Why the nick

Every since I have joined this forum fellow Cders and even GG's have asked about my Nick Name. I have never been offened and it is everyones right to ask really it is fine, I know it is more concern than anger for those who do ask and that's why I return to this place as often as I do, much support here .
The choice of the nick is not from my desires to Crossdress no not at all I've choose the nick because my alter ego doesn't like to Crossdress. Now before you all call the guys in the white jackets please let me try to explain a little better. In my closet life of Crossdressing, I've spent very little time doing so I have spent 98 percent of my life in Male mode being so and so have been in circles of conversations where people like myself are the center of being made fun of . All though I never took part in the razzing I have seen felt and heard cruel and unwanted comments , the truth in how soceity accepts Crossdressing thats the curse not having the guts to break away from how I will be in the center of the circle, cruel conversations from family close friends and strangers once I do decide to walk away from my secured closet.

The curse is how I let that stop me . Since my seperation I have lost over 30 pounds I no longer carry a beer gut amazing what stress will do for a diet but it's not all bad the clothes fit better I look more femme in them and it scares me to think a male body can transform that way. It has been shown that before conception we are all the same sex and we choose what sex we later turn to be , it makes me wonder during that time what my mother might have been doing was the prenatel up to par did she drink or smoked too much maybe she didn't eat right who knows? All I know is Crossdressing has been a part of me for about forty years. Anyways thanks for reading and no offence to the curse within to anyone and CW is ok for those who perfer to call me that.