The desire to be seen

My crossdressing desire has been in me for many years but only once in a while up until the last year. Now I like to dress as often as I can. What else I notice is when I am dressed I want to be seen. I did venture out last week twice just after dark and walked the first night to the end of the street and back and it was exhilarating. Then a couple nights later I wanted to go around the whole block but only did a partial. I was seen both times by someone but from across the street and I do not think I got a second glance. It was a big adrenaline rush and I had a hard time going to sleep that night. I still plan to make that block but I know I have to do it with more confidence which I think will happen with each attempt. What I was wondering is if the feeling of wanting to be out and seen is common with others?

Ohh yeah!! Once you've been out and about enfemme.. Setting around the house all dolled up just doesn't cut it any more!! And its like a drug.. You got to do it more often and more flagrent!! At least it was for me...

[SIZE=4]Take it from Karren, it is like an addictive drug. Once you have been out and seen, you just have to get out more. We are just like any girls out there. As soon as they realize that they are the points of observation for men and women, they have to get out.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]When I was growing up I watched my two older sisters thinking up ways to go out and be seen. It might have just been a walk around the block or a trip to the mall, but the point was the same, to be seen and accepted.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Now, I make excuses to myself about going straight home from work and stop off at the club to dance for a couple of hours or shop or whatever. And I dress for work everyday! I still want more.....[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Just remember to be safe, walking the same block may attract the police or some other type person.[/SIZE]

yeah, but getting clocked really really really sucks.

Passing requires MUCH MORE EFFORT than just LOOKING like a woman in my bedroom. Also, dressing just to fit in outside, is NOT one of my fantasies. But, being discovered is a very REAL FEAR of mine!

Like many of my CD fantasies, that of going out and "passing", has kind of just "passed" out of my conscious mind! :)

I believe for me, being seen on line, satisfies my craving for validation.
But, I don't really know! :sad:

As Karen and Tammi have said, when you're an ADDICT, u may have a difficult time controlling your urges! And I'm afraid I fall into that catagory, too!:brolleyes:

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Originally Posted by Kimmie

yeah, but getting clocked really really really sucks.

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Only if that's important.. If you don't care then its actually fun to see peoples reactions when they realize!! Lol.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Only if that's important.. If you don't care then its actually fun to see peoples reactions when they realize!! Lol.

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That depends what "clocked" means. To me it means getting punched really hard. And yes, that would suck. :slap:

I like to go out and be seen.
Just keep in mind that when you do get to the point where you will go out during daylight and en femme, there will be times you could get read, unless you pass incredibly well. Sometimes people will act stupid about it. It is all just part of the process.
Just mind your safety.

It does take some practice to build confidence. The first time you go out during the day en femme, you will be a nervous wreck.

Eventually you will get to the point where you just accept that you might get a few strange stares or laughs, but even that comes less and less as you get more confident. It is like what they say - confidence is the biggest determiner of whether or not we get read or catch hell.

One huge confidence booster is if you are "out" to family and friends, cause strangers don't really matter.

I know what you mean.The more I go out the less i care
what people think.I'm not hurting anybody so why Shouldn't
I enjoy it.

I think after a while it isn't so much as an adrenalin rush. The fear of what someone else will do or say kinda subsides after a while. You may realize you pass and no one thinks any different, or you may just become used to whatever looks you get. In the end you realize no one cars.

I definitely remember the first few times I went out. What was I thinking! lol. Well, I divide it into 3 different phases or categories or whatever.

With 1, usually you don't worry about passing, you sneak around and you put yourself into situations where you MAY get seen, but know there is no real danger. But usually the adrenalin rush of the perceived danger is what really makes it fun. My first few times would just be in the car, and changing in the car. Then it was going to the car from the house. Then evolved to going for that walk down the block in the dark, staying away from those lights a bit. Maybe giving a little sneak so I can say "someone saw me!"

Alot of cd's then evolve from 1 to 2. 1 just isn't enough for you, doesn't mean it still isn't enjoyable, but you want MORE. Like a drug as mentioned above. For some, the desire to pass just isn't there, but for others it is what they crave. This usually leads to going out to locations where you can easily get away from if you sense danger, and don't have significant interaction with people. I think I started with the park during the day, and then evolved to the mall and somewhat similar things, but never interaction and always keeping tabs on an exit strategy. While 1 may not involve wigs, boobs, makeup, etc...2 usually involves all of these to help with the "passing" experience. Looking back, when I was in this phase I made alot of mistakes that almost stopped things. I broke some of the "rules" i listed below. I was so worried about passing that there was no way I could do anything without drawing attention to myself.

