Dating sites for crossdressers?

I'm from Chicago and I'm looking for dating sites but all I find are those pay ones where you can't read or interact with people unless you pay.

Yes I have seen them, run away, A friend told me that they take your money, and you
get in return "Dates" with very undesirables that want $$$ for a date.
Sounds very Fishy to me.
Rader

Rader, that sounds like a form of prostitution, actually. Is that even legal?

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Originally Posted by CloserthanthisGG

Rader, that sounds like a form of prostitution, actually. Is that even legal?

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Well; you are correct to think so, but they call it an escort service.
If there is a way to get around a law, some people will think of it.
I do not need anything like that; I married to my date 18+ years ago, and she is
the best girl in the world. Yes I know I am prestigious, But So what , I love her.
Rader

That sounds absolutely terrible, RADER.

So there are no decent dating sites for crossdressers like OKCupid or Plentyoffish?

I once asked around for the same once and received an answer that seemed good enough to me, would you like to base a relationship directly off cross-dressing? A chick who is looking for a cross-dresser online obviously doesn't care to much about the relationship aspect, I could be wrong, but my suggestion is try a regular dating site and let the chick know on the first date then you'll know shes in it for the relationship and whether she can accept you.

There are no dating sites explicitly for TV/TS that are free that I know of (I think there is an alternative dating site that includes TV/TS folks that is free, I can't remember the name offhand.)

You could try the various free social networks geared towards trans folks instead, maybe you can meet someone there.

Actually Joslyn, I'm not straight. So, it might be easier for me to find a guy that's into crossdressers than for a straight crossdresser to find a girl into crossdressers, I just need to know where.

And thank you Vickie, I will look around "general" dating sites that are free. Thank you!

I don't know if there is a US equivalent, in the UK I use tvchix (link in my signature). It is primarily a meeting site but does have a relationship forum and I met my partner via the site.

Edit - There are American T-girls and guys on there, but not that many YET! Hint lol

well as i read this post, this is exactly what confuses/concerns me as a long time wife of a person that i recently found out was a crossdresser. I realize after a ton of reading,the the scope of cders is huge and everyone has their own angle. Is this really what most cders want, even the married ones- " a date" and with who?. Pardon my questioning however this totally strange world of cding is new to me. Is this what most cders what, to date what? who? what is the motive? are you talking homosexual acts. I really wonder if this is what most cders want but just cannot face the facts. Correct me if i am wrong, i do not mean to offend anyone so do not jump on the band wagon and take this the wrong way. Every one is entitled to be happy. I read here so often that cders love their wives, are hetero, etc etc, but i truly wonder if all of these men are not gay and in denial. How the heck can a straight man want to were women lingerie, sexually excite himself, ( keep in mind he does have a wife to be sexually active with) wear lipstick, hose go out in public, become thrilled when a genetic man hold a door open for him, is thrilled when men take a second look at him and call himself heterosexual.. hmmm i do not get it, and trust me i have done more reading, much more that my cding partner has

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Originally Posted by WyrmQueen

I'm from Chicago and I'm looking for dating sites but all I find are those pay ones where you can't read or interact with people unless you pay.

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I don't know of any one hundred percent free ones right off hand. Most of them I know of charge something to send or receive a message.

In response to CindyO, You are right that the scope of us cders is huge. I am single and looking to meet a woman. I am a member of a national online dating site that most of us all see advertised. I am very happy to be a man and most people would think of me as being a very macho male figure. I want a wife and children someday and do all the normal stuff that any husband and father would do for and with his family. I don't publish the fact that I cd and I even wonder at what point do I mention it. Most of the women that I have met and gone a date with never knew about this side of me and as in most cases, a 2nd date never occured for other reasons. I did date a woman for a month and I told her before we even met about my cding. She tried to accept it but eventually she just couldn't get over the fact that I was such a man yet happy to wear womens clothes. For me, it is a chance to feel softer, more civilized and perhaps more attractive then I feel when as a man. The fact that I can't seem to gain the interest of women makes me wonder if I am being driven to dress as a woman due to the lack of one in my life. Naturally, when I do finally meet her, I have every intention of telling her about my girly side since I want to be honest at the start. I assure you, I have no interest in men and the few times that I have been out dressed up, I was more interested in the women and even blew off a guy who was hitting on me. It is hard to pick up women when you are dressed as one. We all are looking for acceptance. We're not trying to change the world or demand equal rights. We just enjoy this side of life on occassion and would love to have a woman by our side who accepts us as we are. Well at least that is in my case.

