Did your crossdressing lead you to think that you are transexual?

For the past year or so, I thought I was transexual. At first, I wasn't so sure. Then the feelings grew until I was certain that I was ready for hormones and maybe even surgery.

However, since my counsellor suggested I make up a list of the pros and cons of being a woman, I have really started to have doubts about being TS. Maybe I am looking at it too logically. Or, maybe I wasn't logical enough before. I have a lot to lose if I transition (like many transexuals do). I know is that the cons outnumbered the pros by a considerable margin.

Has anyone else here been in a similar situation? Did you think you were TS, when you are more of a CD'er than anything?

I'm having difficulty understanding, if you felt so strongly that you were ready for hormones and even surgery, how just the simple task of making such a list would give you doubts.

JayCee, I love your honesty.

I think this confusion goes both ways for a lot of people. For me it was extremely confusing in the beginning. I came out as gay only to find out I wasn't gay. I grew up wishing I was a girl and I thought that made me gay, I was so naive that I thought all gay guys wanted to be girls. When I started seeing my therapist I didn't realize that I needed a letter to start HRT. (turns out I didn't because my primary doctor busted out the meds as soon as I told him) She asked me if that's why I was there and I told her no. "I'm here to find out if I'm crazy."

I basically wanted her to talk me out of it because I was sure that transition meant the end of my comfy life as I knew it. In my own words, I wasn't prepared to give up everything.

My therapist was extremely neutral on the TS issue. She seemed a lot more interested in how my "secret" had affected my life so far. She asked a lot of questions and in the end she asked the most important question of all.

How do I want people to treat me?

Transitioning is about becoming but most of all it is about being. Being the person you feel like in your heart. I enjoy being a girly girl, but I honestly only want to be treated like a feminine being. I want to be attractive but above all I just don't want to be seen as a man. I don't care if people know I WAS a man, I just don't want them to treat me like I AM a man.

Before I found this forum I thought if you wore women's clothing you were a CD, plain and simple. Now that I've found this and other places, I know it's much deeper than that. I'm re-evaluating my place in this spectrum too.

Sure, I have CD since childhood, but I'm realizing it goes much deeper. It's more than clothes for me.

I too am going to seek therapy. I'd say stay your course and work through your doubts w/ your counselor.

Only for a little while. My perspective on gender kinda conflicts with transexuality though.

I think VioletJourney and I are on partially the same wavelength. I have at one time for a very short time though perhaps transistioning was the right thing. Then I realized the only reason that I would want to transition was so I could wear styles that I like, and look how I like, and fit at least partially in societies norms.

Then I realized societies norms at the moment are really skewed. LOL.

I would not be transitioning for me, I would be transitioning due to the notion that any male that likes feminine things MUST be transsexual, which I have found to not be true. I have never thought that I was gay, particuallarly after I did give at least kissing a guy a try....it just was not the same as a girl for me.

I just find myself fighting against notions that are reinforced by the media when it comes to crossdressers or even androgynous feminine men.

The more time that passes the more I feel that I am TS. I don't have any plans to do anything about it right now, but the feeling is growing stronger all the time.

As far back as I can remember, I've wanted to be a girl. Puberty was a very traumatic time for me. The changes that happened to my body were unwanted to say the least. Luckly, I'm not extraordinarily tall. I don't have much body hair. If there were no repercussions, I would go full time out in public.

The thought of growing old as a man honestly really scares me. I'm kind of in a conundrum.

I feel that sometimes therapy/therapist create more confusion inside us than they help. Personally I see tactics like the creation of your lists, word association etc...as smoke and mirror tactics designed more to create the illusion that Therpaist are actually doing something mystical...when in fact all a therapist really is, is a guide with a little knowledge to help lead us to Self-actualization....Not really anything that any one of us couldn't do ourselves with a little research and contemplation...

But hey, I am a hypocritical non-believer who attends therapy weekly and fights my therapist at every turn.

I have thought about this myself, however although I totally love dressing as a woman. I know that I would not want to go down the surgical route and become a transexual. I truly admire any person who goes through the full change. It really takes a lot of courage. I just like my life as it is, I have two different persona`s, which gives me two total mind spaces. It feels like a total mind flush when I change from Male to Female. I guess there is a lot of trial and tribulation needed to take that journey.

