I often think that Fetishes come from tramatic things that start in your childhood, like humiliation of being called girly.
Not that CD'ing is a fetish for most? I'm claustrophobic then when I was 16 and sexually active I noticed I like to be tied up. We would play as kids, 8-10 years old, and remember this kid tying up his brother when we were playing 'cops and robbers' and he was a prisoner. Scared the hell out of me. Hmmmmm
I think a lot of them come from the magic box that constantly assaulted our young minds with and endless barrage of images, sounds, ideas, titilation, and other confusing noise.
Growing up in the TV generation, in the long run, probably was far more traumatic than it's given credit for.
While I tried on my first pair of panties at a very young age, my "need" to cd first manifested in my teens. Then the need went away until just recently. I don't know what THAT means but what I do know now is that I am happy with being a cd and that's all that matters.
Some seem to have interest in the old "helpless woman" scenario like in the old cliffhanger serials. We realized later, however, that the helpless damsel "let" the villain tie her up to get the attention of the hero.:battingeyelashes::)
Don't know but I started dressing in 2006 almost 60 years old and haven't stopped since. I can see some "possible" tell tales when I was a very small child, but zero after that. I do not care but sometimes I wonder.
It doesn't even have to be traumatic. It only needs a random incident that creates a strong impression and this can be based on a myriad factors. Say there is a little boy who has a huge crush on a teacher who wears nylons and heels every day. Everything about her is fascinating and one day his hand brushes against her leg by mistake, he is amazed at the silky feel and struck with the intimacy of the incident. It becomes part of his arousal template.Quote:
Originally Posted by LexiNexi
Here's what Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT (licensed psychotherapist and sexuality counselor) has to say about fetishes/kinks. He describes, near the bottom, how they may be imprinted. He also mentions the possibility of seeing something on TV that is locked in the mind and eroticized at a later time:
http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/0...-and-fetishes/
If you ask people who begin the CDing in later years, I'm guessing they will say they did have a fascination with women's clothes or a particular item of women's clothing for a long time even if it wasn't acted upon.
Most people who develop fetishes are men. This explains why there aren't many female crossdressers.
I do think it begins in childhood. I remember tying on my mother's tights and loved them. She had a pair of blue ones which I fondly remember to this day lol. I have always loved tights/leggings etc. and that is my preferred mode of dress today when I go out. So it does begin in early childhood at least for me. I did not begin dressing fully until about 10 years ago. The more I dressed and began using makeup, wigs, and such the more my feminine side began to assert itself. So i'm not sure that I had a "fetish" rather a small step toward coming to grips with my gender preferences.
How long ago was that? Mine was on until about age four to 10 then no desire Then came back at 25-26 then at 29 then at 32 (2014) until now.
Hi lexi:hugs:, I just turned 73 and I've ben in this program for 69yrs. now. ~~...:daydreaming:...
I think it does. Maybe we're born with it. But the rearing we have seems to give us the "taboo" of it. This trends to keep it hidden, not only from others but ourselves as well. It's only when we finally decide to give in on the fears and the up bringing that we do what we need to deep inside.
Just my two cents. Not much but just simply two cents.
Perhaps that is the trigger for some, but I dont think that is typical. If it was, we would hear many more stories that describe such incidents.Quote:
Lexi: I often think that Fetishes come from tramatic things that start in your childhood, like humiliation of being called girly.
I started dressing up at a very young age but have no recollection of anything traumatic or similar. I had a very safe childhood in all respects so I also dont believe there could be anything my mind has suppressed.
I dont remember the specific moment of the first time anymore, I think it was just the typical story of nylons or some under garments left in the bathroom. As for triggers later on in life, it would not take much to get my mind in a tail-spin. The picture of good looking woman in a magazine, someone I would see on the street or on tv, is all it took.
- Suzie
For me the crossdressing enhanced the early excitement of being, ehem, subdued. Sort of damsel in distress excitement. All of these adventures seem to be enhanceable with something extra. Like damsel not in distress but, out shopping.
