I have a date with a man for the first time, three weeks from now. We will meet at a restaurant in a gay hotel/bar complex. He is fully aware I am a CD.
Any advice you girls can give me?
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I have a date with a man for the first time, three weeks from now. We will meet at a restaurant in a gay hotel/bar complex. He is fully aware I am a CD.
Any advice you girls can give me?
maybe this is a dumb question but are you gay?
(not that there's anything wrong with that)
Mostly straight. Perhaps bi-curious.Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferB
Hmmm. If your not gay, why are you going on a date with a man?
Quote:
Originally Posted by NatalieGirl
If you're going on a date with a man I think you're a little bit more than just curious.
:devil:
If you haven't already, make sure the guy knows you're on the fence about gay sex, since the subject will prolly come up quick. I've found most guys are understanding, but no one likes being teased. Safety concerns aside, there are two things I watch out for, that may or may not be issues for you --
Many "admirers" like to do a little dressing themselves, but w/o the commitment. Hairy guys in panties, in other words. Doesn't work for me.
If you follow through on your curiosity, quite a few guys have strong fantasies about being topped. Again, ewww.
I'm not assuming you're gonna have sex, but that's usually what is on guy's minds, so I'm just sayiing. While I am personally cool with bi sex, if I'm dealing with a guy online, I make it VERY clear that sex on the first date ain't gonna happen. If they can get past that, I figure we might have something to work with.
That's exactly what I was getting ready to say!Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinky188
I mean you're not exactly going to be a woman with a guy, because well you're not a woman. I mean hey, if you are gay, that's fine, but there are only so many ways two guys are have, well...sexual relations.
As far as advice is concerned:Quote:
Originally Posted by NatalieGirl
1. If this is your first meeting, be careful to be in public or with others at all times. You don't know this person well enough to be alone.
2. Don't give him a home phone # or your address, a cell phone is ok.
3. Make it clear what you are and ARE NOT interested in at this point.
4. Do not let him spend alot of money on you because that can lead to expectations of some sort of entitlement later on in the evening.
5. You can relax and enjoy the evening without putting yourself at risk.
Many of us are a least a little bi curious. Most do not act upon those feelings. Be honest with yourself on why you are doing this.
Hi Natalie, Please disregard the insensitive comments and follow Sherri and Sally advice. Regardless of what you and your date have in mind safety always came in first.I wish you have a great time:hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by NatalieGirl
Natalie,
My only advice would be don't let your emotions get the upper hand on your common sense.
It's all too easy to become swept up in the moment, feeling that giddy high that comes from finally receiving the long desired attention and admiration, so go into it with a set mind of what you are willing to do (and not do) on that first date, then stick to the limits you've set before hand.
If he turns out to really be someone special enough to explore your new desires, then a second and third date is in order before you ever ever consider heading off to his bed. Remember that you are a person with feelings and self worth, you are not someone's sex toy.
Just be careful, listen to that inner guide, and above all have a wonderful time!!
Have fun and be safe. And don't feel pressured to do anything you are not ready for! Not every guy is the perfect gentleman :)
In the evidently much needed defense of many guys out there, there ARE many men who are and will be a total gentleman at all times with a TG just as they would be with a GG. To be sure there are neanderthal knuckle draggers out there, BUT there are also some very sweet and emotionally mature gentlemen. Hopefully your date is the latter.
Have fun and"wash up when your through" lol Seriously,having a date is great fun. Plan on figuring out why he is there as well...Admirer? Kinkster? Platonic friend? Or Horn Toad? or a bit of all ...Figure it out and you can get an idea as to how much you want his company,and take it from there..I think there are quite a few admirers out there that appreciate what effort it takes us to become pretty.. Have fun!
Natalie, have a good time!
I wish I had an interest in guys. It would make life so much easier, but I don't....just the way it is. ....ow, my poor brain.
My close gay friends don't even get me. However I've had plenty of guys approach me while I'm en femme, so I think there's something real going on there. I go out dressed because it's me not because I'm out to pick up guys.
Hey there. I suggest, as others have to stay safe. Take condoms if you choose to be sexual and your cell phone. Remember that sex is a choice and either of you can stay "no" at any time. Above all have fun.
Only you know your sexual orientation, and I commend you for learning more about yourself and being honest with the gentleman you plan to meet. You go GIRL! :)
Enjoy....