Jay Cee,
I have felt that I was a transexual, and wanted surgery, call it being in the fog or confussed on who I am, but as I figured it is was OK to CD and that transitioning would change parts of my life that I was not willing to change I accepted my place on the TS Spectrum. Sure there ar still times I wonder what it would be like but the mental pro/con list kicks in and I realise i love where I am in life and dont want to change it.

I still have troubles with labels. Lately, I feel it's more a case of "skins". I'm really the same way all the time....it's just sometimes I have one type of "skin" and other times another. Does that make any sense? As such, I'm not sure what label applies.

-stephani

When I was growing up we weren't well off. My family didn't even get internet untill 2001/2002 and I'd been dressing since 1996/97 and there was a good 5 years of real confusion.
TV and bits from general interest magazines were all I got to see or read on the subject, and they generally weren't positive if they were about cross dressers, and if they were positive, they were about transexuals.
One of the magazines I read really ruined my head, the TS lady was talking about her youth and how she would sneak around wearing mum's clothes- Which is what I was doing, and being so young and naive, I thought the only logical progression was that I was going to end up taking hormones and getting surgery despite being very comfy in my own body. To this day I still am.
But within a month of getting online, and having a wider range of material to read, the confusion had alleviated a good 75% or so, and I felt better.

I think confusion is natural if you can't make a properly informed decission.

Short answer..yes..

you have time jaycee...and i believe the answer will become apparent to you over that time...

my bugaboo was that i felt sexual pleasure around crossdressing...i convinced myself that i had a fetish , and i set out to enjoy my dressing... i was told by a therapist that "NO WAY" was it even possible for a ts to feel this...what a relief i thought to myself!!
i share this detail because so many people i know lived the same scenario..
looking back , i am still amazed at how my thought process was so carefully constructed to protect me from the feeling that i need to transition..how i boxed in my transsexual thoughts so i could be a successful male

Transition is tedious, brutal, expensive, scary..the CONS outnumber the PROS significantly...there are no rules, no magic.. you can end up in all kinds of life difficulties...
because of this many people don't transition until they are overwhelmed with miserable thoughts..its often a last resort..and the one PRO that you get to feel whole as a person outshines 100 CONS..

so frankly you are smart to question, being logical is a blessing, you are smart to take your time, and your honesty and openness will serve you well as you figure all this out...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele

my bugaboo was that i felt sexual pleasure around crossdressing...i convinced myself that i had a fetish , and i set out to enjoy my dressing... i was told by a therapist that "NO WAY" was it even possible for a ts to feel this...what a relief i thought to myself!!
i share this detail because so many people i know lived the same scenario..

---

Kaitlyn,

Please don't take any offense to what I am going to ask. I'm really just trying to understand what you said here. So the therapist told you that it was impossible for a TS to feel sexual pleasure from crossdressing, or that it was impossible for it to be a fetish for a TS?

I love wearing dresses and presenting myself as a woman. I love it so much, in fact, that for many years I absolutely longed to be a woman just so I could rid myself of the gender confusion, and wear these things without the social ramifications. But after long thought and inner debate, I have arrived at the conclusion that I will not transition. I don't believe I'm transexual. I'd have like to have been a woman instead, but I will not seek a surgical route to make that happen. There is much more to being a woman that simply flitting around in dresses and high heels. While that may be enjoyable, I probably like wearing this stuff a lot more as a man than I would if I transitioned and lived my life as a woman. As a crossdresser, womanhood for me IS all dresses and high heels. That would change if I transitioned. And simply put, an overwhelming desire to wear these clothes and present as a woman isn't enough reason to go through all the hardship that transition and surgery would bring with it. Many transexuals describe how their sexual desire changed as they transitioned. They had much less desire to get all dressed up. For them it was much more a sense of bringing their physical self to match what they felt they were on the inside. And for me, while I may have some very feminine tendencies in my soul, I don't feel that my feminine being necessarily outweighs my male being. I have aspects of both, but my reward for transition would not be enough to put myself, my family, and my friends and loved ones though the upheaval of transition.

