Why do you crossdress?

I have been asked by my wife since she has found out. Why do I cross dress? She thinks I want to dress as a woman all the time. That is not the case. I enjoy dressing en femme about three times a week. On the weekends I'm normally en femme in the morning until we have to run errands. I do it once during the work week in which I go to a local bar in full dress & makeup to have a couple drinks & enjoy myself. For me it's a fulfillment. I feel it makes me feel whole meaning the part of me that was missing for the longest time. I now find myself getting a little excited but not over excited. It makes me feel younger than what I am, currently 51 turning 52 this year. All my reasons to her are too vague. I'm trying to better explain myself to help her, so she accepts my cross dressing. What are your reasons?

When i first came out to my wife, she asked the same question of me. I rather inarticulately bumbled through an answer, trying to describe the sensuous, euphoric feelings, living in the moment, etc. At one point she stopped me and said "Oh, you want to feel sexy!" I knew then she got it, and we were going to be OK.

So, they can see that it fills a desire and still have to ask.
I think they need a reassurance that they are not the cause.
Could she have possibly been hinting why so much?

Not everybody crossdresses for the same reason. Using a generalization that is way too generalized, we do it because it expresses the way we feel. Now that needs to be tied down better. The expression "I feel like a woman" ties it down a tad better. It is a motivation to dress in a way that matches the sense of self.

But that is only for those that lean more toward transgender. For crossdressers who do not feel that identity shift it may be sexual or it may just because they like the look and feel of women's clothes which are usually more colorful and comfortable than is often the case with men's clothes. Perhaps the message here is that there is no single reason that fits all, but many reasons that tend to be pretty individualized.

But if she accepts your crossdressing that is a big plus and not the usual pattern. Most women take a long time to reach the point of acceptance and I suspect a majority don't really get to that point. You are fortunate.

The reasons why I enjoy cross dressing evolved over time, but I have always been totally honest about sharing those reasons with my wife. It's fair to say that we evolved together, which had the benefit of her understanding and full support. In many cases, my wife was able to help me understand my own compulsions before I was able to fully understand it.

The lesson learned was that the more I shared, the more support and participation I received. Of course many wives simply can not and will not even try. There are many understandable reasons for that which many times results in a DADT accommodation.

I pinch myself every day that I am one of the lucky ones who enjoys the high level of acceptance from my wife, which results in lots of fun time for us both, instead of conflict, misunderstanding, and hurt feeling.

For me, I am not sure there is a good answer to this question. Might as well try to answer any similar question like "why do you like chocolate" or "why do you like sports" or "why do you the music you listen to". Some things in life are just personal preferences that really have no logical explainaiton. I suffered with trying to understand why I have this desire and never found an answer that makes sense. Once I gave up this effert to understand and just accepted my desire, life became easier. I enjoy my time enfemme and I am OK with not having the answer as to why I do. Once I accepted that my desire to dress does not make me a bad person the struggle to understand why left me.

I also like steamed broccolli with butter and parmesan cheese on top. I still don't know why? Maybe you girls can help me solve that question.

I find socialization intuitively obvious presenting female while it is awkward as a guy.

Marion

Nothing makes me feel sexier than being dressed as a woman. I love the rush and the feeling of euphoria I feel when I am dressed. I am slowly expanding my experiences outside of my private comfort zone and so far it has been wonderful!! I am finding lots of acceptance as well as assistance from the limited exposure to my femme life out of the home.

Alexis, as my forum name states I always have. I stopped questioning why a long time ago.

My wife asked this question during "The Talk." I fumbled around trying to come up with some plausible answer. I had to admit to her, "I do not know why I do what I do!" I my mind there is a difference between how I may feel when I am wearing women's clothing and the motivation to do it in the first place. Why would a man risk all the negative consequences society heaps on cross dressers? Why not some other outlet? Why repeat the activity once it blows up in a guy's face? Some can easily suppress the desire while other are constantly haunted by it.

A counselor I see for combat related PTSD issues is of the opinion that each man or woman has some dna of the opposite gender within him or her. In some it is greater than others. I hang around with a combat support group of old guys. I am the sole guy who has not medicated with drugs and alcohol. In the past when I wanted to "escape" the demons of war, it was seeking calmness and serenity wearing women's attire brought on. That still does not explain why I as a single digit male child felt compelled wear my wear my mother's clothing.

