New and confused GG

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.

I am just an occasinal fetish dresser that it is mostly just sexual. I am not and don't plan on being female 24/7

Hi Missmuffet,

I am not what you are looking for as I am transsexual, however you will find many people like your husband. It is much more common than you might think. Welcome, you are in the right place. You will be treated kindly here.

Love always,
Elizabeth

I'm not sure what I can do to help but I hope I can. I don't have all the answered to your questions but I would like to try and help you and help you understand better

Hi Missmuffet, and welcome to the forum, We are glad you found us.
I am a 65 year old cross dresser, married for 18+ years to the best girl
in the world. I have no desire to change into a woman or be one full time.
I just enjoy wearing womans clothes.
I am firmly in the closet, (I do not go out) dressed in womans clothes. However
in the rite circumstance, I will under dress and go out of the house.
After you get 10 posts under your belt, you can join FAB club, (Female at Birth),
Then you can talk privately with other girls and get their opinions and ideas.
Rader

I think I can kind of relate to what your husband is calling a crossdresser. I like to dress up occasionally with my wife's support and assistance. I don't have a need to do it all the time, nor do i take any other substances like hormones or anything like that to make me more female.

This is all I want to do, as in this is my stop on the bus I am getting off here. There are others that wish to go further, dress all the time or maybe go out and meet other CDs or whatever. At the far end of the continuum are people, like Elizabeth and are dressing because they are thinking or maybe further along in the process of changing their biological sex because they have a deepset belief that they were born with an incorrect biological gender.

You had mentioned the notion of a fetish and that goes to the sexual component of it. I would be lying if I told you that I crossdressed and it didn't have a sexual element of excitement to it. Its probably not as strong as when i first started but it is still there. I think after a while we also try to improve our skills and try to look more female, but it is a challenge. So I would almost consider it like a type of art form.

I think if you are just exploring this for the first time there is a common misunderstanging that all CDs are gay. Some may be, or some may express a desire to be with a man when they are dressed which they may or may not ever fulfill. For some that may just be a fantasy. Me I have no desire to be with another man or a CD, but that is just me speaking for me.

So you may come here and be overwhelmed by what you read and its important that you not read too much into it. Talk to your husband about his crossdressing and find out how much or how little he wishes to pursue it. There are times that it seems to control your actions and when this happens the common term that is used here is the "Pink Fog". You may have delusions about how much you want to do this or what you want to do or whatever. Some people may take offense to my characterization but that is the way I see it. My pink fog moment might be something like going into a shoe store and buying like 6 pairs of womens shoes. I have a bunch of shoes already and probably don't have that many male shoes, but the Pink Fog takes over and i have to get those shoes!

The biggest thing is talk to him. My wife is getting to have a good understanding of my dressing, she will not hesitate to tell me when i go to far, but now we have opportunities to go out shopping and she gets stuff for me. It is fun for us. I like making jewelry and have made both of us lots of stuff for us to wear too, Like the necklace in my avatar.

Ask questions of us if you like, but the biggest part as i had said is talk to him.

Welcome to the site and, yes, you are definitely in the correct place. If you have done enough reading you will more or less understand that there is a whole spectrum to transgenders (used in the sense that transgender encompasses the complete spectrum, which some disagree with). So you have someone that likes to wear panties, another likes to dress completely with lingerie, some type of false breasts, wigs, makeup, nice out fit and then stay at home and enjoy the moment, sexually or just chilling out, then you have those like me that dress completely and go out and have no sexual satisfaction from do that. From there we are entering the transsexual side where people are from my situation all the way to needing to transition into a life as a full time woman with or without major surgeries. That was all for some basic Transgender 101 education.

So, your BF is somewhere in that spectrum and may be just at the level he is comfortable with and has no desire to go further. Actually, this site is also a good place for him too. We are all different so what you read here may or may not be applicable to your BF. Enjoy your stay, ask your questions (please do not be shy), and after you get 10 posts you will be able to join the FAB Section (Female at Birth), which is primarily for the Female SO's of transgenders. It is really a safe haven to rant, rave, support and discuss issues you encounter as you try to come to grips with your new situation. I wish you the best and hope to be able to answer some of your questions in the near future.

Don't be confused do you want a boyfriend or a boy wanting to wear your clothes?

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Originally Posted by rhonda

Don't be confused do you want a boyfriend or a boy wanting to wear your clothes?

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What kind of answer is that?

Also want to point out I am just an occasional Cd'er myself. Have been with my girlfriend for almost 9 years. I told her on our first "official" date since at the time I wasn't looking for anything serious. She's never had a problem with it and when we actually have time together she helps me dress and will do my make-up and such.

Yes, what exactly do you mean Rhonda?

you have definitely come to the right place if your confused..... its what we do best here......

