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My biggest fear had to do with my presentation. Once I solved that, voice became my biggest fear. With that out of the way, nowadays I'm terrified of ever stumbling upon people I know.
What about you? What's your biggest fear, one that prevents you from going out more often (or gong out at all for that matter)?
No fear at all.
Used to be fearful of being laughed at and threats or violence ... but got over it some time ago.
"What are fears but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
---- Wordsworth
My concerns about going out have followed a similar trajectory. I was most worried about my look. I feel like I have improved enough in that area to at least consider going out, but voice definitely worries me.
I think I'm most afraid of running into people I know... but then again, I've only been out twice, both times were to LGBT events.
Now I have no fear but for some reason youngsters used to wotrry me
I don't worry so much about violence or stupid remarks, the thing that bothers me most is getting read. I don't care about the reactions so much as it is annoying to not be able to pass. Altho when they do make it a point to call me "sir" (like some bitch working at the chinese restaurant I went to yesterday) or ask stupid crap like "is that a man or a woman" it is annoying.
My main reason for not going out isn't fear its that i have no pockets to keep my money in. Other than that no real reason at this point.
My biggest fear? well, I don't really have a fear. But I'm always concerned about my voice. If I try to change it I sound like Minny mouse if not I have a deep male voice. Best just keep my mouth shut eh?
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My fear is being seen by my neighbors and people I know. I don't know why when I stop amd think about it, odds are they I will not be recognized. I feel my fear is unrational. I have started working on softening my voice, my dead give away, while in public. This helps me get out there and by doing that I start to lose that fear.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself and spiders !
lets see....
so far, if I dont open my mouth, I pass. I got the look and the movement/gestures down.
but since I already know that my voice is not to be used...thats not really a fear. I am working on my voice but I know I cannot use it for a while...
so I would have to say being read would be horrible. I know it will happen to me someday, but its still an experience I am not looking forward to...but as long as nothing nasty or demoralizing is said, I will carry on :)
I can't pass in general, and specifically my voice is terrible and my beard shadow always shows (but this is better than it used to be since I have started electrolysis.) The thing I fear most of all is being read and causing an embarrasing scene.
I used to worry most about getting into trouble with the law for using the womens' room, but nowadays I only go where I know there is a safe restroom available.
Fear aside, the sheer amount of time it takes me do my makeup, dress and everything else is the main reason I don't dress more. It just takes too long to be practical most of the time.
The initial stage of leaving the house and being recognised by neighbours.
After that my voice, my voice is waay to deep to be taken as female. Even as a guy there have been comments that my voice is so deep, that it sounds like when my b*lls dropped, they went through the floorboards!! [Mind you...I can do a pretty neat Barry White impression when I sing :D]
I used to have the fear of being "read" and there were two ways of dealing with it. One is, if you have a femme enough face, work on becoming passable to the point that you are so confident you will never be read or;
Two, be OK with people knowing you are a crossdresser, whether you get read or not, ie TxKimberly and most of the out and about CD'ers.
I opted for number Two. When I started going out, to overcome that fear, I just went out with the assumption that everybody could tell I was male. I found out that most people don't pay attention or if they do, they don't say anything. The few times I have gone out, I have only had one person openly disrespect me by loudly laughing and pointing. That just showed the fear he was living within his own self.
I think my biggest fear now, is being attacked by some wacko, but going to safer places and at safer times, helps ease that fear.
My fear is not passing and being read. I pass perfectly from behind but not facially, tried all types of makeup ways but still look like a bloke in a dress.:eek: I also have a deep voice I have tried and tried to fem it but can't seem to soften it enough:sad:
I fear I will see someone who knows me or knows of me. I live in a small country!
and to loose respect from my co workers! coz I like getting the job done!
Since I couldn't pass even with a note from my mother, I really am afraid of the violence. :straightface:
I am afraid that I would smack some fool around when they laughed at me!:devil:
Since I would not pass due to mostly size, I am not going to put myself out there to be ridiculed, laughed at, or otherwise humiliated.
My fears include the above and also in making someone else feel uncomfortable around me. I think many people do not know how to take us and would be very uncomfortable in dealing with me in stores, restaurants or other public places.
Then of course the fear of friends, coworkers etc, finding out. So I remain mostly in the closet except for going to places where we are very welcome and accepted.
[SIZE=4]That I will be late for work or have toilet paper hanging from my slacks...[/SIZE]
I don't fear all that much either, except for maybe my femme voice which is a work in progress, but I don't let that stop me from going out. My overall presentation makes up for it and I don't worry too much as I know there are GGs with deep sounding voices.