I prefer the clothes. I like feminine clothing. I actually look much better in make up and body shapers. A big part is that men's clothing is BORING. Women have a much larger choice of looks available to them. From style itself (dress, skirts, blouses, pantsuit, etc) to colors and patterns.

After decades of dressing and asking myself this question I still haven't found an answer.
The only thing I can say is that it just feels right and makes me feel a way I have never felt any other way.

It's as simple as this for me. Girl clothes are much prettier than guys, feel a lot better on my body and I am so much more comfortable in them. I may not look good in them but I love how cute the clothes are and how I feel wearing them. I am a straight male, think of myself as cis-male and have no desire to transition or pretend to be female. Just love the clothes.

Like others have said - there are so many different reasons why folks dress.

I remember two instances from my pre-grade school days. My mother, who was raised in a family of girls, had bought me these briefs that the front was like a pair of boxers and same material and the back was a regular brief. I hated those. I begged mom to buy me regular underpants. Not until these get worn out or too small. So I started damaging them. tried to cut them with a pocket knife. Mom caught me--I told her I hated those. She sweet talked me and conned me again.
The second time we were in Woolworth's, she and I --- For whatever reason we were in the women's department. Remember how those bins or tables with glass dividers and panteis sorted by sizes? Mom was looking at something. In my mind I'm thinking bras, but I am probably projecting. I was standing by a center bin of panties. Some of them were colored. I was fascinated by a pair of yellow nylon panties. they looked so smooth and pretty compared to what I was wearing.
I knew there was no way Mom would buy them for me...no, now, almost 65 years later I suspect she might have if I would have asked. I thought about stealing them...but I'm a catholic and I just knew I'd walk out of the store with them in my pocket and get hit by a truck and go straight to hell Nope shoplifting was out. I'm standing there looking at them when a woman comes up and starts looking through the panties.
After this I confined my panty feelings to looking at catalogues. When I was 13 I bought a 3 pack at Shopper's Fair. I told the cashier I was buying them for my girlfriend. I don't understand why I like dressing in women's clothing, I just feel better when I do.

Why do you build a racecar in your garage? Why do you play guitar? Why do you learn to fly? Why do you learn to sew? Why do you bake amazing things? Why do you sculpt your hedges? Why do you wear dresses? Why do you............

Because you like to.

My answer is like Teri Ray's - I really don't know why I dress. What i do know however is that once I gave up being ashamed at my dressing and stopped trying to understand why I did it, I truly accepted my being a cross dresser and quickly blossomed into dressing fully and going out in public en femme.

I don?t know why but I like it. Think thats from a song but its true.Early days there was a sexual element. These days it is how it makes me feel which is good.It is a form of escapism and relaxation, When I dress I feel that I can forget all my worries.

Why not. I look into the mirror and I see a female looking back. It is me.

I have done it my whole life. So wearing female clothing just feels natural. My wife and I have been having a lot of discussions about my dressing lately. If I can relate it to something she is interested in she seems willing to listen and try and understand. Last week we talked about dopamine and how as a young person I probably got a dopamine charge out of putting on my sister's clothes and that has carried over to today. That made sense to her.

Tracy

I don't know.

Resisting it made me miserable. Purging made me feel worse and those days are over. Accepting it made me feel better about myself. I've done it since I was a child and it isn't just going to go away. I feel better in women's clothes than men's.

It's compulsive, addictive and enjoyable. And unlike other addictions, it doesn't harm your health. That's unless you twist your ankle when wearing heels. :)

Some women present more en femme and some not. It appears to be the same for us crossdressers.


Sue

I've asked myself this question several times over the years.
When I first started wearing women's clothing it was during my teenage years, and I used them more for a fetish thing than anything else.
I have evolved over the years and now wearing women's clothing just relaxes me. I love the different styles, colors and fabrics that women's clothing offers.

My wife has asked me why. I honestly do not know why I cross dress. What I do know is what the results of my crossdressing are. I feel 100% calm. I feel 100% comfortable. I feel 100% at ease. I don't have a care in the world. I enjoy the feel and softness of the clothing. Wearing a bra and forms allows me to enjoy a lifelong boob fetish even when by myself. The feel of nylons hugging my legs is wonderful. There is simply nothing about CDing I don't enjoy other than my wife wondering what is wrong with me.