From one Lexi to another:
Again we come to address 'what is the one, true cause of crossdressing'. There isn't one, just like there's no single time frame in our lives where we suddenly want to dress like a girl. For some of us, it starts when we're two or three. For others, when we're 50. It can be something genetically influenced, or we can be conditioned into it, or it can be any combination of nurture and nature. Some of us get sexually excited by even just the simplest hint of thinking about girls clothing, others will need to get completely dressed up for it to happen. Still others get no sexual charge out of it at all!
One of the draws of bondage is that it allows us to feel as if we are being forced against our will to stay dressed up as a girl (or have sex in an unusual way, etc.), so it allows us to relieve ourselves of any guilt about us being responsible for wanting to dress up and/or behave as a girl. Whatever; if it feels good, and isn't hurting anyone else, go for it. When I was young I used to dress up and put on handcuffs, with the key having been frozen into a block of ice so that I could have the fantasy that I had to stay to stay dressed up for whatever amount of time; even though I was the one who devised this behavior, for a short period of time the decision of whether to change out of my girl clothes wasn't an option, and it felt good that i was 'stuck' as a girl. Once I realized why I felt like that, I gradually outgrew the desire for bondage. But it took a couple of decades for that desire to wear off.
I don't know if it was a desire to CD in as much as it was that something just felt very off as I entered puberty. I had dreams and fantasies all the time and didn't know what they meant back then but now I do. I had to wait until the right age to raid the closet.
I believe the desire or urge to crossdress is part of us at birth and the time that we actually act on those desires (or curiosity) is variable to the individual. I had the desire at a very early age and the degree I dressed changed over time.
Teri
I didn't have young child experience with CDing. Many here have though. I think generally it is because of availability, through sisters, their friends, moms. Generally some sort of strong female influence. I didn't have much of that. So for me, it came about when I was 17 and in a bar. Suddenly, a college age girl I was admiring became I want to be her instead of I want to be with her. It was a shock for me to say the least. I couldn't believe what I was feeling even. I blamed it on alcohol, and went home. Soon after, the urge would come back in my senior year. It was all very disturbing for me at that time. I hated the feeling. I did all I could to suppress the feelings, and likely overcompensated as many here have also done. It wasn't until just 3 years ago nearly to the day that I began to really accept it all. Yes, I had CD'd on several occasions prior to that. But, never for long periods of time, and typically I would feel guilt ridden afterwords.
Had I had sisters, or a better bonding with my mother, perhaps I would have experienced it sooner. It will eventually come through one way or another.
I recently remembered something that suggests this started at a very young age. At about age three I had a doll. According to my mother, I had asked for it about two years old. While I don't remember this, I do remember my older brother teasing me about having a doll. I responded by acting all boyish and ripping its arms and legs off! I wonder if the desire to be girly was always there and I've just been denying this and trying fulfil society's expectation of a male every since.
I recall wearing my babysitters high heels when I was 4 or 5
I can state without reservation that nothing happened to me when I was a child that was remotely traumatizing. I had the Brady Bunch life. My parents loved me and told me so every day. I was raised as the stereotypical boy: sports and dirt. I do this because it is something innate.
Good thing they didnt give you a cat!! ;)Quote:
Sarah: At about age three I had a doll. According to my mother, I had asked for it about two years old. While I don't remember this, I do remember my older brother teasing me about having a doll. I responded by acting all boyish and ripping its arms and legs off!
- Suzie
if wer'e looking at fetishes only, almost undoubtedly these come from imprinting through life. Even for example desires for asphyxiation can be traced to events where oxygen was withdrawn by accident during birth, or many other possible cause-times. As Reine points out, traumas are often positive experiences, they are just impressions left by life that create resonances. However, every time i feel i've "got it all figured out", something comes along to say "no you don't", and that's the rich tapestry of life. I can look back and see possible events and situations that led to my present CD desire, maybe together they all explain it, or maybe it was latent and just awaiting the right soil conditions to trigger the first shoot that became the cd flower.
It starts in the womb.