I'm a guy that has been married for 20 years and my SO has known about this side of me from the get go. I will never transition to be 100% female although I sure like to do all the things women get to do. I am more than the occasional dresser and quite possibly want to do it more than your boyfriend. I would like to do it 1-2 times per week if I could but I can't for various reasons so it happens every 1-2 months instead. There are lots of people here just like your boyfriend. I think this is the best site for people like yourself. I joined a couple sites about 1 1/2 years ago and they said they were open for discussions with everybody but it was actually just a bunch of women bashing us. When I would try and join in on a conversation I could tell I was not wanted and got short, curt answers from everybody so I bailed from the cranky site.
Most of the GG's here have questions that need to be answered and in turn we CD's have questions that we need honest answers from GG's like you. I think you're at the right place but it seems scary when you first join. Keep asking your questions, we all grow from it.

AllieSF is right on the money. It's a spectrum. People who like the softer silkier fabrics of women's clothing (until recently men's underwear was like sandpaper, chafing and rubbing in all the wrong places. Wearing panties just for a break from that awful feeling is a reason to crossdress in itself), people for whom it is a sexual experience, people who don't like to be told what they can and can't wear and like to decide for themselves, people who have a stronger than usual feminine side that needs to be expressed and clothing helps with that, people who just feel more comfortable in women's clothes, people who have a duality of male and female, and people who are women mistakenly put into male bodies. There are hundreds more reasons that I haven't listed.

Myself, I'm on a journey to discover who and what I am. For many years I repressed the feminine side of me only allowing myself to crossdress for fetish reasons and feeling really guilty about what I had to hide but couldn't live without. There are medical factors to be taken into account in my case too. As it stands I feel that I am half male and half female. Each cannot survive without the other unless I want to go back to living in misery and denial. Do I want to become a woman? That is what I need to find out. It's different for everyone.

Your boyfriend may well just like dressing for the sexual thrill. If it goes deeper than that, then you've probably got a guy who will love you and treat you right since he will be sensitive to how you feel, and it doesn't mean the end of your sex life at all.

Every one of us is different. You can ask 100 of us what we want out of this and you can get 100 different responses. I'd say it's a huge step that he told you, and it's a good sign that you came here to find out more about it.
Personally I don't know if I'd say I dress as a fetish, but I guess that's how I started. While I do always have some article of girls clothes on, 99% of the time it's something no one else will ever see, so other than my wife and I knowing about it, everyone else seems to think I'm just another guy. I also have no plans on living full time or transitioning.

The best thing to do is have an honest conversation with him to find out what exactly he might want out of this.

Hi Miss M. There are as many different answers as there are crossdressers I'm almost 70yrs.old
been dressing for about 65yrs. Married about 49yrs. I am just a guy that loves to dress
to look as feminine as possible.

You should scroll down and get on the wifes fourm (Loved ones) Forum to get some more answers
also the ( FAB) (female at birth) forum

Welcome and be assured that you're in the right place. Like the others said we are a broad spectrum and not all of us are looking to become women. There are some who are occasional dressers and some more so.
I will say this, as time goes on sometimes there is a change in desires. However when there is a commitment on both sides and understanding it can be something special. I would also talk and make sure that there are some boundaries set that you're both comfortable with.

Hi there miss muffet, welcome to the forum! I'm sorry about your confusion and hope you find some clarity soon. I would also like to congratulate you on being such an open minded caring SO, your boyfriend is really lucky to have you. To help with your question (hopefully), I can relate to your boyfriend. I dress only occasionally for the thrill of it. I love to feel sexy in my feminine attire, however I equally love everything that comes with being a guy so I wouldnt want to transition full time and lose out on my guy side. it's just like you said, a fetish or as I like to say just another hobby I have. Hopefully I was able to help. Feel free to pm me any more questions you may have

Miss Muffit,
You have come to the right forum. There is a Forum just for Females At Birth, or the FAB forum for short. Get in ten posts and join the rest of the GGs.

I am a crossdresser, no plans ever to be a women. I am married to the love of my life for 28 years. I really never did this as a fetish though. I started Cding when I was 5 years old. No sexual ideas in my young mind.
We do have members who Cd as a sexual thing.

Your BF must really trust in you, to even tell you about being a CD. Join the FAB forum. The GGs can be more supportive to you, even though we CDs really try.

There are as many kinds of transgendered people as there are so called "normal" people. One thing to keep in mind is that this type of activity, to some degree or another, is more normal than most any of us thought when we first ventured out to our SO, the web or a trusted confidant. Even to those that choose to remain in the closet. We found that there were far more of us than we ever imagined. I love to dress and I love make-up and girly things but I do not have any plans to transition and this does not seem to create any conflict in me. There are sexual reasons I do this but also I just love to be pretty and girly.