Alot of CD's get stuck here at 2. Some just want no more, or some deal with the crushing blow of the words of others and they let those words cut through them and end things there. The fear they had becomes a reality, and because of a bad experience things just come to an end as far as passing. Sometimes you just don't pass.

Then some go on to stage 3. Either they went out in stage 2 and passed or they just realized that it doesn't matter what other people say or do, and they go out and do their thing, fingers pointing or not. It took a while for me to get to this place. There were some bad experiences in stage 2, but i really learned from them. Instead of getting crushed, I found ways to better myself. Once I realized some things, I noticed that I look and act more like a girl then I had previously realized.

There are more places you can go back there. Pretty much just going out and being the gender you want to be with no problems. It is a wonderful experience if that is what you want to be.

Some important things to remember or to get you through the different stages...
1) Dress your age/body style.
- I am judgmental, and someone wearing an ugly outfit its going to get noticed. If you dont want to be noticed, take the time and pick out something good for YOU. That hot chick you passed in the mall that is a size 3 in juniors can not inspire you to wear the same when you are a size 10 in womens. Thats an extreme, but keep it in mind.

2) Learn to be stress free. If someone is stressed people can feel it. If you are walking all stiff, then people will notice. If you have the look of complete fear on your face when others look at you, they are going to know there is a problem. Convince yourself there is no problem, and you will be further along in convincing others.

3) Pick where you go better at first. You have your life, or if you feel your beauty is fading, then maybe a few years. That doesn't mean you have to make your way to the fashion runway tomorrow. Always work up. Go from 2 to 3 in BABY steps. Don't be in a hurry.

4) Accessorize, but be smart. Accessories move eyes to different parts of your body, use this to your advantage. This goes back to dressing well, but accessories can help put the eyes of other people where you want them when they are looking your way.

There is more i'm sure, I am just rambling now.

Dont dilute yourself into thinking you pass if you really do not feel you do. At the same, dont convince yourself that other people out there care. There are some, they are the minority, and becoming even more of a minority every day.

It's much more than the desire to be seen. It's actually the desire to "be".:)

I understand - I think that once we have accepted ourselves and who and

what we are - and when we have had a lot of practice dressing and when we

have had a taste of being out in public, we want to be seen - we don't care

anymore if we we are "outed" - we are who we are - that is our attitude

JoAnne Wheeler

Dear sweet wife and I (JJ) are planning another long weekend in NYC (opera, offbroadway play, museums) and I just received an order from Newport News with a couple of dresses I thought might be appropriate. They are both low-cut enough that I can plump up my breasts and show a little cleavage.

I was a little nervous modeling them for her - she's never really seen me show that part of me. She looked me over, stopped at my breasts, up and down again, and stopped at my breasts again. "That looks really nice", she said, "but it also looks very enticing. Are you sure you want that much attention?"

I thought for a second and said, "I really hope that anybody who notices me will think 'She looks really nice' and maybe admire my dress or whatever."

She said "Do you mean that they will think that you are really a woman?"

I said "I hope so, but that's probably not going to happen. But unless somebody is really predisposed against crossdressing, I want to think that he or she will accept me as what I am trying to be"

And - for me- that's the point. I want acceptance from the world at large and the only way to experience it is to go out dressed. And when you go out and have a positive experience, it makes it easier and easier to do it again and again.

I may be very naive, but I expect that there are far more people who would dislike me for my politics than for my crossdressing - and I really don't hide my politics :battingeyelashes:

-jj

Yeah I want to be seen but also scared to go out too much, I will try next week on a weekday to shop all day at a few malls and interact with some SA and see reactions ... would be a field day for me lol

Going out in public is the second best thing. It is just an overall experience. I feel things that you just can't get inside. The breeze lifting your skirt or dress, the cold (in northern climes) on your legs and thighs, your hair blowing in the wind, the sound of your heels on the sidewalk, just a rush of feminity. So alive and vital. Once experienced it's hard to stay in.

I'd love to go public "en femme", but didn't really give it a try yet. Maybe I'm to scared to be recognized, or to be seen by the kids... Well, maybe ONE DAY...! :daydreaming:

I am not too sure what there is to be scared of. -Apart that, is from being spotted by teenagers and/or more aged folk -
But, that thought comes after years of getting out and about, so it is not really a valid statement. Or is it ?
~Samm

Yes you want to go out and be seened what fun is it to sit home all dressed up and go nowhere that's what crossdressing is about to go out enfemme and show your true side.

