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Any others that still dress secretly and how has that been going for you up this point? I have always remained secretive about it. Haven't dressed in a few years and have never fully CDed. Mostly bra, panties, lingerie, skirts. Just curious about others experiences. Thanks.
Except for those that are full time, think that everyone else is in some kind of closet. Some closets are larger than others, some include parts of the outside world but we all have our little (or bigger) secrets. I think that retirement put me back into a closet though I may dress up to 8 hours a day. Kind of took away my business trip adventures. And I still keep it secret from my unapproving spouse. And the kids. But I?m ok with that. I had my fun. Nothing ever stays the same.
i totally agree with Karren ^^ on this
my only closet is my local area, I can dress at home all I want, I cannot walk in my local area or let the neighbours see me, I can leave the house dressed in the car via our garage which is part of the house with electric doors, so I can get fully dressed, put a coat on with a hood, put my big sunglasses on, get in the car in the garage, open the door and drive out with my top half covered with sunglasses on, when I get about 2 miles down the road take my jacket hood and sunglasses of, tada out fully dressed, and when I return home do this in reverse, I can open the electric garage door as I aproach and drive straight in and close the door behind me. What a wonderful life I have
Like Karren said, unless you are full time we are all in the closet to some degree. I am out to my wife and that is it. She does not want me to be seen out and about not that I would do it anyway.
I do enjoy going to a nail salon for a pedicure with color and being treated like one of the girls.
My Wife found out about 3 years ago and was very upset/confused
I have purged twice since then, but I think she knows that, now I am unemployed again, my 'silliness' is what keeps my head straight - but we never talk about it.
I dress during the day (although about to hit a few weeks of limited possibilities due to summer breaks and family visits) and when I go out during the day (dog walks, shopping) I present as male but try and wear as much female attire as I can - I have managed to go shopping wearing lady's jeans, checked shirt/blouse with one of my unpadded bras underneath - that made the adrenalin flow! Only one person took a second look and that was when I was getting out of my car and he saw down my blouse - he smiled at me nicely.
I think I am in the closet, but it is a pretty big one. My wife knows and is supportive, even participatory up to a point, and she is in there with me. Although I have been out and about frequently and have CD/TG friends both virtually and in real life, she is the only one who knows both my male and female personas. My sons do not know, and we have studiously kept this secret from them even though they are adult men. How much longer - I really don't know. I wrote an article about this - https://kandis-land.com/what-about-t...n-kris-burton/. You might want to give it a read, it may have some resonance for you.
Jill has a full womens wardrobe and has been fully dressed in public many times but still in the closet with my spouse. Like Karren when I retired my dressing opportunities while on business trips ended that is the only thing I miss about my working days. I still dress 4-6 times a month I have noticed that wearing panties under my male shorts has helped. Hopefully when I introduce Jill to my wife I can dress more often for the next 20 years or so. Dang I hate the closet!
Jodiee, I fully dress. Not as often as I like as I have adult children living with me. My wife is supportive.
My closet seems to get smaller. My wife knows I like to dress but is not supportive. After my kids left the nest I had about 10 years where my dressing flourished; my wardrobe expanded and I got out 4 or 5 times per month. With COVID then retirement, we downsized our house and did a major relocation which required me to purge about 80% of my wardrobe.
Now days I get to dress maybe once or twice per month when my wife goes to help my daughter with the grandkids. I'm starting to find shopping locations and social outlets for CDs in my new area. But our new house also has much less privacy and judgemental neighbors with prying eyes. Definitely much more of a challenge but it still brings me joy ... so I keep doing it.
Personally I consider closeted being where it is kept a secret. But if it is dressing alone without going out to any degree I call it private. My gender identity is no longer kept a secret but the gender expression is private when it involves more than wearing feminine colors, patterns and undergarments and the like. In private I will go most of the way to what I would wear in public if I went out which I don't. However in private I don't use much of any makeup or a wig. It has all changed over the years with the further development and a better definition of how my identity works and is comfortable. Of course I do need to consider what my wife of 54 years does not want to see.
Each to his or her own on this matter. It is what satisfies your need.
I have the very same closet as Debs. Except, no electric garage door opener.. I use the same leaving the house method, and remove the camouflage clothing a little ways down the road and add the wig. Voila.. transformation complete.
Works well for me..
Emily
I am firmly in the closet and plan on staying here. I do wear panties with my wife’s tacit approval, but every thing else is for my eyes only.