Your boyfriend told you likely because he loves you and does not want this to build up secretly and potentially "explode" in your face. Seems to me he trusts you and wants you to know all of him. I know that I kept it a secret from my wife for many years and it was damaging to both of us when I finally came clean a few years ago. What I found was that after my wife had come to at least acknowledge my crossdressing our lives, both sexually and daily routine stuff, became smoother and we became closer. She does not fully approve of my CD activities but she has surprised me with how much she has let me go on with it. There are rules and I try my best to stick to them.

Don't stop communicating with him. He made a big step and it was probably for you more than him but that why you need to keep talking.

Welcome to the forum and I hope we can help you navigate the new course you are on. It's not all stormy seas as you may fear. The adventure may well be just beginning.

Welcome glad to have you here.
I think you can find answers here better than anywhere else or get honest answers from honest people.This site is very clean which is why I am here.
Allie SF is right on the money in my opinion.Its different for everybody so its hard to make any blanket statements or get a definitive answer sometimes but you will get a general understanding of the hows and whys of CDing.
The main question I get is "you crossdress? OK I didn't know you were gay". Well I'm not gay and that confuses them even further.I would say 80% of guys that crossdress are straight.
To some its a fetish and to some its an expression of oneself.No hard lines or rules and thats what makes it hard for people to understand.
Because a guy chooses to crossdress does not make them a pervert or some kind of sexual deviant far from it.
Myself I have done it off and on for years but not for sexual reasons just letting my other side or personality come out.I am 59 BTW.
I have a gruff male side and am all man.I do have a soft and feminine side too and to keep that side bottled up inside me is not healthy.
So I chose to show my female side when I feel like it I have no plans to change sexes physically.
I look at it as being bi gendered or having a "gift" to be able to cross genders and present myself in a way I choose.
I came out to my SO right from the start and told her so there would be no uneasy moments.She was fine with it because she knows I am the same person inside no matter what clothes I am wearing.
Your BF did the right thing and its not an easy thing to explain to a woman trust me.He confided in you and did the honorable thing.

Hi MissMuffet

Crossdressers (just like everyone else in the world) come in many shapes and sizes and we all have different likes and dislikes about this wonderful thing that we enjoy. Everyone here knows that wearing women's clothes feels nice. They grip you in different places than men's clothes, the styles and textures of silk and lace feel different on your body and that strange different feeling is nice, and we like it .... and that's totally ok. :happy:

Some folks get a sexual thrill out of it (to a greater or lesser extent) and others are more serious about it (like me) and have a strong feminine side to their personality and use CDing as kind of like taking a "gender vacation". That somewhat seriousness does not mean we want a sex change. That not a crossdresser, that's a transsexual. IMHO the majority of CDers are usually "part-time girls".

Certainly you would agree that no two women are exactly alike, and the same is true for Transgendered people. It's a Spectrum of behaviors, (transgendered is the umbrella term we use to be all-inclusive) and it covers everyone from the occasional "fun" crossdresser, to The Post-Op Transexual. The majority here are probably MtoF crossdressers who have pushed beyond "occasional" and have feelings about being "women on the inside." But, I could and maybe should, get argument about saying that!

There are other "Teaching" Sites often promulgated by University Types who don't "talk the talk, and walk the walk. You'll also run into a lot of Pornography, and even some Christian "Hate" Sites whose only aim seems to wish us harm. So my opinion would be: "Why not here?" We have a fair number of women who are participating, many of them are in your shoes, and I think you will get a spectrum of opinion from everyone. What you will also obtain are some "coping skills," for dealing with what you probably perceive as a current problem. Most women want to "understand," and this is as good as any place to learn. Your first move is to seek permission to join The GG Section. Possibly, reading through The Archives in that area will answer a lot of your questions.

One other caveat in passing. Perhaps your boyfriend means exactly what he says, and perhaps not. Most of us have had a lifetime learning to conceal, and "soften the blow." We have often learned to "drib-drab" out our secrets, and things often get told in stages. If he has more to tell you, (and it might not all be bad) don't be surprised. We don't want to lose you BEFORE you start to learn. That way, both of you lose!

You got The Right Place! Now, it will be up to you to make use of it.

Peace and Love, Joanie

First, welcome and second, no, the overwhelming number of us do not want to transition. I am sorry that you got that vibe from this site but 99+% of cross dressers are straight and like being men. Crossdressing is weird for sure, but the key is communication. Ask any question you like and he should answer but do know that none of us really understand it. It just is. In all likelihood, he has been this way since a very young age.

Also, there are many women on this site who have come to grips with their husband's or boyfriend's crossdressing. Do reach out to them as well.