I've crossed paths with friends who don't know I dress, but I never panicked by ducking or evading. I nearly ran into one friend while shopping at a Target store and I actually interacted with another friend as I served her morning coffee while volunteering at a fundraiser for breast cancer. Those were some interesting encounters, but a great learning experience in how to stay calm and a true testament of how much confidence I have in myself.
I guess the only thing I really fear is how much I'm going to spend while out shopping. LOL!:heehee:
Hugs!
One of the trans CD girls I know was afraid to go to my Janruary roller derby game as a girl so she went in boy mode. Days after the game she told me she sat ten feet from the bench and that I had looked her way a number of times and never identified the guy as the girl I know. She was correct.
My mind as well as the average person is not tuned to pick out the same person when they are presenting a boy and a girl at different times.
One the positive side she has recently been going to the derby games as a girl!
KAtie
my fear is presentation - I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to disguise masculine physical features. I don't worry about running into anyone I know since this is a big city.
what a good question.
I would think everyone has some kind of fear unless they have been out for quite a while.
Since I have been out a long time. Have been noticed or read a few times I found it was really no big deal. I just enjoyed the day out anyway. There will always be someone who can upset you some how so just move on and live life.
As for friends seeing me. obviously sooner or later that will happen no matter how hard we try to avoid that. It has not really happens yet except with those who already know. Even then I noticed then they did not notice me. Many wives live in fear that it will happen. I always suggest don't lie to your wife because if you do and get caught she may use the door after that.
The most common fear related here is about your voice. I am always surprised by the number of guys who are worried about or WON'T go out because of their voice.
Listen up!
VOICE is the one thing you CAN change. Of all the attributes that peg you as male, VOICE is the one aspect everyone can change. Your height? Sorry. Your shoulder width? Out of luck. You big hands and feet? You're stuck. Thick waist? Difficult. Big arms? Live with it.
But your voice? Entirely changeable, by anyone. Oh, I agree, it's hard to do. But if you put the same amount of work into your voice that you put into your look, you would surely make a difference.
Do your attempts at a female sounding voice sound weird and unnatural to you? Of course they do. But think about it for a moment. Women's voices are all over the map. How many weird sounding women's voices have you heard in your life? Lots. So, you will be a woman with a weird sounding voice.
Ya gotta talk. You can't go out as a mute. So get your voice up out of your chest. Turn down the volume a bit. Put a little more musicality in it. A little more breathyness Smile when you talk. Heck, smile more anyway. Use your hands. And just do it. You're not Marilyn Monroe. You are NEVER gonna sound like that. But nobody expects you to be perfect. I am right, you know.
Lovies,
Stephenie
My biggest fear now is that they won't have that pretty dress that's on sale...in my size...
Not to many fears anymore....you won't leave the house if you let them overwhelm you. But I do worry about leaving the house in a hurry before the wife gets home and forget to take my guy clothes with me. Did that a couple of weeks ago.
I was getting ready to head back home after being out, I brought my jeans and sweat jacket but forgot my guy shoes!...fortunately I was wearing black dress flats that day and not heels, managed to sneak into the house through the garage and change my shoes real fast.
Regina
right now my biggest fears are losing my job , my neighbours finding out and think I am afraid that I will be even more alone.
It's my voice. If someone asks me something I tend to give real quick answers.
Car breaking down, and I am too far from home to walk. Having to call a tow truck especially if its after a night out and its late, seems troubling to me.
my only fear is my wife beating me home... and the fight that will ensue if nikki enters the house
Nikkijo I am right there with ya on that one I'd hate to think of her seeing Staci, My biggest moments of anxiety are when I see men in groups and I am read, (thats not too hard) I don't fear the laughing I do however get angry and want to run and hide like I have no right to wear what I please. Once I get it through my wig I do have that right I think I will be better off.
Not much fear anymore. I know I am read sometimes put passing is no longer important to me. It is the fun and the interaction with others that I enjoy. I try to be polite, smile, and dress properly. I have never had a negative encounter.
Diana
I was never sure I was not going to deck some wise guy.:straightface:
My only one right now is running into my boss. I'm not out at work yet and that would be a weird conversation in the middle of a store. In my case its completely unlikely though as I live in a different town than I work.
I'm lucky I suppose insomuch as I don't have any deisre to 'pass', which I wouldn't anyway, in what is best described as your normal everyday social context I would only consider going out dressed in a safe and suitable context where dressing up is ok, otherwise it would just lead to hassle..Especially where I live.
