!!)
You didn't list where you live, so it's hard to know if there is a support group near you that you could call and SEE if another girl is going out that evening, daytime, whatever.
They are usually pretty open to adding a new girl so you can at least find your way to all the 'safe' places in town.
Use 'The Google' as our dear president would say!!! I'm certain you will find a group of girls within a few hours drive!!
Lisa E
[SIZE=4]As a 60 year old CD, I have to say that I envy your age. Starting to even think about or having the courage to think about going out at that age is a huge advantage overall. With that said, I think that the tips that the other ladies have given are right on.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]This is a very good example of how practice makes perfect. Think of it this way, girls are taught how to act and look by their peers from the time they can recognize differences. They practice their makeup and looks and hair and whatever over and over. (I watched my two sisters preen and practice for years, developing their particular look and style) Then we (CDs) come along and want to look like them at a moment's notice and can't understand why we have such amatuer appearances or are so timid that we don't go outside.(me included)[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]It all boils down to practice, bite off a little bit at a time and gradually move right into looking like any cute girl going out for the day or night. [/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Whatever you do, don't wait like most of us older CDs for the majority of your life just to get up sufficient courage to go out dressed (Sorry, speaking for myself only at this point.) Go find out how to look the way you wnat, take classes, learn to do makeup, hair, where to buy the cutest stuff you want to wear. Don't let others be your stopping point by intimidating you with "funny looks" or harsh words. [/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Get out there girl, take your time and practice then take your place as a cute girl heading off to the mall. You will do all us oldsters a favor by really looking nice. [/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Your sis,[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]
Tamaray you young thing, I'm 69 and still dressing. But I started going out (sneaking) at the age of 14. But you bring up a very good point as cder we have to practice much harder then real girls. :love:
shopping: One place you may want to shop is a thrift store. you can pick up boy and girl things and take them to a fitting room and see if you have something that works for you. Also you will find that anyplace you spend real money will treat you well in hopes you will return and spend more.
For other things, like wigs and breastforms, the web is always good. I've worked with The Breastform Store and Glamour Boutique as well as Ebay stores and have always been happy with the results.
Makeup: There are lots of good sites on the web and some great discussion and examples here in Crossdresser.com on the Beauty discussion page. Practice and practice some more. You may want to post photos here for suggestions on how to improve your look.
Getting out: Once you have looked in the mirror enough times that you can only see a girl there who needs to go out, you will probably do exactly that. If you have a local support group, or if you live near someplace you can visit and attend their group, you will find some great girls who have been through this and are willing to lend a hand or help you get out the door.
Good luck.
i don't feel there is ever a good time because we can talk ourselves out of it . sometimes it's just best to well just do it .
find a cd or trans group and go to some meetings in drab first then when you get to know your friend show up dressed you will find after a while your confidence levels grow and before long your going to coffee shops and before you know it your out and about .
for me it was after my third meeting with a trans group that i started going dressed two months later we all ended up at a coffee shop . i found my strength to go out by myself and nothing happened after that i just did it . the only problem was the more i did go out the more i wanted so just remember baby steps
Hey Girl Friend,
I would also recommend ding it in baby steps. Also maybe start out in “Unisex” clothes, but outfits that women mainly have on. When I lived in NH in the fall I would go out in Capris, and stretch paints.
Also for a short time I did Amateur Boxing and when I had a fight I would have a leotard on and my boxing trunks on for my fight. I would always fight in red trunks with white trim, and a white leotard on. A few people knew it was a leotard but a lot of them just thought it was a tank top shirt.
Hugs,
Geoff
It was reading this forum that gave me the belief that I could go out enfemme, because others were obviously doing it. I think, looking back, that my first outfit was not exactly clever, but the self belief was what mattered. And of course once you have done it, the next time is easy.
When I'm out, I don't go "completely female". I mix up some boys clothing, put on some natural looking make up, a lil bit of gloss. I do look very androgenic, but society here is sorta outdated...
I just started when I was in high school, since you can't have long hair here in HS, I grew it as long as I could, then when I got out I let it grew longer. Slowly started to incorporate women stuff into my everyday attire, like women's jeans, tees, accessories. Then I pierced my ears...
With time I started to use make up, and things like this.
That's how I started. I really didn't cared about what other people thought of me in college (but still respecting their dresscode) I just did what I thought it was right for me. My goal now that I'm out of college, to start saving for laser and taking hormones.
Do what you want to do, the time to do it is now that you are young and can enjoy it.
Hope I have been of any help to you.
Love!
Katie,The advice that the others have given is right on the money. I can't think of anything I can say to improve on it. I will say this though, don't wait too much longer before making your decision to go out. I made the mistake of keeping my cd'ing to myself for 40 years. Just three months ago I discovered this place and it gave me the inspiration to come out to others and leave the confines of the closet that I was buried in for so many years. I only recently started going out dressed and regret that I did not do it many years ago. Although I have been dressing for 40 years I have only been going out for two months so I am still new at this. My confidence level increases each time that I do go out and feel that in a short tme I will lose all of my apprehentions over being seen in public. It is a great feeling so just be who you are and get out there and do it! I wish you the best!
You just go out and do it. I started taking walks in the early moning 5:00 AM and finished my walks about 6:00 AM. usually I walk in a public park and there are only 1-3 people I cross paths with.