Missmuffet, I would like to hear more about you. How long have you been with him? What is your age group? But I want to let you know that chances are very good that being a CD is his only surprise. If you participate in his fantasies, he won't cheat or lie like many men do. Let's face it, most men are jerks. CDs are much more understanding of women... and I hope the GGs here agree with me. As for me, I'm the fetish type.

This site is the best place to learn from others' experiences. And the culture here seems to be CDs that like to pass in public. But there is much more beneath the surface.

This is one of the best sites on the net about this subject. Gender, sexuality, and all the other variations of our lives is complex. Because one is a CD has no statistical differences from non-CDs as far as being gay. There are many variations here of lifestyles so don't assume that if your boyfriend is CD he will want to assume other lifestyles.

I grew up in the 50s/60s when not much was known about sexual orientation. I thought I must be gay because I liked to CD. That was the consensus at the time. I found that I was not interested in boys and truly liked girls. I told my wife before we were married and have been married for 40+ years.

I have gone out dressed, but many here have no desire to, and I do wear mostly women's clothes. Why, I have no answer other than it is who I am. Why are people different on so many other things. All I can say is be open about your boyfriend's desires. He cares about you enough to tell you. You will have to spend time learning about your fealings. Some women can not handle the challenge of dealing with this. Only you and he can determin your future.

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Originally Posted by MissMuffet

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

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I'll try.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MissMuffet

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser.

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Congratulations. You've entered a new, interesting phase of life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MissMuffet

Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women?
...
But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

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I can't profess to speak for most crossdressers, but I can speak to human nature and my personal experiences. I'm going to speak in generalities with the awareness that that is exactly what they are. They're also only my opinion.

Here are the bombshells:

1. Crossdressing is progressive, given the appropriate environment.
2. Crossdressing is as addictive as any drug.

If you take those as fact, it is easy to draw the following conclusion:

The more you crossdress, the more you want to crossdress.

So, what do you do? Go down the rabbit hole like my SO did? She's been completely encouraging and I crossdress all the time. She loves it and really has no concern about whether or not I'm a boy or a girl. The reaction is always the same; love.

My advice is, if you want to keep it in the bedroom, you better lay down some rules about when, where and how often. Be aware the more rope you give, the more he will take.

Welcome, Miss Muffet! You have found the right place, but I can understnad why you mnight think you haven't. There are many, many, many of us who have no desire to live as women, transition, etc. and are very occasional dressers. And most of us have no desire for this to grow into full-time dressers. The topics that get posted here are from everyone, and I know lately the more popular postings (meaning those with the most hits as well as the more frequent topics) may make it seem like you wandered into something different. But please, by all means, ask any quesitons you might have.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MissMuffet

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.

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Dear Miss M,

I really hope you stick around long enough to read this, because I identify totally with what your BF has told you.

I'm middle aged, I've been doing this since I was 8. It started after a couple of things happened then, I think it just "Imprinted" me.

I used to do it simply as a sexual thrill thing. I still do it sometimes just for the kick. Somewhere along the line, I realized I liked the comfort, and look, of panties. ( fairly plain ones, but have you compare regular mens stuff? Yuck! ) Also along the way, i realized I have a strong feminine streak, I don't think that had anything to do with being a CD, but it's helping to keep me from giving it up.

I've examined my motivations at length.

I'm not gay or Bi.

I have no intention, or ever had the feeling that I might want to transition.

I've never fully dressed, don't think I want to.


The fact that your BF has told you this indicates a high degree of trust he has in you, and that he thinks that you are important enough to him, that he wants to be totally honest with you. Consider that, and the fact that it took a lot of courage to tell you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MissMuffet

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.

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The extent to which we take this varies by the individual. There are those who do want to live as women, and those who are going to get surgery to become women permanently, and those who do it for a sexual thrill, and literally dozens of shades of gray. I can understand why you're confused and scared, and I can see why your boyfriend suggested some of these sites for support. We're a generally friendly and approachable lot, so feel free to ask questions! I can't speak for the rest of the ladies here, but I am particularly difficult to offend, so feel free to be blunt. One of the things you might have noticed is a common source of angst among heterosexual crossdressers is that this can be a lonely lifestyle because there are precious few women out there who are accepting of this. The fact that you're here makes you a better person than most, IMHO, so I don't assume any intention to offend.

Here's a couple of questions for you: What confuses you about us? What scares you about this lifestyle? And perhaps most important, what do you hope to learn from us? What are you looking for in this research?

Hi Miss Muffet (cute name)

To admit to a fetish to me is an act of honesty that many usually try to avoid admitting to so I would be inclined to trust his words.