It is often wrongly assumed that a person chooses to be transgender and one day decides they want to live the remainder of their life as transgender .This couldn't be further from the truth. Transgender is established sometime during pregnancy, probably in the first three months and certainly well before an individual is able to make a choice.
We're all born this way, or with a tendency to be this way. Case closed.
We're all born pre-programmed with certain genetic predispositions and at some point, something may trigger one or more of them to come out. Some of us got triggered at a young age and for some, it didn't happen until later in life. I think it's just a question of at what point it started to come out and get acted upon.
I guess that's one way to look at the progression into being in a closet!:lol2:Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicky_Scot
I agree with Teri Ray and others that TG/CDer is something we are born with but like a dormant (but very alive) volcano, it surfaces whenever its good and ready to surface. For some its early on and for others it may be when they're 70. Im sure theres cders who died before they got to be old and had never dressed but it was still IN them and had they lived longer it would have made its way out. As far as fetishes I feel that they are often something that is imprinted in a person, usually at a young age and then it locks in your brain. I disagree that there are significantly less female CD/TGs. Maybe specifically in the fetishistic category, but for the most part I think the varied wardrobe options open to woman now let them blend in and crossdress without crossdressing. Many of them can probably stay in the dormant stage and not really have to think about it much because their urges are somewhat already fulfilled and they may not have the same build up of energy to be released that cding men have, kinda like boiling water in a pot with the lid off as opposed to on. Like us (men), most women however are not cders and simply get to have way more options for clothing in this day and age, while the ones who do specifically enjoy the clothes in a cder way just go unnoticed and don't neccesarily even have to try and hide. They hide out in the open.
The difference lies in that women who crossdress are considered trying to elevate themselves in importance, while men who crossdress are considered lowering themselves. A woman who 'makes it' in the mans' world is considered a success; a man who makes it in the woman's world is considered a failure. What we wear, other people interpret to mean which direction we want to go in. Crossdressers are assumed by the world to be men who want to be valued for (passive) feminine beauty, not masculine (active) achievement (which is commonly equated with income, assets & status). That's basically all there is to it. I know some will argue that there are a few feminine women who are rich models and actresses who make it in the entertainment industry (such as Lucille Ball, or whoever the models are who start their own successful fashion companies), but those are not only the exceptions to the rule, but also often wind up becoming the wives of more successful men and mothers to their children. Trying to achieve and increase status by behaving as women do doesn't work for men 99.99999% of the time, where the reverse IS true nearly all of the time.Quote:
Originally Posted by jasminepp
For me the desire started at age 4or 5 when I used to go to the store with my mother and sister they would always find me in the lingerie section looking and feeling the bras and panties but I didn't start wearing them I till I was 8 swiped a bra from my sisters room
My earlier opinion might have been confusing because the thread title refers to "desire to crossdress," but your post asked 'where do fetishes come from." It's apples and oranges. (I was answering for the second.)
Lexi good theory, but I dunno. I don't feel lower in status when I dress, or get a thrill from humiliation dressed. I actually feel higher in status. That could mean that I have zero self esteem in male mode, or it could mean that in my white, middle class demographic, the woman generally rules the roost, and the 'successful' man is in actuality more often a provider and
supporter of his spouse. I find this is the case with most of my married co-workers, especially ones who have been married for stable decades. Husbands in my blue-collar peer-group are burden bearers, and work to make their wives (and children) happy.
I have long used anima theory to examine the roots of my CDing. Early, (or 'rudimentary,' as there's no guarantee of a linear steady progression) stages of anima development (The 'Eve" stage, to use one naming method) can have the anima represented as a simple sexual objectification, but that's an austere view to lace on the whole picture.
Anima theory fits me better than any other theory I've encountered or developed. It feels correct, and it resonates for me. I'm happier knowing that I dress (and likely do everything else I do) because it pleases the whims of some inner Goddess. That puts me, (and usually keeps me) in a subordinate state - but only to an intangible higher self rather than to a projection. I stay subjugated to the ideal of a higher self, when all works well, and it generally does.