As time went on a started walking later, to get used to more people in public, now I have gone walking during the day between 10:00 AM and 8:00 PM fully dressed but no makeup and for the most part pass from a short distance. Not to say some people don't pick you out, but they don't say anything to you.
You learn to improve your looks and gain confidence in who you are. The CD lifestyle teaches you several things, courage to be you, teaches you to respect others, makes us more sensitive to other's needs. in short I think it makes us better people.
As I responded in another thread once, "Just do It".
:battingeyelashes: Kim
Buying clothes can be tricky, but with some experience with specific places, you will likely find places that do not cause a problem, at least not most of the time. Mostly I think what the sales assistants are worried about is shoplifting, and for that reason, they can get a little restless if you lurk around women's stuff too long, etc. But they generally are happy enough if you do not hang around much, and just go out, paying for the stuff.
Some people are happier if they have a story in mind, in case eyebrows are raised, like 'I am just buying it for my sister,' etc.
Don't care what they think just go shopping for what you want people you don't know don't even care about you buying a skier or shoes or anything else hun. :hugs:
Angie
I went out in the Hamptons during the summer, I rememeber I was a blonde that night with a short white dress and heels on and I was walking down the side walk and an older woman walked past me and gave me a smile and said hello, then I turned around and saw 4 guys in a Jeep turning their heads and checking me out, it felt great, geez, if they only knew!!! lol Denise
Going out front door dress for the first time is a very big step and all of us girls had to do it or stay in the closet.
You are very lucky to so many girls help you make that first step, a lot of us girls had to make that first step alone with no help and most of us did not do so good.
As time went by we girls got better and our confident grow stronger, we can give you all the information you need to make that first step but it is up to you to make that first and it is going to take time and a lot of work.
When it comes to buying cloths know what styles you can wear and know your size you have to know if you can pull it off, remember we can not wear every thing that a GG can wear and pull it off their is no need to be nerves when buying cloths, take it home try it on if it dose not fit or you feel you can not pull it off take it.
It is sad to say you are going to have to fall on your face and take your licks like we all did getting read your first time out can make you or brake you,
some girls who got read and went back to the closet and some girls got stronger and they are the girls who are here to help you.
LA CINDY LOVE
The best way I have found to buy clothing is to go to Wal-Mart real early in the mourning, there is hardly anyone there.
As far as going out, the main thing is you have to get your makeup down pretty good before you go out. You do not want a lot of makeup at your age, try a little eye Liner and eye shadow. Just checkout what other girls in your area are wearing as far as makeup, most probably do not wear much at all. The big thing is your hair, if you can get a wig that looks good on you. Sometimes you can find nice wigs at thrift stores, that goes for clothing too. Don't be afraid just do it. Walk right in like you always have and nobody will care, if you think people are looking they will, if you don't care they won't look. Just go about what you are doing and do not worry about everyone else. If someone does ask just tell them it's for your girlfriend or a relatives birthday or something. If you worry about it, it will ruin your experiance, JUST DO IT!
Well, there is... But it's only in your head. If you were buying things for your GF/sister/mom you wouldn't have such a problem, would you? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by joann07
Going out is the same - people can walk down the street in a chicken or clown outfit and nobody would bat an eye - so again, the big deal bit is in your head?
So - how do you get around this? Practice. Do it again and again (shopping or going out) until it becomes comfortable - then keep right on doing it...
Don't take big leaps - just stretch yourself a little, gradually over time - work up to where you want to be, and be prepared for the occasional set back? But these, again, will be in your head..
xx
Buying clothes is easy if anyone asks your just buying it for a friend. Unless you have the guts to say its for you. In my experience having a girl friend go shopping with you is great they are good at sizing if you don't dare try it on and they will make sure you dont buy anything hideous, it has one down fall though they tend to say things like this skirt would look fantastic on you loud enough for anyone within atleast 20 ft to hear.
As for going out you just have to do it. I know I pass looks wise (only one person has ever made it plain they new I was a guy when I had yet to say something he noticed the adams apple) but I still only go out close to Halloween because the second I open my mouth everyone instantly knows I am a guy my voice is too deep and I cant manage a passable falsetto.
All this was probably said before but I felt like adding my 2 cents anyways
I first went out enfemme at age 14 or 15... Scared to death... 40+ years ao... Now it's so natural... And once you just do it and get it over with... You'll wonder why you didn't do it years earlier....
Open the door and walk out.... Smile Attitude... Attitude.... Attitude....
Nicki's smack on! Just take her advise, once your on the other side of the door. Your out there, it just takes a little courage. Once you become comfortable in your surroundings, it will become second nature. All you have to do is open door. Just like jumping into the pool for the first time. Go ahead and get your feet wet!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicki B
Huggs, Renee
I have been going out dressed often for years and shop en femme and in drab. Here are somethings I discovered in my experience.
1, It is easier to get out the door if you have a meeting or date to go to.
2. Sales girls know that a lot of guys are buying for themselves and not for their girl friends. They will treat you with courtesy as they are not going to spoil an easy sale.
3. When you are out dressed few people would give you any notice, only a few who have read you will make any rude remark. You will have a good experience most of the time, and the few bad experiences are really not that bad.
4. When you out dressed in the beginning every time you see someone coming your way you wonder is he or she going to see I am a guy, will they say something. will the laugh. The best way to get over this fear is to join the crowd. Once in the crowd there is just too many people around you to be worry about.
Hope this helps
Jennifer