Heather,

You took the words right out of my mouth. I feel exactly the same way.
Especially your last part, "There is nothing about CDing I don't enjoy other than
my wife wondering what is wrong with me"

Truer words never spoken.

Davina

I am not sure and have discussed this with my therapist.

Initially it was a sexual excitement thing. Not really any more.

I do feel sexy when I dress as a woman. I do love feminine clothing so much more fun and soft.

I wish they were not so expensive. lol

Male clothing is boring

I absolutely agree with everything you said prene. You really and honestly can't get away from the sexual element to CDing. Same goes for me and no doubt many others as well. I would also add that womens clothes also have a much wider variety in terms of overall designs and patterns as well.

Why? When I am dressed and look in the mirror, I see my real self. The male is less recognizable. That of course begs the question, of why yet again, and that gets into some very murky and unresolved questions about genetics/epigenetic, birth order, social influences etc.

My guess is that your wife is not asking for a list of possible biological or sociological contributing factors. My guess is she is asking your personal reasons for choosing to cross dress. Any answer you give will be legitimate and at the same time probably unsatisfactory. Your answers were that you felt, enjoyment, excitement, younger, fulfillment (feeling whole). I suppose the follow up question is, but why do you feel any of those things, which as others have pointed out, it like asking a person why they like Limburger cheese or running a marathon (I know, its crazy, but some people actually enjoy running!)

Perhaps the key is in that term, “fulfillment”. As you said, dressing and going out as a woman makes you feel whole. That suggests/implies that it fills something that is otherwise not satisfied by male gender identity, that a part of your identity is female and needs expression (lets skip over causal factors entirely).

Humans like easy, either/or answers. But we aren’t that simple.

I do it to let out a happier side of me. I do tend to smile more when I look in the mirror at myself after I dress up and see myself all feminine and pretty. For my mental health, that turns into a good thing. And I agree that male clothing is just boring compared to what women get to wear!

I cross dress because I want to look and feel like a female in every possible way. It is now a joy. I love to get fully dressed and look elegant and pretty, even alone at home, but I do enjoy walking down a street or into a restaurant and have some people compliment me on my outfit. This was not always the case. In the early days, I purged many times and felt bad, but then I came to the realization that this is who I am naturally. After this mental process of self analysis many years ago, I always feel special when I am stylishly outfitted. Life is just beautiful.

I gave my wife a pair of my boxer briefs to try on and automatically she said No! End of that discussion. She realized that most mens clothing is uncomfortable. That answered the clothing issue but not the makeup which she can't stand. Sometimes a little mascara or eye shadow but not full on makeup. My wife has gotten use to my panty w wearing/dresses,bras and my long hair but not the makeup.

Like others, both my wife and I have asked this question many times. I really don?t know. I just know I do and have since early childhood. Pink fog? The one constant fact is how comfortable dressing is for me and that includes underwire bras, especially hose, etc. My wife doesn?t understand how I find these items comfortable, but I do. We accept it as part of our lives. Her support is so appreciated. Being retired, I dress daily and enjoy the whole process of selection, dressing, sights and smells. After a workout or outside chores, nothing beats a shower, shaved legs, lubricate and slipping on hose, fresh lingerie, etc.

Rather than repeatedly write out the same material over and over, perhaps just peruse the previous threads, so here are two from the past month or so, alone. Here are a lot of answers for you:
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...-crossdressing

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...-quot-why-quot

Those two alone, will supply you with lots of thought provoking information!

For me it's my love of beautiful lingerie, wanting to feel fem and the desire to look and feel like a woman for not only myself but also for my boyfriend. Slipping into lingerie relaxes me and takes away any stress I have in my life.

For me, the "why do I dress" has become a way to relax from the stresses of work. I enjoy the feeling of the fabrics and find the styles to be more comfortable than men's clothing. Sometimes all I want to do is put on a simple outfit (blouse and jeans), then there are times I want to get fulling done (makeup, forms, wig, etc.) I have to admit when I first started dressing, it was as a fetish, but over time it has become a part of my everyday wardrobe with items such as panties and bras. Thankfully my wife (girlfriend at the time when I came out to her 30 years ago) is supportive.

I think women's clothes are prettier than men's. I love wearing bras, panties and pantyhose.

I never get tired of answering this question. I crossdress for many reasons. Here are a few.