So you go ahead and make your lists. Do whatever you have to to sort this all out in your head. You should be 100% sure of what you want to do here before you make any rash decisions. Transition might be exactly what you need, but until you're sure, it's not something you should pursue.

Here is a link to some stories where it didn't pan out for the patients:

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Warning.html

There are a lot of online resources for those considering transition. I suggest you do some heavy reading.

Thank you all, for some great responses, and for getting me to think about this even more. It is a very important decision, and one that I cannot take lightly.

To give a very brief summary, I have crossdressed on and off since I was a teen. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself. I finally came out to my SO last year, and she has been highly supportive. It was then that I admitted to myself, and to her, that I would like to see what life was like as a woman. Not that their life is necessarily any better, but it is different.

As I explored my feelings, and been more open about dressing, I began to think that I was TS. It only made sense to me - if I want to appear as a woman, I must want to be a woman. I feel like a woman, when I let my thoughts drift that way. But with the reality check that my counsellor gave me, I begin to wonder. And like some have mentioned, maybe the transition road is a route to travel when all else has failed. So, in the meantime, I will continue to attend therapy. I will continue my electrolysis. I will go for a GID assessment in a few months. I'll continue to dress in woman's clothing (which is pretty tame these days), and I will push my boundaries a little more every day.

And, most importantly, I will do my best to stop feeling ashamed of my feminine side. Self acceptance is sooooo important - I cannot stress that enough.

Thank you all very much, again. :hugs:

For me, no, crossdressing had nothing really to do with my knowing I was TS. From as young as I can remember or at least knew the difference between male and female, I knew a serious mistake had been made. I was definately in the wrong body but nobody would listen. I guess I was around 8 maybe 9 when I found out that I really could do something about my body. I stood up at the dinner table one evening and announced to everyone that one day, as soon as I could, I would become a girl. Needless to say that caused quite a stir. It took another 13 years before my day came and I never looked back.

I honestly believe in feeling and not so much thinking. If you evaluate any situation within the thought process you shall come up with the logical assumption based on all the learned conditioning. What I mean is that you will arrive with an answer based on external stimuli, basically, what society and your peers want you to be.

Now, if you search for the feeling within your heart, and such doesn't take long or does not involve the all mighty brain capable only of the thought process, you shall be presented with the unobstructed picture of you, who you are within, who YOU are despite of what They want you to be.

Every time I had doubts, and believe me, those came often as a necessary part of transition, I listened to my heart, and with such guidance I had achieved things I would never allow my self to think possible yet they became as real as real gets.

Everything is possible, Everything! but you must feel in your heart the oath of truth.

Whenever I have doubt, I remember my life as HE and the doubt dissolves into vaporous act of pretense I so used to live by, But Not anymore :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jay Cee

Not that their life is necessarily any better, but it is different. :

---

JayCee, this is very interesting. Why do you say this?

For as long as I can remember I've thought that girls had a BETTER life. Even today, as a very fem guy in transition, my life is unquestionably better. (no more acting, lots more shopping)

Every TS girl on this board (except those that just want to argue with me) will agree that their life is better now. It is better to be a woman than a man. Sexism? I don't care, it's a small price to pay to stop pretending.

Alexia is absolutely right. Follow your feelings. Your heart cares not about what's easy, only about what's true.

I grew up in an age when there were straight horny guys and "faggots." The term gay had not been co-opted by homosexuals and Al Gore had not invented the Internet yet. The Kinsey Report was kept behind the librarians' desk. Playboy had pictures less sexy than the Victoria Secret ad that hits my mailbox. Harriet Nelson and June Cleaver were pictures of femininity. I started experimenting with my mother's slips. At that time there was no sexual component to trying on 'just a slip.' As I grew older life became more complicated. How could a horny teenage boy like dressing up? Total confusion. Cross-dressing had not been invented yet???? Was I a 'faggot?' I certainly had no desire to be a girl. I certainly have no desire ever to be a woman. It took decades to become comfortable with who I am- a guy who likes to wear feminine clothing. And I do not mean feminine cut jeans. I means dresses and full slips and all the foundation garments.

I believe many younger cross-dressers are where I was in the beginning. How can this be? How can a "manly guy" like being en femme. I am not a woman trapped in a male body. Sometimes I just have a need to not be a man. For me it is a stress reliever. It washes away the man in me for awhile.

