"Be careful what you wish for..."

As I sit here dressed as an average middle aged women I'm very depressed. For years I put my wife through hell because she couldn't deal with my CD. I lost the two best friends I had because they found out about my CD. I wasted countless weekends because I wanted to stay at home and dress like a woman. All I wanted to do was look and feel like a woman. My wife died of cancer eight years ago. My friends told other friends in the church, the lodge, and the coffee shop and I finally moved because I could no longer deal with the leering smirks and the shunning. I now spend my days dressed as a woman, and alone. I wish I had been smart enough to have taken off the rose tinted glasses and been real with the image in the mirror.

It seems like things have been more than rough for you and I am sorry for the loss of your wife and the fact your friends and community has turned it back on you. Maybe through this website you can meet some people in your area and places where you go to enjoy life again. Life goes in cycles and I hope your about to turn a new page in your life where you are happy again.

Hi Donna, I've traveled to the east myself and so far no problems. I am still blosoming, as I call it, and those friends that have a problem with it are replaced by freinds who are accepting of it. I have found several churches accepting of anyone that comes, MCC and Unitarians to mention a couple. I have ben surprised by some freinds and by some folks I've met in class or while out at how accepting they are.

I've always believed and I tell others that it's all in the attitude, be proud of who you are, walk upright, they should be humble because you have decided to grace them with your presence, I'm just fine and you are the one with the problem not me. The you is not yourself in the previous statement, it's the people around you I'm refering to.

Since I've accepted myself I've been involed with the local LGBT community center, Pride and very active in my MCC church and I facilate a support group.

Tomorrrow is a new day, embrace it, research your area and see who's there, start with the nternet and the phone book.

HUGS Sandra..........You are a beautiful person

My heart goes out to you. You have suffered more than most. I thought i have suffered! I would be devastated, if my church found out, or some people i worked for. My lawyer knows, and won't talk to me anymore. I sent him pics of me. He is single, and i suspect gay. There was a talk at the ultra conservative church i am in, condemning cding. Someone there may know. Losing your wife, and friends, and all those shunning you, must be hell. Maybe a move , if feasable, would be best. Thanks Donna, for the humility, to admit your mistakes. Few will these days, in the me generation.I have made huge mistakes, lately, too.

Don't beet yourself up so badly. It is something that you did not choose so you can not control it. You will feel better if you look ahead instead of back at the past. When I start thinking too much about what didn't go well in the past I try to remember that I can't change what happened, I can only change what I plan to do today and tomorrow.

Donna, my sympathies for the loss of your wife and the further loss of your "friends" and what else ensued.
I don't know where you hail from, but at the bottom of the main page there are organizations listed by state that might interest you.
You would do well to find somebody, anybody willing to lend a sympathetic ear.
You are in need of support and compassion. One of these support groups could hold some answers for you and just might make you smile again.

Donna,

You can't do the woulda, shoulda,coulda. It's too difficult to go forward when you're constantly looking over your shoulder. Every morning is the first day of your new life. Seek it, embrace it, and pursue it. Everything happens for a reason and when that reason is revealed we sit back in wonderment. Being here is a tremendous help, I have found compassion, support, and empathy for we all go through these things from time to time. My best to you.
Sincerely,
Rhonda Michelle

I don't know you, or your history, or your situation, but from what little you said, I'd say that crossdressing ruled you, rather than you ruling it. You never adequately came to grips with it or owned it. You did not make it yours, so it made you it's own, and ruined you. I'm very sad that all this has come to pass for you. I'm sure you never wished for this sorry state of affairs. But tomorrow is another day, and rather than wallow in it, try to make something positive of the day. One day at a time, reclaim you life.

I think I know just how you feel lossing your spouse and your friends. I feel it would happen to me If I came out of the closet. At our age it's rough to find new friends that you can talk about the old days when you were young. But you have to get out and meet people. You can't wait for them to come to you. Good luck going done your new patch.

I feel so sad for you. I remember the failure of a marriage and how hard it was. Even now I realize my ex has probably told everyone we both know about my crossdressing, and she's made sure it is perceived as a crime against humanity! I had my alone times and even still I keep my secret.

Fortunately, life is a series of highs and lows. The lows help us to appreciate the highs and there are many of those to be had. If crossdressing is who you are, then nobody is going to change it. All you can do is accept it and figure out how it fits into your life. Sometime all it takes are REAL friends who love you for who you are. . . .

and all the wonderful, supportive girls you'll find here.

Your post COULD BE VERY IMPORTANT TO SOME OF US HERE!

With all the encouragement and support we receive here, your post reminds us:

CDing is NOT acceptable to most people!

There r places in the USA where u will be shunned, even despised, if your CDing is found out!

U CANNOT PUT THE TOOTHPASTE BACK IN THE TUBE! Please, please, PLEASE, do NOT come out to everyone u know, if u r NOT prepared for the consequences!

CDing can be a blessing, or a curse. " Be careful what u wish for"!

Donna, u know all of us here r VERY sympathetic, and wish u some good times. U certainly deserve them!:hugs:

Some are just so far into the pink fog they loose sight of what life can be. sorry you experienced this. But maybe it will help someone to not do the same.:hugs:
Angie

TRUE friends will stay by your side no matter what