1. Despite what it says on my birth certificate, I'm female. Always have been.
2. Yeah, I want to wear female clothing all the time.
3. When I look in the mirror, sometimes I see a man, sometimes I see a woman. The woman is me. I don't know the man.
4. It's hard to put into words, but when I see the woman in the mirror, I know why I do it. Words are unimportant.
5. When I pick out my outfit for the day, the only question in my mind is skirt or dress?
6. My male outfit is (like) a uniform. When I get home, I take off the uniform and put on my normal female clothing, which I typically lay out on my bed before leaving.
7. When I go clothes shopping, I head for the women's section. I don't know where the men's section is.
8. I feel naked without a bra.
9. I also feel naked without lipstick, dangle earrings, and a necklace.

Yes, I could wear male clothing 24/7. But why would I want to?

These are more personal feelings than reasons. But my personal feelings are my reasons.

To paraphrase something I heard on a TV show: if you're a crossdresser, no explanation is necessary. If you're not, no explanation is possible.

To "Take a "vacation" from myself. And in doing so , becoming completely someone else free from my own worries and responsibilities--even of "manhood" itself, and thus am able to relax and "UNWIND" entirely.---- and also with the "bonus of "feeling pretty" and turning myself "on". I need a good CD "fix" every two or 3 weeks or so.

I’ve always had a very strong feminine side. Dressing allows me to express that fully.

Personally, I just really enjoy feeling feminine and this includes wearing female clothes.

Hi Alexis :hugs:, I have been dressing for 75 years Now,

It is just who I am and It's just what I do, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

Great question all I know is there is nothing remotely close the feeling I get when i put on a dress and spend the day shopping. I would love to hear what explanation helps your wife accept your dressing I still after over 40 years of marriage to an incredible women cannot find the courage to have the talk.

The great element of this thread is that you will get such a diversity of reasons. Then you just explore those that strike a chord with you. For me, there is the tactile aspect -- the clothes just feel remarkable. Then there is the escapist aspect, particularly if I go out somewhere dressed, a vacation from myself. In the final analysis, I do it because I enjoy it and it's FUN. One might as well ask why I like to have a root beer now and then.

I have always been very self-concious about myself.
About my manner of talk, about my looks, and about my actions.
All stemming from my childhood.

Here it is some 50 years later and those scars are still there.

When I crossdress, I feel when I look in the mirror, that image would be right.
it gives me a huge escape from myself.
and since I only do it alone,
I don't have to be concerned with my thoughts actions or words.

not sure if that makes and sense. but that is what best fits my thinking

I wish I knew. I have been trying to find the answer for multiple decades and I still don?t know. My own personal theory is that I trained myself to enjoy it. It started out as a sexual fetish and that was the principal drive. Like a heroin addict, I needed more feminine clothing to achieve the same sexual rush. It was a wonderful experiment to see myself in various lingerie and a few different outfits and things probably hit a peak shortly after I retired and my wife was still working. Since then, however, she retired and there has been a decline in both the urge and the opportunity but is still like to wear my pretty things from time to time. I guess for me, it is simply a matter of conditioning.

I asked why for years. I went to a transformation service in 2005. With full make up, a wig, breast forms, lingerie painted nails nylons and heels I felt amazing. When I looked in the mirror I saw a lovely woman. That was it. I like looking like a woman and feeling feminine. I always looked at women in pretty dresses and skirts all made up and loved the look. I dress up to look like a woman. And it makes me happy beyond description.

Because it's the closest thing to exploring a new planet and takes so much less money and time to do.
And because it's wonderfully, unbelievably freeing. I don't walk when I dress. I fly.

I so want to experience this! I think I would just float everywhere I went.

Of course, floating would take a little away from wearing heels...

To get in touch with a part of me I can't reach otherwise.

To experience life more fully.

To try to somewhat break the script that goes through the average person's head when they come across a 6'2" black man walking on the street.

Ask a woman, Why do you like to wear women's clothes?

There's your answer.

The only reason for me is because I enjoy it. I also enjoy fishing, hunting and a multitude of other things. I don't question why I do them either.

Please see "Crossdress for Peace."

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It's not because I want to look female, I have a beard, though my interests have always been like hugging girls instead of combat. Except for my breasts I look male. That's fine. Adornment is the primary art. It's always been a main delight for me. Women's clothing is anything. Clothes now meant for men are incredibly dumb and boring.