The most important thing is to be safe just as everyone here is saying. Have fun!!!
Of all the responses, this is the one I agree with the most.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitty Sue
Understanding that I'm married, don't plan to ever have sex with anyone but my (female) wife, and have never had sex with a man, I would never consider myself gay and would never have sex with a man while dressed as a man, but I'm not sure I wouldn't want to try it if I were dressed and acting (like on a date with a man) as a female. To me, that's part of being a female and the "female experience".
Make sense?
Not really. Whether a biological male considers themself gay or not, having sex with a man is still the same no matter how one is dressed. So, there must be something inside you that's "gay curious" or whatever it's called. I get what you're saying about the "female experience", but that's basically impossible because you don't have female parts.Quote:
Originally Posted by linda allen
I am not being insensitive here, but.....Alarm bells are going off. Now alarm bells can just mean "excercise extreme caution", or they can mean eminent danger.
Since you are asking for advice, I would like some info. How did this idea come about? How did you "meet" this guy? What really is his deal?
As we all know, there are too many weirdos out there that would love to do harm to someone like us, why they exist is quite beyond my comprehension, but they do.
I as a straight male would not want to go on a date with another male, unless we were both CDs and there was absolutely NO romantic tendencies. But that is me.
Jennifer B stated something that I think is painful truth. We will never know how it feels to be a female, just like we will never know how it feels to be a cat, or a dog. The most you will get is how it feels to be treated like a woman in our society. You will experience the silly customs that were made when women were considered much lower than men and incapable of doing things themselves. Hopefully you do not experience how some men truly treat women, and how some women accept that treatment since they have known of no other way.
What ever you do, be safe, have an out, and bail if anything seems incorrect.
Gee, looks like I can"t ask any of you girls for a date!!!!!
Why Not? Wear that french maid outfit and you can ask me for one!Quote:
Originally Posted by Crissy Kay
There are few women out there that like tg:s, but really its no idea looking for them. They find you if you are lucky. So I dont think its strange to date a guy even if you are straight. Its about exploring the life with the possibilities you are given.
Natalie,
I think that it's wonderful that you have decided to swim in the "deep end of the pool" and explore this part of you femininity. As others have already said I just ask that you be safe and don't do anything that is against your first instinct. Let someone know where that you're going to be the night of your date, be vigilant and consider carrying OC pepper spray in your purse. I've learned that sex on a first date is usually a bad idea unless that is all that you want from the relationship. If you decide at some point to be sexual with this man I strongly encourage you to practice safe sex even for oral play. Lifestyles makes some flavored condoms that are actually fun to use, taste yummy and don't take away from your partner's pleasure. If you have any questions that may not be appropriate for the open forum, please feel free to contact me. Have fun!
Melissa
Natalie be very careful and be yourself.
wow...borderline TMI?Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa Pink
Hi all,
Natalie, like everyone advises here, please do be careful, and FYI here's one more way that might help you accomplish that? I just became aware of a fabulous way to use the smart phone to "Run (CD?) ‘Interference' for you?" It's not new, but it certainly is to me! It's the new Google Voice. (The ad says "Google Voice - One phone number, online voicemail, and enhanced ... Google Voice. Teach your phone new tricks. Google Voice enhances the existing capabilities of your phone, regardless of which phone or carrier you have ... https://www.google.com/voice"). I've got it and use it right now and I only give the "new and entirely different (i.e., out of town)" Google Voice phone number out when I want to disguise and/or protect the "real me?" Better still, for everyone, check it all out for yourselves via the videos, and pay particular attention to the "Block Callers" and "Screen Callers" videos. Pretty neat! Goto: http://www.google.com/googlevoice/about.html. Hugs, Misti :battingeyelashes:
P.S. Oh, I almost forgot to wish everyone a "Very Prosperous and Happy New Year!" I'm living a dream come true, now!
Jennifer,Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferB
If you thought that my post provided TMI, I apoligize if I offended you or anyone else. I lived in New Orleans for many years and found people in the GLBT community to be quite open minded. Natalie asked some valid questions and I was merely attempting to provide her some common sense answers. I hardly think anything that I said was offensive. It's a dangerous world out there! Please forgive me for my candor and honesty!