He also seems to be clear about who he is and why he does what he does adding to my inclination if I was in a relationship with him to trust him and not worry about the future as it pertains to the crossdressing

From what I have learned by participating in this forum, there is a very strong fetish aspect to crossdressing at one time or another in most crossdressers lives but this forum is less about sex and more about life so you are not seeing it in what you are reading because you have not been here long enough.

In my opinion male sexuality is like a candle in the wind but also a bull in a china shop. It is a strange mixture of fragility and animal instinct. Add to this that males are not meant to be monogamous but must be socialized to be monogamous and you have the potential for a lot of unhappiness

If I was a woman trying to hold a mans sexual interest it would not be the crossdressing that would scare me as much as my concern over whether or not I could hold his sexual interest solely in and for me overtime.

I would have to understand how to manage a force of nature. How to channel, direct and harvest it much like you would a raging river. You would have to understand the person very well to be able to do this and they would have to be willing to be known for you to accomplish this.

Monogamous sex cannot not be sustained without the total trust that allows for the possibility of being "known" by the other. Unless each person feels totally safe without need for secrecy and defense from the other you will not be able to know how to blend yourself into him and he into you and you will end up with a adversarial relationship.

The obstacle and problem is male sexuality which is simultanously very weak (candle) and very strong (bull), not the crossdressing fetish which is just an aspect of it.

Miss Muffet, if he was your kind of guy before the revelation, embrace the revelation and discover a wonderful relationship.

It has been estimated that 10% of the male population are crossdressers.

First off, welcome to our site! The thing about dressing is that each person is different. I know I have been doing this for 21 years and I'm 26. I started at 5 when my sister wanted a little sister, and I would spend more time with her than my brother. I am not a fetish dresser per say. I like to just dress up, go out, have fun shopping, driving, walking in a park, store, or just sit outside. I am married. I have been for three and a half years to a woman I've known for six. She fully supports what I do. I also have two children, a three year old and a three month old. To me, dressing is about leaving this world I live every day behind. I dress fully about once a month. There are all types of people that do what we do. A majority are heterosexual males who do not want to transition. A majority of members on this site are that way as well. Most do not talk much because living full time as a full transexual takes constant help and support from those who have been there. I can't tell you that you will be able to accept this. Only you can. I am thankful that you are here, and we need more people like you. Unfortunately the best way to find out what kind of dresser he is is to sit down and talk with him. What does he currently do? Does he have future plans? What does he expect from you? Then, ask yourself what YOU can tollerate. Don't be afraid to voice something is too much. Talk about it, and make rules. If you ever need any help, we are all here to support you.

Crossdressers are weirdos! Run away quickly! Just kidding, welcome to the site. You are in the right place learn and most of all have an open mind.

If you are asking whether or not it is possible for your boyfriend to be someone who dresses up as a fetish and not desire to be a transsexual or gay, then the answer is YES! Take it from someone who has been in the transgender community a long time, and someone who works with trans people, yes it is absolutely possible to crossdress just for fun and pleasure, and it does not mean your boyfriend is a transsexual.

Welcome to the site. I (we) are glad you are here. This is a good site with a lot of information and plenty of honest discussion. The fact that you are here indicates a desire to learn more about us and that is a fantastic thing as so many will just through everyone into a basket and say that is who we all are.

We (CD) fall into a number of categories as does the rest of society, I for one have no desire to transition nor am I gay. My wife supports me and it has made us closer and opened up a more fulfilling communication, as such there is now way that I would do anything to jeopardize our relationship. After joining this site I realize how precious it is to have a supportive spouse.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Please feel free to ask any question you may have, someone here (or many someones) will be glad to give their honest answers. The only wrong question is the one you don't ask.

Jolene

Welcome to the site Miss M. I am pretty much like your BF. I used to get really turned on by dressing, now I just enjoy it. I am still just a part time dresser, mainly on weekends. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

Unless you have been reading threads in the TS section I'm surprised that you have gotten the impression that CDs want to "live as women". The very definition of a CD is that the clothes come off to reveal a man with a male persona, identity, and life. I think it is somewhat common for CDs to progress to some extent in their CDing like from closet at home dressing to going out to a club with some other CDs but that is it and many have to curb their desires for pubic appearances to placate a significant other so they don't even do that much!

Your definitely in the right place...I dress occasionally and have no desire to become a woman full time...i enjoy the challenge of female impersonation and keeping up with all the things that go with it...fashion, hair, makeup. We all look forward to answering any questions so please ask us anything.

