Driving Miss Bobbi

I thought i might add my first time "out" to the collection, though i'm not sure how "out" it really was, since my destination was a Tri-Ess meeting. :) This was written in late July of 2008.

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Once again, it was the second Saturday of the month, and I hadn't made it to the previous couple of TSNE meetings. There were differing circumstances as to why I'd been unable to attend each one, but you know how it is if you haven't dressed up in a while: Little things I could normally let roll off my back would suddenly be Big Problems, and my emotional roller coaster was running at high speed. I really needed to get out. Since this was the summer barbecue, and I had been itching to bring my buffalo wings to a meeting ever since I first came to TSNE, I really didn't want to miss it.

Generally, I change at the meeting. I'm only "out" to my wife (and as of two weeks ago, my oldest daughter,) so leaving the house as Bobbi isn't something I can do. But this time, things were a little unusual.

We live on the second floor of a two-family house, and the neighbors downstairs had left in the early morning for an all-day event. They wouldn't be back until well after I departed for the meeting. My daughters had gone away for the weekend, and wouldn't be returning for days. My wife had just left to go shopping. I had two hours before I needed to leave, and the whole house to myself. Did I dare?

Come on... would this be much of a story if I didn't?

Since this was the summer barbecue, cool and casual was my thinking. A couple of months ago, I bought a pair of Bermuda shorts in pink, orange, white and tan plaid. (It sounds odd, but trust me, it worked.) A matching short-sleeved pink golf shirt and a white stretch belt completed the ensemble. I put on my lace boyshort panties and matching bralet, then headed to the bathroom to put on my nail polish. Toe and fingernails were done up in a hot pink polish from OPI, two coats. After they were dry, on went my makeup, then my outer clothes. Since this was a barbecue, sandals were the preferred footwear. While I didn't have anything expressly female to wear, my favorite footwear happens to be Birkenstock sandals, and their Boston style is made for both genders. I grabbed a neutral pair, figuring that my toenails would be more than femme enough for the occasion. :)

It was possible that neighbors could see me leaving the house, and since my top could never be confused for a guy's shirt, I grabbed my pink Tommy Bahama shirt and wore it as cover. It matched the shorts, so I figured even if someone got a peek, they'd never give it a second thought. I just hoped no one would notice the hot pink nail polish on my fingers and toes.

Taking a deep breath, I left the house and got into the car - and promptly realized I'd left the chicken and buffalo sauce on the kitchen counter. Back in and out of the house Miss Neon Nails went (really, I may as well have worn a sign,) as I retrieved my gastronomic offering and hopped back behind the wheel.

A mile from home, I came to a spot on the street where there were no houses on either side of the road. I stopped and put on my wig, took off my Tommy Bahama shirt, and put in my breast forms. A pair of Revlon sunglasses completed my transformation. Looking into the rear-view mirror, I saw Bobbi looking back at me. Blowing her a kiss, I set off to the meeting, my heart pounding. I was out, driving my car, and anyone looking at me would think a voluptuous woman with long black hair was behind the wheel. At least I hoped they'd think i was a woman. It was terribly exciting, and also a little frightening. What if I had an accident? What if there was a police roadblock? What if I got stopped for a traffic violation? It's funny how these things don't occur to you until it's too late to back out.

Halfway to the meeting, I noticed the gas gauge. Doing some mental math, it occurred to me that i might not have enough fuel to complete the round trip back home. Then, another thought: In my excitement at the prospect of traveling en femme, I accidentally left the nail polish remover at home. I couldn't decide which was the more frightening scenario: Pumping gas before the meeting as Bobbi, with a build that was reminiscent of late-70's East German women's shot putters (seriously, I wasn't fooling anyone,) or on the way home; theoretically after changing back into my male clothes, but still with hot pink nails that could be seen from orbit.

I made sure I traveled just slightly over the speed limit, and drove with extreme watchfulness for other drivers doing stupid things. I made it through two police speed traps without incident, though my heart did skip a couple of beats.

Arriving at the church, I got out of my car, grabbed my things, and started walking towards the building. I was walking through a parking lot, completely made up and dressed as a girl, outside and in public for the first time in my life! I looked up and felt the sun on my face... once a metaphor, now a joyous reality.

Most of the meeting is a blur, but I spent as much time as I could outdoors. It felt so wonderful to feel the wind blowing through my long hair, see cars driving by on the road 100 yards away, to look down and see those pretty pink toenails wiggling in the soft green grass.

It ended too soon, but as I drove home after removing my makeup and changing into my "male" clothes (which ironically included a pair of Liz Claiborne khaki Capri pants,) I had a smile on my face that just wouldn't go away.

In case you were wondering... yeah, I had a nice weekend - and I didn't run out of gas. ;)