Hi cindyo,
Just like all groups of people were all different. My self No I do not have a desire in any way to be with a man personally I think most men are jerks LOL. so insecure. As to why I C/D who knows I do go to consoling to help understand and jell the male and female as they fight for time. All I can tell you for as long as I can remember I've had dreams of being in female form of dress before I ever even knew how to read. I enjoy both my male and female side its not something I just like to do its who I am. I know if you don't live it it sure is hard to understand. like tonight Lisa is going to the consoler and getting hair done tomorrow its a lot of work shave beard legs chest under arms do up my hair makeup nails that part is a pain but when when I'm done Its just can't explain Lisa feels right and happy to be let out. You should tell tour S/O to find a consoler it helps so much and a C/D friendly couples consoler would do you both some good if you want this to work. It has I think helped make me a more empathetic caring :human being:
Hope it helps in some small way

Can I assume you're looking for Male persons, not Female? If I'm wrong, read no further since I'm approaching this from the perspective of a Transgender Girl who dates men.

It is very difficult on OK Cupid or Plenty of Fish or Match or other straight sites to post a profile as a Transgender. There is no such category, and you must either list yourself as a "man looking for a man" or a "man looking for a woman." I believe that those sites will ban a genetic man who lists himself as a woman, but that's an impression I have, not a fact I know definitely. I have posted under "man looking for a man" on all these sites, and the results have been tepid. I split my time between New York City and the hinterlands, and obviously have gotten more interest in the big metropolis.

I have also tried explicitly gay sites, such as gay dot com, and have gotten zero interest. Gay men are not interested in transgenders, and you can write that in blood at midnight during the dark of the moon! The irony of that is I am very attractive as a man, and have zero interest in meeting men when I'm in drab!

There are several "Meat Market" sites, the best known of which are Adult Friend Finder and Alt. Neither of them charges a fee for a non-premium profile, and they permit you to answer messages from premium members. Non-premiums are also somewhat limited in their ability to read full profiles and view photographs. I will not vouch for the desirability of the average person on the site. I can lump them into categories: 1.)Men who will send you a photo of their manhood and a "Wanna f**k?" message, and you can bet that 100% of them are wanking at the computer when they send the message. 2.) Married men who are bi-curious and looking for a Thrill Ride which won't imprint in their own minds as gay sex, 3.) Teens and Tweens who are just looking for a warm, moist place to use, and 4.) some of them are just lonely Admirers. The latter are usually decent people, I just wish more of them were height/weight proportionate and less interested in telling me that they have tried a bit of crossdressing themselves.

There are many other sites which actively seek CD profiles, but I think they just use them as advertising fodder. Crossdressing for example, won't let a person even respond to a message from a premium member if you aren't a paying customer.

If you live in a big metro area there is probably a GLBT bar somewhere that will have a monthly (or if you're lucky) weekly Girls Night Out, which are good things to attend for meeting other Trans-girls, and occasionally a real man. If you want to go to one of those, I suggest you visit the place a couple of days in advance, sometime in the late afternoon when it's open but not too busy, and scope-out the layout and ask the bartender about the local customs.

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Originally Posted by CINDYO

well as i read this post, this is exactly what confuses/concerns me as a long time wife of a person that i recently found out was a crossdresser. I realize after a ton of reading,the the scope of cders is huge and everyone has their own angle. Is this really what most cders want, even the married ones- " a date" and with who?. Pardon my questioning however this totally strange world of cding is new to me. Is this what most cders what, to date what? who? what is the motive? are you talking homosexual acts. I really wonder if this is what most cders want but just cannot face the facts. Correct me if i am wrong, i do not mean to offend anyone so do not jump on the band wagon and take this the wrong way. Every one is entitled to be happy. I read here so often that cders love their wives, are hetero, etc etc, but i truly wonder if all of these men are not gay and in denial. How the heck can a straight man want to were women lingerie, sexually excite himself, ( keep in mind he does have a wife to be sexually active with) wear lipstick, hose go out in public, become thrilled when a genetic man hold a door open for him, is thrilled when men take a second look at him and call himself heterosexual.. hmmm i do not get it, and trust me i have done more reading, much more that my cding partner has

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I should point out that I am a gay man and therefore (believe it or not) I am in the minority here. There is no, repeat NO link between who is gay/straight and who is CD/TV/TS etc, they are totally different things!!

The thrill people experience is that feminine feeling they are reaching so deeply to experience. Having doors held, getting makeovers, going out dressed up and yes, causing guys to look twice just helps that femme feeling to feel even better!

I should also point out that I posted in response to this:

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Originally Posted by WyrmQueen

Actually Joslyn, I'm not straight. So, it might be easier for me to find a guy that's into crossdressers than for a straight crossdresser to find a girl into crossdressers, I just need to know where.!

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Originally Posted by WyrmQueen

Actually Joslyn, I'm not straight. So, it might be easier for me to find a guy that's into crossdressers than for a straight crossdresser to find a girl into crossdressers, I just need to know where.

