Do You Feel Like You Want To Start A Revolution?

Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in even here, I feel like I have been backed into a corner by society and feel like I'm going to explode in anger and hostility. A lot of you have family and loved ones and struggle with your cd lifestyle and keeping wives and girlfriends happy and I can empathize with your struggles. I was married and divorced 3 years my cding was only part of the reason for divorce.

Now that its behind me I'm alone, angry and hateful. I have been out and dated women make me sick everyone is so narcisistic and greedy. I'm not interested in being with a man and watching men in night clubs nauseates me, with their puffed out chests and phony arrogance to mask their insecurity in a vain attempt to impress these gruesome bitches that only want one thing.

Society as a whole sickens me, there is nothing left good in the world anymore. If your lucky enough to find a corner in this world to call your own so you can curl up inside shut out the world and wait to die.

I don't know why I even care anymore what these sycophantic, oppurtunests, narcisistic, greedy self induldged creeps think with regards to my crossdressing I hate them all. I can't pass as a woman, but I am starting to feel like who cares I'll just dress as a man in a skirt who am I trying to impress I don't even respect 99% of the people I meet in society anymore.

Maybe its time to just say the hell with it and do what I want and just revolt against society's expectations of what they percieve me to be or what it is I'm expected to look act or dress.

Maybe we should just quit worrying what they think they don't care about us.

My other concern is am I becoming as angry and as dark as fear what is inside me. Is my hatred so extreme that I should get help, I feel if I lostmy anger I would just want to die.

Nothing like venting sometimes to get things off your chest. Now, that being said, it couldn't hurt to find someone to talk to. Nothing eats you up faster than anger and hate, it changes you almost immediately.

I know, I've been there.

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Originally Posted by sarab

Nothing like venting sometimes to get things off your chest. Now, that being said, it couldn't hurt to find someone to talk to. Nothing eats you up faster than anger and hate, it changes you almost immediately.

I know, I've been there.

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It did feel good to get that off my chest, but the anger is still there. I didnt want everyone to think that it is a holiday thing I'm not religious so Christmas means nothing to me, Halloween is the most important holiday to me, followed by Thanksgiving.

I don't understand if anybody feels remotely close to the way I do why we even care what strangers think ( I include myself in the we). I just think its time for me to really start changing in many different ways. Physically mentally I want to be a completely different person by this time next year.

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Do You Feel Like You Want To Start A Revolution?

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Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in even here, I feel like I have been backed into a corner by society and feel like I'm going to explode in anger and hostility. A lot of you have family and loved ones and struggle with your cd lifestyle and keeping wives and girlfriends happy and I can empathize with your struggles. I was married and divorced 3 years my cding was only part of the reason for divorce.

Now that its behind me I'm alone, angry and hateful. I have been out and dated women make me sick everyone is so narcisistic and greedy. I'm not interested in being with a man and watching men in night clubs nauseates me, with their puffed out chests and phony arrogance to mask their insecurity in a vain attempt to impress these gruesome bitches that only want one thing.

Society as a whole sickens me, there is nothing left good in the world anymore. If your lucky enough to find a corner in this world to call your own so you can curl up inside shut out the world and wait to die.

I don't know why I even care anymore what these sycophantic, oppurtunests, narcisistic, greedy self induldged creeps think with regards to my crossdressing I hate them all. I can't pass as a woman, but I am starting to feel like who cares I'll just dress as a man in a skirt who am I trying to impress I don't even respect 99% of the people I meet in society anymore.

Maybe its time to just say the hell with it and do what I want and just revolt against society's expectations of what they percieve me to be or what it is I'm expected to look act or dress.

Maybe we should just quit worrying what they think they don't care about us.

My other concern is am I becoming as angry and as dark as fear what is inside me. Is my hatred so extreme that I should get help, I feel if I lostmy anger I would just want to die.
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"Your keeping in step, and inline, got your chin held high and you feel just fine, Cause you do what you're told, but inside your heart it is hollow and its black and its cold" Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails

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Wow! Now tell us what you really think. Things could be worse. You could still be married, and hiding your things from a big spending, cold, prying wife. Every cloud has a silver lining.:D

Often severe depression masks itself in anger. That is especially true for your male side as we have few acceptable ways of venting our frustrations.

Your correct, The World is getting harder and harder to navigate through. Business' wants to bust your chops with service, people are becoming cruder and lack manners, and economic times foster a feeling of desperation.

The question is, "What are you going to do about it?" You will have a very difficult time in changing The World, so all you can change is yourself and your attitudes. Get help with The Probable Depression, learn to look inwardly for satisfaction, by all means carve out "safe places" where you can retreat to recharge your batteries.