Joanna

Hi Miss Muffet! Welcome aboard.
Its very hard to tell someone about having a cross dressing desire. Once its out the CD has to gauge how the news went over if its accepted.
If you looked somewhat nervous but accepting, then the CD will tell you its just an occasional thing, and sexual.
This is NOT something that you can do occasionally. It draws you in and you want to do more, learn more, go out into the world as a girl.
If you accept him and his gurl side. Then have fun with it.
Help her out with makeup, mannerisms, clothing selections, and then when your comfortable, go out for a drive or a walk together.
Support is the key. Don't be fooled to think this will only be a once a month dress up thing.
you can read "my Husband Betty", for some pointers. But mostly support anf enjoy getting a girlfriend and a boyfriend for the price of one.

Miss Muffet,

Coping with this aspect of your love life will be challenging to say the least!! Of course you are shocked, but look at the upside here. He informed you before you were together for years. I am assuming 'new' boyfriend means a few months at the latest. I informed my now wife of 20 years about 4 months after I started dating her, and we have now been together for 23 years. So, his honesty is refreshing. It is true, but extremely rare, that some CDs progress to living full time en femme. Being transgendered is like living on a sliding scale. And nearly all of us have to 'transition' to self acceptance. This does not mean a sex change, hormones, etc. But finding a way to accomodate this aspect of your relationship into your future together is essential. Several questions have to be answered.
How often will he dress? What will he desire to do while dressed? With who will you mutually share the secret? What about relatives? What is his orientation? We know he likes women, but does he like men as well?

From the sounds of it, though, he sounds like an occasional crossdresser with some fetishistic component. Many of us have had or have some component of sexual arousal surrounding crossdressing, especially in our teen years when the hormones are raging. Some of us also have some form of autogynephilia (aroused at the thought of having a woman's body....look up Dr. Anne Lawrence's work. She is accurately describing some trans behavior, but she wants to lump nearly every CD and TS into this category to some degree, which I strongly disagree with). This does not mean he ultimately wants to change genders or undergo a sex change operation.

Several books are quite helpful. Peggy Rudd's classic work, My Husband Wears My Clothes, is a great read, even if it is over twenty years old. Their is a forum for wives called crossdresserswives.com that Dee Levy moderates, and I have gone to this site several times, but frankly, most of the posts are degenerative and negative. Imagine finding out about this after 10 years of marriage and two kids? Many, many wives find out years down the road, and frankly, something this big is a genie in the bottle that MUST BE DISCUSSED prior to marriage, in my most humble opinion.

The younger generation of adults is having an easier time dealing with this than most of us middle aged CDers because the topic of trans people has now become almost daily tabloid news....have an open mind, explore his gender orientation and try to have a little fun with it. Crossdressing can either enhance or destroy a relationship.

Well written Melissa Kozak and to the point. I do hope the op'er will take her time and develop a picture of the complete spectrum in her mind; a road map if you will that can give her some guidance into the transgender world. The variations of, or levels/stages in a transgender persons' world are so diverse and possibly ever changing, that it is simply too hard to define in a sentence.
Miss Muffet, ask alot of questions and do not hold back in expressing your opinion or concerns. I do hope this site can be of assistance to you in developing an understanding of the all too often abused and misunderstood life of a transgender person.

Miss Muffet, Welcome! I hope you are still here (I haven't see any more posts from you here) this is the correct place to be!

Miss Muffet,
This is the place to be. You will find that most of the other sites you encounter through an internet search are sexually oriented. This is not that type of site.
That being said, NO, most of us here do not want to live 24/7!!
If you spend enough time reading posts and filtering things and asking questions (as you just did) you will find that there is no single description that fits us. We are all individuals with varied reasons for our dressing. You will find that it runs the gamut from those that wear only a particular type of clothing to those that are true TS and everywhere in between. Each of us has our own reasons and background, though you may find that many of our stories sound very similar. While there are many similarities there are just as many differences. Every one is unique.

If you have questions ASK!
Remember, there are no stupid questions....only stupid answers.

Also, there is the FAB section (Female At Birth) for genetic women only. Once you have posted a minimum of 10 times you will be able to request access to that area (if you wish) and there you will be able to read and post with other women and obtain their viewpoints. Ask a moderator for assistance on this.

Inquiring minds want to know... and if you don't ask you won't know....we don't bite.

I can only speak for me. My husband told me about 2 or 3 weeks ago. Last night, we celebrated our 7 years married. However, we have been together 14 years. I have known for about 13 years that my husband wears pantyhose. While in college, there were a few occasions that he asked to try for more like make-up and a dress. We did buy a nightie as well. He was confused/ashamed/whatever for so many years, not knowing what he really wanted: TORN. Once he came to accept himself more, he told me. He didn't want to lose me or our kids. I need honesty and trust. It did come as a little of a shock, but now thinking about it, it shouldn't have. I just didn't consider the pantyhose as a CD thing (thought of it as something else), but ultimately I didn't know the extent of it. Probably, because he didn't know the extent of it all.