Wanting to be seen is usually part of the CDing package. I suppose it's a kind of validation. Few of us will pass 100%, but many of us can go out in broad daylight and attract very little attention. I don't mean we're ignored - I mean we pass as everyday females. As long as we're not too dolled up or attractive we don't get much scrutiny.
I always go out to crowded public places like shopping centers. There is safety in numbers; also there is a wide range of ages and styles so unless you set out to make a spectacle of yourself, you tend to blend in.
Plus of course you get to shop!

Going out is a huge rush! I hardly ever get the chance but I doubt I could ever get enough. Being trapped in the closet is like having a nice car you can't take out of the garage.

"rush of feminity" - Dawn Rodgers. What a great expression. Your words are so accurate. I remember being in the country alone, taking fall pictures and turning into the wind - it made my skirt swirl around my ankles, hair blow off my face and cathedral earrings jingle and pull at my ear lobes. I felt so feminine in that moment, and yes it is intoxicating or almost addictive.

'Kimmie' I also would like to know what you mean by clocked. If you were hit or attacked while 'en femme' that's terrible. It's a very real risk if you're in the wrong place at the wrong tme. Unfortunatley, at night or in a rural area is the only time some of us first & second timers dare to go out.

Dressup parties are a safe and easy way to "go public". Everyone there has an interest in CDing or they wouldn't be there so you are among friends. You wear your man clothes to and from the party and bring your favorite female attire to wear at the party. Who cares if someone "reads" you at the party!! Everyone there is "readable"!!! This is the easiest way for a "newbie" to get over the fear of dressing and going out in public. The "Gurls" there are also the best teachers of how to act and fit into the world outside of the closet.
You might even be amazed at who else might be a guest at the Party.

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Originally Posted by EllenCD

Dressup parties are a safe and easy way to "go public". Everyone there has an interest in CDing or they wouldn't be there so you are among friends. You wear your man clothes to and from the party and bring your favorite female attire to wear at the party. Who cares if someone "reads" you at the party!! Everyone there is "readable"!!! This is the easiest way for a "newbie" to get over the fear of dressing and going out in public. The "Gurls" there are also the best teachers of how to act and fit into the world outside of the closet.
You might even be amazed at who else might be a guest at the Party.

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Now that sounds like fun! Then you can move on from there.

I like to be seen.........by me in the full length mirror in my bedroom! :battingeyelashes:

Because of my size (visualize a linebacker), I don't come anywhere near passing and would only be a freak show. :eek: I'll just stay in my closet and look in the mirror....

I'm not particularly interested in going out in the general public and "passing." I am interested in going out to clubs and being seen and accepted as a tranny. I think I'm closer to drag queen than crossdreser in that way, although I have no interest in actual DQs.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Ohh yeah!! Once you've been out and about enfemme.. Setting around the house all dolled up just doesn't cut it any more!! And its like a drug.. You got to do it more often and more flagrent!! At least it was for me...

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Yuppers.

Sorry, I didn't read the thread - aaargh!

I reacted to the initial question: welcome to what for me is the line.

Once crossed you will never be the same again.

ever

for ever

but is it good?

don't know about good (god - same language root)

it is a deciding corner in our lives.. I am now addicted... and a confirmed CD...

Ouch!! :love:

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Originally Posted by Greymancd

I notice is when I am dressed I want to be seen. What I was wondering is if the feeling of wanting to be out and seen is common with others?

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Thus the two camps here. The ones who want to "Pass" and not be noticed and the ones who shout "Hey look at me!"


Personally if I bother getting dressed up with make-up, heels and a short skirt...someone better look at me and say something. Otherwise I'll stay home and eat Ben&Jerry's.

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

Thus the two camps here. The ones who want to "Pass" and not be noticed and the ones who shout "Hey look at me!"


Personally if I bother getting dressed up with make-up, heels and a short skirt...someone better look at me and say something. Otherwise I'll stay home and eat Ben&Jerry's.

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Lori... as ever, an inspiration! So on the point! :love:

Yes dear, It is obvious & common thirsty feeling among us to look like complete fem & others may take notice of it. The more the desire ,the more fantasy & perfection for c.d.ing & confidence to be on & out. Keep it up
vjaducd from india

I definitely have caught the bug to get out. Once you do it opens so much of the world to you. I feel like I am no longer a vampire, confined to roam the night. Isnt the world funny! I see Samantha's picture and wonder why I am even trying to dress up. Talk about a lovely fem lady. Then I hear she thinks she is built like a linebacker. I guess we are our own worse critics. The last time I got out I so expected, the shouts and cries and burning torches. The strange thing was i didnt have any problems or even notice people looking at me as I was shopping. Maybe my dress wasnt short enuff!!!