And thank you Vickie, I will look around "general" dating sites that are free. Thank you!

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My apologies, I gotta start thinking bout the grander scale before I post, in my own little world over here lol

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Originally Posted by Beth Wilde

I don't know if there is a US equivalent, in the UK I use tvchix (link in my signature). It is primarily a meeting site but does have a relationship forum and I met my partner via the site.

Edit - There are American T-girls and guys on there, but not that many YET! Hint lol

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I do have a profile on TVChix. =)

But I feel like I'm just torturing myself because I meet all these nice, gorgeous British guys but the distance is so great and all we can do is talk on Skype. =)

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Originally Posted by CINDYO

well as i read this post, this is exactly what confuses/concerns me as a long time wife of a person that i recently found out was a crossdresser. I realize after a ton of reading,the the scope of cders is huge and everyone has their own angle. Is this really what most cders want, even the married ones- " a date" and with who?. Pardon my questioning however this totally strange world of cding is new to me. Is this what most cders what, to date what? who? what is the motive? are you talking homosexual acts. I really wonder if this is what most cders want but just cannot face the facts. Correct me if i am wrong, i do not mean to offend anyone so do not jump on the band wagon and take this the wrong way. Every one is entitled to be happy. I read here so often that cders love their wives, are hetero, etc etc, but i truly wonder if all of these men are not gay and in denial. How the heck can a straight man want to were women lingerie, sexually excite himself, ( keep in mind he does have a wife to be sexually active with) wear lipstick, hose go out in public, become thrilled when a genetic man hold a door open for him, is thrilled when men take a second look at him and call himself heterosexual.. hmmm i do not get it, and trust me i have done more reading, much more that my cding partner has

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You're confusing gender with sexuality.

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Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite

Can I assume you're looking for Male persons, not Female? If I'm wrong, read no further since I'm approaching this from the perspective of a Transgender Girl who dates men.

It is very difficult on OK Cupid or Plenty of Fish or Match or other straight sites to post a profile as a Transgender. There is no such category, and you must either list yourself as a "man looking for a man" or a "man looking for a woman." I believe that those sites will ban a genetic man who lists himself as a woman, but that's an impression I have, not a fact I know definitely. I have posted under "man looking for a man" on all these sites, and the results have been tepid. I split my time between New York City and the hinterlands, and obviously have gotten more interest in the big metropolis.

I have also tried explicitly gay sites, such as gay dot com, and have gotten zero interest. Gay men are not interested in transgenders, and you can write that in blood at midnight during the dark of the moon! The irony of that is I am very attractive as a man, and have zero interest in meeting men when I'm in drab!

There are several "Meat Market" sites, the best known of which are Adult Friend Finder and Alt. Neither of them charges a fee for a non-premium profile, and they permit you to answer messages from premium members. Non-premiums are also somewhat limited in their ability to read full profiles and view photographs. I will not vouch for the desirability of the average person on the site. I can lump them into categories: 1.)Men who will send you a photo of their manhood and a "Wanna f**k?" message, and you can bet that 100% of them are wanking at the computer when they send the message. 2.) Married men who are bi-curious and looking for a Thrill Ride which won't imprint in their own minds as gay sex, 3.) Teens and Tweens who are just looking for a warm, moist place to use, and 4.) some of them are just lonely Admirers. The latter are usually decent people, I just wish more of them were height/weight proportionate and less interested in telling me that they have tried a bit of crossdressing themselves.

There are many other sites which actively seek CD profiles, but I think they just use them as advertising fodder. Crossdressing for example, won't let a person even respond to a message from a premium member if you aren't a paying customer.

If you live in a big metro area there is probably a GLBT bar somewhere that will have a monthly (or if you're lucky) weekly Girls Night Out, which are good things to attend for meeting other Trans-girls, and occasionally a real man. If you want to go to one of those, I suggest you visit the place a couple of days in advance, sometime in the late afternoon when it's open but not too busy, and scope-out the layout and ask the bartender about the local customs.

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Thanks for the advice. =)

Go to the Chicago Gay Pride Fest June 22 - 23 on Halsted in drag and you just might be hit on by cd/tg admirers. I went last year in my Wolves Cheerleader outfit and I got hit on by a guy and a lesbian.

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Originally Posted by Shelby

It is hard to pick up women when you are dressed as one.

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No it isn't. Just as in everything else, it all depends on your attitude. I could "pick up" a straight woman rather quickly and I'm queer as a 3 dollar bill. (well straight now I guess, but you get the point.) Women are quite simple really, they just want to be appreciated for who they are. Actually in many ways, they're just like you, only prettier.