Or, if I want to do the "identity dipsey-doodle," I can say on the converse that it allows me to keep my lower self in line.
Does this mean I'm my own fairy godmother?
I remember back when I was about 9 or 10, my mum warning me that If I did not stop biting my finger nails she would paint them with nail varnish. I cannot recall if she carried out the threat, but after another 5 or 6 years I would be trying out her clothes when at home alone.
Painting my nails is a real thrill now!
Nothing traumatic caused me to start dressing, I just like girls and everything about them. Girls get better clothes, better fabrics and materials, better shoes, better hair, pretty fingernails and makeup and I want to wear it all. From the time I became aware of the real differences between boys and girls, I would look at girl things and imagine how it would feel to wear them.
Sometimes Miss, you are absolutely correct.
Anyway, I started as far back as my memory goes, about 4 when I wore my sisters slips. I always loved to look at the Penny's and Sears catalogs, but only the women's clothing. I always wished I could wear the dresses my sister and her friends wore (long time ago) and have always gotten aroused by women's underwear.
Why? Because they have such pretty clothing and sexy fabrics. Because I'm part girl. Because I watched my mother dress when I was young. Because I shared a room with my sister.
Who knows? I hear that we represent 2-4% of the male population, which makes us really different, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think that if M2F CD wasn't so taboo, that percentage would probably be a little higher. Like you said, the clothes and fabrics are so much better.Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristinaK
I've never been able to figure out "Why did I become a cross dresser?" Frankly, except for when this topic shows up on a thread I no longer think about it. For the most part, if my brain is going to be strained, the question becomes "Why do I continue to wear women's clothing?"
Anyway, I was the second of two sons. My sister was not born until I was twelve. My four cousins are male. I was not dressed up as a girl by my mother, an aunt, sister or cousin. I remember once in kindergarten my teacher told me she liked my "blouse." Heck, it was a cowboy shirt, and, I told her so. I did not like the fact she was confused. In retrospect, given the time (early 1950's) and her age (old, I mean old) that probably was a term a woman her age may have used in ordinary conversation. There were hardly any girls in the 48 unit apartment building. There was one young girl born during the war. I think nature tries to balance out or account for the need to replenish the supply of men after losses of men during war.
The only thing I can ever think of that may have contributed to becoming a cross dresser was my affection for nylon, as in nylon slips. My mother had an "illegal" washing machine in the apartment. She hung her nylon slips to dry in the hallway on a wash line or in the sole bathroom of the apartment. I discovered the softness of the slips/nylon when I would have to negotiate past the hanging slips to get to my bedroom. The feel of the nylon was so different from what I wore; cotton underwear and tee shirts, dungarees (jeans), etc. I would intentional brush against the slips. then touch them. Then I finally took one off the clothes line in the bathroom and put it on. It was nothing sexual. It was just the feel. My mother also wore some floor length nylon nighties which I discovered. Nylon led me down the road to being a cross dresser. Would I have become a cross dresser if my mother had not hung those slips to dry? Good question.
But, why continue on to raiding her lingerie draw and trying on her bras, panties, girdles and stockings, and, a few of her sun dresses? Was it to see what it felt to wear "it all?" At the age I was at that time, there was absolutely no sexual aspect to it. In fact, sex had not yet been invented yet. There was no sex on the television, three basic channels and several local NYC stations. The best sexual printed content was the bra and girdle adds in women's magazines.
My wife actually has given me an out with all this Caitlyn Jenner awareness. She feels many people are influenced by "past lives." It really sounds good to me, and, when I search some really weird or unusual thoughts and visions I had as a really young child (3 or 4) I am not so fast to be dismissive of her beliefs.
I think it is latent in early childhood and for some does not come to the fore till later in life.
Circumstances and relationships do play a part.
Hi everyone, Please forgive the long post but I think you might find it quite illuminating on this thread.
For me I think it started from day one. I didn’t realise it until I started to fully dress in 2006 but CDing has been with me my whole life and my Mum told me something about my childhood recently that was quite revealing.