If out of the closet is defined as who knows then I am firmly in the closet since my wife is the only one. But going out is another thing I go out regularly; and I have just started going out sans wig and makeup with feminine attire. I try not to have people I know see me but I think it is inevitably going to happen. Since I finally came to terms with the dominance of my feminine side I won?t lie about it. If someone judges me by my mode of dress that?s their problem not mine.
I have dressed fully as a CD, but now due to changes in personal circumstances (i.e. married) I only occasionally dress, mostly panties, stockings high heel shoes and other lingerie. This I do secretly as I don't think my wife would understand that it's a need I have which is part of me as a person. Maybe one day we may have that conversation.
I agree with Karen that unless one is open with everyone about being a cross dresser (even if they do not present as such full-time) they are to some extent in the closet, hiding this part of themselves from someone for whatever reason.
So, while I do identify as transgender and I have come out to many friends, colleagues and a few family members, I keep this part of my life, if not a well kept secret, at least separate from some parts of my life. Most of the time this division has worked ok for me in recent years, but I live alone and a fair distance from family. I am not sure how I would be able to tolerate living in a DADT situation.
I live by myself, but I never dress to stay in. I've gotten to where I almost never fully dress to go out around home, although my leggings, shorts, sandals, big loose tops, nail polish, and purse I guess has to qualify as dressing. When I type all that out it even sounds like dressing to me, but it doesn't feel like it. Can't really explain that except that it doesn't include the big three of wig, makeup, and boobs.
The biggest reason I no longer dress around where I live is that I'm traveling for work a lot. Mostly driving distance, and even when it's beyond what would typically be driving distance I try to drive anyway. I don't think I've been on a trip yet when I didn't dress, but as I've said on here many times lately, I just haven't been feeling it. There have been a couple of times that it's been great, but that had to do with the venue as much as anything. It's best if I can extend the stay a day or two rather than just doing a quick evening out for dinner or whatever.
I still feel like I should be dressing to the nines at every opportunity, but I am absolutely uninspired to do that. I stayed at the Opryland hotel a month or so ago, and that's such a great venue to me that I did dress to the nines and really enjoyed it, but that was much better than it's been for a long time. What I want to wear has changed dramatically with age. I rarely wear a dress or skirt. I just don't think I look good in dresses, so why bother. More and more I'm just wearing what I want to wear at the time. I don't have a well-developed sense of where the line is between wearing some fem things in male mode and crossdressing/female mode. Almost every day when I get home I put on women's shorts or legging, woman's big, loose top, women's flip flops or sandals and I go anywhere and every where and absolutely have no sense of being crossdressed. My toes are always polished, but even when my fingernails are polished, still not feeling cross dressed. Add makeup, yep, starting to get there but still feeling "male mode". Bra with no forms (I almost never wear forms anymore regardless of mode), then I've probably crossed a line. Add a wig, then certainly. When I had long hair it was even harder to find the male/female line.
I don't know how it is for everybody else, but for my whole life I've often worn head to toe clothes from the girl's/women's department and felt zero cross dressed, and had zero hesitation about running errands, visiting friends and relatives, really anything. Well, except work, so I guess there was some sense. Off time, though, that's how I've always typically dressed.
I consider myself a closet dresser even tho I go out dressed all the time. Sherry has appeared all over the US and around the world. I often go to clubs, bars, and week long T events dressed.
But, not where I live!:battingeyelashes:
I would say I am in the closet. There are a few people that know. I will go out in the winter time just for a drive. I live alone at this time and will dress at home most evenings. I work part time and an on call so not much during the day since I can get a call to go to work. Mu office closet is all my feminine attire. I now have more heels than men shoes.
I am kinda with Debs and Karren on this. I get out about once a month maybe a couple of times if I am lucky. I travel occasionally for work and that helps a lot. No one knows about me except for my wife, and three other local crossdressers. I have and do fully crossdress from wig to heels (or even flats), sometimes from wig to jeans and running shoes. Brenda
I'm in the closet except to my wife, had the bug since very young but only dabbled over the years only fully CD for about 3 years after coming out to wife, since then I have only been out full femme twice, half hour walk on a beach front early Sunday morning, and been out in male mode wearing a skirt once. Don't get chance to dress full often at all. Still early days for me. It's very difficult mentally. Want to express myself more lol
Everyone's responses have been so great and wonderful to read. As I mentioned, I'm still really new to this forum and it's already been so helpful, relatable, and taking a weight off my shoulders. Thank you all and I look forward to hearing more of your stories.