Melissa
I don't think Jennifer was offended, she speaks pretty candidly herself on here. Without speaking for her, I think perhaps it was just amusing that you went so far as to recommend a tasty brand of condom, which may have stretched the limits of what was a common sense type of answer.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa Pink
Yeah, what JTOR said...Quote:
Originally Posted by JiveTurkeyOnRye
It was strictly tongue-in-cheek...
Actually I seriously considered suggesting Astroglide...(ok, yeah, I said it) but was afraid that would be TMI.
Actually I think it would be great if we could discuss these things openly here. We're all adults, right?
Jennifer and Jiveturkey,
I do agree with both! Happy New Year!
Melissa
Shameless in Memphis
Have fun, be careful and be safe.
Jennifer, if you join the GM forum on here there's a bit more openness for such discussions there, I think it's because it's a private page.
Have fun and be careful, like all the others are saying.
I'm confused...whether she experiences a date with a gay or straight man...Natalie still won't have a vagina either way. So, what's the difference?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayna
Go out and just enjoy being a girl. It is so much fun.
Follow Sally's and Sherri's advice. Go to very public places until you're comfortable with him. Time is your best friend.
I think you should get totally plastered and **** it up!!!
Just kidding!!! :-)
Seriously- like the other ladies have said- don't do anything that you don't want to or don't think you're ready for and make sure to be careful and stay safe. I hope you enjoy your evening.
I have some of the parts. :heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferB
Remember, this is all theoretical in my case, but it may be important to others.
I think what's being missed here is that some CDers want to become a female or live and act as a female full time, while others just want to see what it's like and be able to switch back and forth.
Re-reading this thread in general it seems like there's a lot of cases of people trying to dictate how others should define their own sexuality. These words like homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, etc. are arbitrary, meaningless attempts to pigeonhole something that is actually quite fluid and open to interpretation by each individual's perception. For some people sexuality has very little to do with what one's body parts are and who are we to decide who should and shouldn't feel that way, nor who should and shouldn't date that person?
Telling Natalie to have a good time is one thing, telling her to be safe and smart also makes a lot of sense, but why tell her who she should choose to have a date with instead of this man, when she and he have already discussed who she is with him and he's already told her he's ok with it? The business of why they choose to have a date with each other is between them, and it's more than a little bit meddling for us to try to say otherwise.
I take personal offense to the tone of some of the comments made here. I know the intention of them but as a trans woman who is attracted to men, I don't like the wording. I bring this up in hopes that it reminds people that there are more than just part time crossdressers here.
Natalie,
Be honest with him about your expectations. Avoid sex on the first date unless it is mutually agreed upon prior to the date. Be safe and enjoy yourself. I suggest brining up if he is ok with your presenting as female on your date unless you have already mentioned that to him. You said he is aware of your crossdressing but I don't know if you meant that you will be feminine on your date.
Most importantly, he is taking you out on a date so let him be the one in charge of giving you a good time.
Now there's an interesting comment. Maybe his definition of a "good time" isn't Natalie's? And then again, maybe it is. Look...I'm all for whoever said "jump into the deep end of the pool" if that's what Natalie is really into.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie Anne
But I also say "don't deceive yourself" into thinking you'll "experience" a relationship as a female, because it's impossible if you're a biological male.
I most likely am going to get in trouble again for airing this in public but can you stop with the offensive remarks? We get it, two blokes having a date with a penis each. No vaginas to be found.Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferB
Let Natalie have her date and stop trying to give us a biology lesson already. Yeah, you got my attention here because I am a trans woman pre op who wants a relationship and is attracted to men. I consider myself straight and by your definition I am fooling myself.
Natalie
Have fun
Be safe
Be yourself
end of line...
Irrelevant. Most of how we think about and experience sex is in the Mind, not in the Genitalia. The Female Experience is thinking and responding from a female perspective. For example, the female is often the submissive partner. Typically, men often are not. These roles are deeply ingrained in how we function sexually, but there isn't anything sacred about them. Anyway, a change in sexual behavior could bring about a significant change in the experience.Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferB
"Most importantly, he is taking you out on a date so let him be the one in charge of giving you a good time."
To change up the old Virginia Slims quote "You have not gone a long way baby"
Here we are trying to break down stereotypes and limitations, and yet one of us here thinks the man should be responsible for the success of the date.