If you want to go out, you will. And you will never be the same.

If you are willing to shave your face, there is no male body out there that can't be fixed up to give an impression of femininity.

Someone once said, females are by definition feminine.

Look around, it's a big range... you can do it!

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Originally Posted by Shannen

If you want to go out, you will. And you will never be the same.

If you are willing to shave your face, there is no male body out there that can't be fixed up to give an impression of femininity.

Someone once said, females are by definition feminine.

Look around, it's a big range... you can do it!

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Shannen, I do hope you are right...I haven't been out yet, BUT I will be...Thank you for the words of wisdom.

Suzanne

I too have a desire to be seen but i'm not trying to pass just be me with a different look.

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Originally Posted by Mary Jane1

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'Kimmie' I also would like to know what you mean by clocked. If you were hit or attacked while 'en femme' that's terrible. It's a very real risk if you're in the wrong place at the wrong tme. Unfortunatley, at night or in a rural area is the only time some of us first & second timers dare to go out.

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To answer your question. For starters I'm no rookie at CDing in public. Curiously I have had some success at meeting GG's while en femme. Confidence was not an issue. Although this time, it was my first time out during the day. It was on Hollywood Blvd, a place where many T-girls cruise. Not exactly a socially conservative hub. Yet a place where many tourists visit. I thought I could pass. I believed I had the voice and mannerisms down. I was wearing a modern dress with flats, not attempting to draw attention. While walking, a guy made a comment out loud. "Boy you need a shave." That made it clear I couldn't pass. It was followed by a few more looks of utter disgust from passers by. It was a sobering experience that was two weeks later I'm still trying to make sense of everything. Like I said, getting clocked...I mean read can really really really suck.

Yeah it hurts to get read and especially if people look or say something. But as long as you're not physically in danger, it should be fine, let people think or say stuff.. whatever

I just went out a few times and I can't get enough of it, even though sometimes I'm terrified of going places. I have to do it though and I will very soon for a few things. Going to try grocery shopping soon.

doesn't matter if i'm in full girl mode or just a boy wearing makeup i want to be seen.

At times I want to be seen in my complete essence; a mixture of male and female.

I want to be seen as a woman when dressed en femme so passing can really mean alot to me atleast to escape some of the unwelcome comments.

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Originally Posted by DawnRodgers

Going out in public is the second best thing. It is just an overall experience. I feel things that you just can't get inside. The breeze lifting your skirt or dress, the cold (in northern climes) on your legs and thighs, your hair blowing in the wind, the sound of your heels on the sidewalk, just a rush of feminity. So alive and vital. Once experienced it's hard to stay in.

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So true... it is addictive (Karren)...

I am still nervous about getting clocked but as Karren points out... so what...?

Kaz xx

So! You wanna be seen by a couple of hundred men and women and not a one will give you a hard time? You wanna sit at a bar or go into a restaurant with a group of girls and have a nice dinner and get excellent service? You wanna go shopping and try stuff on and have great conversations with cute SAs? You wanna learn more about yourself and your place in the gender world in a week than you will on your own in a month of Sundays?

For the newbie, there is no better introduction to getting out in a safe and sympathetic environment than a conference like Be-All(Chicago in June) or SCC (Atlanta in September) or Fantasia Fair(Provincetown in October) or any one of a score of gatherings through out the year. (See Tracy's list on her blog: http://tracyschapes.blogspot.com/).

And at any one of them, you're bound to run into a few of us, people you already know!

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Originally Posted by Greymancd

What else I notice is when I am dressed I want to be seen.

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Originally Posted by Arianna Daniels

It's much more than the desire to be seen. It's actually the desire to "be".:)

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Originally Posted by Ruth

Wanting to be seen is usually part of the CDing package. I suppose it's a kind of validation.

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

Thus the two camps here. The ones who want to "Pass" and not be noticed and the ones who shout "Hey look at me!"

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Perhaps it's not just being seen? It's being seen (and then being treated) as a woman.. Doesn't that cover both of Lorileah's camps? :)

I wore my booties with my regular jeans and the jeans cover a good 90% of the shoe most of the time, but I walked to the mail and every time a car would be coming down the road I would freak. why?? nobody probably saw my shoes.. it was night time.. pitch black (mostly) and all I can think is what if they saw my shoes?? big hairy deal.. anyway I'm inching my way out of the closet.. I don't understand why I suddenly have the desire to wear in public.. I mean I've wanted to wear in public (have worn in public limited to about what I'm doing now, and that was well over ten years ago) now I have the desire to try to wear in public.. I mean to cross dress in public.. even if that would mean a darker place in another town..