I have been closeted since I was a kid too. Always snuck around when girlfriends or family was gone. Used to play it safe then got more risky changing during short periods when they were running errands, to eventually dressing when my ex was asleep in the other room. She eventually caught me, and as I've mentioned, I never fully dressed, just skirts, dresses, bra panties, and lingerie especially. A few others know that I have years ago when I sent some photos to them, but other than that it's an unknown to most in my life. I really like the "need to know approach" I've heard some mention. I guess that's how I've gone about things up to this point. We'll see where it goes from there.
I am firmly in the closet to my homophobic wife. She knows nothing and would not want to know. But she volunteers one day a week and usually visits her Mom once a week, so Aneline gets to dress up a little. Was better when we both worked full time and I could work/dress at home. I also underdress with panties, nude lipstick and clear nail polish most days.
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...m-I-an-anomaly
Here you go hun lots of wonderful replies...
I dress often. My wife has seen me dressed many times. So, she is not 100% lets go on this but she is not slamming the door either.
Nobody else knows except one sister and my wife's son who she had to tell for some reason.
I have been out in the daytime only. I shop for clothes, food. Been to the movies. No bar or club but I am not a bar person anyway.
I guess you could maybe say im partially in the closet as there are a few people I would rather not know about my dressing, but the rest of the world I could care less if they know.
I'm fully in the closet. My mom knows i wear female clothes and underwear, but has not seen me dressed. I'm in panties all the time and sometimes a bra, garter belt and stalkings out and about. I've never used a wig or makeup. Im single and dress at home quite a bit. I live in a town of 1000 people and unfortunately to many Neanderthals live here and they wouldn't understand seeing me dressed up. 😕 😔
I?m in the closet as well. I occasionally go out driving in the country and once got a complete makeover and drove five hours home at night!
The only time I?m not Sylvia is when at work and when I do things with my family. I am 61 now and the last few years I have spent pretty much all of my free time dressed.
What I once just considered an occasional hobby has now become my lifestyle. I don?t hesitate to get dressed as soon as I walk in the door, don?t even think about it, it?s who I am and I love every minute of it!!
I have plans this fall to have another makeover, then shopping and go for drinks. Hopefully this will start a new chapter and I can start going out regularly. I have found that I am gaining courage as I age! ❤️ Sylvia
Thank you everyone! I'm loving reading what you all have to say and your experiences.
While not an absolute truth I think its fair to say that the older you are the harder it can be to come out.
We grew up in a time when being Gay was illegal at least in the UK. It was the norm for comedians to mock and stereotype Gays. Crossdressing also a mocking comedy vehicle. Societal pressures, some that while they still exist to this day, have ceased to be mainstream and confined more to the knuckle draggers. That said, an element of the popular press regularly target the trans community.
Hence it can be difficult for us to break cover and reveal ourselves and that applies to me. Those who don't know me, I couldn't care less about which is why I'm happy to go out in public. Family and friends is a different kettle of fish.
Thankfully my domestic situation is one were I get ample time to dress around the house. Regular almost daily home alone time gives me the opportunity to wear my femme attire and I think it's fair to say that not a day goes by without my dressing to some extent. Makeup is something that's kept for time away from home.
So today I'll have 5-6 hrs home alone time (HAT) so on will go the hip pads, shapers, wig, heels, fully dressed sans makeup, I'll wash and dry my femme stuff used in the week and do a few other chores to occupy the time before retuning to drab in ample time to avoid the mad scramble to undress as the key turns in the lock. I know I'm lucky to be in the situation I am but it doesn't stop me yearning for more, especially more outandaboutery time.
For me, life is less complicated by keeping the CDing away from friends, family, work and neighbors. My wife knows I like to CD, but I gave up on any acceptance. For everyone else, I am quite public about it when on the road for work, but lately I have not been able to go out due to lack of travel.
I have posted about many of my outings which are pretty wild at times, since I mostly go clubbing. I am hoping I will get another chance to go out soon. When I go out dressed, it is not to blend. It is to be noticed and life as Sandi is a LOT more exciting than it is when I am in drab. I am treated very differently and I love it.
Sandi
I am about as far into the closet as one can get. My wife does not know and neither do any friends and family. The only ones who know are my friends here online and the few sales associates who have sold an anonymous gentleman women?s clothing ( mostly lingerie ) for cash. Now that both my wife and I are retired, we are rarely apart and my stash, by necessity has become quite small and my opportunity to dress, even in a pair of panties has become quite limited. Sometimes frustrating, but such is life.