Here's one I joined years ago. Naively looking for CD accepting GGs! Ha ha! I stay on because I joined during a, "Completely free", opening and there's NO RESTRICTIONS on pics posted! Sherry LOVES THAT!
It's mostly populated with CD's and Admirers looking to meet or hook up.

Check it out, Queen. They let u join and try it out for a couple of weeks before u have to pay anything! Google: dateacrossdresser.com

would love to find one in australia

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Originally Posted by CINDYO

well as i read this post, this is exactly what confuses/concerns me as a long time wife of a person that i recently found out was a crossdresser. I realize after a ton of reading,the the scope of cders is huge and everyone has their own angle. Is this really what most cders want, even the married ones- " a date" and with who?. Pardon my questioning however this totally strange world of cding is new to me. Is this what most cders what, to date what? who? what is the motive? are you talking homosexual acts. I really wonder if this is what most cders want but just cannot face the facts. Correct me if i am wrong, i do not mean to offend anyone so do not jump on the band wagon and take this the wrong way. Every one is entitled to be happy. I read here so often that cders love their wives, are hetero, etc etc, but i truly wonder if all of these men are not gay and in denial. How the heck can a straight man want to were women lingerie, sexually excite himself, ( keep in mind he does have a wife to be sexually active with) wear lipstick, hose go out in public, become thrilled when a genetic man hold a door open for him, is thrilled when men take a second look at him and call himself heterosexual.. hmmm i do not get it, and trust me i have done more reading, much more that my cding partner has

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There are bi, straight, and gay crossdressers. There is not just one category. There are many, many straight crossdressers. If your husband tells you he's straight, then he's straight.

As far as dating sites, it's been 6 years, but AdultFriendFinder had a category for crossdressers.

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Originally Posted by CINDYO

well as i read this post, this is exactly what confuses/concerns me as a long time wife of a person that i recently found out was a crossdresser. I realize after a ton of reading,the the scope of cders is huge and everyone has their own angle. Is this really what most cders want, even the married ones- " a date" and with who?. Pardon my questioning however this totally strange world of cding is new to me. Is this what most cders what, to date what? who? what is the motive? are you talking homosexual acts. I really wonder if this is what most cders want but just cannot face the facts. Correct me if i am wrong, i do not mean to offend anyone so do not jump on the band wagon and take this the wrong way. Every one is entitled to be happy. I read here so often that cders love their wives, are hetero, etc etc, but i truly wonder if all of these men are not gay and in denial. How the heck can a straight man want to were women lingerie, sexually excite himself, ( keep in mind he does have a wife to be sexually active with) wear lipstick, hose go out in public, become thrilled when a genetic man hold a door open for him, is thrilled when men take a second look at him and call himself heterosexual.. hmmm i do not get it, and trust me i have done more reading, much more that my cding partner has

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Why do women enjoy it? Its about acceptance not sexuality we don't take the time to get all done up and look our best just to be tossed out. And as many will tell you gender and sexuality are two separate categories. I plan on transitioning once I leave my home, it still doesn't mean I like men, there simply isn't an attraction there, and if that means I must live alone then so be it I'll still be happy with myself. I'm trying to put this all as nicely as I can, its just late and I'm tired so don't take it the wrong way. Just know that we know who we are even if others don't, I don't generally see the point in gender boundaries anyway clothes are but cloth, shoes are but shoes and hats are hats, history has skewed our understanding of what is and thats the fact that there are no categories, we make them, a door is but wood, same as a house, same as a match. Men and Women are but humans, nothing more or less how we decide to interpret it is based on those who taught you and your own thoughts built upon that layer, we are all the same in the beginning and end, raw material it doesn't help to take the time to make it something more, but thats just a general thought not exactly directed towards you.

Looking back at this now I'm wondering where exactly that all came from, I guess it is time to get some sleep

Try not to limit yourself to specifically cross dressers. If all you have in common with the person is cross dressing then the relationship may get stale quick. Like others have mentioned just check other non-paying dating sites and just be honest about yourself. Someone out there is bound to accept you. I wish you luck on your search (v^-^)b

adultfriendfinder.com you might try this site you don't have to pay if you don't wantto. Connie

CINDYO;
The only person I date is my wife. I always dance with the girl I bring, Even though she
is in a wheel chair.
Yes I love to cross dress, but I stay in the closet, And do not want anything to do with
dating a man.
I am sure that I am not the only one here with this view.
Rader

donno, i am a single bi man, when i am en femme i desire being with a man, when i am drab i want to be with my SO and not with a guy, i guess something switches in my mind when the makeup and pretty clothes go on, do i like to be ogled when en femme? damn straight! i see c/d's on okcupid from time to time, they list themselves as female, i have e-mail with several but for some reason when i tell them i c/d too, they don't reply, leads me to believe they are straight and have no desire to message with a guy.

