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By "masculine men" if you mean "ultra macho" this is a stereotype. Most guys are, well, just guys. They don't dress as girls but this does not make them any more masculine than a CDer who is presenting in guy mode.Quote:
Originally Posted by chatbuddy1987
That said, I love my SO for all of who my SO is, no matter how my SO presents. I am ultra accepting and supportive but this does not mean that I have a general preference for CDers or Gender Non-Conforming people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chatbuddy1987
As SilentPartner wrote, the wigs, make up, femininity etc are definitely not what I like about my H. I find it curious that anyone would think a GG would prefer this stuff. I assume some do but I haven't met one yet, lol. And I'd be annoyed if my H was only confident when dressed - that would also be curious in my mind, like a split personality or something. Thankfully my H is confident no matter what he's wearing.
But ultimately it's the man underneath that I notice and the less of the other stuff the better :)
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
I have one female friend and she likes the idea of dressing me up. It's always fun to be with her. Her interest to dressup men like women created curiosity in me and hence I asked the question.
:)
Rebecca
Have you tried asking her what she likes about your fun times?
Personally I think there is quite a difference in the mindset of a woman who is a 'friend' of a CD'er and a woman who is married or in a romantic relationship with a CD'er.Quote:
Originally Posted by chatbuddy1987
I know this from my own experience as my sister's OH is also a CD'er -
I've been first a friend and then a girlfriend to my CD and to be honest for me its not much different, im happy either way whether he is dressed up or not, ive always been accepting of him and that didn't change when we started a relationship, it's about who he is not what he wears :)
I am pleased for you Bethy, but you knew your CD as a friend first, so you were already fully aware when you became romantically involved. Can you imagine being married to someone for 20 - 30 years thinking one thing, only to then be told about being a CD ? it isnt quite the same thing - many of us may still have gone into the relationship regardless but IMO it is always better to have all the info up front so you can make an informed decision
yeah I do get where you are coming from because this is the second time dating him and it was only after we first broke up that he told me about it so to know that he was CDing without me knowing through the first relationship was a bit strange to get used to so I do get your side of things and it can be a shock but I guess it is very different to being married for a few years before finding out
SilentPartner, your sister is with a CD, too?? How does that happen?!
Just makes me realize this is far more common than realized. Either that or your family has some sort of genetic allure that attracts them, lol
Wow. Anyway, back to the thread, I think it's hard to say if you'd be fine if you knew early on as I did but my H down played his activities SO MUCH, it was shocking when I knew the truth. I think we all deserve to know a person properly before committing our lives and I still feel robbed with it all. I love my H, but it sure wasn't my choice to live with someone who CD and I know if I'd known the truth back then that it would have been a deal breaker.
Well, she finds some sort of thrill and satisfaction to feminize men.Quote:
Originally Posted by JessM.
lol- yes I do wonder sometimes - my other sister found her first husband in bed with another man - when she was heavily pregnant! It is beginning to look like a family thing!!!Quote:
SilentPartner, your sister is with a CD, too?? How does that happen?!
Just makes me realize this is far more common than realized. Either that or your family has some sort of genetic allure that attracts them, lol
I can honestly say that if I had known right from the start the full extent to which this would impact on my life and the pressure it puts on me personally, and the marriage, I would have walked away. I would like to be an all forgiving, all tollerating person but I'm not, and nothing is going to change that - any more than you could ask a CD to stop dressing.
SilentPartner just curious but what is it about CDing that you are against? I would love to hear your side of it just to understand other peoples views of it :)
Bethy I'm not against CD'ing itself - I dont have a problem with that. It's the secrecy and the hiding stuff, the secret purchases, having to be careful about who comes to the door etc. etc. There is so much sneaking around and when things get rough, not being able to confide in others. It sometimes feels like the OH is having an affair with another woman, only the other woman is himself. Buying clothes for this 'other woman', make-up etc. You are no longer the most important woman in his life.
I absolutely hate lies and being lied to - I dont like secrecy as I am a pretty open person and not to be able to talk to family and friends about any of it is not my way.
I really cannot think of one plus to it all - for me at any rate.
Ahh yeah I do get what you mean because when me and my OH were only friends I had a boyfriend that I couldn't tell and he saw one message from my now OH and he thought I was cheating on him with my then CD friend and it was a bit awkward trying to explain to him that no im not cheating its just that he was a CD'er and the message was completely innocent, so I do get how you feel, maybe you could try and talk to your OH and explain that you would feel better if you could talk about it to your friends and family? Just try and give him that bit of confidence to be more open about it? I know how hard it can be with the secretive side to it so the best you can do is support him and hope that he becomes more comfortable with it, enough to start telling well trusted friends, im lucky really because my OH has told all my friends and family about it so we are more open with it, its just annoying that CD'ers think they have to hide it because of what society is and isn't accepting of
Confidence!! Confidence is always attractive!!Quote:
Originally Posted by chatbuddy1987
As for me, I also like the feminine; I find crossdressing attractive, as long as the person is OK with having a male body. It's true, a lot of women go for masculine. Just remember that everyone is different, so don't assume that all women will prefer a very masculine man. Even when I am attracted to men who don't crossdress, I prefer them to be of slight build and graceful. Rugged masculinity generally turns me off, and I don't think I'm the only woman on Earth who feels that way.
Cynthia, I don't like rugged either, lord no. They often have their own issues going on, lol.
I guess masculinity to me is a quiet confidence, a comfort in knowing who you are, a tendency to lead and yes, open the bloody door for a girl every now and again, lol. I guess I prefer the James Bond type of masculine. I'm young yet old enough to be old fashioned!
So i guess CD is a turn off for me not because of what it is, but how it appears. I can't help feeling the person who needs to do this isn't comfortable in their skin, if that makes sense? This isn't very attractive to me personally. I love confidence ALL the time - not just when someone dresses up as someone else.
Of course, what I think is masculine is totally subjective. Someone else might think of enormous arms and full beard! It doesn't matter if you're happy :)
I agree, everyone has their cachet. When you think back on all the kids you went to high school with, likely most are in a relationship now and they all managed to find appropriate mates for themselves. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia GG
... and not every male was super macho, and not every female was a beauty queen. :)
I have not reached to the point in my life when I can confidently someone who I am. I am not super-macho, and when dressed - i can become less aggressive, and I do feel like being an asexual person. May be its true when they say that one has to first accept himself/herself, and only then he/she will be accepted by others. :brolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia GG
i'm not sure if i'm posting this in the right area, but it just occurred to me that it might be a really weird experience for a gg to come onto this forum and see all these avatars of men dressed as women... i mean to me its really cool and seeing others willing to share a personal pic of themselves makes me feel more comfortable being here and contributing, but i'm wondering if the ggs on the site find it creepy or weird or who knows what... anyway i am just curious and would be interested to hear some responses...
I found it a bit unsettling in the beginning even though seeing my SO was perfectly normal to me. Go figure.
I find the avatars interesting, and they do help me start feeling like I know people a little better.
For me it is nice to put a face to the poster.
Some avatars are a little unsettling. Even as the wife of a CD I still do a double take when I see a grown man in wig and frilly skirt or whatever. My first thought when I first saw this was 'he is surely nuts.' Hence the reason I try not to view my H this way. My brain can't compute what I'm seeing.
I know more now though, and realize that most here are smart, kind people who just want acceptance for who they are, warts and all. I get that. We're all weird in some way and anyone who disagrees is the weirdest of the lot :)
Doesn't and never did bother me :)
I don't find the avatars weird in fact I like seeing the different looks people go for, I guess im so used to my OH dressing that seeing other people doesn't phase me, to me its interesting to see all the different styles :)