Hi Jodiee...
My wife knows of my dressing, disclosed to her within the first few weeks together while dating (she just felt like the right one to take the chance with.) I literally walked out of her closet one night wearing a white satin blouse and black skirt of hers after choking back my fear and advising her that I had something important to share. Decades later here we are. Have told nobody else as it really didn't seem pertinent and I feel no need, desire nor drive to do so.
Yes, it would be nice to wear what I want as I please at home in my wife's company - sometimes you just want to wear something, right? - but that's not on the radar now nor in the future. Having said that, Mrs. V is ok with it on my own schedule and even regularly affords me time to dress here and there.
Dressing has evolved into a wonderful hobby whereby I wear many nice things as often as time reasonably permits. I have a significant enough sized wardrobe that I could easily wear different items and combos for quite a long time. While I love to read and see how so many others are passable and are making it work I just don't have that desire. I am simply a man who enjoys wearing lingerie, dresses, blouses and skirts along with heels and forms, no make up nor wigs, and have adopted no conscious stereotypically female mannerisms.
Life is good :)
I'm mostly in the closet although that's more because I crossdress in full ball gowns and princess dresses so I really don't have anywhere I can go with these. Outside of the few times that I did go public with my dresses. Not to mention that I really don't do anything about makeup other than lipstick so people would know right away that I'm a MIAD. My friends do know about my dressing up and they all support what I do though so I can share photos with them and get support from that.
I'm 80% in the closet....my wife knows and is supportive...very supportive. None of the rest of my family or friends know and I doubt they will. But I've no intention of going out in public dressed....people that know me would very quickly know who it was in a dress. I have a very distinguishing feature that no amount of clothing or make up could hide fully. I'm happy enough being able to dress fully and put on my make-up and sit with my wife at home.
I stay in the closet except for three Halloween parties at different locations. My wife was with me all three times and my mother went with us one time.
My wife has been very supportive except for the last few months where her attitude has seemed to change. I am not sure why and I still dress in front of her.
Balancing family and work did not work with going out. Small town and a job that would fire me if they knew.
That's pretty much the same closet as me, except I can't dress at home at all, except in secret. However, I do have a GG friend who let's me dress at her place when I go Out and About or to a Girl's Night Out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Debs
I guess I should add that I'm in a couple of local CD/TS Meetup groups, so I have the opportunity to go out with the girls a lot. Sometimes we go to a gay bar but other times we go out to a regular bar or restaurant where we often interact with the muggles.
Also, I go to a yoga class about once a week and typically dress more girly than the average girl. I wear colorful yoga pants and a matching tank top or racerback T shirt. I do underdress in tighty whities at yoga class.
As to who knows. All of you girls, hundreds of girls that I meet at the Keystone Conference and dozens of girls in my local Meetup groups, plus numerous SAs that have helped me purchase girl's clothes.
Who knows both sides of me? A number of CD/TS friends, and a surprising number of my doctors.
My wife knows that I CD, but not much more than that by her request. She has never seen me dressed, nor even seen a pic of me dressed. Every once in a while she comes across something belonging to Steffi that was inadvertently left out.
As the majority here I'm closeted for the most part, only very few people in my very close inner circle know about Roxanne, and I think I'll keep it like that.
However, Roxanne has an Instagram account where she shares her photos for the world to see. I think it's safe (?) to assume that no one will recognize the boy me for Roxanne because as a boy I tend to keep my morning stubble or even a full beard after a few days. I've checked this with the people who knows us both and with those apps with AI which tells us a part very easily.
Love you're sharing, everyone. I can relate to you all so much. And I like the thoughts of keeping people on a need to know basis. I have an ex who knows, and a few friends in the past that I've sent some pictures to when I was feeling bold. Mostly women that were good friends and i could anticipate acceptance and encouragement. I remember the nervous feeling of sending that first picture to my friend amber and eagerly awaiting her response. When i got it and finally opened it her reply was "Yeah Jodie, work it!" FYI, Jodie is a nickname and it happens to work out for this forum too :heehee:Other than those few, that's it.
Yiu look great Roxxi and I admire you're look and story. Send me a pm with your Instagram if you wouldn't mind. I'd like to check it out.