I agree totally about talking with your boyfriend. Honesty is a major thing you both need. He needs to be honest with you and himself as well as vice versa. This site has made me ask a lot of questions of my husband. It gave me a lot of insight about what I want from all of this and what I don't want. Trust me, I am still asking questions and probably will always ask questions. I don't want to push things on him, I want him to think about everything. To be honest with himself and me. I did set some ground rules because there are somethings I don't ever want, somethings I could try and somethings I have been ok with so far. No matter what at this point, it has brought us closer. We are openly talking about stuff, not just CD stuff either. I feel like I can now express things more without bottling them up and letting them explode eventually. There are days I have some problems. Maybe it is problems with him and not her! Maybe it is my own internal problems! But I do love my husband.

At least hear him out and talk to your boyfriend. If you decide you can't be with him as a boyfriend because of some hang up, at least you know more about yourself and maybe you gained a friend. I hope this helps.

Hello and welcome,

I don't consider myself a full-time nor fetish crossdresser, but I do understand that many concerned individuals will be flabbergasted when turning to the crossdressing community for understanding.

You'll have to understand that the crossdressing society (and the greater pool of users on this site) come to crossdressing for a myriad of reasons including, but not limited to, fetishes, love of feminity, gender dysphoria or, in my case, a kindred for soft tactile stimuli (you'd be surprised how few men get any). A single individual might be drawn by one or many of those reasons and may actively disagree with others but while the ends are initially various the means are what bring us here.

Regarding the universal case (you really should be discussing with your inner self or your partner about this about the specifics, not a forum lurker like myself), you will likely find a crossdresser’s feminity gradually creeping into every aspect of his life over time as he accepts crossdressing into his life (the actual speed, magnitude and sphere of interest of which varies from individual to individual). This is inevitable and repressing it never leads to anything good. This is not to say constructive criticism shouldn’t be applied (as most are waltzing into it just as blind as anyone else), but the psychological burden relieved from the individual through crossdressing usually leads to a more nurturing, relaxed and happier person overall.

While most who greet the community quickly understand that there is no correlation between crossdressing and homosexuality, many are worried by the fact that many crossdressers decide to wear full-time or turn out to have been repressing transsexuality. This is usually not the case, but it is true that crossdressing often serves as a psychological gateway towards further change that neither the crossdresser nor his partner may have been prepared for. If this is the case, professional counseling (both individual and couples’) is really the best available tool to help you come to terms with the situation. (This is still the individual you know and love, just viewed from a new, more inclusive perspective.) Realistically, though, most crossdressers end up quite content with their masculine sexuality and only find that the discovered feminine aspects complement and enrich it rather than the popular perception that they end up sexually neutered.

This is all I can blurt out off the top of my head without going overly specific and having to do in-depth explanations regarding the common questions regarding specific issues. If you do harbor any of those feel free to message me.

In addition, if anyone feels this quick intro is somehow misguided or incomplete regarding something you think is important (skewered perceptions do happen) feel free to let me know and I’ll edit it in. (This is V1.3)

Peace to all,

Azurielle

I'm sure by now all the responses you've received have added to your confusion. I would like to suggest that you first disregard the relative number of posts as an indication of what CDing is about. Some people are more active on the site than others, and many of them are dealing with significant conflicts between their gender identification and their everyday lives. So, needless to say, their numbers may seem a relatively high percentage of all posts that you have read. The number of posts is not a valid survey, and does not represent the majority attitude among CDrs, even on this site. In social sciences this kind assumption would be termed sampling bias.

Secondly, this is a discussion board, not a polling place. So, its meant to encourage discussion and, with certain limits imposed to maintain decorum - or more precisely to prevent pointless arguing or purient sexual content. So, the discussion can range pretty far - reflecting interests as disparate as an occassional fetish dresser, a person identifies as male but enjoys sometimes dressing in womens things, individuals who have a blended gender ID...a little bit male a little female in varying proportins;and individuals who have pronounced gender dysphoria...basically were born in the wrong body. And there are gradients and variations of all kinds between the extremes.

What's true for one of us is not at all necessarily true for everyone. Sure we have common features and a lot of us have some degree of gender dysphoria...but you can't assess your boy friend based on us. The most you can gain from that very unscientific sampling of the CDing population is some idea of the kinds of questions you might ask, some idea of the ways that other GGs have responded to the knowledge that they had a CDing partner, and hopefully, some ways to enjoy this part of your boyfriends life.