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Originally Posted by RADER

CINDYO;
The only person I date is my wife. I always dance with the girl I bring, Even though she
is in a wheel chair.
Yes I love to cross dress, but I stay in the closet, And do not want anything to do with
dating a man.
I am sure that I am not the only one here with this view.
Rader

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No, but you might be the only one who has to post it several times a week. Are you trying to convince the world or yourself?

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Originally Posted by diane too

donno, i am a single bi man, when i am en femme i desire being with a man, when i am drab i want to be with my SO and not with a guy, i guess something switches in my mind when the makeup and pretty clothes go on, do i like to be ogled when en femme? damn straight! i see c/d's on okcupid from time to time, they list themselves as female, i have e-mail with several but for some reason when i tell them i c/d too, they don't reply, leads me to believe they are straight and have no desire to message with a guy.

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This is just a suggestion but I really don't know much about it since I'm a gay male crossdresser who only dates butch men.

But maybe a bisexual girl might work better?

I know my friend and his girlfriend both crossdress (they switch genders, he becomes Melissa and she becomes Joey).

wyrm - I have not seen anyone mention Craigs list. Before you all jump, yes,there is a small chance it is risky but i have been using it for many years and have met a lot of really nice guys. There are a lot of guys looking for Cd girlfriends but sometimes you have to weed through the trash. I seldom advertise for sex so usually say i am looking for a romantic BF, in shape etc. We meet, have dinner and decide if we want to meet again. I have had several long term BF's using CL and never once had a bad experience. You need to learn to identify the losers and the sex only types but it is not hard to do. It is so much more productive than the adult sites as you can specifically say what you want. Try it, even if you never meet them, you will get an idea who is out there looking for you and believe me, there are plenty.

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Originally Posted by Kate17

wyrm - I have not seen anyone mention Craigs list. Before you all jump, yes,there is a small chance it is risky but i have been using it for many years and have met a lot of really nice guys. There are a lot of guys looking for Cd girlfriends but sometimes you have to weed through the trash. I seldom advertise for sex so usually say i am looking for a romantic BF, in shape etc. We meet, have dinner and decide if we want to meet again. I have had several long term BF's using CL and never once had a bad experience. You need to learn to identify the losers and the sex only types but it is not hard to do. It is so much more productive than the adult sites as you can specifically say what you want. Try it, even if you never meet them, you will get an idea who is out there looking for you and believe me, there are plenty.

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Unfortunately Katie, I've tried craigslist before and for the life of me, I have no idea why my ads kept getting flagged for deletion after half a day. It's really annoying.

I completely agree that its hard to find a dating site dedicated to crossdressers and their admirers. I find my main issue is, yes I look hot in a pic, but I am stil a 5;10 man in heels. And Thats too manly for the men who want transexuals. And I am a great guy that volunteers, help raises my friends daughter, volunteers... and dresses as a woman. And thats to big of a negative in the gay community! I have had mild success of POF but mostly just curios straight boys. The same with AFF. AFF is good for sex. But sex is easy, relationships are hard!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CINDYO

well as i read this post, this is exactly what confuses/concerns me as a long time wife of a person that i recently found out was a crossdresser. I realize after a ton of reading,the the scope of cders is huge and everyone has their own angle. Is this really what most cders want, even the married ones- " a date" and with who?. Pardon my questioning however this totally strange world of cding is new to me. Is this what most cders what, to date what? who? what is the motive? are you talking homosexual acts. I really wonder if this is what most cders want but just cannot face the facts. Correct me if i am wrong, i do not mean to offend anyone so do not jump on the band wagon and take this the wrong way. Every one is entitled to be happy. I read here so often that cders love their wives, are hetero, etc etc, but i truly wonder if all of these men are not gay and in denial. How the heck can a straight man want to were women lingerie, sexually excite himself, ( keep in mind he does have a wife to be sexually active with) wear lipstick, hose go out in public, become thrilled when a genetic man hold a door open for him, is thrilled when men take a second look at him and call himself heterosexual.. hmmm i do not get it, and trust me i have done more reading, much more that my cding partner has

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Well when I'm aware that men see me as a woman, I get rediculously happy cause I'm seen as a woman, not cause it's a man.

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Originally Posted by Simply Joslyn

I once asked around for the same once and received an answer that seemed good enough to me, would you like to base a relationship directly off cross-dressing? A chick who is looking for a cross-dresser online obviously doesn't care to much about the relationship aspect, I could be wrong, but my suggestion is try a regular dating site and let the chick know on the first date then you'll know shes in it for the relationship and whether she can accept you.

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I agree. Crossdressing is only a small piece of the puzzle that I am made from.