I always thought that on the first date, it was customary these days to go dutch. Split costs, pay for yourself, and so on and so forth, since now a days most women are not indentured slaves that could not have jobs, and make an income.
I must be bored LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by Pythos
No, that is not what I am getting at, nor what I wrote. If I ask someone on a date, I would want to control how the date went (were to go, etc) date. Seems like she got asked on a date and should let the date-er be in charge of the flow of the date and the date-e should enjoy their time. I could care less about chivalry, it's all about not bossing someone.
Well, I'm sorry the truth offends you but I really can't control that. If you're saying "let you live out your fantasy", yeah I get it, and I say go for it. But saying a straight M2F CD can experience a relationship as a "woman" with another male, is just that - a fantasy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie Anne
Well if Natalie isn't scared away from this date yet, she is a lot braver than most. From the beginning most of you have decided that this is a sexual meeting. That one or both persons "expect" to have sex. This may come from the fact that most of us here have that "Y" and know how society tells us how the "Y" should act and be on a date. Natalie probably has this "Y" and has been out on dates and knows what to expect from that. She also probably knows the signs and she should know that she has the ability to say "no" at any point and this will be the end of the concern, especially in a public place (mom always said carry a dime in your shoe).
Maybe I am a dreamer but this is a first date. First dates are when you meet somewhere, you have some food, maybe a drink, and talk about things. Things like what you want from life, what you are looking for, funny things that happened to you and why you are sitting at the same table. There is no required touching, feeling or sexual intercourse. Natalie has told her date she is a CD. I will assume that more has been said prior to this and even pictures exchanged. He is not coming into this blind and hopefully neither is she. She has stated she is straight but is curious. My experience with this is just like most young women. They want to know but they are still aware and often stop before they get out of their comfort zone. The straight part will will over the curious part. No means no. Most men accept this. It is good advice to be safe, but that advice applies to everyone on a date. You know what would make this easier? Don't plan on sex. Then don't have sex. If for some reason you end up in a room, make that stop at the local quicky-mart (this is after all a gay area of town and these things are readily available) and get the condiments (yes I said condiments, condoms is later in the paragraph) you need. But if you carry them with you you may feel the pressure to have to use them. Much easier to say "Bob, I had a wonderful time and I would really like to see you again, and maybe...just maybe go to the next level, but we don't have condoms and we don't have any of the things that we need to make this fun and safe at this time. (and give your wife my love)"
This is how 90% of first dates go. Shake hands, had a wonderful time, turn cheek. In reality, other than Natalie being hyped up on adrenaline this isn't anything more than a meet and greet. No where did she say she was meeting him for sex, in fact she has intimated this isn't likely (straight remember...and you can't cure straight).
Right now I imagine Natalie is sitting there scared stiff and is seriously considering calling it off. No one has considered that they both may be just looking for a compatible partner. Maybe it is this guy. But most of you painted him with a pervert brush from the start.
As some said Natalie, be aware, but if this is something you really want to explore, go for it. You don't have to "put out". In fact you shouldn't on the first date anyway. This is a learning time. You get some insight (ask what his wife thinks of this...that will give you a clue within 5 minutes), does he have pets, where did he go to school, where does he think this will go? My personal feeling is that you expect a lot more than what will actually happen and if you really don't know this guy's intent before you get there, you will be severely disappointed. If he doesn't want to talk about his life and himself, best to just have a nice dinner and a kiss on the cheek. Don't do this just because it is supposedly what women do.
Wow...fascinating responses. But....
I noticed in the initial thread that you mention that he knows all about your being CD. I'm wondering why you would say that if you are going out en femme. Does you statement imply that you are NOT going to be en femme?
Also, if you are asking for advice (and there is some good common-sense advice in parts of this thread) might it be that you hadn't thought this out before you accepted the invitation?
My advice echos Sally's: know who you are and what you want, make that clear to your date, and then have fun!
tina
wow I think you missed the whole point. The replies here have been very open mined. Opinionated is a different thing. I don't think you understood what Jennifer was saying. We cannot, ever, experience the whole aspect of being female. To take it further ever between people we can never experience what they may feel no matter how close the situation. I don't understand your comment on the "lady boys". Have you done research on them? They are in essence prostitutes who alter themselves for the purpose of making money. I am not even sure you could classify them as TG although some may actually be.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayna