Even though I got out daily dressed as a woman, I always get a few stares here and there? do you go threw the same thing how do you over come the fear of going out?:daydreaming:
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Even though I got out daily dressed as a woman, I always get a few stares here and there? do you go threw the same thing how do you over come the fear of going out?:daydreaming:
Yes I go out on a regular basis. I concentrate on how I feel when dressed. The way I can breathe when I walk down the street. I love interacting with people that I can sense are either accepting or oblivious to my gender. I have been lucky in that I have never had a direct confrontation. Sure there are a few stares but either they are decreasing or I just don't notice anymore. Finally, if I do get a stare i tell myself they just said that is the prettiest man they have ever seen. Since I really don't know what they are thinking I make up something that makes me happy!
Hugs
Suzanne
Selfmade - Ive been out several times in the last six months but I honestly cant be bothered anymore. I find its too much like hard work getting the makeup and the wig to look perfect so I can pass. Also, as I go to well populated places like shopping centre's it gets hard to concentrate as Im always looking to see if people are noticing me. Its much more relaxing in the comfort of your home....Ellie
Miss Paula's rules for Passing
1. Beard shadow kills your attempt at passing. Angelina Jolie, with beard shadow, will be addressed as "sir."
2. Don't be shy - walk like in like you own the joint.
3. Don't care what other people think. I know this one is hard, but the less you care, the easier this is.
Passing is kind of like Wile E. Coyote walking off a cliff. He's FINE, and can keep on trucking on thin air, as long as he doesn't look down. Once he does, he's screwed!
Oh, one more:
4. If you are dressed to attract attention, you can't be surprised when you attract it. You never know - it may be positive attention you are attracting!
I've gone out in public before. Many times. I admit I get nervous around big groups of people.
I think we try to hard sometimes. We try to make everything just right and then we go out in fear. They can smell the fear I tell you! I go out almost daily and basically if I chill, look at and smile at everyone, and not skulk about like I am doing something wrong then it goes quite well. If you act like you are doing something wrong people will check you out to figure out what it is that you are doing.
I should add that it isn't necessarily easy, but you can get there by doing it.
Are you happy when out dressed? Thrive on the happiness.
Be who you are, and say what you feel.
Those who mind, don't matter, those that matter, don't mind!
Just enjoy YOUR life.
Much Love,
Kristyn
January 23, 2010 was my very first public outing dressed as female in public . I was at a hotel near a military base full of guys and girls in army fatigues, dancing and drinking away. Then on to an all-night New Jersey style diner. This was my first night with Tri Ess. This was the beginning of a very long saga. Now I dress as female quite regularly in public. it's just who I am, and it will never go away.
I identify as transgender, and I'll leave it at that.
I also love my guy self too,and would never give up that part of me.
I'm not even close to going out dressed. For one thing I don't even have a complete outfit to wear since I purged it all before coming back from Europe. I still don't have anything close to a feminine sounding voice either. How do I get that? Although I would very much love to go out as a woman, I think it may be a while before I am ready.
I only wish I could go out; but I am a Chicken at heart.
I am a real big guy, with big hands, arms, wide shoulders, etc.
Girlie features I just do not have a single one that is visible.
So I stay in the closet; and do a lot of wishing.
Rader
Honey, I'm a transsexual, I'm out *all the time* and I don't have a feminine voice yet. I'm getting voice coaching, and am working on it. It's really hard. I'd recommend getting Kathe Perez's CD course on feminine voice. It's a skill you have to acquire. A feminine voice is really helpful, but it is about 10% as important for passing as is beard shadow. Learn to conceal that, or basically you won't pass most of the time. (Assuming you don't have really unfortunate anatomy - if you are built like a 6' 7" NFL linebacker, you probably won't pass well with HRT, FFS, Tummy Tuck / body lift, etc.) Some people use videos on youtube, I tried those, and didn't have much luck personally, but many do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandi1980
People see generally what they expect to see. If you look like a woman and don't have any obvious cues - like being terrified that you don't look like a woman, you can pass fairly often.
edit: by the way, I'm comfortable enough now that even though I don't really pass without makeup, I'll go out sometimes without it. I'm otherwise dressed as a woman (I am one!) and I have small but real breasts and stuff, but without FFS, I probably won't pass consistently without some makeup. Electrolysis is helping a lot. Before I started, without makeup, but fully dressed, wig, forms, everything - I got called "sir", consistently.
I overcame my fear of going out dressed a long time ago. I go out with confidence now and don't care if I get an occasional stare. Stares come with the territory.
I only go out dressed if I have a specific purpose in mind. Then I'm concentrating on that and don't have the time or interest to worry about what other people think.:)
I actually thought today was going to be the day I made to move to go out, but alas the time for my picture taking got away from me and I had to get back to boy mode and go to work.
Like some have said it takes so much work to get ready I wonder is it worth it, than today I was like dang I put in so much work to look this way I need to see the world.
Well maybe someday I won't run out of time cause my courage is getting there thanks in part to you wonderful ladies.
Never have gone out dressed. Well halloween but I don't count that. I did go with a baby doll-tee and a bra under a hoodie the other night.Oh,and I didn't suff my bra.
I have never had any reaction at all from anyone. I look at people right in the eyes and talk ( fair to good voice) and either most are sooo polite or they do not notice or don't care.
I've gone out in public many times en femme, but typically I reserve it for nightlife and clubs/bars with low lighting. Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm confident enough to pass for going out during the day. It's something that I have to work on more and become more comfortable with, because eventually, it will progress to going out during the day.
It took me a bazillion baby steps to finally be out and about. It starts with night drives then a walk in the dark, then make the leap to 'day walker' starting at dead end cul-de-sacs and vacant store fronts. Then it's a walk in a cemetery, then a drive through then a walk downtown.... then... well, I'm just a lil ol lady out doing errands now.
I will be the first to say, that getting to the 'out and about' stage is not an easy one. How you dress is about 10% of the effort while the other 90% is 'tude. The dressing part is how you want to be perceived. Dress like it's "hey look at me" and they are going to look at you. I prefer to dress to blend. I usually get the crowd wrong, but one dress one step up from the crowd I think is going to be where I'm going...
Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable, then take a few pictures. If you like what you see, then head on out....
Hope this helps.....
Renne.....
If you're going out on a daily basis like you say in the OP, it sure seems like you've overcome your fears already. We get looks from some people, just stay confident and cheerful and always work on improving your presentation. Sounds like you have plenty of opportunity to practice! :rose:
I go out sometimes, but never alone. Well, once I did because I was a speaker on a panel at a local university, but other than that, it's usually in a safe environment or with a group of other dressers after a support group.
Just make sure I look good and......
Step out! :)
I have only gone out a few times . Mostly on Halloween. This is going to be my year to change all that thought. How many times will I go out . dont know yet. I will do it more than once though I do know that.
To SelfMade,
I'm with RenneB, Baby Steps. For MANY years it was always by myself (that was before the internet), at night, walking the square of small towns or parks or later once I'd built my confidence, downtown with a crowd around. LOTS of Drag Shows.. Even now, I've never been to a mall, never eaten at a "normal" restaurant, never been out in the daylight. STILL get butterflies when I go out.
Hugs, Connie Marie
I'm 6'3" and I wear heels. I have broad shoulders, a man's chin, and a big nose. My voice is a little nasely. When out, I own the place, exude confidence, and become a classy old broad with a killer wardrobe. There's really no other choice. I can't do anything about my height or other male features, so boldness and confidence is my only option! It works well for me.
Yes, many times now, which sort of surprises me, as I never expected to do that. I did it the first time just to say at least I did it once in my life. But I enjoyed it very much and have looked for every opportunity. I have gone to restaurants, museums, films, plays, operas, stores of all types, have taken trains and buses, been out with friends. I see my therapist regularly when dressed. Only a couple of issues with being read, and nothing serious. I don't pass if anyone looks closely, but for the most part, they don't. I'm careful about where I go and how I dress, and generally feel relatively relaxed. It has been very satisfying. I don't say everyone should do it. If you aren't comfortable then don't; if you don't feel the need, then don't. But for me it has been a very positive experience.
Michaella
I go out often, but usually only with my wife. I find it's easier to blend in when I'm with her.
I go out a lot and never worry to much about what people think.
I feel if their first impression looking at you and seeing womens clothes,longer hair they will automatically think female.Then upon closer inspection may clock you but they probably won't care anyway.
Dress nicely as others do and not like a ho bag you should be fine.
Dress in a kinky outfit then be expecting looks,glares and laughter.
I go out with confidence when I have a definite mission to perform -- shopping, hair or nail appointments, a night on the town with friends -- but never just for the thrill of it (heck, I wouldn't do that in male mode, either). The sense of purpose helps overcome my natural nervousness and allows me to shrug off the occasional overheard comment or gender miscues. I'm out fully dressed a couple of times a week on average, and in mixed mode much more often than that (heels, nails, earrings, makeup, but mostly boy or unisex clothes).
- Diane
Dressed as a woman? No.
As in trying to "pass"? No.
Dressed VERY "wrong" according to most here.
2 or 3 times a week for 13 years. Just one of the perks of living in Florida where skin is almost always in, at least in central and south Florida.
NOT ONE bad experience.
BUT... I don't project an image of a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs [when I am out "dressed wrong"] AND I am always ready to deal with gaggles of teenaged girls. The key is simply to be ready for them because they are inevitable unless one restricts the places they go.
Hey there,
I have been out regularly for the past few months at various venues. I don't pass (in fact very few of us truly pass) but due to my height and frame, I can blend.
I have learned to accept that people will see a guy in women's clothing and just go with it. For the most part the stares are minimal (more curiosity than rude) and when I interact I try to be as friendly as possible. My voice is not bad but it is still evidently a guy. My one advice with voice . . . don't try and do the falsetto voice thing as it will sound like Mickey Mouse and draw unneeded attention. Just soften your voice and octave and a lot has to do with inflexion. Listen to how women talk, it is more melodic than guys as we tend to punch end things.
Blending for me is my main goal. Presentation is important but I have too many tells for that to be my primary weapon. I spend a lot of time watching how women move, walk, manage items and just interact. I wear clothing that blends and is age appropriate so I can slip below the radar and not draw too much attention. Should I get a stare, I just smile back and that normally ends the staring and people move on with their business. The best thing is to act confident, you are doing nothing wrong and you have as much right to be there as anyone. This really does make the world of difference in going out.
I still get nervous but as I force myself to interact with those around me and get used to different looks and stares, the fear is starting to dissipate.
Hugs
Isha
At first I was sooo nervous about going out. Then the more I did it the more at ease I was.
As for the stares, sure there are still people who look and leer, or giggle, but unlike when I first went out I'm not looking to see who's looking. I'm just going about my business and I don't see them anymore. My wife occasionally will ask "did you see that woman/man staring?"...and I tell her "no, I didn't".
If they want to spend their time watching me then that is up to them. I'm doing other things. If I'm shopping there are clothes and shoes and jewelry and such to occupy my attention. I don't need to be watching narrow minded people watching me.
I go out routinely and despite being rather tall (6'2") and not petite (how's that for evading the issue) I still seldom get "noticed". But it may be because I am not looking to see if "I'm noticed". I've gotten to the point where I stop watching for reactions and just get on with life.
If you don't want to go out in public try driving at night....or a lonely road and get out :D
Ok Wildaboutheels, I am just dying to hear your comeback suggestions for teenage girls. I will need that ammunition some day! THX -Annie
The only times I went out with the intent of interacting with the public was on several Halloweens. I wore a tastefully dress, hosiery and heels, along with all the necessary undergarments. At that time I wore a blond wig which matched my natural hair. I had full makeup and nails done. I went into grocery stores and bought soda and a doughnut shop. The reaction was mixed. One half drunk guy laughed his head off. The clerk at the doughnut shop complimented my appearance. Other times I have gone out for a drive en femme with forays to mailboxes or library book return slots. Also, I took evening strolls just for the experience. I got my fill of adventure. I did it! I experienced the forbidden! Now I'm content to limit myself to my home and backyard. Peaceful and tranquility.
I go out regularly. Mostly to shop for clothes. It just feels right to go out and be "dressed" for trying on skirts and dresses. I made a deal with myself, to help control my pink fog, that I would not buy femme things unless I was dressed and could try on before I brought home. This has thankfully reduced my closet, although it still seems to be growing. I have had some stares, but for the most part nobody pays me any more attention than any other time.
i have gone out, i personally think i am constantly being read so its not something i care to do a lot. Not really my goal with dressing.
Since you are already going out "daily dressed as a woman", my answer is not geared toward helping you take those first steps, which are really many steps or maybe even miles that are already behind you.
How do you over come the fear of going out?
To me, based on your already somewhat extensive experience, it is probably all in your head. I think you just need to thicken your skin so that looks, stares, giggles and maybe even comments just bounce off or go unnoticed and can be totally ignored, or at least almost totally ignored. That also means more courage and a lot of self confidence about who you are and what you do. I always carry my real personality, me, with me and act like I always do in male mode. If I walk into a store, wine bar or restaurant, or theater or women's room, I walk in as if I belong there, I look people in the eyes, smile and talk to whoever is nearby as if nothing is different about me, regardless how they might actually see me, think about me or react to me.