When I was born in 1972 my Dad was in the British army and we where stationed in Germany. The British army was very different in the 1970’s and families never had the support they get now. My Dad would be on 6 month tours to various places from the day I was born so My extroverted Mum was left at home on her own with a baby boy in a foreign country with no husband or friends and only a phone call home once a week. This went on for a couple of years and Mum admitted she did get depressed from time to time.
Now although I obviously don’t remember, you can imagine how attached a little boy and his mother become when their whole world is each other, and the piece of the puzzle that made it all fit was when she told me about how scared I would be when my Dad returned from his 6 month tour, because as far as I was concerned, this man was a stranger in my world, and apparently I would stand behind my Mum and cling on to her legs for comfort, legs that would be clad in tights (or pantyhose for US readers)
All of a sudden it all made sense. My love of CDing has evolved from an obsession with tights, an obsession I’ve had ever since I found the familiar comfort of my Mums legs as a 2 year old. It doesn’t make CDing any easier but it does explain how powerful experiences you have as a child can affect you as an adult, experiences you may never know you had, as in my case x
Not so much. They're just clothes that say to us 'girl'. I own some really good men's clothes, which are incredibly comfortable. But they reinforce that I'm a guy, and I'd rather wear clothes that say to me 'girl'. There are lots of fine men's clothing in terrific fabrics, and good men's dress shoes are way more comfortable than any heels you can find. So I believe that it's the psychological comfort that we get from wearing female clothing which we find so much more important, more so than the physical comfort.Quote:
Originally Posted by SillyGirl
It started young for me.
Really young.... According to my mother as its beyond my memories.
BINGO! :clap:Quote:
Originally Posted by sometimes_miss
About once a week someone who has thought about this posts a neat little snippet that sums up a lot about how I have felt... This might be about physical sensations for some, but that doesn't necessarily relate to what drives our psychological need to express (and partially experience) a gender contrary to our physical birth gender. Thanks Lexi... :)
To address LexiNexi's OP regarding the desire to CD - I believe most higher level desires emerge in early childhood (beyond food, shelter, security, etc.) and while I also believe this gender quirk that afflicts many of us (but not all) is innate, we don't really begin to understand the complexities of relationships that link gender with societal role and is heavily signified by clothing and appearance, until we start to develop an understanding of our little world and how we as individuals, fit into that society. For me, it was around 5 or 6 when I developed an inexplicable urge to 'look girly'. I don't recall this as being related to my mother's clothes at the time, but more how girls of my age were looking and dressing. No trauma, and not what I would describe as a fetish at that age either.
So to be clear, the desire to CD doesn't start in early childhood, but this is when it is likely to manifest itself. :)
Katey x
Bingo. Fits my pattern perfectly. I was told that my parents were hoping for a girl after two sons before me, my year-younger sister was the first girl in the family in a century, she and I shared a room for ten years (while my brothers had their male lair across the house), and I remember trying on my mother's undergarments at a very early age. Oh, I learned to mimic what boys must feel, and got quite good at playing the role in most circumstances, but I was always different.Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristinaK
It became a frequent hobby in my teens whenever I was left home alone, but it wasn't sexual because my puberty was delayed by about six years. It just felt right and nice, and I liked how I looked in the mirror. It was episodic through early adulthood, a time-to-time thing that I kept hoping I'd outgrow. Then, at about age 29 and finishing graduate school, it just blew up and I started reading up on it and reaching out to support communities.
Here's an old photo I found recently of my sister and me. This would be approximately when I was 12 and she was 11. She topped out at 5'8", and I eventually reached 6'1" at about age 22. Being that slight of stature and not experiencing puberty until years after my peers, it doesn't surprise me objectively that I am how I am, but it definitely goes back to my earliest memories.