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Originally Posted by Mizzsummers

I completely agree that its hard to find a dating site dedicated to crossdressers and their admirers. I find my main issue is, yes I look hot in a pic, but I am stil a 5;10 man in heels. And Thats too manly for the men who want transexuals. And I am a great guy that volunteers, help raises my friends daughter, volunteers... and dresses as a woman. And thats to big of a negative in the gay community! I have had mild success of POF but mostly just curios straight boys. The same with AFF. AFF is good for sex. But sex is easy, relationships are hard!

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Mizzsummers, what is AFF?

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Originally Posted by WyrmQueen

Mizzsummers, what is AFF?

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Adult friend finder

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Originally Posted by WyrmQueen

Unfortunately Katie, I've tried craigslist before and for the life of me, I have no idea why my ads kept getting flagged for deletion after half a day. It's really annoying.

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It's usually either

A. Other CD/TS/TV who are trying to weed out competition
B. If you reject a guy, they get pissy and flag you.

You could try URNA, set your search for what you are looking for and try that. It's definitely not a dating site per say, but many will post they are seeking a LTR with someone and you both can go from there. There is also a chat line whereby you might get an intro. into someone if the go there as well.

i have a free account on "dateacrossdresser.com" ....not sure how good of a dting site it actually is....but.....i have been in contact with 3 or 4 ppl and continue a fun e-mail rellationship with them. but im also not really looking for a date either as i am happily married. was just browsing and ran across the site. hope it works for you!

I don't know if it has been mentioned, but there is a 100% free site that has a separate section for gays and bi's. They have Forums similar to ours here, but also have separate forums for each state. I rate the site far and away better then OK Cupid or Plenty of Fish. It's called date hookup.com Now that does not mean everyone there can't see your profile...they can. But if you post that you are looking in the gay and bi section, you might find someone. I would not suggest you post in all the other sections of the forums there because you will be the brunt of jokes, harassment and made to feel not welcome. The only bad thin is the site is not very well modserated. But you might want to check it out.

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Originally Posted by Badtranny

No it isn't. Just as in everything else, it all depends on your attitude. I could "pick up" a straight woman rather quickly and I'm queer as a 3 dollar bill. (well straight now I guess, but you get the point.) Women are quite simple really, they just want to be appreciated for who they are. Actually in many ways, they're just like you, only prettier.

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I have seen many many many male-identified people echo the opposite sentiment from real-life experience on this site. I have not seen male-identified people echo the sentiment that you describe (ease of pickup dressed as a woman) from their real-life personal experience. It appears the actual results agree with Shelby's statement.

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Originally Posted by CINDYO

well as i read this post, this is exactly what confuses/concerns me as a long time wife of a person that i recently found out was a crossdresser. I realize after a ton of reading,the the scope of cders is huge and everyone has their own angle. Is this really what most cders want, even the married ones- " a date" and with who?. Pardon my questioning however this totally strange world of cding is new to me. Is this what most cders what, to date what? who? what is the motive? are you talking homosexual acts. I really wonder if this is what most cders want but just cannot face the facts. Correct me if i am wrong, i do not mean to offend anyone so do not jump on the band wagon and take this the wrong way. Every one is entitled to be happy. I read here so often that cders love their wives, are hetero, etc etc, but i truly wonder if all of these men are not gay and in denial. How the heck can a straight man want to were women lingerie, sexually excite himself, ( keep in mind he does have a wife to be sexually active with) wear lipstick, hose go out in public, become thrilled when a genetic man hold a door open for him, is thrilled when men take a second look at him and call himself heterosexual.. hmmm i do not get it, and trust me i have done more reading, much more that my cding partner has

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You ask an interesting question with no one single answer. Some are gay, some aren't. Besides, gay and straight are rather arbitrary terms when gender identity is in question, aren't they? Some people (myself included) choose to think of themselves as lesbians that inhabit a man's body. But that aside, I think it's most important to realize that most of us don't do this for a sexual thrill. It's an expression of who is inside of us.

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Originally Posted by Mizzsummers

But sex is easy, relationships are hard!

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"Sex is easy?" You must mean the actual act, because you can't possibly mean getting it. Getting sex is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I've been to SERE school (aircrew survival school), DLI (a government language school where you are taught an entire language in six to eighteen months) and two different boot camps. Maybe that's just me, though.

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Originally Posted by max

I have seen many many many male-identified people echo the opposite sentiment from real-life experience on this site. I have not seen male-identified people echo the sentiment that you describe (ease of pickup dressed as a woman) from their real-life personal experience. It appears the actual results agree with Shelby's statement.