All of this is difficult and a real b****h to accomplish. Look up some definitions for "The Self-Actualized Person," and you might get a feeling for where you want to go. Study some of The Tenants of Buddhist Tradition. YOU HAVE TO FIND the KEYS....it's your challenge!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[SIZE="3"]Anger can be constructive only if leads to positive change. Hurting others will only backfire. I go out dressed in quite a bit and I pass pretty well. Even if I didn't I would still go out.

We have to be secure in who we are first. It took me a year to feel totally content with my transgender identity. Now I'm involved with a couple of organizations. What society says about us doesn't phase me because they are wrong. Each day bears that fact out. I'm educating people about crossdressing and transgender issues.

I feel complete and liberated by being out.

Gennee[/SIZE]

:)

I'm NOT one of the "most loved" characters on this site either! But, if u can't feel the caring and consern from the individuals here, you're NOT giving them a chance! I find the folks here REMARKABLE in their acceptance of everyone, even me!:hugs:

I also feel u r not giving people, as a whole, a chance. If u get to know most people, u will find something of value in them!:)

U sound like me in my 20's. Being forced into the army to fite a war I thot was stupid. Taken out of college. Lost my small business and girlfriend. I came back VERY angry. I didn't like ANYONE back then! :Angry3:
After a couple years, I straightened myself out. Went back to school, moved into a new line of work. It suddenly occured to me, I had every opportunity and MOST of my life ahead of me!

There were others in my position at that time. Talking with them, helped me get perspective AND motivation to move ahead, and leave my past, in the past! Hopefully u have close friend(s) u can confide in. If not, u should talk with a qualified therapist. I've gotten very good results from them!:)

As Joanie said, "It's all up to u." If u want to change your life and yourself, u can. It may not be easy, but take it from me, it's WORTH THE EFFORT!

U can be a new person in 2009, if u really wish to be!:thumbsup:
And remember, happiness is just a state of mind!

Thanks for your reponses everyone, and just to clarify I'm not angry with anybody on this site I feel a sense of commoradity with everyone here.Yes, I'm not the most popular member but that is something of little concern to me. Its more important to have fewer friends that I can really relate to, than an army of aquaintances.

Mater of fact... Nope.. Not really. Guess I really don't care what society thinks.... They have not backed me into a corner.. None that I haven't been able to get out of.. And I find a lot of enjoyment playing their game.. Lol.

Lifes what you make of it........ not what it makes of you!! :)

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Mater of fact... Nope.. Not really. Guess I really don't care what society thinks.... They have not backed me into a corner.. None that I haven't been able to get out of.. And I find a lot of enjoyment playing their game.. Lol.

Lifes what you make of it........ not what it makes of you!! :)

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Don't mask it for my sake your just ecstatic because the Steelers are in the playoffs LOL

Dear Sister,

We probably have all felt this way before at one time or another. We should not be looked upon as some kind of weird sickos, but we are.

I have finally gotten to the age where I really just don't care what others may think about me. I am a crossdresser. I will always be a crossdresser. I did not ask to be a crossdresser, but now that I accept myself for who and what I am, so what.

Even though I am a crossdresser, I would not change, even if I could. I love being a crossdresser. Hey world, I'm a crossdresser and proud of it !

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler

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Originally Posted by balletchick

Don't mask it for my sake your just ecstatic because the Steelers are in the playoffs LOL

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I'll be even more ecstatic when the Penguins start putting the puck in the friggin net!! Lol

BC,

To some extent, we've all been through bad times like the one(s) you're dealing with today. Probably, some of us are going through something like it right this minute.

The formula for getting better is always the same. You've already taken the first step and admitted that even you think your reaction to your life events sucks. Great, you'll be OK; you have the energy and drive to make sure you'll be OK.

You're not over your divorce, you're not finding happiness with any other women yet, and, nobody in "guy land" is throwing you a lifeline either. So far, par for this part of the golf course of life...

My first divorce took ten years to get over with. By then, I'd been married to someone else for several years. It just takes time for the hurt and anger to go away. Dating other women after my divorce, and later after my second wife died, was mostly unsatisfactory until I calmed down after both events - then life with other people got a lot easier. As for men, or, anybody "giving" you any help or solace... Not likely for any one person in the crowd, or, maybe in your family and friends. Few are skilled enough to be good at this kind of thing and most of us lack the time to help enough.

So, you wind up having to do things yourself. Could be, CDing provides some comfort time and keeps you out of trouble. Fine. Your problems right now are too "hot" to just count to ten and be past them; you may need to take a walk for a half hour or more when you feel upset. Even at work, say, "Excuse me, I need few minutes... Heart issue. Probably just PTSD from the dang divorce/whatever." and just leave the room. Accept that you may go to a bar, get mad because you are not a happy camper, and go outside for a while, or, go home and start again next week. Small steps. Victory is trying, and backing off when it feels wrong. Doesn't matter - you gave it a shot and you can give it another shot. You'll get a handle on it with time.