One of the tricks or thought processes that I used when I first started going out was to tell myself that I probably will never see these complete strangers again, so why do I need to worry about what they think or how they react. That really did help a lot. Once I realized that I was having zero issues interfacing with complete strangers when out, my confidence level and self esteem, in the sense that I must be doing a pretty good job being me in women's clothing, a whole new world of great times and fun opened up to me.
You may need to find some thought processes of your own to help get you over the current fears. One thing that usually helps is repetition, i.e. keep going out as much as you can. Something you could try is to figure out what gives you the most fear and keep putting yourself in that situation to build up confidence in yourself to overcome that situation. You also could start with a minor fear and work your way up to the bigger ones. However, pro-actively dealing with an issue seems to help many people to make that issue a non-issue. Good luck and congratulations for already being "out" there. I wish more were like you, because by just stepping out of your own front door you probably overcame your biggest fear of all.
I have been going out in public en femme for many years. I am not aware of any instance where I was stared at. Of course, I have improved my presentation since my early outings. It did take a while for for me to no longer feel any fear. Repeated successes had a lot to do with that. Also, I am older and care less.
Let me be the one to say No, I don't go out dressed. I've only done it once and it was OK but I don't feel compelled to do it.
I have worn very slender womens jeans and pantyhose. Not very daring, but it is a start. A lot of under dressing and I need to get bolder!!!
I only go out en femme so no problems with that...just be confident in yourself and just pay attention to what the gg's are wearing and just do it!
Ms. G
I go out dressed every week or two. My not-so-scientific theory is that half the people that you think are staring at you really aren't. They could be looking almost anywhere but plenty of us have some feeling of guilt or something that makes us feel like there is a spotlight on us. Feel confident and go about your business. I've had dozens of sales clerks, wait staff, etc., deal with me directly where they can easily see I'm a dude in a dress. None have been critical or crude, and most call me mam. Final thought about people who do stare or even say something, take a lesson from the flight attendants that I have seen dealing with parents who have crying babies on a plane. The parents are obviously uncomfortable, and the attendants will ask, "Do you know any of the people sitting around here?" Of course the answer is "no". So the attendant will assure them, "And, you'll never see them again. Don't worry about what they think."
Cheers. Enjoy your outings.
Julia.
Thank you for the encouraging words,
Rebecca
Similarly, I've only 'stealth dressed' outside of a few parties years ago. I'm on the 'way to freaking tall side' for most womens jeans, but do enjoy going out with panties, and leggings. Also, with the cold weather I like wearing a bra as it's easy to cover/reveal as much as you'd like due to the heavier coats needed in this weather.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca W.
I got out all the time... being read doesn't upset me.. I except it if I am and just smile and go on. I dress fem sometimes with bra and forms other times without. I love being able to be me.. I love the look on someone's face when their mind has the question..."was that a guy?" but they are not sure. I was in walmart the other day.. not really trying to pass but I had just got my hair done, was dressed fem.. and had on lite makeup. A girl their not only thought I was a female but she thought I was a woman she knew... I loved it.
Fear, what fear? The only way you can be intimidated by stares, gawks, sneers, or anything else you find negative or threatening to yourself is if YOU allow it to happen. If you are comfortable enough to go out dressed, you ought to "girl up" and be prepared to face the consequences. And, by the way, I like to believe the whistles and clearing throats are all because they find me irresistible!
Sometimes, the fear of the fear of being insulted, stared at or just the rude remarks can prevent you from even trying to go out dressed.
I have delt with so many comments and reactions over the many years of dressing that is has become, just a part of my life to deal with it. I had a pedicure and the room full of women just stared at me the entire time, not a word was said. I suppose that my choice in a bright pink polish, intrigued them.
We all have a life to live, it just might not be what people expect or accept, too bad!
Yea, what she said.... You beat me to it! If I feel someone has read me and is attempting to be snarky, I just make like a deaf horse with blinders on.Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaQ
March 2009 was the first time I ventured out in public........to a coffee shop. That went so well that I progressed to the biggest shopping mall in my district in June of that year. I was an absolute head case with nervous energy, but it was something I just had to do. Sure, I got some looks and double takes but you know what......nothing remotely bad happened, in fact I ended up pretty much at ease after half an hour or so of just wandering around.
I had such a good time that I did it again a week or so later. The fear returned (although not as bad as the first time), but I bit the bullet and ventured further, actually going into dress shops and chatting with SA's, which was quite the buzz I can tell you.
After a few times out, the fear was completely replaced with contentment and satisfaction. Any looks, double takes or stares I got were met with a big smile which either got people looking away in a hurry or smiling back.
Confidence is a wonderful thing
Tash :)