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That is for sure, and frankly it isn't always that easy for cisgender non-dressing males either. I really appreciate women (because as someone who is chronically lonely I really, really do appreciate them and isn't something I have to fake) and I am still told time and time again I am not "man enough" or words to that effect.

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Originally Posted by max

I have seen many many many male-identified people echo the opposite sentiment from real-life experience on this site. I have not seen male-identified people echo the sentiment that you describe (ease of pickup dressed as a woman) from their real-life personal experience. It appears the actual results agree with Shelby's statement.

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Only because men in general are clueless about women, and cross-dressing men are even more so. (lots of fun generalizations there)

The problem is a huge percentage of the CD's that I've met are creepy as hell and they will never have any luck finding women until they get over themselves. If you find that every woman you meet is somehow not interested, than I wouldn't be doing you any favors by blaming the women. If you can't meet a girl, then there is something wrong with YOU not the girls.

I've found that people who are unable to accomplish things, whatever that may be, are usually the same people who immediately blame something else for the failure. "Women don't like cross-dressers" is a commonly heard lament (excuse) but it simply is not true. SOME women don't like cross dressers or MOST women don't like cross dressers sure, but there are PLENTY of women who do. Women who would proudly date or even marry a CD man if they could only find one that isn't creepy as hell.

I'm sure that my comments will irritate many of the excuse makers but the truth hurts and until CD's are able to own who they are and not walk around with a 'poor me' chip on their shoulder they will be absolutely right in assuming that women don't want them.

You would think that in this golden age of the internet, dating would be simple. I really don't understand why it is not, only to say that I believe that anyone with any self-respect or common sense would not dare try to meet anyone off the internet. That was the conclusion that came to after I cancelled my membership in both Plenty of Fish and Adult Friend Finder.

And you would think it would be real easy for someone like me, since I am bisexual and transgender. That means I've looked to meet straight women, bisexual men and couples. And I've also posted several personal ads on Craigslist for Cassandra. Here's what I've found out.

Most women will not date a guy who is bisexual or a cross dresser. Beyond that most of the women that I've met who I did not reveal that information about myself had issues.
I found that living with my SO, which you could call pretty much a platonic domestic partner was a better choice since I already knew what I was dealing with.

Most guys who say they are bisexual are pigs. Read some of the personal ads on Craigslist. They ones who are interested in cross dressers are equally bad. When I was on Adult Friend Finder, it was pretty much the same thing. Almost the same thing applies for couples.

In this age of sexual and gender liberation, you think it would be easy, but far from it. If you want to meet people who are liberated and reasonably sane, I don't know where such site exists, but if you find one let me know.

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Originally Posted by Badtranny

The problem is a huge percentage of the CD's that I've met are creepy as hell and they will never have any luck finding women until they get over themselves.

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I'm not arguing this but in what way are they creepy? What is it about them that makes them creepy?

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Originally Posted by Badtranny

"Women don't like cross-dressers" is a commonly heard lament (excuse) but it simply is not true. SOME women don't like cross dressers or MOST women don't like cross dressers sure, but there are PLENTY of women who do.

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I think plenty is an exaggeration. Some tolerate and an even smaller number enjoy cross dressers. Even some of the ones tolerating probably shouldn't really be with a cross dresser. The unmarketability of straight crossdressers is demonstrated easily online. There is just no demand.

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Originally Posted by Badtranny

I'm sure that my comments will irritate many of the excuse makers but the truth hurts and until CD's are able to own who they are and not walk around with a 'poor me' chip on their shoulder they will be absolutely right in assuming that women don't want them.

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Yeah self pity is never an attractive feature. But being placed anywhere else but typical on the trans spectrum is a tough gig. The avenues for anyone not passable are distinctly narrow.

urnotalone.com still is free to socalled silver members and will allow you to contact other members--if you want to become a gold member with more privileges, you have to pay---but the free level is still a great way to meet other CDers online. Also it is more "mainstream" with less of a fetish angle to it. Both TGs and admirers go on the site.

I am a single gent, 60 and I occasionally date t-women. Because of my age I prefer the most mature twoman...let's say 45+. I have strong requirements, she must be passable, feminine AND dress accordingly to her age. You would be surprised to see women dressing in PVC mini-skirts and telling me they were in a ****ty mood. NOT! I have met many dates on URNOTALONE and they are comfortable with our relationships. We go out to dine, the theater and just plain hanging out. I have taken many to corporate affairs and no one has seem to noticed.. (well it never has come back to me about anything)...

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Originally Posted by CherryZips

I'm not arguing this but in what way are they creepy? What is it about them that makes them creepy?