Have I ever thought it would be great to be a woman? No, but, if I were a woman it would be OK. Having been married for forty years, I've seen many intelligent women wasted in the kitchen, doing laundry, wiping butts, being trophy wives, etc. Being raised without a penis in the 1950's and 1960's was no great shake, if you wanted to be someone other than a serf or kept woman.

Before cutting off your genitals, one needs to realize who their inner self is. If you're truly a woman trapped in a man's body, lop it off. If you are a man enjoying your feminine side on occasion, buy a dress on occasion. I enjoy both sides of my inner self. It may be confusing to others, but, it's no longer confusing to me. Peace, peace at last!

The problem for me is that I want both. I really like both of my gendered selves! Just writing that sounds a bit insane, but that's just the way it is. If I were able to change any of my physical attributes, it would be done in order to facilitate the smooth transition from one gender to the other. Whichever gender I'm in, I really enjoy it! Does this "bi-genderedness" take a lot of time and effort and resources...sure does. Am I sometimes just overwhelmed with it...sure am. Can I stop? No.

Life goes on!

:)

Short answer: yes. For a time it also made me think I was gay. While I have the utmost respect for both of these groups I'm not part of them. However, I do see myself as a female with male body parts. Over the years I learned how to be male, but the male mode still does not come naturally to me. I don't consider the mismatch between my gender and my body parts to be a mistake. To me it's just a fact of life, neither good nor bad. I feel extremely lucky to be a woman, and I really couldn't imagine being anything else. But there are definite advantages to being perceived as male. There's far less sexual harassment, it's easier to be perceived as an authority figure, and I've fathered four children. How many women can say that?

CK

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SweetIonis

Kaitlyn,

Please don't take any offense to what I am going to ask. I'm really just trying to understand what you said here. So the therapist told you that it was impossible for a TS to feel sexual pleasure from crossdressing, or that it was impossible for it to be a fetish for a TS?

---

no offense at all..

my ONLY relief from the 24/7 feeling that i was a wrong person was to masturbate... of course, we all know how that turns out ...
to this therapist, who learned everything she knew about gender issues from me and one conversation with another therapist, this meant that everything i was thinking was just a logical outcrop of a fetish....i am sure it is possible that people have a fetish of changing into lots of things , furries?, and of course women... i can't say what the therapist thought outside of her assertion which was simply since i felt this sexual feeling, then i was not transsexual...frankly i doubt she knew a thing about ts people...

in my case, it was horrible advice, because in the short term i felt very relieved, i stopped seeing the therapist and i figured i'd just deal with it..but over time, this started to feel like a death sentence..i knew deep inside the truth, but i would not admit it, and i had a naive trust that this therapist had "diagnosed" me, and that was that...how could this be? i thought.. i felt trapped and dead...this all happened over a period of years..looking back, this diagnosis harmed me for many years... when i sought help 5 years ago, the first thing my therapist did was put me into contact with some women that had transitioned... and we shared life stories, and i saw how glad they were they had taken the step, they told me lots of things i didn't know and i used those folks as mentors to help me figure things out..

this is why jaycee's post seems poignant to me.. unless you have gone through it, it is very hard to put in words how terrible the feeling of being trapped can be..if you don't have this feeling, it can be very hard to stare at the mountain of CONS and still transition...if you do have this feeling...a million mountains of CONS will not deter you...

You see? For some this is the right answer, and it's good that they found this answer. For others, it's fortunate that they find that it is not the right answer. Arriving at what answer is best for you is what is absolutely necessary.

Actually the progression of my crossdressing led me away from the gender questioning that I briefly had when I first dipped my toes in the local transgender community and transgender based social networks.

To say that transitioning is not for everyone is almost silly because it's so damn obvious. Of course it's not for everyone. Some would say it's not for anyone.