#1 fear is being recognized
#2 fear is being clocked in an unkind way
A lot of people fear being recognized as a 'guy in a dress'. You can get over that fear by going to Walmart on a Saturday. There are A LOT of women who look like guys impersonating women!
I think my biggest fears of going out crossdressing are running into people I know, like from my church. I'm not afraid of being seen by people I don't know but I am afraid of strangers coming up to me and start talking to me and what the heck I am going to say other than just politely say hello, be shy and brush them off I suppose but open to listen should they have anything positive to say. This community is pretty accepting, especially the part of town I live in.
It's odd too that I'm not afraid of being seen by neighbors even though some already have. It's more fear of them telling my wife about me, even if it's just casual conversation or accidental.
Fear is always a problem and something I need to work on, yesiree....
Do you mean Stacy by all the women who go there wearing t-shirts and jeans, etc... very casual and not dressed up?Quote:
Originally Posted by StacyCD
I'm afraid i'm going to run into someone I know, whether a friend, coworker, family member, friend of a friend, etc. I live in NYC and I know alot of people believe its tough to run into someone you know in a city of this size, but this city is alot smaller than people think. There have been countless times I've crossed paths with someone I know at the most random times and places, not en femme of course. Maybe I just have bad luck, but situations like this definetly stir fear in me to venture out as a gurl.
I just thought I'd share my experience on the probability of being recognized. I have on several occasions, when dressed as Wendy, interacted with people who know me as a male. Not one ever recognized me. People I know well have walked right by me or even talked to people I'm with, completely clueless. The only things that have given away my male identity are using my normal male voice, and walking around arm-in-arm with my wife. If she's with me that provides enough context for people to put two and two together. So I no longer worry so much about being recognized. :2c:
I know I don't pass, but I've been able to use some peoples inattention to wander around unnoticed when I've been in other cities. Even if I'm read on those occasions there are a few things that bother me and fewer that worry me. However when I get back home things change and I dress only at home, at my support group meetings and sometimes on the way home from those meetings.
It's not my fears that keep me from going out from home, but those of my wife. She doesn't want her elderly parents or our grandkids to have to try and wrap their minds around the concept of my crossdressing. It used to be that I worked with a bunch of very conservative folks, but since I retired that's no longer a concern.
The worry comes from growing up in a time when there was very little, if any, tolerance towards anything that had not been quantified/defined within a given set of parameters cramed into us from birth.
To put them in some order.
Being read by someone i know well.
" " " a GG who could get vocal and mean about it.
" " " anyone who might cause a scene.
Then the vocal aspect.
The reason i mention the part about being caught by real females is that i think i could walk away from ridicule by males and not feel particularly bothered, but i was lambasted by a GG in the lingerie section of a store once (in drab) and it was very phsycologically painful. Made be remember the way i felt when my i confessed to my ex. mj (Cassie)
My male self has admitted to being a control freak. Ok, he controls it pretty well, but there is no way he would let me out in public view without being sure that I was in control of any perceived eventuality. He is always well-prepared and he needs me to be that way to be comfortable. Like many of you, I have ticked off the list of issues to be overcome in order to feel in control and that, in itself, has felt really good and positive! This topic does focus on what I do and who I am, so it's a great way to move forward asap! :)
tina
Don't want to here "Hey look at that guy in a dress"!!!!
My initial fear is on leaving the house in broad daylight. My next door neighbor is retired, so they are often at home, they know my car and that I'm the one who drives it, and they know my wife and what she looks like. Watching an unfamiliar woman leaving my home in my car either brings up a question of who that woman is, or leads them to the conclusion that the guy next door likes to parade around as a woman.
Once away from the house, things get easier for me. I don't want to be read, although I'm sure that'll happen. But I really don't let it bother me much. But all the usual small and petty fears of the unknown, like the car breaking down, or getting pulled over, or running into a pack of rednecks looking for trouble (hey, let's beat up the fairy!) stay with me in the back of my mind as well.
Other than that, I generally like it when I manage to get out.
Are you certain you would not pass? I have just looked at you pictures, your gorgeous.Quote:
Originally Posted by tanya1976
SUZY
Five 0clock shadow, adams apple, large hands, prehistoric jawline.
:iagree::iagree: In my home town anyway, lol. Fear doesn't keep me home, it's not having something nice to wear, lol, now with warmer weather.Quote:
Originally Posted by StacyCD
Quote:
Originally Posted by gretchen2
My biggest and maybe my only fear anymore is being recognized by someone I work with.
I may someday just move and go full time.
(if I could find a way to make a living)
-Misty