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I'm not sure. I think it has something to do with a profound discomfort about who they are. Many CD's have not accepted themselves as much as they are simply surrendering to it temporarily. It's easy to see the CD who are comfortable with themselves because you can't read them right off. It always takes a second to notice the masculine features because you are literally disarmed by their casual charm. By the time you notice, you already don't really care. The creepy ones act like lurkers in an adult bookstore. They are not comfortable and therefore not confident. They're scared of being recognized so they put on an act that makes them feel invisible. How is a woman going to connect with an act? Why would a woman find someone like this compelling?

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I think plenty is an exaggeration. Some tolerate and an even smaller number enjoy cross dressers. Even some of the ones tolerating probably shouldn't really be with a cross dresser. The unmarketability of straight crossdressers is demonstrated easily online. There is just no demand.

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By the numbers? Maybe, but let's take it person by person. There is no reason why any given CD can't find an accepting or even participating partner. If a man takes care of himself and is otherwise "marketable" there is no reason that cross dressing should render him dateless. Again, the problem isn't the women. The problem is in dudes that don't have the slightest idea how to engage a woman in conversation. A single woman in a bar or club is not averse to talking with men, believe me. If a guy is fun, and interesting, and confident, then most women would chat with him and ask why he's cross dressed, etc. This opens a dialogue and this is where everything begins. Online is not a good place to find someone because people self select based on prejudice or personal bias. I would never look for a CD online because I'm not attracted to cross dressing men, but if I met a guy who was cross dressed and I thought he was interesting for whatever reason, I wouldn't mind talking to him. Maybe after a few minutes he says something that intrigues me, or maybe he's just a really good flirt, who knows, the important thing is he got me talking and if the chemistry is right, we might make a date or something.

The key to success is being open and comfortable about who you are. Women don't like desperation, and they don't like secrets.

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Yeah self pity is never an attractive feature. But being placed anywhere else but typical on the trans spectrum is a tough gig. The avenues for anyone not passable are distinctly narrow.

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There is never a good reason for self pity. Not being passable is a huge plus for a straight man looking for a woman. I can't even imagine making out with someone who is pretty, much less dating them. A pretty CD would have very little chance with me unless he was at least 6'2" and incredibly witty. I would much prefer the manlier types who didn't quite get the beard shadow covered. Women who might be amenable to dating a CD aren't looking for pretty, they're looking for fun. Most women my age have dated or been married to douche bags and sourpusses already so somebody who has got the guts to dress up and have some fun just might be worth a shot. The key word there is fun. Many CD's look like they're waiting for their last meal instead of kicking up their heels.

Women are not going to walk over and fall at your feet. If you're one of those guys that like to sit at the bar trying to make eye contact with a girl so she'll pay attention to you, then your chances are slim. Get off your duff and ask her to dance, or buy her a drink, or go for a Ferris wheel ride, whatever, just talk to her and try to act like you're having a good time.

Melissa you make a lot of good points as you learn from your experiences crossing over that big line into womanhood. I am constantly meeting women when out dressed, much more so than I ever did when out in male mode and interested in finding a woman to date. I find that talking to them directly, with humor, looking at them in their eyes and getting them to talk about themselves because you actually want to know that information makes them almost forget what is in front of them keeping their rapt attention, a man in women's clothing! My problem is that at my age, there are few women in the probable age range that would be compatible with me, out at night when I am out dressed. Women from 21 to 35 I meet all the time. Many times they have accompanied me and whoever else (a CD) I am with to our next venue for the evening, e.g. from restaurant to a wine bar or from a theater play to dinner. I think that once they are disarmed by our approach and initial conversation, they are willing to take the risk to go with us. They feel safe, and as Melissa says, they are having fun (and of course so am I). Now, I am not a dreamer either and know that sometimes their initial interest and good times are a temporary situation, since they were having fun at that moment and that was that. On the other hand, I have also gone out another night with some for dinner, to plays or theater dance. I always treat these moments more like a girls night out and not a man in a dress trying to get into a GG's pants, because I actually am not trying to do that. Hell, my daughter and son are older than these women, so my intentions are for fun and maybe hoping that one of them will introduce me to her beautiful older mother, who herself may still below a truly workable age relationship range. If a woman was within a CD's dating age range, then I believe that they would seriously consider dating the CD if he/she had a good personality, was fun and interesting to her. I have only met one in my age range that I was interested in dating and did have one date with. That turned out to be a training run for the next time, because I probably provided TMI on that first date, when as many say, less is more better. Even at my mature age I still need to train!

So, you younger CD's, get your butt out there, be a good, interesting and fun person to talk with and I would think that you would have some good luck. Being an extreme extrovert with no qualms of walking across a crowded room with all the guys looking at the super attractive woman who I will approach and talk with also helps a lot too. I have no fears of rejection at that phase of meeting someone. I surprise myself all the time by what I actually accomplish many times in the company of one of my friends from this site.