Kaitlyn's post almost made me cry for some reason. The confusion I felt was very similar but for the opposite reason. I never crossdressed throughout my life. There is one significant memory of being about five (pre-kindergarten) and stealing a pair of my younger sisters panties to wear while I was playing with a neighbor girl about my age. But other than that I don't have the stories of crossdressing and discovery like so many others have. Like Kaitlyn, this made me seriously question the possibility that I might be TS. How could I want to be a woman when I don't enjoy crossdressing? (I still don't like wearing bras and I actually need one now) My therpapist (who thankfully wasn't a hack) simply said that just because I'm not a CD really has no bearing on whether or not I'm TS. She never suggested I make a list of pros and cons, she just made me think about what's really important.

Here's a question that might put it all in perspective; If you were going to wake up tomorrow as the same person, in the same life, would you even care if you woke up or not?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele

no offense at all..

my ONLY relief from the 24/7 feeling that i was a wrong person was to masturbate... of course, we all know how that turns out ...
to this therapist, who learned everything she knew about gender issues from me and one conversation with another therapist, this meant that everything i was thinking was just a logical outcrop of a fetish....i am sure it is possible that people have a fetish of changing into lots of things , furries?, and of course women... i can't say what the therapist thought outside of her assertion which was simply since i felt this sexual feeling, then i was not transsexual...frankly i doubt she knew a thing about ts people...

in my case, it was horrible advice, because in the short term i felt very relieved, i stopped seeing the therapist and i figured i'd just deal with it..but over time, this started to feel like a death sentence..i knew deep inside the truth, but i would not admit it, and i had a naive trust that this therapist had "diagnosed" me, and that was that...how could this be? i thought.. i felt trapped and dead...this all happened over a period of years..looking back, this diagnosis harmed me for many years... when i sought help 5 years ago, the first thing my therapist did was put me into contact with some women that had transitioned... and we shared life stories, and i saw how glad they were they had taken the step, they told me lots of things i didn't know and i used those folks as mentors to help me figure things out..

this is why jaycee's post seems poignant to me.. unless you have gone through it, it is very hard to put in words how terrible the feeling of being trapped can be..if you don't have this feeling, it can be very hard to stare at the mountain of CONS and still transition...if you do have this feeling...a million mountains of CONS will not deter you...

---

Thanks for clearing that up Kaitlyn. That was of particular interest to me, because honestly, I get EXTREME sexual pleasure from cross dressing. Also you cleared up the difficulty I was having understanding Jay Cee's dilemma, so thanks for that too!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TGMarla

There is much more to being a woman that simply flitting around in dresses and high heels. While that may be enjoyable, I probably like wearing this stuff a lot more as a man than I would if I transitioned and lived my life as a woman. As a crossdresser, womanhood for me IS all dresses and high heels.

---

That's pretty much how I see it, too. I see my transformations as "dressup sessions". I love the process of transforming and then dwelling a bit in transformed state. But when it's over, it's over. After un-transforming I am meticulous about putting my stuff away, making sure everything is ready for the next session. I like being a guy and never felt any internal feminine identity. I just enjoy occasional dressup sessions. When single, and single again, I transformed 3-4 times a week. Now, other (wife, child) life distractions limit the opportunities, but when I can, it's almost always all or nothing.
I never had any struggle with wondering if I was TS.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jay Cee

I would like to see what life was like as a woman. Not that their life is necessarily any better, but it is different.

---

It is not so much that women have a better life than males. It is different in many ways from what I experienced as a male but I am still expected to pay my bills on time. Unless I can convince the boy next door to do it, I still have to mow the lawn and take out the trash.
I think what matters most is that you are comfortable with your decision. Nobody talked you in to transitioning and you are not doing it for someone elses sake. This is what YOU really need and want. Oh, by the way, no matter what anyone else says, the grass is not greener over here. It is well kept and the flowers are prettier though. :)
Alexia is correct. Follow what is in your heart.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Princess Chantal

Actually the progression of my crossdressing led me away from the gender questioning that I briefly had when I first dipped my toes in the local transgender community and transgender based social networks.

---

Princess, could you go into a bit more detail on this. It may be very similar to how I feel about the subject.

I willingly admit that I love to wear feminine clothes of all kinds. But in the almost 70 years that I have been a CD, I have never wanted to be a woman. I was born a man and hopefully will die a man!! Transitioning or being a transexual has never entered my mind! My late wife knew that, which is just one of the many reasons why we were together for almost 50 years!! No matter what clothing I had on, I was always her man and she knew it!