As A child I was drawn to womans clothes. To put whatever I coul'd get my hands on. To tis day more them 50 years latter It's here more then ever. My dad did it (never seen him dressed) I do thind my head is part GG. It's never been a fetish but part of who I am.:hugs:
Angie
I didn't start dressing until my teens and, even then, it was fairly infrequent. So, to answer the OP directly, no I didn't CD from early childhood. What I do clearly remember from my teens, though, was feeling envious of women's clothing. Not talking here about the very sexy or ultra feminine items, either. Maybe just everyday garments that men and women both wear, such as jumpers. I remember the girls at school wearing cowl neck jumpers and I really loved the way the neck would hang and the increased elegance they had, and I was annoyed to discover they weren't available to guys. These cowl neck jumpers were just slightly more ornate than the male version. So. I think some of my reasons for dressing are plain and simple frustration that the better, more elegant or sophisticated ranges of clothing are just not available to men.
I still look today at how the floor space given over to women's clothing in any major store is normally about four or five times that of the men's area.
Of course I realise that my cross dressing is not confined to a simple frustration about the lack of range available. It goes beyond that into the realms of wishing to feel and look special, and then wearing truly feminine items, and that in turn sort of led to makeup. But when I look back, the lack of range was in many ways the the starting point for me.
I don't know if anyone else shared a similar starting point.
Love, Michelle
For me it started at a very young age, perhaps around 4 or 5. I have a clear memory of when I began to take an interest in dressing in slips, nightgowns and girdles etc.,. For me it was also very sexually arousing. I loved to be near women and enjoyed the smell and the look and envied their lovely interesting clothes. Lingerie stores were places of great attraction and sexual excitement. To this day I am aroused by the feel and look of fine lingerie and I love the look of lace. I dressed as often as I could from a young age. Was it imprinted or triggered by something or was it latent and awaiting a trigger? I don't know but at this point in my life I really don't care as I accept and enjoy being a cross dresser.
I have no idea why and don't thing anyone has discovered the holy grail of it. My earliest memory of women in lingerie was when my mother and several other women were getting ready to go out. At that moment I assumed that when I grew up I would do the same. This was during the WWII era and men were not about. I saw my mother getting ready to go out in her lingerie from time to time as well as some of my aunts and cousins. My sisters had pretty dresses and cute panties. At about 5 my mother put me in panties because I had run out of clean underwear. From that day on I wanted to wear girls clothes.
I have no idea if this caused me to be a CD anymore than walking down the street and being hit by a car.
As a child, I was always fascinated with women's clothing and I even tried wearing some of my mom's clothes at an early age. Not really sure where this comes from, maybe it was just always appealing to me? There's lots of GGs who rarely wear dresses and heels so maybe it's just something that you either like or you don't, in our case it's more taboo doing though
It started before Adam was born, I have seen cross dressing in just about everyone. I started as a teen I have a Sister about my size and stole her panties a few times, wear it and put it back, I think she knew that I was crossdressing. I most play with make up as a boy about 12 or 13, I love the smell of lipstick and still do, I am not an exhibit in cross dressing however.
Reine - I suspect there are as many women who crossdress as men, maybe even a lot more. A guy who wears female underwear is a crossdresser. A woman who wears boxers is cool. A woman in male attire is OK and she does not carry a label of crossdresser. Even in youth, girls who dress like boys are usually accepted and simply called "tom-girls". Boys who even try to wear anything considered female, however, are teased or bullied as sissies or gay or feminine.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
I've always had a desire to crossdress. Having an older sister, clothes were always available. I remember when I was 1 1/2 years old being dressed in a red dress with frilly panties. Maybe that's what started it. The older I got, the less acceptable it got, but I still dressed, in private, and still to this day, 68 years later.
I started dressing in women's clothes (my moms) long before I knew anything about sex. I think crossdressing is something that is hard wired in our brains--most just simply ignore it.
I agree with many others that the desire to dress was present long before I understood anything about sex.
I was reminded about a potentially traumatic situation by my older sister recently:
When I was younger, maybe 6 or 7, and it was before my parents split up; my father, used to tease me about being a sissy when I cried or got upset. I am told that he used to threaten to dress me up as a girl and lock me out of the house. I don't really remember it, but my sister swears that she remembers it clearly. This was likely before I started dressing on my own. While I don't in any way think of myself as a victim, I wonder if it could have be a catalyst.