I have to say that Cindy is a showoff and loves to be seen, when I was going out to the clubs I would stop at 3 stores before I would hit the clubs just to be seen buy others.

But when Cindy started to go out in the day time it was a bigger rush, out and about in the day time open a whole new world for Cindy and I would aways push the boundaries.........Cindy just loves the attention.

Going out in the day time is a real challenge but the one thing that I have learn is if some one is looking at you DO NOT SHY away make eye contact with them and smile in other.......... WORDS STAND YOUR GROUND.

LA CINDY LOVE

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Originally Posted by Greymancd

What I was wondering is if the feeling of wanting to be out and seen is common with others?

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i share that desire and have acted upon it often. it presents some weird dichotomies though.....on the one hand i want to be seen but at the same time i don't want to recognized. also i want to be seen but i want to avoid half the planet - men.

add to that the fact that i can largely pass if i'm dressed appropriately for my age, and the setting, that fact takes away from my greatest challenge - to be a really hawt babe! LOL

then i'm left with the question: if the ultimate is to pass as a real hawtie, what's up with the fear and avoidance of men?

i'm sure that others, further along the path than i, could answer some of these questions better ~ but i too have the desire and always have. be well and especially be safe!

Bah! I havn't been out yet, doing that today :p... but I guess i'm going out drab, not too sure... any how... I know I went from my bedroom (then I was discovered) and then I wanted to get out into my living room (which is connected to my room), to walking around the basement floor where my roomies are and they know and accept, to going upt stairs when my roomes dad wasn't home and walk'n around in my heels up stairs, to Going out in dress pants, and a long jacket covering my (what I think) a kinda guyish face, but still walking out in public at night in my heels, now to going on a road trip to see what getting out of the house and going on a road trip where nobody knows me so I dont give a flying "you know what"... to hopefully this will allow me to go to the next step, going out as if I know I belong! *thumbs up*

You can add another tick to the - "likes to go out and be seen" side of your list in my case.

I started out the exact same way. Yes, that first evening stroll.... What an adrenaline rush indeed! I beleive you were right in your assumption as well, that it will get less nerve racking as you get to doing it more often - as was certainly the case for me.

I found alot of truth in another posters' stating that, "people really don't care"
You spend so much time working yourself up, you are certain that what you are doing/about to do, is this "great big huge deal" and it only really is, to you!

I think mainstream has come a long way, and we, as the community are a lil bit slow in addressing that actually.

A brilliant friend of mine once told me something not too long after he had discovered my diversity, and that was - Cake. He said, people can eat a whole cake, just not all at the same time. I applied that with great results.
Hopefully someone here can find benefit in it as well.

Nice to relive my earliest experiences, if just for a moment, upon reading this post - Thank you :)

If no interaction, usually people don't care... unless you're cute/attractive etc.. or don't pass that well... people claim I'm "cute" or whatever on this forum but I think otherwise, I guess that's why they look at me more.

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Originally Posted by Nicki B

Perhaps it's not just being seen? It's being seen (and then being treated) as a woman.. Doesn't that cover both of Lorileah's camps? :)

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Or is it being seen and admired as a woman? IMO women and men are equally treated with courtesy by SAs, restaurant staff, etc, who do so because they want the customer to return. And nowadays many women and men hold the doors open for each other, depending on who gets there first. But to be honest, if I walk into a room and sense that someone admires how I look, I am flattered. It gives me a lift. But then who knows ... they could be looking at me critically and I wrongfully take their glances as being admiring. It could just be my feminine ego that makes me feel as if I am admired.

Which brings me to the next question .. how does a TG tell the difference between being stared at in admiration for her overall look, vs. being stared at because she's been read?

Thanks to all for replying to my post. It is nice to know the feelings I have are shared by so many!

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Originally Posted by ReineD

Which brings me to the next question .. how does a TG tell the difference between being stared at in admiration for her overall look, vs. being stared at because she's been read?

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I would believe in most cases both occur simultaneously. Not many of us here are 5'5" 120# with a size 6 shoe. My hope would be that after I was read, I would still be admired. One of my photo shoots was done at a local well known park here in Denver. I am 6'3" at least in heels so it wasn't a secret. By the time we were done with the shoot there were at least 20 people gathered around. Most complimented me on the look. I am sure some were there for the show. Either way, everyone had fun :)