The other thing I'd like to add is that in any group discussion, we are all guilty of "projection". Its hard to avoid. What I mean is that I may look at your situation and see my own. And my advice or my angst or my fears can be reflected onto your situation, whether they fit or not. So again, you have to take comments and recommendations with a grain of salt...maybe two.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

I'm sure by now all the responses you've received have added to your confusion. I would like to suggest that you first disregard the relative number of posts as an indication of what CDing is about. Some people are more active on the site than others, and many of them are dealing with significant conflicts between their gender identification and their everyday lives. So, needless to say, their numbers may seem a relatively high percentage of all posts that you have read. The number of posts is not a valid survey, and does not represent the majority attitude among CDrs, even on this site. In social sciences this kind assumption would be termed sampling bias.

Secondly, this is a discussion board, not a polling place. So, its meant to encourage discussion and, with certain limits imposed to maintain decorum - or more precisely to prevent pointless arguing or purient sexual content. So, the discussion can range pretty far - reflecting interests as disparate as an occassional fetish dresser, a person identifies as male but enjoys sometimes dressing in womens things, individuals who have a blended gender ID...a little bit male a little female in varying proportins;and individuals who have pronounced gender dysphoria...basically were born in the wrong body. And there are gradients and variations of all kinds between the extremes.

What's true for one of us is not at all necessarily true for everyone. Sure we have common features and a lot of us have some degree of gender dysphoria...but you can't assess your boy friend based on us. The most you can gain from that very unscientific sampling of the CDing population is some idea of the kinds of questions you might ask, some idea of the ways that other GGs have responded to the knowledge that they had a CDing partner, and hopefully, some ways to enjoy this part of your boyfriends life.

The other thing I'd like to add is that in any group discussion, we are all guilty of "projection". Its hard to avoid. What I mean is that I may look at your situation and see my own. And my advice or my angst or my fears can be reflected onto your situation, whether they fit or not. So again, you have to take comments and recommendations with a grain of salt...maybe two.

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That's a well thought-out and written post Kim :)
I also agree on the grain of salt comment too.

I'd like to add one of my observations, that is... While I believe this is a great place for support etc...etc and I for one appreciate the opportunity to be a member here, I do think it can have a negative influence if one becomes engrossed with spending all their time here.

Maybe it's just me but after spending most of my time here the first month I joined up, I was starting to get consumed by the "Pink Fog". I've since limited my time here and I'm not feeling so engrossed about my CDing or gender issues which I was starting to question about myself. Again, that's only me and my opinion, hopefully it's not like that for everyone.

Hi just another happily married occasional crossdresser who enjoys exploring her feminine side, but has absolutely no desire to be female at all.
Its only my wife who knows about Cindy and she has come to accept her and enjoy her company.
Your boyfriend was honest to tell you straight away and not let you find out in the future and be even more shocked
The key is communication and ask anything you like
You will find it's not that uncommon and they are plenty of us married with children who enjoy the experience of dressing and things, but once the dress is off can go back to being the man again lol

They are plenty of woman who once they get there head round this can accept his crossdressing and then again there are plenty who can't handle seeing there man in a skirt.
Only you will know

Hi and welcome. I've been a cross dresser to some extent for over fifty years. I do not have any desire to become a woman. I enjoy being a man and doing things ascribed to men by society. I also like to seek refuge from the tensions imposed on men by society by dressing up. My journey started as a youth just trying on my mother's slips because the nylon felt nice on my body. For whatever reason it progressed to experimentation; dressing up more as a teenager. I'd say that was my 'sexual' period. They 1960's were rather restrictive for hooking up with a girl for fun and games. After marriage my wife and I did some bedroom play with lingerie; nightgowns and stockings. For the longest time my en femme time was limited to buying slips and panties. When the male stresses of life increased, so did my desire to cross dress. What does tat mean? Well, it means dressing fully as a woman, including a wig. I get an immense feeling of relief from stress. My desire to cross dress seems to have increased as war related PTSD started taking hold.

You did not say what your ages are, he and you! As one or two have pointed out, there are many cross dressers who find their desires increase. Cross dressing or fetish dressing in the bedroom may increase to more and more. If I thought twenty years ago I'd be baking and cooking and doing household chores in a bra, slip, panties, hosiery, high heels, a dress and wig, I'd just shake my head. That's where I am now.

My wife is not accepting. We're in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship. Your boyfriend needs to be totally open with you, and, not string you along if his desires are more than bedroom fetish play. You need to set boundaries that you are comfortable with and he needs to observe. If you do not set boundaries, you will be totally along for the ride and you will lose any control in the relationship. That may sound like I am saying it is time to get out. My advice is pertinent for any relationship. If your boyfriend wants to spend all his waking time and all his money tricking out a truck or show car, you would want to have boundaries for that too. If there are not boundaries, then you become another trinket or toy for that person.

You really need to assess how cross dressing will affect your relationship with him. If you have been reading posts here for awhile, you will see cross dressing is not for many GG's.

It's really not so much the case Miss Muffet. It's more a case of many people here just being comfortable in their own skin.:)