One thing I've noticed about life in over fifty years, it has it's ups and downs - and everybody has problems; nobody gets spared. You find a way to get past the bad times. Find a good way...

Thanks for the post. Be kind to yourself and don't hurt anybody. You're angry, and you probably should be, you know. But, find a way to deal with the upset that doesn't make things worse.

Avoid jail by not hitting someone, avoid being unpopular by not bad-mouthing people or yourself, protect your liver by not drinking to excess... Drink lots of water, exercise, sleep enough, and look for good things and make note of them. Put bad things out of your mind as often as you can and don't give them as much time and energy as you have... Manage your way in life until life stops managing you so unkindly.

Do that, and you'll probably wind up happier than you have ever been.

Seems unlikely that you would wind up better off than ever?

Trust me. Life is full of challenges and once you learn how valuable that skill, of dealing well with things is, you'll not repeat past errors and life will be easier and better than ever.

Just keep hoping and working.

Both are important.

Good luck and good living.

Maryklinden thank you for the very well thought out post there is definately some good advice in there and I will try to make some good use of it. I am really hopeful for 2009 as 2008 was an extremely bad year for me.

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Originally Posted by balletchick

Maryklinden thank you for the very well thought out post there is definately some good advice in there and I will try to make some good use of it. I am really hopeful for 2009 as 2008 was an extremely bad year for me.

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Good advice? I'll say!

Up until last year I felt much as you do now, Chick! But '08 was my best year ev-ar! I even had a little bit of xmas spirit...in years past I was always the supreme bah-humbug goon who had to just go into social hibernation from mid November on...

The turnaround? It had to do with talking to people here, reading their miles and miles of advice (good and bad and sometimes even hilariously stupid!).

I'm pretty sure I've gotta good few years on you, hun, and if an ol' misanthrope like me can evolve like Scrooge in the movie, so can you!

You can change yourself, your attitudes, your ability to relate to others. Sure, the majority of people in the world are mopes, but then there's always that great, happy feeling of those little epiphanies that come one after another when we finally come to accept ourselves for what we are. I'm not talking about just accepting our trans selves, but all those other complicated little things we might not fully accept, like being nerdy or overweight or skinny or hairy or having ears like Howdy Doody or not being able to talk to
chicks...whatever....

We are what we are, hun, but that don't mean we can't improve ourselves...daily.

Hang in there, Chick. We can see you're smart enough and mad enough to start working on the self improvement that you want. And, of course, you know we're here to help...if we can...and if you want... :)

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I'll be even more ecstatic when the Penguins start putting the puck in the friggin net!! Lol

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[SIZE="3"]I'm a long suffering Jets fan.

Gennee[/SIZE]

:sad:

I feel so non sex.. like I'm a man but I've seen how women are as well. I don't think I'm angry at other "macho" men, they can't help it.. they are insecure no matter how big and tough they think they are.. I'm not attracted to men and find myself more attracted to women all the time except for the fact that I know this one thing to be true above all others.. the girl I was meant to fall in love and get married to died (I'm guessing)... so alone I as well am and am ok with it.. because I have Carly and she is my best friend that I have ever had.... I love her and she tolerates me...

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Originally Posted by balletchick

Maybe its time to just say the hell with it and do what I want and just revolt against society's expectations of what they percieve me to be or what it is I'm expected to look act or dress.

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Well that depends.
Do you care what others in public say about you?

You need to chill out girl

I would suggest going to see a therapist and seeing if that person gives any good advice even though you already know it to be true, she may reinforce what you already know you should do. Bad experiences may shape our lives for the better or for worst if we do not learn anything from it. Everyone has problems, some similar some not, just don't feel alone.

Take up running, and run 'til you drop. It's hard to be angry when you're knackered and get that endorphin rush.

"Cruel world! I run past you angrily! I run past your nonsense! I run p.p... phew! *gasp*"

Works for me, anyhow.

You're in good company sweety! What you are feeling is not unusual! There are times when I feel like that that I want to get dressed and march right into the middle of town and shout here I am what are you going to do about it! Social suicide! The world is a either a dismal nasty place or it is a wonder! The perspective is yours:) Smile, relax, and be happy

Kelsy:hugs:

The real trick is to use disadvantages or perceived disadvantages as opportunities, turn them around and make them work for us. As Joanie said, the world is not going to change but if we become steadfast and unshakable inside, we can make anything work.:)