I am still trying to figure out what I am, since early early age I used to have gender doubts and my behavior and mannerisms got me in trouble more than once and made my parents worried..I was very successful on shutting down any gender and sexual orientation feelings for a very long time...can you imagine puberty and adolescence without any sexual feelings or desires or being in your 20's and 30's and being asked why you never had or pursued any relationship, Even when a girl had some interest on me I founded ways to steer them out because I didn't want to hurt anybody by being on a relationship not being sure about who I really was....but It got to a point that all that hidding cought out with me and made me physically ill...I had to find my femenine side and I knew the only way was to try crossdressing, I still rememeber the first time I saw myself dressed all the way, it was like a key to the door of my soul...I am still not admiting myself that I may be transexual yet..but being able to express both sides of myself is very liberating.

Ever since about 5th grade I've fantasized about changing my gender. I got so hot and heavy just thinking about it. Sometimes I still fantasize I have a vagina, and it's pretty amazing how intense the desire becomes. However, at the end of the day, for me it has always been a fantasy. It wasn't until recently that I became able to separate my fantasies from possibilities. I think it's important to weigh the pros and cons. Personally, my dealbreaker is I would never have my penis. Ever again. I can't handle that, he's my best friend. It's a serious undertaking, like a marriage, only more permanent.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Badtranny

JayCee, this is very interesting. Why do you say this?

For as long as I can remember I've thought that girls had a BETTER life. Even today, as a very fem guy in transition, my life is unquestionably better. (no more acting, lots more shopping)

Every TS girl on this board (except those that just want to argue with me) will agree that their life is better now. It is better to be a woman than a man. Sexism? I don't care, it's a small price to pay to stop pretending.

Alexia is absolutely right. Follow your feelings. Your heart cares not about what's easy, only about what's true.

---

Gee, I wonder who would possibly want to argue with you. :)

I think Jorja answered your question nicely, but I'll toss in my two cents as well. Women have gotten the shi... er.... short end of the stick for centuries. It's gotten better in the past few decades, but has a long way to go. I think I was just trying to emphasize that I didn't have a pollyanna vision of what being a woman is all about.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BARBARA_MELENDEZ

I had to find my femenine side and I knew the only way was to try crossdressing, I still rememeber the first time I saw myself dressed all the way, it was like a key to the door of my soul...

---

Well I have always been very attracted to females, so we are different in that regard. But honestly Barbara, it was somewhere near the start of puberty for me when I first put on a pair of panties. WOW!!!!! Nothing could have prepared me for the way I felt. It opened up a whole new world of feminine feelings, sexy feelings. When I dress, even to this day, it makes me feel SUPER feminine and SUPER sexy. That's the honest truth. I don't know if it's the key to my soul, but it sure is a key the this EXTREME feminine side that I have. That's the honest truth.

I enjoy being the man I am and just having my soft side. I just do not have the desire to be a woman. I just love dressing and looking like one form time to time.

I started crossdressing as a means to an end, for physical gratification. It has since developed into a means for me to consider, think and sort through what really makes me up. I am a man, but there are times that if I could be a complete woman without the assistance of surgery I would be perfectly happy. It's been a battle and as with many others here, it is something I share with you all, but not with my family or SO. I've realized that I am what I physically was created. I do have the rare opportunity to emulate and free the "inner woman" in me. The list for me has so many more cons then pros, but there are times I believe I would totally enjoy being a woman and experiencing all that life has for a woman to experience. I've concluded that I am not just a crossdresser, I am to a degree transgendered, but not at the level of committing to an artificial change. That's my perspective, for good, bad, or otherwise. I wish that everyone here on this journey finds whatever decision or place they reach that they are foremost happy and content with who they have choosen or come to understand who they are inside. ~ Liz

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jenniferx1

I would not want to go down the surgical route and become a transexual.

---

I might be picking nits here, but surgery does not make you transsexual. The surgery is used to align the physical appearance of our body to our gender.

To go back to the original question:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jay Cee

Did your crossdressing lead you to think that you are transexual?