When I first read the starting post of this thread I remembered the thread linked in post#24. Glad that was linked so I didn’t have to find it, myself.
As I said in that post, I am closeted in both definitions, lack of people who know, as well as literally and having never left the house. I honestly don’t care about the general public knowing, but do NOT want family, friends, co-workers, or really anyone else in my life that knows me to know. I don’t travel for work, and any time I do travel it is with or for family and no opportunity. Thus, not sure I will ever break out of the closet. Most days I am perfectly fine with that, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like.
I'm in the closet, but getting out every once in a while the Girls Night Out in OKC.
Ahh The closet,
I am out of the closet to all my friends and family, yet still in the closet as far as going out.
I live alone, so I can dress whenever I want at home, and honestly that is almost all the time now
But my neighbors are very close by. I live in a mobile home park. and stepping out the door in Raychel mode would definitely
throw out some flags, there would be no way to get out without being seen.
And when I am away, my camper is in a campground. even harder to step out the door there.
So I have to be content at home.
Living in a verrry right wing state now, I've decided that risking my safety going out en femme, knowing that I will look like Petunia Potamus in a tutu, would be risking disaster, and I cringe every time I read about a LGBTQ person being attacked or killed, which is on the rise these days, as hate seems to becoming popular. So I stay at home when dressed as a girl, and have to accept that will be all I should risk. I don't have any great need to go out and expose my female self to the world, as I don't need other's acceptance for what I am. I just want the peace of being allowed to be myself, and today's political climate has simply made it open season on anyone that others hate.
I bounce between 2 very right wing states, and while I don't fully dress out and about, I nearly always have a visible toe ring and anklet on, and usually a female-cut tank top or t-shirt along with jeans or jean shorts with useless pockets (if you know what I mean). I also know a number of LGTBQ types around here. Never had any problem, nor have they.
I guess that's getting off-topic. Yeah, I'm in the closet too, only my wife and kids know (most of) the truth about my clothing preferences. Everyone else just thinks my eccentric jewelry and shirt preferences are just me being different. (Best friend: "Why a toe ring?" Me: "Why not?"
I've been out to my wife for 18 years, but since she doesn't want to see me dressed en femme, I am reluctant to do it when she is around. I resort to androgynous items sometimes. She is gradually getting to accept that. I haven't told other family, and keeping it under wraps is a pain in the neck. As far as others go, I don't care anymore.
Retirement can be a total drag; especially an uninvolved wife's retirement. I retired ten years before my wife. Covid lock down nailed the door shut, Before then my wife worked part-time, but full days several days a week. That afforded me a day of June Cleaver domestic chores; cooking, meal preparation, baking, washing and ironing,vacuuming, tending the flower garden. It was dress, hosiery and heels, all the proper undergarments, and wig all day. Now? My wife and I sleep apart due to medical reasons; bad back and knee needing surgery for my wife, heavy snoring for both of us, etc. I sleep in a combination of bra and panty, slip and/or nightie. She arises mid morning while I am anearly riser. Today I awoke at 5:30 AM. It's now 9:05 AM and I am still in a white bra and panty under a white Velrose slip under a pink ankle length sleeveless Shadowline night gown from the Rosebud collection.
To take the edge off the limitations I try to visit this site and Femulate which has a lot of contributors/blogs.
I am very much in the closet since only my therapist knows about this in my male life, though I used to go out a few times a year and have had a ton of fun doing so. But the guilt I carry about hiding this from people makes me suppress my crossdressing and then I miss out on things. I don't think the closet is the problem: it's necessary for our safety. But the guilt about hiding in it can be terrible. So the key is to (i think) let go of the guilt and allow yourself to exist without feeling like you have to answer for it to anyone, or tell them everything.
WOW ,,,I`ll agree with Karren,,,,,nothing stays the same,,,,,
Thanks for your strong words, Josie. I enjoyed what you had to say and can relate a lot. I felt that same guilt and I am very much in the closet as well. Finding this group and all you wonderful people has gotten rid of some of that guilt pretty quickly. It's nice to hear relatable experiences and finally not feel so alone. I've never had that before, so thank you all!Quote:
Originally Posted by josie_S
I guess for me my closet is the whole world. When the weather is hot in the Dallas-Fort.Worth area.my standard attire are dresses. I go shopping wearing a dress and even wear dresses along with makeup and heels to church. After all if women can wear jeans and sneakers to church I as a man should be able to be dolled up. I have receive almost no pushback with my clothes and even received compliments at church.