---

I can honestly say that I knew I was transsexual way before I started cross-dressing in earnest but that when I did start CDing, I tried to use that as a way to avoid transition. Fairly quickly, I realised that far from curing my Gender Dysphoria, cross-dressing was bringing it out into the open.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jay Cee

For the past year or so, I thought I was transexual. At first, I wasn't so sure. Then the feelings grew until I was certain that I was ready for hormones and maybe even surgery.

However, since my counsellor suggested I make up a list of the pros and cons of being a woman, I have really started to have doubts about being TS.

---

Full-on transition may not necessarily be the right thing for you at this stage even if you are TS. You alone can tell how acute your Gender Dysphoria is and whether you can cope with living as a man at this point in your life. No-one else has the right to make that decision for you.

If right now there seem to be more cons than pros to living as a woman, then perhaps you should put the Real Life Experience on hold until you are ready (if that time ever comes). Please remember that even if you do begin your RLE, there is no shame in deciding that you do not want to transition - part of the purpose of RLE is to help you decide.

Could it have been a prolonged episode of the dreaded Pink Fog? Yes it could, but then again it might not be. Perhaps you just have not reached the point where living as a man has become intolerable. Whatever you decide for now, I hope that you know that we will be here to support you in your journey.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jorja

It is not so much that women have a better life than males. It is different in many ways from what I experienced as a male but I am still expected to pay my bills on time. Unless I can convince the boy next door to do it, I still have to mow the lawn and take out the trash.

---

Yay!! Thank you for posting this. Other than the very beginning of the relationship when the guy wants to get into the girl's pants and will do just about everything she asks, :) eventually if she is like most women, she will open her own car door, she will pull her own load in the relationship, he'll want to spend time with his buddies, he might even cheat on her. And if she is single or even if she is married, as you say she mows her own lawn, she carts her own boxes, she paints her own bedroom, she pays her own bills, and she takes out her own trash. And if she has kids, a demanding job, or limited financial resources, there isn't all that much time for all the shopping and pampering.

And when she goes to work, she gets paid less. :p

The idea that being a woman is "better" I think is a CD fantasy. Honestly, for most of us it isn't a carefree life of shopping, giggling, being girly, and having men falling all over our feet, at least not past the early 20s, even for attractive GGs. When a TS is happy after transition, it is because she can finally be who she is, warts and all, just like everybody else.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ReineD

The idea that being a woman is "better" I think is a CD fantasy.

---

Dangit! I knew as soon as I hit the post button I would be taken to task for saying that. Please allow me to explain ;-)

I never said that women had it better, I said that BEING a woman was better. I am almost surprised that a TS would argue this point. (some people will argue anything) If it's not better than why go through this?

Reine, it may indeed be a CD fantasy but that's not at all what I'm talking about. I feel silly saying this, but I know that women's lives are not all wine and roses. Sheeesh, sometimes these discussions get so juvenile. ;-)

I'm quite aware of the BS women face in a sexist society. My own industry and even more so, my own workplace is extremely sexist and I fight it everyday. I personally trained and promoted the first female Project Manager in our company's 60 year history. I've always considered myself a feminist and I'm under no illusions about the reality of being a woman. I am conciously walking away from the male privelege that I know exists, because I want to show the world who I really am.

Being a man was never fun for me, I was always envious of the other side.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Badtranny

Dangit! I knew as soon as I hit the post button I would be taken to task for saying that. Please allow me to explain ;-)

I never said that women had it better, I said that BEING a woman was better.

---

LOL. Well, if being a woman is better for you, this is perfectly understandable! :)

I wasn't responding to you specifically, but the oft posted notion that being a woman IS better than being a man, for anybody. :p

Quote:

---

Did your crossdressing lead you to think that you are transexual?

---

Well, first I thought I was gay, because at that point I didn't know transsexualism existed. Then I thought I was a transsexual. Then I spend the next few decades learning all the real answers.

twice I started out crossdressing and twice I came to a realization that I want to be a woman, I desire to be one of the girls, to cease living as a man and start living as a woman, I'll be the first to admit massive fears, both of a personal and religious nature, but that doesn't stop me form wishing that tomorrow I'll wake up and be a woman. the sad part is that if we do decide to transition, we will lose alot, we will be teased and likely abused by people opposed to this. I have several questions floating around in my head, am I strong enough to do this, will my God be ok with this, can I survive this, will I still have a job if I go down this road etc...

I wanted to transition very much for a couple of years when I was in my late teens but I finally decided it was because I thought that in doing so my life would become mostly just fun and easy and I would be on one big bisexual vacation wearing expensive styles. I found out gradually from various sources that this ain't the case! It can take a long time to transition and you have to take hormones and special drugs. These don't work for everybody. The surgery can leave your body feeling very strange and uncomfortable for a long time afterward. There's a lot of psychiatric criteria. The doctors and therapists have to be very sure you are psychologically a female in a male body or a male in a female body and they don't accept just anybody for the transitioning and the surgery. So I finally decided what's so terrible about being a crossdresser or a drag queen? If a few semiliterates don't like it
that's their problem.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Steph.TS

but that doesn't stop me form wishing that tomorrow I'll wake up and be a woman.

---

Not to be picky or anything either, but I'll echo Rianna. Transition doesn't make someone "wake up" as a woman, because she is already. If she doesn't feel she is a woman prior to SRS, the surgery won't change a thing. SRS just aligns the genitals with the gender ID. Everything else is the same.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ReineD

Not to be picky or anything either, but I'll echo Rianna. Transition doesn't make someone "wake up" as a woman, because she is already. If she doesn't feel she is a woman prior to SRS, the surgery won't change a thing. SRS just aligns the genitals with the gender ID. Everything else is the same.

---

I understand that what I mean is right now I have a beard, a man's face and body, when I say I want to wake up tomorrow as a woman, I mean I want to look like a woman, go outside dressed as a woman without fear that that I'll be found out as a man, be cause in every way I won't be a man. I look forward to a day when I can be myself without fear and feel better about being who I am.

Gosh, I keep putting my foot in my mouth tonight.

Sorry, Steph, I misunderstood what you were saying. :hugs:

I lived as a "non-op" TS for 5 years in the beginning of the 80's. I say it that way as I thought of myself as a woman during that time...just something extra that I didn't mind it being there. I think THAT is what makes the difference. A true TS wants that "extra" part gone with everything else added and to me my wife was still enjoying it being there so I didn't mind it hanging around (sorry - no pun intended). The clothes do not make you TS. I think the other part of it was I never intended to go that far (living FT much less for 5 years). With the med study and everything else that happened, it just seemed a logical step that if you look "girly", have feminine breasts, and look/dress like a woman as often as you can(could), then you are one. That was my "transition". As said in posts above, once the "thrill" wore off, I still had to mow the yard, service and change the oil in the car, etc, etc (even tho as time went on I was the more feminine one in the relationship). It just went to life from a womans perspective as opposed to a mans.
I have to say that after the development of a womans mindset towards life/et al it was MUCH harder to change back to a male mindset (I hope you know what I mean here) and in all honesty I never really did change "back" just tried to fit in as best I could. I mean for about 3-4 years after I still had obvious breasts if I took off my shirt so you aren't going to be "manly" with C cups...

Jenn

I have no idea.

The most worrying thought is that I don't care a whole lot for the little guy down there.
I can count on one hand the number of times I thought about being active with it, I think of it more of an "accessory".

This has made me question a few things but I realized I like vaginas even less so...
If there is one thing I know, it's that I have a hell of a lot more self discovery to go before seriously thinking about anything.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pythos

Princess, could you go into a bit more detail on this. It may be very similar to how I feel about the subject.

---

I guess you could say that I was overwhelmed when I ventured from the personals type of crossdressing chatrooms to the local cd/tg social group and transgendered forums. The newly founded information and socializing from that new wandering was what may have triggered the questioning. The coercing, insisting, complimenting and acceptance from others in the community may have clouded my thoughts during the questioning and I started taking basic steps to get myself prepared for the possibility. It may have been my passion for pantyhose and unwillingness to stop wearing them with the even most casual clothing that prevented me to go on the wrong path. I recall while on a lesbian (or should I say womyn) boat cruise I overheard some chatter about my choice of wearing pantyhose with capris. Eventually, I came to the answer of the reason why I crossdress (cause it's a fun activity and sensually satisfying) and the reason why I started in the first place (curiousities of the female gender).